Author's note: Do I need to warn for Blaine being… self-absorbed? Also I searched and searched for something but could find no reference of it. If someone works out what it is (because I've screwed up and got it wrong – please let me know. There is a good chance I have never mentioned it though and it's just doing my head in.)
NOVEMBER
Now that he knows what to look for he sees Dave and Sebastian exchange their silent 'I love you' multiple times a day when they are together. He likes it actually, the fact that it is silent. It doesn't make him feel like so much of a third wheel when they sit and watch movies together. Sure Dave and Sebastian will hold hands, but compared to other couple he knows their public displays of affection are totally manageable. He enjoys seeing them together and knowing he'll be seeing Blaine in just a two short weeks helps.
He takes Sebastian's advice and throws himself into his classes, talking to his teachers and lecturers about his planned time off so if they have any plans of springing surprise assignments they can maybe take pity on him. There are no surprise tests or assignments though, and he continues to do well, positive feedback making him feel good, but not quite good enough to make up for the sometime less-than-constructive criticism he gets thrown at him.
He flies into Chicago, catching the train down to Lima, because he worked it out to be the fastest and cheapest way. He's exhausted when he arrives, it's almost midnight but he knows Blaine is expecting him to call, or text, so as soon as his dad has blearily said goodnight after giving him a tight hug he pulls out his phone and dials. It takes him a while to answer
"Hello?"
"Hi."
"Oh, hi. Kurt, it's really late."
"I – sorry? I just thought you wanted me to phone you when I got home."
"I – did I say that? Maybe. Just… can we talk tomorrow?"
"Sure. Of course."
Blaine hangs up and he stares at the phone in his hand with bewilderment and a little hurt. There was nothing, not an 'it's good to hear your voice' or 'I'm glad you're back' or even a fucking 'goodnight. Sleep well.' He unzips his boots and tosses them toward the wardrobe, and he's going to have a shower to wash off the layer of grime that travelling always gives him. He showers quickly, coming back to his bed to find the screen of his phone lit up with a new message. For a second he thinks it might be Blaine, but instead Dave's name is at the top of the message.
Dude. Text Sebastian. He's pretending he's not worried, but apparently you said you'd let him know when you got home and he's not going to fucking sleep until he knows. DK.
He grins, remembering the throw away promise he'd made earlier that day. He hadn't really thought that Sebastian would remember, considering he'd just waved him out the door telling him to hurry up and leave because he wanted to have loud sex with Dave. He'd laughed and asked how that was different from any other time they had sex and the delighted laugh Sebastian had let out had made him grin as he took the subway to the airport. He quickly fires off a 'I'm home safe and sound' to Sebastian before sending 'Done. :)' to Dave.
Thank you! Now I can get some sleep without him tossing and turning. Have a good visit and see you when you get back. DK
He smiles and pulls on his sleeping pants, slipping into the bed and forcing himself to relax, trying the compartmentalization technique to stop worrying about everything so his mind will switch off. Of course it's interrupted by his phone vibrating again and he reaches for it, planning on putting it in flight mode so he can at least get some uninterrupted sleep.
Good to hear. Now have some loud sex of your own and we'll see you Monday.
He grins because he plans to do exactly that.
FAF
They go out for brunch the next morning, mainly because he doesn't want Dave cooking and distracted in the kitchen. He feels like being the center of his attention for the weekend, and making Dave his center of attention, because they have the apartment totally to themselves and he can totally give in to whatever takes his fancy without having to take Kurt's whereabouts or feelings into account. Not that he minds Kurt now, but he really likes the idea of having Dave's undivided attention.
They don't walk hand-in-hand, some things still just feel too couple-ish for him, but they brush hands, and he gets more than his fair share of pinches to his butt when Dave thinks he's being too harsh with his comments about the people around them. He does entwine his legs with Dave's when they sit opposite each other at the diner, and the times when they go out in mottled groups of friends and he sits beside Dave he always rests his hand on his thigh. Right now though he toes off his shoe and rests his foot in-between Dave's thighs, grinning at Dave's raised eyebrow and muttered 'really Seb? Really?'
He just grins and runs his toes up to his crotch. Despite his verbal admonishment Dave shifts, moving his legs a bit further apart to give his foot better access and he smirks. He's not quite ballsy enough to go down on Dave in a diner with people around; it's definitely not a quiet, locked and private dining room at Dalton that's for sure. He's certain Dave is thinking about it, if the flush to his cheeks is anything to go by.
