Christian

I watch Ana as she puts her makeup on at her dressing table. She looks incredible but I don't know if she's ready for this day.

She's insisting on going back to work today and has ignored my pleas to introduce herself back slowly. Of course my concern is, I know now that she's getting flashbacks and panic attacks and suffering with hyper vigilance but she is still in denial about those symptoms.

I fear she will go back, these symptoms of PTSD will come to the fore and then she'll be off again and beating herself up about it. At least if she was easing herself in it would be easy for her to pull back if she realises the symptoms were bad.

Plus the mood swings. I actually feel sorry for her employees because they can be atrocious at times and at least I can rationalise with her temper and understand that it's because of trauma. Her employees won't.

"You know you can sit there staring all day Christian but I am still going to work today."

She spins around in her chair to look at me.

"I'll be ok." She reassures softly and I sigh. I wish she knew that to be true but she doesn't.

Slowly she comes from her chair and climbs into my lap like a cat. The way she has done a million time's before when she feels I need her comfort. I cling to her and bury my nose in her hair. I wish she would stay right here with me forever.

"I know you're worried." She says gently. "I do understand but I need this baby. I need to keep striving for normality."

"I know." I whisper weakly as I can't argue against her as all it will do is cause her to lose her temper and the day will start off really bad. "Come on let's go and have some breakfast." I say making it clear that I have no further intention of trying to talk her out of this.

We join the kids and Gail in the dining room and Patricia brings through some eggs and bacon for us both and a coffee for me and tea for Ana. The kids are nice and loud this morning. Unsurprising for a Monday morning.

"Mommy when will me and Mia go to school?" Amaya asks as Ana dips her teabag into her hot water.

"After Santa has been." She replies nervously. I can definitely tell that letting her babies go to school is something she's not yet ready to face.

"When is that?" Amelia asks and Ana smiles softly.

"Well first we're going to have our Halloween party..." I flinch at this. We hadn't had the conversation about the annual Grey Halloween party yet but I guess Ana is making it very clear that it will be going ahead as usual. Damn it hope we'd skip it this year. The kids invite all their friends over for a Halloween party and Ana, Mom, Kate and Mia decorate this place from top to tail with cheap and tacky Halloween decorations. The kids love it though and it does mean they don't go trick or treating which is the only reason we started the tradition in the first place.

"Then we have Thanksgiving at Grandma and Grandpa Grey's." Ana continues and again she's confirming that as always we will join my parents for thanksgiving. As our family has grown the thanksgiving dinner my Mom does has had to also. She hires caterers and we have our meal and games in a marquee in the garden like the coping together gala.

"And then it will be nearly time for Santa." Ana explains and I smile, she's an amazing mother and always takes time to answer the children in a way which she thinks they may understand her the best. I love listening to her talk with our younger children, when language is limited and expression is vital.

"That feels a long way away." Amelia says grumpily.

"It will fly by I promise." Ana says and both Amaya and Amelia seem satisfied with this answer and return to their eggs.

"Daddy have you chosen your Halloween costume yet?" Phoebe asks inviting me to join the conversation around the table.

"It's a bit early for that Pheebs." I reply but the truth is; little does Phoebe know I never choose my costume. Ana just lays it out for me and I wear it and let her and Mia do my makeup. I do it for the kids because Ana blackmailed me with no sex the first year after Teddy had started school.

"Might be an idea for you both to start thinking what you'd like to be because if I have to get something made I'm going to need time." Ana says and I feel a little sad for her. She's always had the best costumes for the kids since they were little, some crazy creative ones, one year Phoebe was the crazy braces kid from Finding Nemo and Teddy has been a scarecrow and peter pan's shadow. I think she misses choosing their costumes for them and now has to give them the choice. Thankfully she will still choose the twins and she's got our fifth baby to think about for next year.

"I would like to be the snow queen from the lion the witch and the wardrobe." Phoebe says and Ana beams at her. I know Ana loves it when she gets the opportunity to get elaborate costumes made and the snow queen would definitley be elaborate. "I'll need a crown and a white fur coat."

"I'll see what I can do." Ana says and I know that Phoebe's costume will be ordered by the end of the day.

Teddy announces he hasn't yet decided what he wants to be but will have a think just as Ana and I realise the morning is running away from us. It's nice, to have these normal family moments after everything we've been through. I mean, I could sit here all day chatting because it's the normality we've been missing.

Normality. Now I understand a little why Ana is so desperate to get back to work. We appreciate the little things more because of the life-changing event we've been through.

Anastasia

"Behave." I tell Phoebe and Teddy as we stand outside the car at the school.

"Yes Mom." They chorus before taking it in turns to give me a kiss before hurrying off to class with their security feet behind them. I smile as they go, happy that things really are back to normal now. This morning, talking at breakfast. It feels like it's been forever since we've had a normal breakfast conversation like that.

"Right the office Luke." I smile getting into the passenger seat as I always do after the kids have been dropped off.

Ten minutes later we pull up to my parking space for Grey Publishing and head inside. It's eerily quiet which puts Luke on edge and I see him thumbing his weapon.

We take the elevator up to my office floor and I step out to a loud of cheers.

"Welcome back!" Everyone calls making me laugh. There's a poster and some balloons and all the staff have gathered outside my office to greet me on my first day back.

"Thank you everyone so much." I say with a smile on my face though I really wish they hadn't done this. "I just want to take this opportunity with you all gathered here to thank you all for your support and of course your loyalty I know you've had press snooping around asking some uncomfortable questions and I really am grateful to you all for sticking by me and my family. Thank you also for keeping everything going without me. I'm really happy and grateful. I'm just ready to get back to work so if it's ok with you all..." everyone thankfully immediately starts peeling away letting me skulk off into my office followed quickly by Tanya who is my assistant.

"Ok so you have a meeting at ten with all the senior editors then at eleven-thirty you have a conference call with Jamie Simon to discuss the New York contracts and then at two pm you have a meeting with the head of finance." Tanya says looking at her iPad rather than at me but that's not unusual. This is what she's like, efficient and on the ball.

"Anything else?" I ask.

"Your husband called and told me to make sure you had lunch but no other messages." She says meeting my eye for a moment. I do like Tanya. She's young yes and has only been with me a year but I bring them in to build them up and move them on. I want these girls to have careers and not just a job as an assistant. Most make it to our editing team or to work in one of our other departments with their eyes on senior positions. Tanya has an English lit degree like me and she stood out on the page when I read her CV, she is so much like me when I graduated that I felt she needed a chance.

"Could you order for me a BLT with Avocado and strawberry milkshake." I tell her and she nods, it keeps Christian off my assistant's back if I ensure they're can tell him exactly what I'm having for lunch.

"Would you like some tea?" She asks as the phone rings and I nod before picking the phone up. It's good to be back.