AN: Hello everyone and thank you so much for the likes/follows/reviews after all these years!
There has been a duplicate upload chapter 30/31 please check out chapter 30 again which was wrong!
So for those of you who don't know me I have been on this website now for about ten years I wrote SVU fic before turning to 50 shades and I like disappearing and reappearing when it suits me. You know when inspiration hits. This story was started a while back and I ran out of inspiration with it. I started at it again at Christmas but time and work meant I didn't finish it and I vowed I wouldn't upload until the words 'the end' had been written. So lockdown has some advantages eh!
Some of my storylines made me enemies what's interesting is though for the last few years every time I come back to writing the same"guest" reviewer reappears, always the first new review, clearly someone who has an account who logs out to leave me guest reviews like a coward. They're always nasty, with foul language, they're a fanfic stalker. I delete the attack as what's the point leaving ugly swearing like to that doesn't comment on the story whatsoever so I leave them responses and the only way I can do that is through authors notes so apologies...
Hi Bitch Troll! Did you miss me? I LOVE how you're always the first to review my stories. I mean, you're so obsessed that as soon as I post anything you appear! Haven't you learned that your reviews don't send me away but instead forces an earlier update so I can reply? That's what it is isn't it? You learned this last time and are just so wanting an earlier update that you leave me a nasty guest review. It's fantastic! Thank you so much for coming back and providing me with some entertainment yet again. Mwah!
I apologise in advance but I do like to put my characters through the ringer. Poor Ana!
Christian
I watch as Hyde is brought into the courtroom. He looks defeated, his shoulders slumped, his eyes gaunt and withdrawn. The bastard conspired to have my wife raped, I do not feel at all sorry for him. I want to kill him with my bare hands. After what he did to our family a decade ago to come out of prison...he got his own back on us all especially on Ana who put the final nail in his coffin the last time around.
"Mr Hyde you are charged with one count conspiracy to commit rape in the first degree and one count attempted murder how do you plead?"
"Not guilty on both counts your honour." Hyde replies with a strangled voice.
"Prosecution on bail..." the judge turns to the prosecutor, the same one who was stood here a couple of days ago with Morton.
"Remand you're honour the defendant breached his parole conditions by both having contact with the victim and by carrying a weapon."
"So ordered Mr Hyde you are remanded to Kings County pending trial." The gavel falls again and Jack Hyde emits a strangled cry as he is taken back into custody. As he is turned to be handcuffed his eyes meet mine.
"I didn't... please believe me..." he shouts over at me but I turn away. I don't want to hear it. "Christian please!" He shouts as I walk away.
"Order!" The judge calls as I head for the door. Arrogant bastard, how dare he speak to me after what he did? My daughter and my wife forever traumatised for what he and Morton did to them.
I hope the bastard rots for what he did to my family.
Tamara Campbell
"Ok Ana we're going to administer a dose of lorazepam now ok." I tell her as I prepare the medication. John and I have been trying to get her to communicate all morning with no response and after the nurse we have bought in came and checked her over we can now start treatment properly. We managed to get a line in to keep her hydrated overnight and if she doesn't eat today we will bring in a doctor to give her a feeding tube. We're hoping however that after this first dose of benzodiazepine we will get her to function just enough to eat something if nothing else.
I look at John and hand him the needle to check my dosage, he nods and I take the hand the line is in so that I can administer it. I put the needle into her arm while holding her hand, Ana doesn't flinch, her hand is rigid, stiff and unresponsive like the rest of her. The nurse complained how difficult it was to take her blood pressure with the fact she's this non-responsive but as an experienced mental health nurse she knew what to expect.
"I'll monitor her for the first hour." I tell John as I dispose of the needle into the safety box and remove my gloves. He nods at me, we don't know how Ana will respond to the drugs and so it's vital that we monitor her closely. John leaves and I attach Ana's finger to a pulse oximeter. At least that will allow me to keep an eye on her a little while the drugs take affect which should take as little as half an hour. If this fails we have less than twelve hours to try another dosage before we declare this a medical emergency and take her to the hospital.