They order and he just lets his foot rest there, only occasionally moving it as they talk about classes. He likes that they are studying such different areas, although they have managed one of the general papers together. Dave has taken a keen interest in his law papers, which had surprised him for all of a second before he remembered how smart Dave was, and how quickly he'd caught up at Dalton. He's been trying to convince Dave to switch into a pr-law paper for next semester, using the argument that if he ever wanted to be a sports agent rather than a journalist it would be a good foundation. Dave just laughs at him each time he tries.
The food arrives and he settles back to enjoy his breakfast, in the process stretching his leg out and firmly rubbing his foot, keeping his face completely blank. Dave is staring at him, licking his lips and he knows their plans for the day have changed. There's no walking through Central Park, catching a game or a movie… no. They're going home after this. He waves his fork at Dave's plate, already several mouthfuls into his own.
"Aren't you hungry?"
Dave glares at him.
"You are the biggest asshole sometimes you know that?"
He nods and smiles, fellating his fork a little enthusiastically and Dave's eyes narrow. Bingo. Dave starts eating, eyes not leaving his face and he eats with purpose, barely chewing. He takes another leisurely bite of his pancakes, licking syrup of his finger and spreading his toes and pressing over Dave's cock, smirking again when he shifts, clearly uncomfortable.
"If you aren't finished by the time I'm ready to leave then you can starve…"
He shrugs.
"I'm not that hungry anyway."
A total lie, but he's already half-way through his meal, and he can always eat later. His cock is definitely interested right now, despite their mutual hand jobs in the shower over an hour ago. He watches as Dave finishes his plate, pushing it away and just glaring at him before catching the eye of the waitress who looks surprised they're finished already.
"Is everything alright with the food?"
"Yeah, it was great. We just have somewhere else to be. Can I get the check?"
She nods, although she's frowning and looking between them like something is wrong and he smiles. That makes her frown more before turning to go and get the check. He removes his foot and slips his shoe back on with a little wiggling. Dave hasn't stopped glaring at him and he just winks, feeling totally carefree and mischievous. He snaps the check before Dave, handing over bills and a more than generous tip, hopefully making up for their weird behavior, before standing and strategically placing his jacket over his arm so it hangs in front of him as he stands. Dave stands and shuffles, moving to stand behind him, voice quiet;
"Fuck Seb, you're going to have to walk in front of me. Jesus."
"Well, at least you'll have a nice view," he replies, brushing his ass not-so-accidentally over the front of his jeans as he moves past him for the door. He savors Dave's groan as he follows.
FAF
He sees Blaine waiting for him inside the Lima Bean, browsing over the mugs or something and he pushes the doors open, instantly enveloped in warmth and the smell of coffee. He wraps his arms around him from behind, enjoys the feel of Blaine turning in the circle and let's out a happy sigh.
"Hi, I missed you."
"Hi," Blaine replies, hugging him tightly, and he hugs back, going to kiss him but ending up with a cheek instead. What the hell? Blaine is already tugging him over to the corner chairs in the Lima Bean though, telling him he's ordered coffee for them both, also excitedly telling him he's invited the glee club to catch up in half an hour. All right then. He's really not come back to Lima to see anyone but his family and Blaine. Had hoped he could slip in and out of the town like a ghost. No such luck apparently.
"I'm sorry about last night. I was so tired."
"Oh, sure, it's fine," Kurt says, brushing it off, although the fact that he'd been equally exhausted, a week of school , plus the long travelling hours, just to come back to such a lukewarm reception. He holds back a sigh of discontent and smiles at Blaine, glad to see him despite everything. He's just tired.
"Grande nonfat mocha? Medium drip?"
"That's us!" Blaine says, bouncing to his feet and he smiles weakly, realizing that in all their talks he's never mentioned it, a little thing, like how he takes his coffee black now, unless he's feeling miserable and then he gets a sickly-sweet raspberry white-chocolate mocha. With extra cream. He refuses to think about why Sebastian always has so much cream in the fridge. Instead he wonders how many other little things he hasn't mentioned.
