Christian
Ana and I are having a clinic appointment with the midwife today to check on baby number five. Ana is really excited which is nice. I'd worried we wouldn't get the same love and excitement in the build-up to the birth of this baby after everything that happened but it seems like despite a shaky first trimester Ana is clawing it back now.
"What would you like?" Ana asks as we sit in the waiting room flicking through magazines.
"A boy. I mean Teddy and I are seriously outnumbered." I joke dryly making Ana laugh. God she's beautiful when she laughs and it's been amazing hearing that laugh become more frequent and stronger over the last couple of weeks. She's more like my Ana, my Ana before she was violently assaulted.
"It has to be a girl." She says making me pale a little. Another girl? I don't know how Ted and I would cope.
"Why?"
"Because you want a boy." She says laughing and I nudge her playfully.
"Seriously though another happy and healthy baby." I tell her. "That's all I want."
"Me too." She muses. "It's weird thinking this will be the last. I didn't feel like it with the girls. If they hadn't been twins I think I'd have wanted more sooner and I didn't treat their pregnancy like it was the last time I'd experience it. It's different this time." She seems sad and I don't like that but neither of us are getting any younger I'm closer to 40 than 30 and I think after this baby I just want to enjoy my family and give them everything I can. See the world with them around me. Retire happy. Retire goodness that is a word I never thought I'd utter. But it's worth thinking about slowing down and being home more.
"Anastasia." Amanda calls from the door to her clinic room and I take my wife's hand as we go through to the examination room. "You look good." She beams at Ana before I've even shut the door behind us.
"I feel good." She replies and I smile. She looks good too. Her rounding belly, that colour in her cheeks and that sparkle that's come back to her eye.
"Ok so weight, measurement, and listen to baby." She says as Ana kicks off her shoes to stand on the scale. "We think 16 weeks?" Amanda asks.
"Something like that." Ana says blushing slightly.
"Well I've got an appointment for you with Dr Greene and we'll have a better idea after that. It's nothing to be ashamed of Ana." She adds the last bit because Ana seems to have faded out in front of our eyes. "An..."
"Yeah." She says shaking her head as she steps off the scale. She went for a moment. Did she have a flashback? I'm so worried about her. Knowing what John and Tamara explained to me about how she's still be affected by trauma symptoms I'm keeping my eye out for them.
"You ok?" Amanda asks gently and Ana quickly smiles and nods. She won't admit to anything being wrong for a while, that's something else John and Tamara said.
There is nothing in the world like hearing the beating heart of your unborn child in its mother's womb. I hold Ana's hand in my own as the sound surrounds me. Like she did with all of our babies she takes a phone recording I know will become her temporary text tone and Amanda leaves it on for a little bit longer than usual as tears glisten in my wife's eyes and I kiss her hand and whisper in her ear that everything is perfect.
"Ok Ana so we'll wait until the appointment with Dr Greene before we put anything concrete down but everything looks great to me. Your weight is up and is healthy for 16 weeks of pregnancy, the heartbeat is nice and strong and your bump is perfect." Amanda is very good at reassuring Ana.
"When are we going to talk about the birth? I don't want a repeat of the twins. We'd agreed to a caesarean with them and instead, they were born in my bedroom." Ana is trying to make light of it all but I know she's scared of things going wrong again. The twins were perfect but it could quite easily have been a different tale.
"We will make plans as soon as we get confirmation of your due date from Dr Greene. I think maybe we should talk about induction and a caesarean and decide what's best for you." Amanda says and Ana nods though I don't know if she's reassured or not.
We leave with Ana's maternity file and we both focus on the positives. She's healthy and the baby seems healthy and that's all we can hold on to for now.
"Let's have lunch." I say deciding to put some spontaneity into our day.
"Don't you have work to do?" Ana asks that gorgeous eyebrow of hers raised inquisitively.
"I can bunk off." I shrug. "I'm the boss. I can do what I want." And Ana laughs loudly and lets me lead her away.
Anastasia
Christian being spontaneous is not something new exactly. Over the years he's learned that spontaneity equals romantic most of the time and I do love it when he's like this. I've missed him over the last few weeks. He's not been the same and I'm trying to be understanding but it's not easy. I was the one who was attacked not him yet he seems to think I'm some china doll if he handles me too heavily I'll crack in his hands when all I want is for him to hold me tight and whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
He surprises me a little further by not taking me to the mile high club. Instead we go to Stateside a place I've frequented with Mia a few times over the years but never with Christian. He knows I like it here though.
We're given one of the booths to the left of the bar and it gives us some modicum of privacy and our server hands us menus before leaving us to browse. I scan the room. It's quite busy and I'm not really a fan of crowds right now. Thankfully my shoulder is up against the solid wall decorated with palm trees so I don't have to worry about people coming in both directions.
"You ok?" Christian asks as he realises I haven't yet looked at my menu.
"It's busy." I say and he nods but I don't think he understands that it makes me nervous and edgy. He doesn't need to know though. My eyes meet Taylor's who has taken a seat at the far end of the bar where he can see us but give us space and he nods at me, giving me that little bit of reassurance that I need that we're safe here.
"So what's good here?" Christian asks as I finally start to scan the menu.
"Drinks wise I'd suggest the coconut." I tell him trying not to smirk.
"Coconut?" He queries and I just nod trying not to give away that it's mine and Mia's drink of choice when we're not driving and having a girl's afternoon.
"Are you guys ready to place your order?" Our server asks with a happy smile on her face and a sparkle in her eye for Christian.
"I'll have the duck rolls and the Avocado toast. Both together please." I have tried almost everything on the menu here so I'm quite confident I know what I'd like here.
"And drink?"
"Just sparkling water please." I reply as I don't want my drink to ruin the flavour in my food.
"And Sir?" She turns to Christian expectantly.
"I'll have the lime leaf sausage and egg with a side of potato wedges please and a Coconut to drink."
If I had been taking a drink at that moment I'd have produced a perfect spit take. The face the poor girl pulls in Christian's direction is hilarious but she quickly composes herself as my darling husband turns to me.
"Why do I get the feeling your recommendation is going to make me look like a fool?" He asks as the server heads off with our order.
"Would I ever do such a thing?" I ask feigning innocence. Christian just laughs at me. "I can't have one so I thought you could have one in my place." I explain still trying not to laugh.
Christian's face when our serve returns with our drinks makes me regret not having a camera pointed at him. It's hilarious to see him receiving this fresh half coconut with straw and umbrella and when he sniffs it I burst out laughing. The server giggles with me as she places my water down before hurrying off once again.
"You unman me Anastasia." He says before removing the straw and attempting to take a sip from the coconut only to spill some on his suit.
"Just use the straw." I tell him as he pulls a face at the flavour. "It's good."
"This is the last time I ever take a drink suggestion from you." He states with a playful smirk before he takes a long hearty sip through the straw.
The food is delicious as always and Christian and I talk about the next few months while avoiding talking about the new year when Hyde will go to court. We are talking Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas and how to make them as amazing as ever for the kids.
It's so normal that for the couple of hours we end up staying here eating and drinking I forget all about what's happened and it's just me and my husband. Just how it's always been.