Author's note: It's taking me a while to update everything. However I come bearing a 10K chapter. Is that apology enough?
DECEMBER
"Sebastian… are you giving my forearm a hand job?"
Dave's voice sounds sleepy and amused, and he grins in the dim morning light of the room, continuing to run his palm back and forth over the hair on Dave's forearm. It's kind of relaxing, soothing, and apparently feels like a hand job. He shifts and presses his bare chest against the broad expanse of Dave's back, sucking lightly on the juncture of shoulder and neck before pulling back.
"I wasn't, but do you want me to?"
"You're good, but I don't think you're that good…"
"You don't think I could make you come from just touching you all over except your cock?"
"Oh… mmm, no, you could definitely do that. I was thinking about you making my forearm come, which isn't actually possible. God. Ignore me, I'm still half asleep."
"Mmm, and adorable with it," Sebastian murmurs, his heart feeling large and tight in his chest with unvoiced emotion.
He hadn't been stroking Dave's arm with sex in mind, but of course now that he's mentioned it his cock is definitely interested. He moves slowly but with purpose, feeling still half asleep and he enjoys this feeling, soft and slow, before their bodies are fully up with the game play and demand they get a move on. He's never enjoyed this part of sex more, although he admits to himself that he's never allowed himself to relax enough when someone has slept over, which hadn't been often.
He lets his lips leave a trail of tiny kisses over Dave's back and shoulders, his hand continuing to stroke Dave's arm, although he notes with a smile that Dave has moved his other hand to touch himself, he can feel the gentle rocking motion of his body against his.
"What do you want?"
"You…"
He snorts, because Dave nearly always answers with that unless he really pushes him, sometimes unwilling to voice what he wants exactly. It's tempered by times when Dave is demanding and clearly voices what he wants, and he knows logically that what Dave really means is that he doesn't care what they do, that he's happy with anything. He doesn't want to get out of the bed, which is total laziness on his part, but they used the last condom last night, and while he's pretty sure he can convince Dave to go to the bathroom and get a fresh box he doesn't really want himleaving the bed either. They didn't run out of lube.
"I want to try something different…"
He's not had intercrural sex for over a year, longer probably now that he thinks about it, and one of the beauties of being with Dave is knowing he's never tried it at all. He has no idea whether Dave will like it or not, but there's only one way to find out and there's nothing they've done so far which Dave hasn't liked, so he feels pretty confident. The pace feels languid, relaxed, and he takes his time running his hands over every part of Dave's body he can reach, placing tiny kisses over the shoulders.
"Okay."
He hadn't even realized Dave hadn't answered the question, had been keeping quiet and he frowns at himself, mentally chastising himself for not being more attentive. He doesn't want to become complacent with Dave just because they're committed and monogamous. He has to hold back a little hysterical snort of laughter at the thought of what a younger version of himself might think of that. He just knows his younger self was an idiot.
"Push your knees together, and your thighs, press them together as tight as you can."
"Okay?" Dave replies, and he can hear the question half-formed in his tone, but he follows his instructions anyway, and he runs his fingers down Dave's back encouragingly. He wants him to feel good, knows that he has the power to Dave feel amazing and he likes that. Probably a little too much, but he can't find it in himself to care.
He moves, straddling Dave's calves and rubbing his cock over the swell of his ass cheeks before leaning forward and reaching for Dave's cock with his hand, gripping with the exact right amount of pressure which has come from lots of lots of practice. He feels Dave's body move, thrusting into his fist and he pumps his fist at a medium pace, feeling Dave harden even further and jerk in his hand. He's grinning as he pulls away, whispering words to Dave to tell him to touch himself as he reaches for the lube.
He doesn't want to use too much of it, there's no danger of tearing the skin here, and he enjoys the harder pull of friction on his cock that this position can bring, and Dave has a fine sprinkling of hair between his thighs, which he's starting to imagine rubbing against the sensitive skin of his cock and he's pretty sure he's developed a slight kink for body hair. Dave's body hair anyway, because he still sees carpets on some men and can't help but pull a face. Sue him, he's picky, although he has to admit he does give some of them a second glance now, but only if they have a passing resemblance to Dave.
He slicks up one finger, and he knows it's going to feel cold but that doesn't stop him spreading a thin layer over his cock. Warmed slightly now he presses his finger between Dave's thighs and it's tight. Not as tight as his ass obviously, but Dave has strong leg muscles, and physically he's the biggest guy Sebastian's ever been with and he realizes it's going to feel different than it has before for him.
"Seb? What uh… what are you doing?"
"It's called intercrural sex. Ring any bells?"
