Two characters gulped simultaneously, and slowly turned to face their new 'acquaintance'.
And her blaster.
"Quite a show you four put on," the obvious leader of the group smirked. Shifting blonde hair from her sharp gaze, she relaxed her rifle and said, "what is this, a travelling flea circus?"
"I, um..." Sora stammered. "We-we're sorry, okay? This is all just a big misun-"
"We're sorry?" Ralph's bellow drowned Sora's instantly. "I'd like to know what I've done wrong, ya little-"
"Can it, giant," the blonde woman threatened. "Porcupine over there was at least tryin' to save your hiney. If you know what's good for you you'll let him squeak."
Her rifle wasn't even pointing at them any more. She was this intimidating by just herself?
"Porcu...pine?" Sora muttered to himself. "a-anyway! We've all come here from fa-a-a-a-ar aw-w-way!"
His voice did that thing again.
"I'll say," the woman tightened her grip on her rifle. "And then what, you just fell into my game?"
"Pretty much?" Sora glitched out a shrug. "Y-y'see, we started off in a dif-f-ferent game, and there was this little blue guy called Fix-it Felix."
"I've heard the name," the woman pursed her lips.
"A-and we accidentally ended up hurting him..." Sora's hand ghosted through his neck area.
"You damn near killed him," Ralph growled, only to get struck in the face with what looked like a shoe?
"I said CAN IT, Bigfoot!" The blonde growled right back at him. "Okay, porcupine. Go."
"Uh-uhmm... Sora please, if you would?" He winced.
"Sergeant Calhoun." The blonde lady's face didn't even mar.
"...r-right. Thanks," Sora gulped again. "Anyway, we're on the lookout for some creatures. They're like little black shadowy dark things with bright yellow eyes."
Calhoun's eyes widened. Just a little.
"Do they... sound familiar?"
"Matter of fact, yes," Calhoun offered a strict deadpan. "But you see kid, now we got a problem."
Barely even aware, Sora took a tiny step backwards.
"That creature you described," Calhoun began pacing. "Sounds an awful lot like what I know as a Cy-bug. Now, far as I know, Cy-bugs exist only in this game."
Calhoun was inching closer, yet Sora did not dare retreat.
"I, don't, like Cy-Bugs." Calhoun' voice was dropping with every step she took. "Don't like them, don't like anything to do with 'em. And now you're tellin' me you've been in contact with them? Outside of this game?!"
"Umm..." Sora grimaced, his forehead dripping with fear. "Y-yes?"
Calhoun huffed. "Well that just ain't a smart answer."
"W-would it be a smarter answer if I said I knew how to get rid of them?!" Sora flinched, and withdrew into himself.
"That ain't news to me, kid. I know how to deal with them too," Calhoun cocked her rifle. "Now, unless you can offer me some real information, I'm just gonna have to-"
"Duck!"
Goofy charged out of nowhere, and threw his shield skywards as something dark crashed into it. Calhoun recoiled instinctively, and aimed skywards. "What the hell?!"
"Th-there was a flyin' thing headin' for ya!" Goofy retrieved his already battered shield. "M-maybe one-a them Cy-B-"
"Nope." Calhoun shot him down. "Don't even try and tell me a Cy-Bug got that close to me without me knowin'. I've been trackin' them for years!"
"Th-then what's that?!" Donald squawked, and pointed behind her.
"Pff. Nice try, duck." Calhoun snorted derisively. "But I ain't gonna fall for that-"
"No, really!" Sora interrupted, and even Ralph was pointing in the same direction. Calhoun narrowed her eyes. Could all of these game invading scum sacks be lying? All of them?
She sighed, and groaned, then sighed again, and turned to see what they were all pointing at.
Only to meet face-to-face with it.
"...well they have been getting harder to track lately." She didn't even flinch. "Alright civilians, get behind me! We'll finish this little conversation later!"
Calhoun emptied a spray of bullets from her blaster, and downed three of the 'Cy-Bugs' in quick succession. With roars of pain, the giant, beetle-like creatures would collapse to the ground one by one, and then explode into puddles of foul smelling goop.
"D'you... think we should help?" Sora whispered to his two companions, as Calhoun continued to single-handedly fight off the wave after wave of Cy-Bugs.
"That'd be a negative, civilian." Calhoun answered for them, literally punching one of the Cy-Bugs in an attempt to keep it away.
"But it's my job, m-ma'am!" Sora's arm flailed into a saluting position. "A-as a keyblade wielder, I'm sup-supposed to-"
"Keyblade?" Calhoun frowned. "What kinda dumb name is that for a weapon?"
"I-I dunno, I didn't name it!" Sora stammered. "But anyway, can you at least let us help you?!"
"Nuh-uh!" Calhoun froze him with a glare. "Far as I'm concerned kid, you'll only be a distraction. And there's somethin' up with the bugs today, to bring them here in these numbers. Why, they're almost a challenge. So you just stay, the fu-huh?"