FAF
He's exhausted. He hadn't been aware quite how much Sebastian held back when there were other people around. Or potentially around. They've had sex so many times he's lost count, it's like summer was a fucking training camp. Not that he has any complaints, but he'll be glad when Kurt is back because quite frankly his dick is chaffing and needs a recuperation period. After two and a half days Sebastian is finally letting them catch up on class work, insisting on serious study time. He's already ahead on his class readings, it was something he got into the habit of while at Dalton, just to ensure he wouldn't fall behind, he was that determined to graduate. He treats it like a job, has formed a routine that makes him feel comfortably confident that he's back in charge of his life and the direction it is going in. It feels good.
He has a highlighter clasped between his teeth, and he can hear Sebastian typing away down the hall, sitting at his desk while he finishes up typing an essay that is of course due tomorrow. He knows he'll proofread it for him as well, although he might pretend to hold out. He hears the apartment door open and he twists his head over the back of the sofa, looking at Kurt upside down, and even from this position he can tell Kurt is exhausted.
He gets up, abandoning his text book for now and taking Kurt's bag from his hands and heads to Kurt's room, dropping the bag on the trunk at the foot of the bed, knowing Kurt will no doubt want to unpack and do washing.
"Dude you look shattered."
"Yeah, I feel shattered. I think I need another weekend to recover from my weekend."
"That good huh?"
"Oh my god David! Get you mind out of the gutter!"
He laughs at Kurt's pinked-up cheeks and obvious embarrassment, because he hadn't even been implying that at all, he leaves those types of innuendos firmly in Sebastian's domain.
"That's not even what I meant!" He elbows him playfully. "It's your mind that's in the gutter Hummel!"
"Well it only went there because you're covered in beard burn and a few, uh, hickeys, not leaving it up to my imagination in the slightest as to what you two spent the weekend doing."
He shrugs good-naturedly, because there's no use denying it, Kurt lives here, and he's heard some of the comments and conversations Sebastian has thrown around and a little beard burn is seriously the least of their worries when it comes to evidence or clean up.
"Well I expect you to have a few marks of your own. But uh… I really don't need to know about them actually. You want a coffee?"
It eases the potential for awkwardness as Kurt nods, hanging his jacket up and switching the light off in his room before closing the door, as if he doesn't want to think about anything right now and can just close it away.
"I shouldn't drink coffee right now, but maybe a hot chocolate?"
"Yeah sure, go sit and rest for a bit. I'll just go see if Seb wants anything."
Kurt nods and he can almost feel how exhausted he is before he heads down to Seb's room, plucking an ear bud out to get his attention.
"Mmm? Oh… is it time for a study break?"
"You have a one track mind," he replies with a smile and brush of lips. "Kurt's home, he looks… tired. You want a hot drink? Coffee?"
"Yeah, that would be great thanks. Just let me finish off this bit here and I'll come out."
"Sure."
He brushes his lips again, squeezes fingers and then heads back out to the kitchen, spying Kurt sitting on the sofa in the same place where he'd just been, head thrown back but eyes closed, one hand rubbing his forehead and he wonders if Kurt has a headache. He'd expected Kurt to come back feeling buoyed up, sad to leave Blaine, but happier having seen him, but Kurt just seems preoccupied.
FAF
Days later he realizes Dave had been right, when whispering quiet worried words to him in bed late at night on Monday. Kurt is definitely down, and he kind of hates the fact that he even cares. He hasn't grabbed Kurt's phone to have a look through the history or anything, but he's pretty sure that the communication between Kurt and Blaine has decreased to a trickle.
"Everything okay?"
Kurt just shrugs and then lets out a long sigh and he wonders if it would be rude to go and get himself a cup of coffee in preparation for the no-doubt long talk he's about to have. Huh. Wouldn't be rude if he offers to make one for Kurt as well. He accepts the offer and he heads into the kitchen, setting about making coffee, the only thing in the kitchen he feels confident using, and makes them both coffees.
"So – boy trouble?"
Kurt pulls a face, nose scrunching up and he smiles a little.
"I just… I feel like we're drifting apart and there's nothing I can do about it."
"Long distance is hard. Or so I'm told."
"It is. And… maybe it's because we're at different stages? He's all excited about glee club and vacation and… there's only a year between us but it feels like more sometimes you know?"
"Yeah. I know. Makes sense though. You're here experiencing all these new things, meeting all these new people and he's just got… school. I suppose he has to make it as exciting and as interesting as possible?"