"Yeah… yeah." Dave's voice is quiet, his body pushing back and then it stills. "This is because you're too lazy to get the condoms from the bathroom isn't it."
He opens his mouth to object but shuts it again, because Dave is right, and fucking hell how does he know him so well?
"I love you…"
He's said it aloud a handful of times, maybe a little more, and it seems to be more and more true each time he says it, which is at complete odds of how he previously felt about the sentiment but he goes with it.
"I love you too you complete lazy ass."
"Hey, I'm about to do all the work here!"
"Get on with it then…"
He's grinning when he presses his cock into the tight cleft made by Dave's thighs and his eyes shutter closed for a brief second, because it is tighter than the other times he's done this, and he can feel the very faint tickle of hair, although it's negligible. Dave's body feels warmer than his normally, and this is no different, and he's pretty sure Dave's clenching his thighs muscles intentionally and he has no fucking problem with that at all.
He pushes forward and the friction is a perfect drag of flesh and he lets out a quiet groan, fingers digging into Dave's hips to give him some guidance and leverage, although he doesn't really need it. He pulls back and pushes forward again, rocking and pressing, feeling the head of his cock push against the back of Dave's balls and yeah, that's another reason why he likes this so much.
Dave is touching himself, and he wishes he could see, because watching Dave jerk himself off, the pleasure he takes in it, is a beautiful thing to witness. Instead he has to make do, not that it's a hardship, Dave's body stretched out, pressing back against him as he pushes forward and he goes slowly until they find a rhythm that works for them. It's not a position that incites kissing, but he mouths the skin of Dave's back and shoulders when he can, although he's enjoying the drag and pull being focused solely on his cock, feeling a little selfish, but he's more than prepared to blow Dave after he's come.
That thought, accompanied by the idea of Dave sucking his come covered fingers tip him over the edge and he comes first. He can hear Dave swearing under his breath, body shaking before he stops his hand on his cock to run his fingers over his balls, through Sebastian's come before his hand moving faster on his cock and Sebastian rocks, still firm between Dave's thighs and his heart is pounding loudly in his ears, the thought that enjoying the sight before him. He can tell Dave is close and he leans down, pressing his back against Dave's and puts his mouth as close to his ear as he can.
"You can do this to me next time, push your big cock between my legs, hold my ass in your hands, fuck me like this without having to worry about hurting me, or being too rough…"
"Oh fuck," Dave manages to bite out and he feels his body shake a little more as he comes. He reaches around; placing his hand gently over Dave's and moves with him, pulling the last vestiges of his orgasm from him, enjoying the start of the afterglow.
"Yeah…" he shivers as he pulls back, his cock over sensitive now that he's come, the skin hot and prickly from all the friction and it feels fantastic. He's experiencing tiny little aftershocks, his body shuddering from the high and he lets his body slump to the side, resting his head on his hand to watch as Dave rolls in the other direction so they're facing each other, the sticky-wet sheets between them and as much as he kind of feels like a kiss he's not moving right now. He smiles softly and there's still not a lot of light in the room this early.
"That was… hotter than I thought it would be," Dave says, and he reaches with his foot and kicks him gently.
"Anything with me is hot."
"Mmm," Dave hums in what he assumes is agreement, and he's pretty sure Dave is smiling, which is definitely agreement. "My god that is one massive wet patch."
He snorts in amusement and rolls onto his back, knowing he's going to have to get up soon.
"Good thing it's laundry day huh?"
"Fuck off, I am not doing your washing again."
"I wasn't asking you to. But at least now they're actually worth washing…"
He can't help smiling at Dave's little huff of laughter. Life is good.
FAF
He's not a fan of flying, would have quite happily taken the bus for the entire trip back to Lima, except both Kurt and Sebastian had refused point blankly to even consider it. He's helpless in the face of their combined forces, and he knows he probably always will be and they both know it. Damn them. Sebastian kisses the back of his hand as the plane takes off, licking and sucking his middle knuckle suggestively. He rolls his eyes and elbows him slightly, because now is not the time or place. He freezes, suddenly wondering if Seb wants to join the mile high club. He dismisses that, because he suspects Sebastian is already a member and if he shows any sort of interest Sebastian will sign, seal and deliver on his membership before he can unbuckle his seatbelt.
Instead he sits still and forces himself to relax. He's not comfortable, stuck between Kurt and Sebastian like this, although they reassure him as soon as they're airborne they can put the armrests up. All of them have long legs and he's just glad that Kurt insisted they were early enough to request the emergency exit. Not only has he learnt that they place able bodied people in these seats to aid others, but it gives them all room to stretch their legs, which is a godsend right now.