I have a private inpatient facility ready for my call. I don't know if John is completely insane having suggested doing this from home, if it would have been me as the primary I'd have simply said there was no other option but to admit her but John made the call and I knew the family would agree with him.
"Oh Ana you wouldn't believe how many people here love you so much." I say running my fingers through her hair, she sighs softly but responds no more than that. "They all want you to get better, to face the trauma so you can get well again."
A small tear slips from her eye and runs down her nose, but she makes no move to wipe it away. I take a tissue from beside the bed and wipe it softly before checking the oximeter. In as little as half an hour we could have Ana becoming a little more responsive. It's frightening how deep she's sunk into this. When the nurse came today to do her ointments she didn't even respond to the pain and I'm told by Grace that Ana usually bites down on a pillow to deal with it. She's totally switched off, shut herself down. I'd even go so far as to say we're already in malignant catatonia and that's why if she's not responding to this round of benzo and she doesn't to the next dosage which will be higher I will push for her to be transferred to an inpatient facility.
Fifteen minutes after the first dosage I take Ana's hand and I'm surprised when she gives me a light squeeze. Her rigidity is loosening and so I take the opportunity to move her.
"Ok Ana I'm just going to prop you on your side ok." I tell her already taking some of the cushions from beside the bed and placing them beside her. I'm surprised when she partially cooperates with me as I roll her onto her side but I thank the heavens above, the benzo seems to be starting to take affect.
I come back around to her and her eyes follow me, I avoid her gaze for a moment, not wanting to upset her or turn her off again. I don't know yet if she'll communicate with me but this is already positive progress.
"Hey." I smile reassuringly as I take the seat beside the bed.
"Hey." She responds in a breathy whisper.
"It's good to see some life in those eyes." I tell her with a smile. She stares blankly at me but at least she's meeting my gaze now, she hasn't done before now.
"How are you feeling?" I ask hoping for a response from her.
"Feeling." She repeats the word and I try to hide the sigh that threatens to engulf me. Echolalia is a symptom of catatonia, while the benzo is allowing her to regain some form of cognitive function it's not yet enough. I glance at the clock. It's only been twenty minutes, there's still time to see a greater affect from the drugs.
She examines me, her eyes follow every curve and contour of my face and I do all I can to give her reassuring smiles and show her that I'm safe, I'm not a threat to her and I'm here for her.
"Where's Grace?" She eventually asks and I hide the surprise from my face the best I can while glancing at the clock. It's been little over half an hour, the drug has worked.
Ana
I feel like I don't know which was is up, scared to move in case I fall because I feel as though if I do fall it will be a continuous free-fall.
"Grace?" I ask again. I want Grace here. I don't know why but I just want and need Grace.
"Can I check you over first?" She asks. The black lady sitting in front of me has been here for a while. Tamara I think she said her name was. I give a timid nod even though I want to say no. I just want Grace.
She checks the machine on my finger, the line in my hand, she checks my temperature and blood pressure before finally giving me a gentle smile.
"I'll go and get Grace for you. Would you like something to eat?"
I shake my head, the thought of eating anything right now makes me sick. I just want Grace.
"Ok. I'll go and get Grace." She replies.
As soon as she leaves the room I begin to stretch out my muscles. Everything feels so stiff. I've been sleeping for a long time then I was awake but I couldn't move, I couldn't think or function. I don't exactly know what happened or what caused it to happen but it was scary. It was like being asleep but being fully awake at the same time. It was horrible.
"Ana!" Grace beams as she comes bursting into the room. I give her a timid smile, she looks so happy to see me. She leans over and kisses me and I grab her, needing to hold her close and be held by her.
She holds me back as soon as I'm able to lift myself a little for her told be able to wrap her arms around me.