"But he doesn't even seem interested in what I'm doing."
That's a problem.
"Oh."
"Yeah. I just feel like he's only interested in one facet of me, of me as his boyfriend, not me as a person and it just…"
"Makes you feel like shit."
"I… wouldn't put it quite like that, but yes, I suppose so."
"You need to talk to him. Fuck. I can't believe I'm saying that." He scrubs his hands over his face. "He's making you feel like you aren't important enough to him to care about other things in your life. I mean… even though he doesn't care Dave still listens to me complain about the casting in a musical."
"Yes well, you're lucky. Dave is one of a kind."
He stops midway in the act of putting his coffee cup back on the table, because there's almost a tone of wistfulness to Kurt's voice. He knows Dave has a thing for Kurt, but the fact that there's the potential of it being reciprocated… Jesus fuck. He realizes suddenly that his hand is shaking and he puts the cup on the small table, quickly folding his arms and leaning back so Kurt doesn't see.
"Yeah, he is," Sebastian says, and he can hear the sharpness in his voice and it reminds him of the time he reamed Kurt out for not appreciating Dave. Fuck, he's only got himself to blame. Kurt lets out another long sigh and gives him a watery smile.
"You guys make an awesome couple. I… think that may be part of it as well, seeing you guys and then looking at my own relationship. Self-reflection and all that."
"Okay," that makes him relax a bit for some reason, knowing Kurt wouldn't go and make a move on Dave. "Well… you've got to do what makes you happy. And you haven't been very happy lately."
"I know. God I don't want to do this."
He swallows, because he knows Kurt is talking about breaking up with Blaine. That isn't surprising, because even though he wouldn't consider himself an expert on relationships he's pretty sure he's seen this coming for a while. It's just a matter of time now, distance has to be relationship killer for most couples, and as much as he doesn't want it to be in this case he also wants Kurt to be himself again.
"I'll have to wait until Christmas, when I can talk to him in person."
"Yeah. Okay. Just… don't let it slide. You're worth more than that."
He pulls a face at the words, because seriously, this feels all weird and wrong, like the heart-to-heart conversations he's used to having with Dave. Except he and Kurt aren't going to have fast and furious sex afterwards to balance out the embarrassment factor.
"Wow, Sebastian, it sounds like you really care."
"Don't worry, it's just an illusion. It'll fade before the sun comes up."
Kurt reaches over with his foot, poking his leg while rolling his eyes and calling him an asshole. He feels a little like the world has righted itself.
FAF
He only spends two nights a week in his dorm room, a fact which his roommate loves. They get on pretty well, although him not being there very often probably helps. Monday and Thursday night he has late classes, so he uses those as reasons for staying on campus, although he likes the nights he spends in Seb's bed, his mouth whispering against his skin about when Dave will live there permanently. He likes that Seb is still really interested in him moving in.
They all organize trips home for Christmas, finding a flight together, going with Kurt's suggestion of flying to Chicago but Sebastian's insistence of hiring a car. Kurt and him both have their cars back in Lima, and while they haven't ever used it he knows there's a car, probably a really expensive one, sitting in the small garage belonging to the apartment building. None of them seem keen on the idea of driving in New York though, more than content to catch the subway to wherever they need to go.
Thanksgiving is all planned out, which is kind of scary. They're all staying in the city, Kurt because he has his big-deal recital, but his dad and Sebastian's parents are coming to stay. It's another big-deal. A massive deal. Their parents haven't really spent much time together, more the 'oh yes, our children are dating' polite-smile exchanged in passing. And now they're spending four days together. In the same apartment. He's not ashamed to admit he's terrified, because the number of things that could go wrong just seem endless, his overactive imagination providing scenario after scenario of how badly it's going to go.
It isn't fair that Seb thinks he's being ridiculous. Kurt isn't much better, simply saying that all their parents want is for them to be happy. And do well in school. Then he'd reached out and pulled his hair, one of his tightly furled curls, because he hasn't had time to get a haircut, and told him to get a haircut. That had made Seb snort, muttering about getting a real job. Kurt had then grinned, a rare sight recently and said 'clean your act up and dont be a slob', which he'd opened his mouth to take offence to, because Seb is way worse than him.
