Tamara
3 days into this and we've finally got a bit of a routine down for Ana. Currently she's lucid and cooperative for about 3 hours after the benzo. So to make the most of that three hours the first hour is spent on taking care of Ana, food, ointments, shower in that order, then she's been having down time with Grace and yesterday she let Christian come talk to her. The deal is no talking about what happened.
She's refused to work with the activities coordinator for now but we'll get to that. The last hour is therapy, we spend an hour talking through what happened, well the first couple of hours after Hyde contacted her, at the moment. It tires her, she withdraws minute by minute until she's fighting sleep and then when she wakes she's catatonic again but we can't give her anymore medication for twenty four hours.
"I'd like to see my children today." Ana says between bites of her toast. My heart skips a beat, while she asks about them every day this is the first time she's talked about seeing them.
"Of course." I reply quickly, I don't want her to think she can't see her kids if she wants to. No one would dare stop her from seeing her babies.
She gives me a weak smile and I return it hoping this is some continued progress.
When Ana gets her ointments done I slip out to see Christian so we can prepare for her to see the children after her shower. This is a huge deal because we need to prepare the children, especially Teddy and Phoebe who are old enough to understand something bad is happening.
"How is she this morning?" He asks barely looking up from the papers he's sorting on his desk.
"She's good." I smile and he finally meets my eye, a hopeful sparkle there. "She's wanting to see the children."
"Ok." Christian can't hide his joy at this revelation.
"I was thinking maybe you and I could prepare Teddy and Phoebe about how she's looking before she goes through. It might be a little bit of a shock to see her."
While Ana is looking a little better, she's still very gaunt and pale, her eyes don't always focus as they should and she does echo quite a bit. They may be shocked to see her not looking so well even though she's improved a lot in three days there's still a way to go.
"I agree." He says thoughtfully. "I'll speak to them."
"Let's get it done before she's ready." I say meaning we need to do it now.
Christian and I walk down to the kids nursery where the four of them are hanging out with Gail the nanny. I've got to know the family quite well over the last week. I was hanging around before Ana became catatonic, ready to help her if she needed it and it gave me the opportunity to counsel everyone through what was going on. It's a big part of trauma based therapy, working with those immediately involved with the individual. It's used more with children due to privacy but I think being here at the house is the perfect opportunity to do it with an adult.
"Daddy!" Amaya yells. With her short hair it's easy to tell the difference between the identical twins at the moment.
"Hello Amaya." He says hoisting her up onto his hip and she immediately snuggles into his side. Amaya has been seeing another friend of John Flynn's who specialises in Trauma in children. We all trained together once upon a time and now we are rallying around this family together.
"Daddy what's going on?" Phoebe asks eyeing me suspiciously, she's so switched on this kid, doesn't miss a thing just like her mother. I wouldn't dare try to pull the wool over Ana's eyes she'd catch me and then I would have betrayed her trust.
"Let's all sit down first shall we." Christian says signalling the reading corner with a load of beanbags. We all, Gail included, sit together, Amaya holding tight to Christian and eyeing me suspiciously. She has met me a couple of times but I'm not surprised that she's nervous around me because she doesn't know me. "So Mommy would like to come and see you all today." Christian says going straight for the big news.
Gail looks towards me for confirmation and I nod while Amaya and Amelia get excited Phoebe and Teddy look apprehensive.
"Dad what's wrong with Mom?" Teddy asks. He has been most concerned about Ana, they were told their mother was injured but they also know she's become worse rather than better. They're fully aware of all the people coming and going who are all here to help their mother.
"Well that's what we've come to talk to you about Teddy." I say seeing the fear gripping Christian's face even if he is hiding it relatively well. "Mommy is doing a little better today and would really like to come and see you. But what we want you all to understand is that Mommy is still hurt and is not very well."
"Is mommy going to die?" Phoebe asks looking toward Christian.
"No. Phoebe Mommy just got hurt rescuing Amaya and it's made her a little sick but she will get better." Christian says looking in my direction nervously.
"Mommy is getting better, it's just going to take time and lots of patience." I say drawing the children's attention back to me. "But the fact she feels well enough to see you all today shows how much better she's doing." I try reassuring. These poor kids, the older ones, may need therapy to deal with all of this one day!
