Ana

I'm nervously excited to be here to see Dr Greene today. To finally have a due date and to really know how far along so we can mark down the milestones. I'm hoping we can work backwards to to ensure that we fill out this baby's baby book the same as the others. There won't be any early bump pictures but that's ok. They'll understand and know the truth one day but I want to give them as much as possible.

I'm trying not to have any self blame for what happened but it's hard when it comes to the baby. When I shut down after everything came to light about Hyde I should have been stronger and not let myself fall into that catatonia but I'm better now and the goal is to keep things well.

Dr Greene is as warm and friendly as ever towards both me and Christian. She flicks through my maternity file knowing I've seen Amanda only last week there are some checks that she doesn't need to repeat.

Before I know it I'm on the gurney with the sonogram gel on my stomach and Dr Greene examining my womb and the baby.

"Measurements suggest eighteen weeks. Does that sound about right to you Ana?" She asks as she taps on the monitor rather than look at me as she speaks.

"Yes. I thought 17 but what's a week." I reply and she smiles stiffly. Ok maybe a week is a big deal but she can't hold it against me. It's been a rough few weeks.

"Would you like to know the gender?" She asks still tapping away. I look at Christian and he beams and nods. We have found out with all of them.

"Yes please." I reply.

"Here is your baby boy." She says turning the screen round so we can finally see the baby.

"A boy." Christian breaths as I stare at the 4d image that Dr Greene has put in front of us. He's beautiful. That button nose the Grey signature eyebrow quirk already visible.

"A son." I smile as tears fill my eyes. "My miracle." Christian kisses my head gently as Dr Greene turns the screen away.

"I am confident everything looks good." She says as the printer whirs to life. She passes me some blue cloth to wipe down my stomach and I breathe easier knowing everything is ok. "Do either of you have any questions?" She asks and I shake my head.

"No questions." Christian says gently.

"I'd like to see you again in two weeks. I think with what happened with the twins and the shaky first trimester we should keep a closer eye." She says gently and I nod. That's fine by me. I'd come here every day if I had to just to make sure this little man of ours is ok. "Mr Grey would you give Ana and I the room?" She asks and I gulp. She's never asked to see me alone before.

"Sure." Christian says uncomfortably and while I wish he wouldn't leave me he kisses my hand softly before peeling himself away.

"How are you doing?" She asks as soon as the door is shut behind my husband.

"I'm fine." I reply trying not to roll my eyes or grit my teeth.

"I Would at the next appointment like to just check you over. Make sure that everything is ok." She says and I gulp. A vaginal examination is not something I want to have to face.

"Why wait till next time?" I ask awkwardly. If she needs to do that we could do it today. Get it over and done with and out the way.

"I was just thinking if you needed to prepare for it. Speak to someone. Get an anti-anxiety." She is faltering and it's the first time since I've known her which makes me gulp.

"I'm fine." I murmur back.

"Would you be happy to do one today? I just want to make sure there isn't any lasting trauma."

"Trauma?" I am horrified by this and Dr Greene gives me a sad smile.

"You had a pelvic after the assault. When they did the rape kit. They do a two in one, swabs and an assessment of any injuries. You had bruising which is what we would normally see after an assault like this. I think with your pregnancy it's important that we know you're healing and have healed before we discuss options for delivery." She explains as gently as she can but there's no gentle about it. It's heart-wrenching to hear that.

"Let's do it." I reply and she nods towards the bathroom door so I can put on a gown.

I change quickly trying not to think about what's about to happen. I'm a woman. I've delivered four babies from three pregnancies. I am thirty-two years old. It's not a big deal. This is the doctor that's given me every Pap, delivered all my babies. I'm safe here.

"I'll be as quick as I can but as gentle as possible." Dr Greene reassures me when I'm back on the gurney with my legs in the stirrups. "Ok deep breath." She says and I close my eyes and inhale.

The second I feel any pressure there it's like my mind is transported. I'm back in that room on my hands and knees with Morton balls deep inside me. The pain is excruciating both physically and mentally.

"No! Stop!" I shout trying to sit up.

"Ana don't move just a second longer." Dr Greene yells with urgency in her voice.

The speculum slips out of me and I bolt upright, the tears come like someone turned on a tap. Dr Greene rips off her gloves and is by my side in seconds.

"It's ok. You're safe here." She mutters as I try to regain my composure.

"I'm ok." I reply swiping angrily at my cheeks.

"I'm sorry Ana maybe we really should have waited."

"Well it's done now." I reply quickly.

"I didn't get a good look." She replies sheepishly and I try not to explode. After all that she didn't even get to do the exam.

"Well maybe next time then." I reply jumping off the gurney and before she can say anymore I'm in the bathroom getting dressed again.

Christian

My eyes meet Taylor's sitting across from me. Ana has been in there alone for a while. I wonder what it is she wanted to talk about without me present. She's never asked me to leave the room before. Ok fair enough I did miss an appointment or two with the others but that was when I was away and Ana swore she didn't mind. They weren't the important appointments, I didn't miss a single one of those.