Calhoun narrowed her eyes. What was with these things today? Normally they would just charge relentlessly, but today they weren't even meeting her gaze. It's almost like they didn't-
"Come here, kid." Calhoun literally grabbed Sora by the head and dragged him in front of her. Wherever the kid was, it seemed, the Cy-Bugs followed. And Calhoun could feel her veins percolating now.
"You wanna explain this?" Calhoun threw Sora to the floor. "You're drawing in these Cy-Bugs like you're a freakin' magnet! Something I don't understand?!"
"Did I mention that I'm... technically one of them?" Sora withdrew into himself, and grimaced.
"Technically..." Sora could see the steam rising. "Oh, this just gets better and better."
A palm thrust to the face of one Cy-Bug had it and its buddies halted for a moment, and Sora was once again in the firing line. "Alright, you've got one chance here. You were already suspicious enough to start with, and now you're saying you're 'technically' one of these freaks? Gimme an excuse."
"H-hey now, easy..." Sora threw his hands up in submission. "That's all a really long story, and I can't-"
Calhoun cleared her throat.
"I promise I'll explain later, okay?!" Sora gulped. "Til then, just let us help you get rid of these things!"
"There's a never ending supply," Calhoun huffed.
"Alright, well this... thing of them then?" There was a dim hope in the boy's eyes.
"Hey! Stop arguin' with the scary lady, kid!" Ralph shouted, only to be silenced by an accusing finger from Calhoun.
"Look, I'm like a magnet for these things, as you've noticed," Sora gestured to the endless horde on his left. "Trust me, you want my help!"
"Or I just kill you, and they stop following?" Calhoun was unimpressed.
"Or, you could use me as bait?!" Sora squeaked, unable to hide the panic in his voice. But before the gravity of what he'd just said could sink in...
"Bait, huh? This just got interesting."
"So, what is all of this again?"
"What part don't you understand?"
"...all of it?"
"Ungh..." Calhoun groaned. "He usually this brain dead?"
"Urmm..." Goofy was hesitant.
"Yup!" Donald wasn't.
"I thought so," Calhoun said. "Alright, one more time. You can draw in Cy-Bugs, right?"
"Yeah...?"
"And I still can't trust you, so you gotta prove that you're useful to me, okay?"
"I... guess so?"
"Good so far? Good. Like I said before, I've set up this mini game so we can test what you've said. If all goes well, you show that I can rely on you, and we kill a buttload of Cy-Bugs. If it goes bad, well..."
"I like the sound of it all going well!" Sora called back obliviously.
"In theory, so do I!" Calhoun cocked her blaster. "Now, let's do this. Any intelligent questions before we start?"
"Umm..." Sora was immediately thrown. "So this mini-game is like a game inside of a game?"
Calhoun nodded sternly.
"Does it feel weird, to know you're being controlled by someone else?"
The walls of the game blooped around him. Maybe self awareness wasn't a good idea in this world.
"You get used to it," Calhoun deadpanned. "Now are you ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be!" Sora's arms fell to his sides in defeat.
"Good! Cause you don't have a choice!" Calhoun actually grinned. "Okay, start her up!"
Floodlights splashed into life around Sora, followed by a really dated 'wuwuwoop!' and what looked like a scoreboard;
'PLAYER 1
CALHOUN
00000'
'PLAYER 2
PORCPIN
00000'
"Porcpin?" Sora frowned at the screen.
"Porcupine wouldn't fit," Calhoun's gaze was static.
"Why didn't you just use my actually name?"
The request was fair enough, wasn't it?
"Didn't remember it," Calhoun shrugged, "what am I, Rain Man?"
"What I wanna know is, why's HE get to be player two?!" Ralph stamped out his disapproval.
"How long have you got?" Calhoun gave him a dark look.
Ralph simply returned a sullen one, "I wanted a go..."
"Well maybe you'll get your chance once I cream Porcu...Sora," Calhoun remained unmoving.
And with little warning, the cliched 'ding ding!' of a bell echoed through the area, followed by the cheesiest 8-bit jingle Sora had ever suffered through. Entirely too sunny and jovial, it did absolutely nothing for the situation, especially when the cy-bugs swarmed his hill. Charging only as fast as their tiny legs would carry them, it wasn't long before they were climbing to his position.
Sora gulped, and swung his keyblade. A moment's thought had him launch himself into the air, readying a quick aerial attack on the first cy-bug that had approached. However, before his blade could batter the beastie, a barrage of bullets cracked the creature's carapace instead, and Sora's day was instantly soured as Cy-Bug exploded in his face, covering him in a viscous green something or other.
"Nice try, kid!" Calhoun smirked.
"Heyy, no fair! You get long range!" Sora complained.
"Life ain't fair!" Calhoun lined up her next shot. "I mean, I knew you were green, but come on..."
Sora wiped green from his eyes. "Dammit..."
Three more bullets punctured another Cy-Bug, which lurched to the ground and exploded. All over Sora again.
He could hear Calhoun laughing to herself in the background as the Cy-Bugs gained in numbers around him. At least with this many, he'd be able to hit a few.
A quick strike knocked one Cy-Bug onto its back, where it could only flail around for a moment. Sora's Keyblade was quickly impaled into the creature's vulnerable underbelly, and it exploded into yet more goop as Sora finally got his first point.