Kurt has packed them food, as if the journey home is going to take them several days as opposed to several hours, homemade muffins and cookies, fruit and granola bars, all packaged up like school lunches and a part of him feels like poking fun, but the other part is grateful, because getting up at four in order to make the crosstown trek to the airport to meet the check in time means he hasn't eaten breakfast, although they'd all sat and drunk coffee bleary-eyed in the passenger waiting lounge. He eats it and accepts Seb's muffin which he insists he doesn't want. Kurt tells him there's more food for the train journey and at least now he's solved the mystery of why Kurt needed such a large carryon piece.
Kurt falls asleep on him about twenty minutes later, head resting on his shoulder and he's torn between quietly hissing at Sebastian to 'put away your fucking phone now' and trying to not wake Kurt, because he knows he needs the rest. They all need the rest actually, the semester has been exhausting and he wants to go back to his high school self and tell him to never complain about the amount of homework he has. He can't believe he's paying for the stress he's experienced in the last few months, and he's just glad he has had both Seb and Kurt there to help him through it all.
He's anxious about this trip home. His mom has asked him to come and visit, and it's the first time she's actively asked to spend time with him. He'd asked if Sebastian was invited and the uncomfortable silence had been all the answer he'd needed. He's still going though, because it's his mom, and she's reached out and he needs to know if anything has changed. He can understand her not being able to cope with him having a boyfriend yet, when it seems to have taken this long to get her head around him being gay.
It's another thing he's grateful to Kurt and Sebastian for. It's not something he even thinks about now, it's just a part of who he is, something that is easier to accept when there are people like Kurt and Seb around that don't give a fuck about what anyone around them think. It helps that no one in New York really looks at him sideways when he walks down the street on the rare occasion that he and Seb hold hands. His roommate doesn't care, and the times when he has heard homophobic comments they've been general, not aimed at him. He's kept quiet, not quite ready to jump to the defense of his sexuality, but it does act as a reminder that he isn't normal. But then he doesn't give a fuck anymore because he doesn't want to be normal if he can't have Seb in his life.
He must fall asleep as well, although doesn't remember it, but when he grabs Seb's phone later he notices that the background photo has been changed to one of Kurt sleeping on him, and it's actually kind of adorable.
FAF
It's weird being back. Well. No. It's not, because he was home not that long ago, but what is really different is that Blaine is… attentive. Demonstrative. Affectionate. Everything that he'd been thinking had been a problem seems to just evaporate, except it doesn't leave his memory. It's like he never left Lima, and maybe it's because he's back here for longer that just a couple of days and Blaine feels more… Actually he has no idea apart from the fact that it makes him feel weird.
They go out to dinner the first night he's back, although he's exhausted from the trip and fairly certain he's going to fall asleep in his bowl of soup Blaine is all excited energy about seeing him and spending time with him, so he forces himself to mimic the actions, and he starts to feel a little more enthusiastic. He knows Dave and Seb have gone to their respective homes to rest, their parents, well Dave's dad and Sebastian's parents, picking them up from the train station. Annelise had given him a hug and patted his face and Paul had shaken his hand, telling him it was good to see him again and his dad had just looked a little poleaxed, probably realizing that he really does have a life outside of Lima now.
Blaine seems to have ignored all of the exchanges on the platform, his hands clamping onto his arm and not leaving until they were back at his dad's, and it feels weird thinking of it as home, because even just a few short months in New York has made him feel more at home than Lima ever has. He only got to wave goodbye to Sebastian and Dave but he knows he'll see them again soon, and that missing them when he's only been away from them a couple of hours is also weird. He just puts it down to a general feeling of unsettledness.
When he and Blaine have sex he doesn't have the energy to put much effort into, wishing he could just say he doesn't feel like it without it hurting Blaine's feelings. He really just wants to sleep, to be held in someone's arms, relax and not think about anything for a while. Instead he finds himself with Blaine snuggling into him, his arm rested loosely around his waist and for the first time ever wishing he could be the one being held.
FAF
The four of them have lunch together on Christmas Eve, organized by Blaine and for once when Dave grumbles under his breath about not liking him he kind of has to agree. He'd seen him a couple of days ago on the platform and he'd just seemed so young. Theoretically he knows being young isn't a negative thing, but he just feels like he's moved on so much from high school already. He wonders briefly how Kurt feels about the whole thing, and the poor guy looks even more exhausted then when he last saw him, if that's even possible considering that they're meant to be on holiday.