When the door finally reopens I stand to greet my wife and I'm horrified when she comes out with red eyes and tear-filled cheeks. My heart begins hammering inside my chest but from years of experience, I know not to react here. Ana shakes Dr Greene's hands before turning towards me and she heads in my direction she fixes a smile that looks more like a grimace into her face.

She wraps her arms around me and buries her nose in my chest for a moment and remaining calm I kiss her head and hold her back, allowing her just to have this moment.

"Let's get out of here." She says taking my hand.

We head out to the car but then Ana hesitates before getting in.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I want to walk." She says.

"Well we can't just leave the car here Anastasia and we only have Taylor with us."

"I don't want to go home. I want to walk." She says again while backing away from the car.

"Ana..." I try not to sound annoyed and fail miserably. "Let's go home, get more security and then go for a walk." I suggest trying to at least be reasonable about this.

"I don't want to go home." She replies stressfully. "I need to walk."

"If I may..." Taylor says stepping forward. "Ana why don't we drive to Golden Gardens and you can walk there? Much safer with just me and I can call Sawyer if Mr Grey would prefer and we don't have to leave the car here."

Some quick thinking from the security and a mildly reasonable Ana and were on our way to Golden Gardens. Ana is very quiet, looking out the window so I can't see her face. What the hell happened with Dr Greene that she cried and why won't she talk to me about it? I need to call Flynn at the earliest at opportunity.

The car is barely stopped in the car park and Ana is out the car gasping at air as though she's been starved of it. I say nothing but calmly join her side and wait for her to be ready.

"This way." Taylor says signalling the way to the path and Ana takes my hand and we walk.

Neither of us are dressed to walk. Not really. Ana is in some leggings and a jacket with converse so isn't completely uncomfortable but I left the office for this appointment so I'm in my suit. Ana doesn't care though. Something is going on in that head of hers and something happened with Dr Greene and this is how she's coping with it.

"Sorry." She says when she finally decides to slow down a little.

"You don't need to apologise." I reply softly just trying to be understanding and supportive. "What happened in there?" I ask nervously.

"She needed to do a vaginal exam." She replies quietly. "She said it could be done next time but I thought it was better to get it done and out the way."

"Oh." I reply as if I'm supposed to have any idea what that was like for Ana.

"She didn't finish the exam Christian I completely freaked out and she didn't get to do the checks she needs to do and now she needs to do one at the next appointment and I don't know if I'm going to be able to and right now all I can think about is having a c section so I don't have to worry about birthing this baby." It's verbal diarrhoea. As soon as she started it all just came spilling out uncontrollably.

"Ok, it's ok Ana." I reassure giving her hand a squeeze.

"No Christian. It's not ok. Nothing about this is ok. I've bought four babies into this world, two of them on the bedroom floor with your mother assisting. This pregnancy should have been smooth sailing from conception to birth and I feel cheated. I'm still waiting on the HIV test and taking antivirals praying to god his HIV status hasn't changed from when he was tested in prison. I'm constantly on edge just waiting for the next thing to go wrong. She wanted to check for bruising. Bruising!"

I stop and take her into my arms letting her bury her face into my chest. It gives me a moment to blink back my own tears and to breathe deeply. I hate knowing how much pain she's in emotionally.

"Maybe it's time to get in touch with Tamara..." she rips herself from my arms and starts marching ahead of me again. "Ana she can help!" I call hurrying after her trying to avoid the looks we're getting from other people.

Taylor

Keeping up with the pair of them is a nightmare right now as Ana keeps changing pace. She's now practically running and Christian and I are struggling to keep up.

The boss just isn't learning though. I know that the shrinks told him that Ana would make contact when she was ready to and so I don't know why he's just tried pushing one on her. She needs to grieve and she needs space to do that.

I'm struggling with the mood swings though. The whole house is. Everyone has been at the sharp end of her temper over the last few weeks and we're all walking on eggshells afraid to set her off and it's the most unusual thing often too.

She made Trish cry. That girl is so meek and mild and while she can handle Grey's temper having also been witness too and on the receiving end of that more than once she can't handle Ana's. Ana has always had such a beautiful temperament and it takes a lot to make her angry usually but these last few weeks and the smallest thing can set her off.

"Ana please!" Christian calls still hurrying after her and I'm relieved when she eventually sits down on a bench and takes a moment. I'm getting too old to be running after them.

"I'm sorry." Ana says quietly and she glances at me and Christian. "I just don't need them micromanaging me dealing with this Christian. I'm ok. I really am. That was a big deal and something so out of the ordinary and I didn't expect what happened to happen but I'll be prepared next time and I'll be ready."

I move away because it's taking a lot of strength right now not to point out to Ana that dealing with the out of the ordinary is a part of dealing with life. Life isn't normal. It doesn't have a pattern and unusual things happen more often than not. It isn't my place to tell them how I feel though.

"Listen let's just go home." Ana says eventually when she realises that walking with Christian isn't as therapeutic as she'd like it to be. Maybe I'll quietly suggest she and Luke go for a proper walk later so she can walk it off.