But Calhoun already had five...
"Gotta do better, kid!" She cackled, and a bullet seethed past Sora's head and into a Cy-Bug, causing it to roar in pain.
Sora slopped more goo from his face, and launched his keyblade into another Cy-Bug, which also exploded on him.
There had to be a better way, right? To kill these things without getting covered in goo, and to at least keep up with Calhoun?
Sora mindlessly stabbed his Keyblade at a Cy-Bug, only to find razor sharp teeth threatening at his hand.
"Gah?!" He panicked, and suddenly his Keyblade was lost inside of the Cy-Bug...
Uh oh.
"Careful, Sora!" Calhoun warned. "These scum suckers become what they eat!"
Even as she spoke, the Cy-Bug began to morph, and take on a much more metallic hue. Longer and skinnier, but still with its giant teeth and billion legs, the Cy-Bug swung its increased length at Sora, who barely managed to swerve out of the way.
"Yaaaaaaghh!" The boy cried, his legs carrying him as quickly as he could manage, all while the Cy-Bug swung indiscriminately in his general direction, scything through other Cy-Bugs on its way past.
But there was an upside; Sora was still scoring points.
"Oh, ya slimy, cheatin'," Calhoun's eyes flared. "Hey, wise guy!"
Two bullets penetrated the Keyblade Cy-Bug, forcing it to an unconscious halt. "Do your dirty work yourself!"
"...thanks," Sora muttered. Reaching his hand out, he re-summoned the Keyblade, which burst from its host and spurted more green stuff everywhere. "Ugh..."
The Cy-Bug eating his Keyblade had helped his score, but Calhoun was still comfortably ahead but fourteen points to eight. And the bugs were starting to thin out.
"How am I gonna catch up?!" His brains were in overdrive, desperate for a solution. He couldn't play dirty, that was for sure, while Calhoun had both a speed and range advantage over him. That, and his body wasn't exactly behaving ever since entering the compu-
"Wha-what?! WHOA!" Sora disappeared in a blur of green and purple blocks, only to reappear a few feet away on top of a Cy-Bug.
"What the...?" He shook his head, thoroughly confused.
"Quit clownin' around, kid!" Calhoun hollered at him. "You tryna get killed?!"
"N-no?!" Sora stammered out, still green and blocky. He Cy-Bug beneath him clicked in bemusement at the sudden weight on its back, when the green blocks overtook its body too. Both disappeared in a flash of blobs, and then once again reappeared atop a huge group of Cy-Bugs. The green blobs were transferred from the first to the rest, and then they all just exploded randomly.
And of course, Sora got covered in it.
"Bl-ugh..." he retched, his stomach adamant to eject itself from his body. He shook his head like a dog, and saw for just long enough through the dripping green goop;
He was ahead!
Sure, it was only two points, nineteen to Calhoun's seventeen, but it was a lead! He wasn't in danger!
And then that lead evaporated instantly, as Calhoun took out two at once with a spray of bullets. "Cheap move, kid! Whatever you just did, I don't like it!"
"Why, 'cause it worked?" Sora actually found himself taunting.
"No, dammit! It's suspicious as all heck!" Calhoun didn't relent. "And I'd cut out the lip, if I were you! You're an easy target right now!"
"Fine, fine..." Sora groaned, shaking more goop from his everything. Whatever that teleporting thing was, he didn't even know if he could do it again anyway. Even if he wanted to.
But all this goop everywhere was making it so difficult to move, and the entire floor was covered in it...
Wait.
Sora cleaned off his Keyblade the best he could. He launched himself into the air...
"Fire!"
Sora's Keyblade ignited, and he shot a fireball at the floor. Soon the goo on the floor was a vibrant blaze as well, and the dozens of Cy-Bugs inside of it were only fuelling it. Screeches of pain were escaping the flames, followed by timely bursts, spilling more green goo everywhere which quickly ignited, spreading the fire farther.
Calhoun relaxed her blaster, and couldn't help but chuckle with mirth as a slime-covered Sora slipped down the hill, away from the now towering inferno. He scoreboard continued to tick over, complete with an entirely satisfying 'ding!' for each and every kill Sora claimed.
"...not bad, green." Calhoun's arms were folded. "Looks like you could be useful after all. Hear that boys?!"
Another cacophony of clicks echoed from behind their little group, and Sora only just noticed,
"h-how long have they been there?!"
"Since the start."
"...oh."
The blaze atop the hill finally started to die down, and the final scores were available for all to see;
'PLAYER 1
CALHOUN
00047'
'PLAYER 2
PORCPIN
00063'
'PORCPIN WINNER!'
"Alrighty, no time for gloating," Calhoun holstered her blaster. "Time to start making use of you, kid."
"Y-yes ma'am!" Sora found himself saluting it of sheer reflex, and four of the five characters followed Calhoun's lead.
"Alright, yeah!" Ralph cheered, "who wants to take on Ralph?!"
"...anyone?"
"aw, c'monnnn...!"