As he watches them he can tell Blaine is happy that Kurt is back, to see Kurt again, but it's almost in a showing him off; in a 'this is my college boyfriend' type way, to somehow make himself look better and he's not sure he ever noticed that Blaine was a little self-centered and narcissistic before. Which is saying a lot, because he considers himself fairly self-centered and narcissistic. He leans into Dave's side, feels his arm slip around his waist and he grins.
"You're a good influence on me you know that?"
"Mmm, why do you say that?"
"Oh… several things."
He's spent the last two nights at home with his expanding list of visiting family members which has made him appreciate Dave all the more. Kurt as well, because they're quietly unassuming and so much easier to live with than any of his family, and there's an end it sight which in theory should lessen the family drama. It doesn't. Tonight he's staying with Dave at Dave's dad's place, although Dave is going to his mom's for dinner. He knows it's been playing on Dave's mind and he just hopes it doesn't completely fuck him over. It's the only reason his parents are letting him spend the night here rather than at home, the fact that Dave might need him. He really likes his parents at times like this, and Paul for letting him stay.
He watches as Blaine runs his fingers over the knuckles in Kurt's hand and frowns at the tightness around Kurt's mouth. He doesn't look happy or relaxed, and he wonders if Kurt has spoken to Blaine yet about what they discussed a couple of weeks ago, because it definitely doesn't look like he has. There's something a little familiar in how he feels when looking at Kurt and Blaine, but he's not sure what it is exactly. He dismisses it for the time being, if it's important it'll come to something and he'll figure it out.
FAF
He hadn't even thought twice about inviting Sebastian home for dinner. Dave is no doubt having an awkward meal with his mom and that side of his family, and Sebastian is meant to be staying with him tonight. He'd never really thought Paul Karofsky would be that open minded about letting Dave have his boyfriend stay over, but he guesses they're all meant to be adults now. Even his own dad has said Blaine is allowed to stay over while he's back visiting. Which is several levels of weird and not something he's felt like sharing with Blaine. He feels like he needs his own space, which is not something he's ever felt before with regards to Blaine, but he supposes he's just getting used to living away from him.
Sebastian arrives, hanging his jacket up without him even having to tell him to, although Sebastian does roll his eyes at him, making him laugh. He apologizes to Carol for being late, quietly adding to Kurt as an aside that he stayed parked outside Dave's mom's place for almost half an hour after dropping him off, not wanting to leave him. He pats his arm, trying to offer wordless reassurance and secretly thrilled that he gets to see this softer side of Sebastian, that Dave is lucky enough to have someone like this to care for him so much. It means he doesn't need to worry quite as much as he had been about the 'dinner of doom' he had nicknamed it in his head when Dave had told him.
Sitting down at the table feels a little odd with Sebastian there, because it's usually a family only affair, and of course Finn makes everything super awkward in their own house, his eyes narrowed and not leaving Sebastian the whole time, as if he expects him to steal the silverware, or break into a song and dance number. Fortunately Sebastian seems amused more than anything else and has the charm dial turned on full, Carol and his dad being equally charmed by his manners. He knows that in the past he would have been disgusted, or called the behavior slimy, except maybe he's used to it now, because instead of being annoyed he just feels quiet bemusement. He even lets Sebastian rack up extra brownie points by doing the dishes.
"You could help you know," his dad says, frowning at him in a way that would have made him feel guilty not even a few short months ago.
"I could, but I'm too busy enjoying the novelty of watching Sebastian actually doing the washing up…"
"Hey! I wash up!"
Kurt looks at him disbelievingly, because he knows Sebastian only ever does the washing up when Dave threatens him with a sex-strike. He knows because Dave told him. The look on Sebastian's face is priceless, obviously realizing what Kurt knows, because he's suddenly effusive with insistence that Kurt just sit still and rest, that he cooks for both of them most nights in New York and this is the least he can do. Carol gives Finn a little frown that has him jumping up to offer to help and he has to stop himself from laughing. He does get up and help clear the table, setting about making them all eggnog and trying to stay out of their way while they clean up.
"I'll pass on to Dave what a good little helper you've been…" Kurt says quietly, biting his lip in amusement, especially when Sebastian pokes his tongue out him, surreptitiously looking to ensure no one sees him do it. "Save that tongue for Dave, he'll actually appreciate it," Kurt says, teasing, and the answering lecherous grin he gets from Sebastian has them both laughing.
He can tell they are all feeling sleepy after the meal as they settle in the living room, his dad flicking on the TV to watch whatever sport is on. That sparks a new conversation between his dad and Sebastian. He knows, in theory, that Sebastian is a bit of a sports nut, but when he starts spouting off statistics and plays he starts to zone out. His dad gets really enthusiastic though, and he's glad he's already experienced this with him and Finn, because he knows he'd probably be feeling jealous.