"My sweet sweet girl." She tells me as I pull away a little. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm ok." I reply as I don't know what else to say and just as the words come tumbling out of my mouth everything comes rushing back to me, Jack, conspiracy... "Jack..." I choke.
"He was in arraignment today. He's been remanded to Kings County till trial." Grace tells me softly as the tears begin to tumble.
"Grace..." Tamara interjects and I grip to Grace, I don't want her to leave me.
"Let me just move to the side Ana, I'm not going anywhere I promise." Grace reassures and I allow her to shift to the side of me and take my hand while Tamara pulls the chair in closer. She now has a notebook in her hand and a pen.
"What are you thinking about Jack?" She asks jumping straight in there. I take a deep and shaky breath.
"I don't know what to think." I reply nervously. "A part of me doesn't want to believe that he's involved but...why would they say that he is if he isn't? I don't understand I..." my voice cracks as the tears sting my eyes.
"What Ana?"
"I trusted him to help me find Amaya. He did that he gave me my daughter back." I explain. "Why would he have given me Amaya back if his intention was to hurt me. Losing Amaya... was worse than...what he did to me..."
"Ok we're going to calm down." Tamara says gently as Grace goes from holding my hand to holding my wrist, she's checking my pulse even though I'm wearing that thing on my finger. "You're safe here Ana ok, completely safe." I nod frantically, I am safe.
"He shot Morton." I manage. "He shot Morton while they fought for the gun after telling me to grab Amaya and go. Why would he have wanted me to leave if his intention had been to let me be raped?"
"Do you think he was involved?" Tamara asks and I shake my head. I can't believe he was involved.
"Do you not believe it because you don't believe it's true or because you don't want to believe he was capable of that?"
The tears spill. I can't help it. She doesn't get it. Hyde nearly killed me eleven years ago and Teddy in the process. Of course I think he's capable I just can't believe that they set me up like that...it would mean they kidnapped Amaya with the sole purpose of getting to me not just through Amaya but to get me there so they could assault me. It goes from being a crime of opportunity to being a cold and calculated crime of intent with pre-planning and everything. Is Hyde capable of that after all he's been through? Was he even raped in prison?
"I'd like you to leave me be now." I say quietly. I feel Tamara and Grace talking with their eyes.
"I need to monitor the effect of the drugs in your system." Tamara eventually says.
"No more talking." I say rolling back onto my front. They don't respond and I close my eyes, I feel tired and drained and I pray that sleep will come.
Christian
I'm with John when Tamara joins us. I've been with my children who are increasingly concerned about their mother and I just want answers.
"She's sleeping. Grace is monitoring her." Tamara explains why she's left my wife's side.
"Well?" John asks.
"The drugs worked. She came out of the catatonia but I'm expecting it to be back when she wakes."
"Why?" John asks as I just listen patiently.
"Well we started talking and she suddenly remembered what had caused the catatonia in the first place. We started talking about Hyde and she became increasingly upset before she demanded the conversation be bought to a close. She chose to shut down again and I believe without the drugs her mind will remain closed to us." Tamara explains and I see John nod thoughtfully.
"What does this mean?" I ask my mind already wondering to Ana having to have ECT and I don't want to be the person having to make that choice.
"It means that in 24 hours we'll give her another dosage and we'll try again." Tamara says.
"Why don't we bring in the activities coordinator, get her out of that room and doing something before we try and talk to her again?" John looks like he's had a lightbulb moment.
"That...that could work." Tamara says. "Though I'm conscious about how much time we'll have before she shuts down again or needs to sleep, you know those drugs will make her drowsy."
"I agree but what if we can make her stop thinking that as soon as she comes out of the catatonia the first thing we're going to do is dig into her trauma. It may allow her to wake up and not be catatonic after a few days." John says hurriedly as though he needs Tamara on side for his idea.
"Ok we'll try it. Have the activities coordinator here first thing. We'll get it done."
"Christian?" John turns to me as though he finally remembered that I'm here.
"Whatever you need to do. Just get my wife back." I am near begging but I don't care.