"Can I give her a hug?" Phoebe asks and I want to cry, this is why I don't work with children, they make me so emotional.
"Of course you can, just be gentle with her ok?" I say encouragingly. "Mommy doesn't look like she normally does so don't be surprised about that and sometimes she can't talk very well, she will sometimes copy what you say because she can't think very well. But otherwise Mommy is getting better and she will get better in time. Now I'm going to see if Mommy is ready."
Christian
My kids have been to hell and back. The whole family has to be fair but the kids, Amaya because she was taken and drugged, Amelia because she lost half of herself, Phoebe and Teddy though being old enough to understand, I think this whole thing with Ana is affecting them more than the kidnapping did. They know something happened but they also have to live with us all not really telling them what happened. However they're not yet old enough for details. They'll know one day.
"Mommy!" Amelia yells as soon as the door opens. Ana falls to her knees and catches Amelia just as Amaya wriggles out of my arms to join them.
I see the tears fall down Ana's cheeks as she clutches one twin in each arm. It's a beautiful reunion filled with pain and heartache.
"Mom..." Teddy leans down and wipes his hand gently over her cheek, wiping away her tears. My caring and sensitive boy.
"Ted..." she chokes and Gail and I quickly take a twin each so Ana can hold our older children. Teddy goes first, gently slipping his arms around his mother's waist, his cheek going to her stomach where our fifth baby continues to grow. "Teddy..." she manages to breathe as she holds him tight to her.
Ana gently kisses Teddy's head and runs her fingers through his hair before looking at a very apprehensive Phoebe.
"Hey princess." Ana half whispers, her blue eyes with just a little bit more light in them than there was when we spoke yesterday. "Can I have a cuddle?" She asks nervously just as Teddy steps away.
Phoebe moves slowly and I know it's killing Ana that she's so apprehensive but when she finally gets there she flings her arms around Ana's waist and breaks down in her Mother's arms.
"Hey Phoebe, princess it's ok." Ana coos as she holds her back. "I've got you princess." She says sounding strong again, it's obvious that seeing Phoebe so upset is giving her the strength she needs to show her that she's ok.
"Are you going to die Mommy?" Phoebe asks looking up into Ana's eyes.
"What? No of course not Phoebe. Mommy's just hurt and not well right now but I'm getting better, every day I'm getting stronger." Ana's struggling, I see it and thankfully Tamara moves in.
"Why don't we all go sit down?" She suggest giving Phoebe the only signal she needs to pull away from Ana.
My wife's eyes meet my own and I give her a soft smile, she returns it but I see the guilt eating away at her. This is what I didn't want to happen, Ana feels guilty that she's in the position she's in even though it's not her fault at all.
As soon as Ana is seated on one of the beanbags Amaya crawls over to her and climbs onto her chest. I see the pain it causes but Ana holds her tight.
"Mom is it true you're having another baby?" Teddy asks, he heard what happened while Amaya was missing, how I accidentally told the entire family that Ana was pregnant but he obviously wants his mother to confirm it.
"Is that ok?" She asks timidly.
"A new brother or sister?" Phoebe asks, an excitement appearing in her voice.
"Yeah." Ana says and the older two children become quite excited at the news. I see the first real smile fill Ana's face and a relief that our older children are excited.
The children fill Ana in on what they've been doing with Gail for the past few days before Ana starts to get very tired, I see the light becoming smaller in her eyes and it's terrifying.
"Ok I think Mommy needs to go get some rest now." I say intervening seeing as no one else is.
"Do you have to Mommy?" Phoebe asks.
"Mommy still has to get better Pheebs." Ana says gently. "I'm getting really tired very easily."
"You'll come see us again though right?" Teddy asks and Ana smiles and nods.
"Maybe in a couple of days. Mommy only gets a few hours where she feels well enough." I say for Ana because I don't want her to feel pressurised if she's not up to it.
"Ok." Teddy replies, satisfied with my answer thankfully.
Tamara takes Ana back to the bedroom and I feel sick to my stomach knowing she's still got a long way to go. I know she doesn't want to hurt our children but they are getting hurt by all of this and truth be told I just selfishly want my wife back. I want her smile to light up my world again and I want to touch her and kiss her and remind her how much I love her. I hope she'll at least let me in on what happened soon so I can stop imagining all sorts. I just want her back.