However Seb spoke first with 'get it together like your big brother Bob' and that's when he realized they were reciting song lyrics. He'd gotten off the couch, muttering about them both being insane, although he'd recognized the song by then. He'd walked away to the sound of them both singing out the last line of 'get a haircut and get a real job' and then them laughing, and as insane as he sometimes thinks they are he likes the sound of them laughing together.
FAF
They're walking in Central Park, jackets pulled tight, scarves around their necks and hands wrapped around hot cups of soup when he hears Dave huff a sigh and he turns his head.
"What?"
"You just totally gave that guy a once over."
"I –" he looks around, and yeah, sure enough there is a guy, a hot guy, walking away in the opposite direction, and he knows what Dave said must be true cause the guy turns his head to look at him and wink suggestively. "I'm sorry. I didn't… realize."
Dave just shakes his head and bumps his shoulder, continuing to walk. It niggles in the back of his mind though, because he knows how insecure Dave can be, and he doesn't want something as stupid as him subconsciously looking at another guy to derail what they have.
"I… do I do that a lot?" Dave shrugs noncommittally so he takes that as a definite yes.
Shit.
"I really didn't notice… I'm sorry. Do you mind that I look?"
Dave shrugs again and he winces, because of course he fucking minds.
"No. It's fine. I don't mind…"
"Liar…" He stops their walking, looping his free arm around Dave's waist. "I really am sorry. Habit I guess. I'll try to stop okay?"
"No, I don't want you changing Seb. I just need to… learn to deal with it."
"No. You shouldn't have to. I can't promise I won't look, because you know I don't make promises I can't keep, but Dave, while I might look, I'd never touch, not when I have you…"
The slow sweet smile that Dave gives him makes him smile in return and he kisses him, not caring that they're in Central Park, that it is chilly-cold and Dave tastes of pumpkin soup flavored strongly with chili.
"I love you. And I… just needed to hear that I think. I really don't mind that you look okay, just point out any really cute ones."
"I love you too," he replies, grinning wider, because if reassurance is what Dave needs, then reassurance is what he can do. He kisses him again, wanting to wrap his hands around him but is thwarted by thick bulky winter jackets and hands holding cups of soup. Dave laughs at him, because his face must clearly show how disgruntled he's feeling at not being able to touch skin. "You laugh now… come on, let's go home."
Dave agrees with a little half-smile and he's sure Dave is actually trying to smirk, except he's really too sweet to pull it off. They get back to the apartment eventually and Kurt is curled up on the couch, wearing sweat pants and a wife-beater, like he's just been dancing or something. His bare feet curled beneath him and reading a magazine, ear buds in but Kurt's humming along to the music and he's pretty sure it's something for class. He looks up at them and raises a hand in greeting before going back to humming and drumming his fingers on his thighs. It's the most relaxed he's seen Kurt… ever. It looks good on him actually. Huh.
He looks to Dave and jealousy twists inside him at the way Dave's looking at Kurt, soft-fondness all over his face and what he's pretty sure is arousal, although to be fair he'd been palming Dave's cock through his jeans in the elevator, so that might be because of him. He lets out a quiet breath, telling himself he has nothing to worry about and that being paranoid and needy is the last thing he needs to be.
He tugs Dave's hand, smiling and jerking his head in the direction of his bedroom. Dave flushes and yeah, that makes him relax all over. He glances toward Kurt quickly and sees the hand waving, dismissing them and he grins. It's nice to not have to speak and still have conversations.
FAF
He's a complete mess, but he always is before a big performance, and at least he has Dave and Sebastian out there, along with Sebastian's parents and Dave's father. It's a shame his dad can't make it, but with Sebastian's parents and Dave's dad staying his dad and Carole would have to pay for accommodation in New York during one of the busiest holiday periods of the year. Plus he has to get used to the idea that he will one day perform in front of complete strangers with no friendly faces cheering him on. The only thing that has seemed to have even the slightest calming effect today had been Sebastian giving him a firm shoulder squeeze and a muttered 'you got this'. There's a combination of talents on show tonight; short scenes from much longer plays, solos, instrumentals, dance and song pieces the entire group of freshman's have been working on. He'll be on stage on three separate occasions and he just has to remember to bend his knees and not faint. He can do this.
Of course he pulls it off flawlessly and he feels more than a little accomplished when he meets up with Dave and Sebastian at the completion of the show, and he knows his grin is splitting his face in half.
