Mia

"Ana I'm so glad to see you!" I squeal as I'm so happy to see her. I've missed her so much and it's been hard being away from her and the rest of the family while she's been recovering from the assault.

"Mia. I've missed you too." She says holding me longer than usual which is nice. I felt so bad that I hadn't been to see her yet and here she is.

"Come through to the lounge we have got so much to catch up with." I say and before she can take a breath I drag her through just as baby Anastasia stirs needing a feed. "Typical!" I say grabbing the bottle from the fireplace.

"I'll feed her if you'd like." Ana says and I beam of course she'd like to do that she hasn't seen her properly since she was born.

"Go for it. I'll get you some tea." I smile and I hand her the bottle and head out the room.

Once out of sight I let out a breath. Ana looks so good and I'd been so worried that she wouldn't. If you didn't know what she's been through you couldn't tell. Mom told me how bad things were and she made sure I was kept in the loop but knew I couldn't be there as I had to take care of the kids.

I make Ana some tea and myself some coffee before rejoining Ana and Anastasia in the lounge. I find Ana with tear tracks on her face but say nothing till I've put the drinks down and I know Ana's aware I'm in the room. She doesn't look in my direction but I go over and crouch down in front of her.

"Hey An' it's ok." I tell her gently as I wipe her tears with my hand.

"Sorry." She says forcing a smile. "I haven't been here for you since Anastasia has been born and you need to fucking change her name." I laugh, I can't help it. Only our Ana would be concerned that after she was raped that she wasn't here for me.

"Are you serious?" I ask her.

"Yes Anastasia is a stupid name." She says and I laugh some more.

"Anastasia is a lovely name but I don't mean the name. Ana, you were there for me at the most important time. When I needed you to help her come into the world. I'm the one who should be apologising for not being there for you when you needed your family. I wasn't able to be there to support you after..."

"You had to take care of your babies. There were plenty of people taking care of me." She says squeezing the hand I've taken.

"I can see that. You look really good Ana."

"I wish people would stop saying that." She says releasing my hand and wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. "Everyone says I look good as if after what happened I shouldn't." She snaps and Anastasia jumps in her arms startling her.

"I'm sorry princess. I'm sorry. Naughty Aunt Ana scaring you." She says and I smile sadly. Mood swings. Mom warned me of this when I said Ana was coming over. Apparently they can be quite horrific. She said something about a drinking glass against the wall because Christian had mentioned slowly easing herself back into work. Not pretty.

"You know An. It's ok not to be ok. You know that right?" I don't know what to say to her and I'm having an internal panic at the thought of what may happen if I say the wrong thing.

"But I'm fine!" She says huffing and I lift my hands to the side of my head in surrender.

"I didn't say you weren't but just if you weren't that's ok you know." She rolls her eyes at me and I back off to the nearest chair to give her some space.

"I was just thinking how big she's got." Ana says quietly. "She's grown so fast and I missed being a part of that."

I have absolutely no answer to that. Ana has always been so good with us when we've had our babies. She helped me and Kate with things when all our babies were born because like she said, she had staff to do the cooking and cleaning. Anastasia is the first baby who hasn't had a sleepover with Aunt Ana in the first three months of life to have a break from Mommy.

"That bastard stole so much more than just sex from me." She explains blowing out a breath. "That's the bit people never understand. A lot of the emotion isn't just about the rape itself but everything surrounding it."

"Are you still seeing the shrink?" I ask and Ana shakes her head.

"There's no point. She just wants to talk about the rape. I can talk about that without a problem. I don't need someone helping me analyse it to death when I've done that in here already." She taps the side of her head with her nail and I sigh sadly. I don't know what to say to help her but I'm glad she feels like she can open up and confide in me if nothing else.

I watch as she gently runs her fingers through Anastasia's hair and there's a sad smile on her lips. Anastasia smiles at her and she smiles back, a light coming back on in her eyes. Babies will have that effect on a person.

"Not long now and you'll be doing it all again. Are you insane having baby 5?" I ask and Ana laughs and I think I've finally pulled her back from those negative thoughts.

"I just can't wait to see the doctor next week. Don't actually know how far along we are because of everything and it will be nice to know when we can expect this little one." She says before giving Anastasia a kiss on the head. "Your Dad has made me promise that if this baby is a boy it will carry his name."

"Oh he didn't. Does he know how many conversations we've had about the fact his name just doesn't go with anything and sounds silly? We all considered it with our boys except you of course naming Ted after grandad and your dad."

"Well I think Christian's in agreement that if it's a boy we should but I'll be damned if this baby is another Carrick Grey. It doesn't quite go with Ted, Phoebe and the girls names." Ana continues and I relax more knowing we're now just having a normal conversation.

"Theodore, Phoebe, Amelia, Amaya and Carrick. Hmm no Carrick is such a hard sounding name compared to the others." I reply in agreement. My poor father, he doesn't know how hard Kate and I both tried to make Carrick work in our babies' names but it just didn't.

"Oh I didn't tell you the twins now are going by Maya and Mia. Something about them being nicer names and Amelia loves that her name cuts down to the same as aunt Mia. They're three going on thirty I swear."

"Oh I love that. Maya and Mia. Yes!" I do love that. So cute and I remember when Ana chose the names I secretly knew that one day Amelia would become Mia. Something to do with the stage where toddlers cannot pronounce the letter L whatsoever.

"Christian's taking it hard. The girls will ignore the use of their full name and it drives him up the wall. His attitude is that their names are Amaya and Amelia and they will answer to that. Twins are having none of it though. It's caused a few office discussions between Christian and the girls and he doesn't get how funny it is that he's sitting our toddlers down to give them lectures."

"Oh he isn't!" I hide my face between my hands in amusement. "Only Christian."

"He's always struggled with the transition from toddler to child. That time when they appear to understand more than they actually do. And there's no explaining to him. After four children you'd think he'd have it down pat but nope."

"I just love how Christian Grey that is. It's just that he's giving the study lectures to his three-year-olds. Next time it happens I want a video and lots of pictures." I say making Ana laugh loudly.

When Ana finishes her tea it's time for her to head home to her family. She puts Anastasia down in the crib and I see a sadness reappear in her face. There's nothing I can do about it and seeing how sensitive Ana is right now about people talking about her feelings it just isn't worth it at the risk of her blowing up. We hug before she goes and once again I hold it just a little bit longer than usual and when she's gone I breathe a little easier. It was lovely to see her but I didn't think having a conversation with her would be so difficult.

She's been to hell and back but she doesn't want a constant reminder of the fact. I can understand that but she's still needing help and a lot of therapy. She just doesn't know that yet. I hope she figures it out sooner rather than later.