Ana

"I wish you hadn't cut your hair." Christian muses as I finish curling the odd loose strand in the mirror to try and give it some shape.

"You don't like it?" I ask before spraying some hairspray over it to help keep it in place.

"I do." Christian says swatting the air where there is a mist of hairspray. "I just liked how it was before." He says as I rise to my feet. He looks so...sad.

"I know you loved my hair long Christian but I just needed a change." I say before leaning forward and kissing his cheek. "I needed a change."

"I know baby and if you're happy I'm happy." He says and he gives me a chaste peck and I so desperately wish he'd kiss me a bit more than that.

At least I shouldn't complain too much. He's finally accepted my invitation back to our bed and he's been there for a week now. Ever since the shrinks moved out.

God am I glad to see the back of them. They were amazing and everything I needed but now I don't need them anymore and trying to get them to back off was a nightmare but they've finally gone.

So tonight we're throwing a family dinner. Christian thinks I'm insane but I was so desperate to get everyone together again under one roof just to feel like normal. He relented. I think he'd relent on anything right now.

"Can I have a Ferrari?" Hey gotta see what I can get away with right.

"You want a Ferrari?" He asks his eyebrow quirking suspiciously.

"Hmm." I nod trying to aim for nonchalance and not give away that I'm absolutely just trying to see if he'd give me whatever I asked for right now.

"Well your birthday isn't far away." He muses and I can't help it I burst out laughing. "You don't want a Ferrari?" He says realisation dawning.

"No baby I just wanted to see if you'd give me whatever I asked for right now. This time last year if I'd have asked for a Ferrari you would have told me the safety standards aren't good enough to carry your most treasured possession."

He looks mortified but I find it absolutely hilarious. Bless his heart he just wants to take care of me right now and I get that but buying me a Ferrari will not help that.

"You're such a tease." He says pulling me to him and I grab him and kiss him before he can pull away and thankfully he kisses me back just not as deeply as I'd like him to.

"I'm going to..."

"Yeah." I say masking the sadness I feel at his lack of interest in me. "I'll be down in a minute." I say before plonking myself back down at the dressing table just so I can have a couple of minutes without him.

I don't know why he's so uncertain. I don't know if it's because he doesn't know how to take me or if it's because he doesn't want me anymore. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt for now but I need him to kiss me. Show me he still loves me.

I make my way to the long mirror and check myself out. I've changed more than just my hair. My stomach is round with my unborn child and I have finally got some colour back in my cheeks. It's been a long few weeks but I am better and stronger now and I just want life to go on. Back to normal. It's not too much to ask really is it.

As I head to the stairs I hear the door open and the dulcet tones of my in laws.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes." I tease as Grace looks up towards me. I haven't seen her or Carrick since we left court that day.

"Ana you're looking incredible." Grace beams and I smile shyly before hurrying over to give her the biggest hug which she returns just as vigorously.

"Carrick." I say moving to my father in law.

"You know Ana if this child doesn't have a Gaelic name like his grandfather I will be deeply disappointed. I mean 11 grand babies one of them has to have my name. There's nothing wrong with Carrick." He teases as he holds me.

"There's nothing wrong with Carrick." I agree and I realise if this baby is a boy he's going to have to have Carrick in his name and a name to go with it. Preferably something Gaelic.

"It's a strong name." He says with a wink as he releases me and I laugh, yep if it's a he he's going to be a Carrick Grey that's for sure.

I head through to the living room and I'm thankfully down before anyone else. Patricia brings some wine through and some fizzy apple for me which has been my craving these last few weeks.

"What do you think of John?" I ask Christian as I stand scrolling through the iPod for some music to give the room some atmosphere.

"John? Well he's my shrink Ana..."

"No I meant as a name for our child if it's a boy?"

"No." Christian says before kissing my head and walking back towards the door which has rung again.

I dutifully follow him out to meet our next guest and I'm surprised to see John, Rhian and Tamara. I didn't invite them.

"Ana, Christian."John smiles and I return it stiffly. This is not the normality I was hoping for.

"John you may want to reconsider your friendship to my husband I suggested if this baby is a boy he could share your name and he made it quite clear it was a no." I say trying to lighten the mood.

"I'm with your husband on that one Ana. It's an old name." He says making me roll my eyes. I like the simplicity and John goes with anything. John Carrick, Carrick John.

Mia doesn't come tonight as she's not ready to leave baby Anastasia with anyone but also felt it too late for her to bring her out. So I've promised I'll go by there soon to see her. Kate and Elliot are here and Ray but I was not surprised to find out Mom has gone back to Savannah. Ray says she went the day after the court case and that hurt a little that she didn't check in with me before going, she didn't even say goodbye.

Christian

She's trying to be like the old Ana. Ana before the rape. But we can all see it's an act. If she thinks I don't see those little frowns, the gasps, then she's mistaken. I wish she'd talk to me about what she's experiencing but John says it might take a while for her to admit that she's not ok.

Calling this family dinner was a stupid idea. It's too soon to have everyone round and it was obvious Ana just wanted to appear normal. But there's nothing normal about this situation.

We eat dinner and everyone is happy but I can't stop looking over at Ana who's sat between my Dad and Elliot. She seems ok but I'm so scared something will upset her or trigger her and it will set her back so much. I'm afraid she'll become catatonic again. Every now and again she meets my eye, catching me looking at her and she always gives me a bright and reassuring smile.

After dinner my Mom goes with Ana to help get the twins ready for bed and Kate and Rhian head to the lounge to chat. I like how they've become friends through Ana. She's made Rhian and John a part of the family over the years but Ana hadn't invited them for tonight so I took the liberty of doing so.

"So wanna play some pool tonight?" Elliot asks me I pour myself a brandy.

"Why don't you and Dad take Ray and set up the first round?" I suggest and he nods enthusiastically and goes to recruit my Dad and Ray. We always have a good time playing pool together.

That leaves me with John and Tamara and they both look at me expectantly. They know I've got rid of everyone deliberately.

"She doing ok?" Tamara asks guessing there's a reason I've got them on their own with me.

"I don't know. I feel like she's testing me." I shrug before downing my brandy and pouring another glass.

"Testing you?"

"Yeah she's always kissing me and then tonight she asked me for a Ferrari just to see if I'd say yes." I muse. If she wants a bloody Ferrari I'll get her a Ferrari.

"She wants to make sure things haven't changed Christian that's all." Tamara smiles but my heart is beating in my chest as I'm afraid they have changed and they won't ever be the same again.

"We've told you this. All you need to do now is be there to validate her feelings and make sure she knows she's loved." John adds thoughtfully as I walk around the mahogany table because I can't contemplate sitting still at the moment.

"It's going to take time Christian." Tamara says. "That's just the way it is."

I humm because she's right. Time. It's going to take a lot of time and I just need to keep reminding her that I love her. Though I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything alright for her I can't do that.