"That was awesome," Dave says, and he actually seems to have enjoyed it.
"Mmm, he didn't fall asleep once. High praise indeed," Seb teases, but he can tell that they're both happy for him. "So are you going on a drinking-spree with your fellow thespians or?"
"Oh no, all their families are here pretty much, so they're all either going with them or being dragged home. A big party is planned for next week though," he shrugs, because he doesn't really drink like some of the others do, the most he's ever had at any of the gatherings is a glass of wine. Bad wine actually, now that he thinks about the stuff Sebastian pulls out for them to drink occasionally. He accepts the compliments from the parents, and at least they aren't obligated to say nice things to him out of parental-bias.
They make their way back to the apartment, Sebastian's father having organized a freaking driving service for them while in New York, which completely blows his mind, although with six of them it kind of makes sense, but when he'd suggested to Sebastian that they could all just take the subway he'd been laughed at for a solid five minutes before Sebastian had managed to calm down enough to say 'my parents don't catch the subway.'
The next day feels like a weird family holiday, with Sebastian's mother having ordered catered food and the six of them make a mottled group. He gets what Sebastian means now, but a part of him feels Mr and Mrs Smythe could do with a subway ride or too, just to loosen them up, although Annelise does seem very easy going, although he supposes anyone seems easy going in comparison to her husband. They sit down to lunch the next day and he feels a little sad that his dad, Carol and Finn aren't here, but this is still a vast improvement on the idea of being completely alone.
Conversation is stilted to start with, but Sebastian seriously has a silver tongue, soon getting everyone talking comfortably, and while he can't partake in the conversation about the football they're planning on watching, he can talk to Annelise about the current winter collection. Although she quickly turns the conversation into how he is coping having Sebastian as a roommate and he smiles, holding back outright laughter.
"We've settled in well I think. Though his cleaning techniques leave a little to be desired."
"I can clean!" Sebastian interjects, obviously having been listening in the entire time.
"Sebastian, spraying the cleaner in the general direction of the toilet doesn't count as cleaning."
Annelise smiles while the others laugh and Kurt pulls an apologetic face, not really having wanted to make fun of Sebastian like that, in front of his parents. He mouths sorry, feeling seriously contrite, although less so when Sebastian rolls his eyes in response before kicking him lightly under the table, mouthing back it's fine.
FAF
He's missed this, quietly drinking with his mom. Dave and his dad have gone out together to do something touristy, Kurt's studying in his room and his dad is working on his laptop at the dining table. It feels all quietly content, the stress of the actual holiday yesterday over and his mother and Kurt shopped out. He was just grateful that Kurt had willingly gone with her, because it had meant he'd been freed from the responsibility, because he doesn't care how good the sales might be, he hates shopping unless he's in the mood.
"Kurt is nice. He is the one that you used to say was a necessary evil hmm?"
"You know he is mom, you knew that when we decided we'd room together to teach me some misguided notion of responsibility. Remember?"
"Oh, I remember. I just didn't think you did. I think it's working out quite well. I like him."
"Of course you do. He went shopping with you. And I have to admit he's not evil. He's pretty cool actually."
"And how about Blaine? How is he doing?"
"I… actually I don't know. I haven't spoken to him since I was in Lima."
Huh. That's weird, he hadn't even thought of him, or heard from him, and wow, it feels kind of strange to realize that someone he considered a friend has so easily slipped from his mind, he only really exists as Kurt's boyfriend, where it used to be the opposite.
"I thought you said he was a friend?"
"Uh. Yeah. I guess I'm friends more with Kurt than with him now."
It feels even weirder to say out loud, although he knows it's true. He lives with Kurt, he can't help that he got to know him, actually started talking to him and finding all the things they have in common, the least not being Dave himself. While Dave is his boyfriend, he supposes Kurt is his closest friend after Dave now. He finds he isn't as surprised by that as he would have been a few months ago.
FAF
"I miss you."
"Mmm," Blaine murmurs and Kurt frowns, thinking back to their last few conversations, both over the phone, Skype and in person. Blaine hasn't actually said he misses him in weeks, not even when he was in Lima... He tries to think back to the last time he said it and he's pretty sure it was a month ago now. Does Blaine not miss him? Surely he does, he just doesn't need to say it. He chews his lip nervously, uncertainty and insecurity churning in his gut.
God he wants a glass of wine.