Instead he feels quietly content that his dad and one of his friends are getting on really well, and he realizes that his dad and Dave would probably get on well as well, if there wasn't the history of bullying. He leaves them talking to go and use the bathroom, and he's not prepared for the ambush on Finn-esque proportions when he comes out of the and he steps back out of shock before realizing it's only Finn.
"What do you want Finn?"
"Why did you have to invite him for dinner? I don't see how you can be friends with him!"
He had the same internal argument months ago, not only when Dave started being friends with him, but again when the whole idea of living with Sebastian was raised. Sure Sebastian has been a complete and utter asshole, but since Dave's suicide attempt there's been nothing… except his normal snarky self, and he has actually come to like that side of him.
"Finn…" he lets out a long sigh, wondering how exactly he can explain so Finn will understand. "I'm friends with you aren't I? And Noah? And David? You think Sebastian is any less deserving of my forgiveness?" Finn looks disgruntled at his logic and crosses his arms, clearly preparing to argue with him and he shakes his head, holding up a hand to forestall him. "I like him. I live with him, so it's a good thing that I like him okay? He's… not as bad as he first seems. Just, try and be civil okay? He's a friend of mine now."
Finn doesn't look happy but he sighs and agrees to try, giving him a quick hug before heading off to his own room to no doubt get Rachel on the phone to complain about Sebastian, because he's just that transparent. He goes back to join his dad and Sebastian, sending a quick text to Blaine telling him he hopes he's having a good night. They're both doing individual family things tonight, which is fine, neither his dad and Carol nor Blaine's family thinking to invite Blaine or Kurt respectively. He'd have never thought about it previously, but he knows Dave's dad and some of his family are going to spend tomorrow with Sebastian's family, which he finds astounding given that they've only been going out a few months.
He gets a text back from Blaine moaning about his family, and he can't really complain about his own, because they're pretty fantastic really, tiny though it may be. He continues to exchange texts with Blaine, ignoring the slightly disapproving looks from his dad every time his phone vibrates. He knows if Sebastian has a problem he would say something, or take his phone and shove it down his pants where he'd not want to retrieve it. Or ever use it again.
Carol joins them and his dad switches the TV from sport to reruns of Christmas themed movies with what he can only describe as an apologetic glance towards Sebastian. He rolls his eyes and makes a muttering comment under his breath about how Sebastian will live, which Sebastian obviously hears because he gets kicked softly by sock-covered feet. He's contemplating kicking him back when Sebastian's phone rings.
"Saved by the bell!" Sebastian laughs as he answer, but the smile quickly falls from his face. It makes his stomach drop and lungs freeze, every breath difficult to pull in and he listens as Sebastian quietly reassures Dave, it has to be Dave, that he's leaving immediately, coming to pick him up right now. He wants to offer to go with him, but knows Sebastian will be able to offer more than enough comfort. Sebastian moves swiftly, thanking Carol and Burt and Kurt just waves them off, helping Sebastian shrug on his jacket.
"Go! Go! Just… I can explain it to them, just… god. Is he okay?"
"Honestly? He sounds like shit and like he's been crying. I've got to go."
"Yeah. Yes. Of course. Just, tell him I love him. Take care of him."
The look Sebastian gives him is intense and he has no idea how to read it exactly before he's being given a hard hug.
"Thanks. I will."
FAF
He tries not to speed on the way there, wishing he could break the laws with impunity, but knowing he will be zero help to Dave if he gets stopped for speeding. He's driving up the street when he sees someone walking and he slows down, lowering the window so he can get a better look, because it's started to snow. They look up and he sees Dave's sad eyes and immediately feels like eviscerating whoever it was that made him look this way. He pops open the locks and watches as Dave walks towards him slowly. He's bundled up in his jacket, hood pulled over his head and he wishes things could be different between Dave and his mom.
Dave's words and voice, asking him to come and pick him up had told him that things hadn't gone well, and he's also dealing with Kurt's parting words, and he knows Kurt meant them platonically, but it had still hurt like a blow to his chest, eased only by the knowing look on Kurt's face, that Sebastian would be the one Dave would want to see. He's not so sure himself, and he's not used to this much self-doubt. He shoves it to the side for now, looking at Dave as he slides into the passenger seat.
He looks pale and he's definitely been crying, his nose and eyes both red, and not just because of the cold in the air. He glances around the street and moves a couple of yards before turning the car off.
"No, please, can we just, leave here?"
Dave's speech is jerky and he nods immediately, restarting the car and pulling away from the curb and heading in the opposite direction.
"Anywhere in particular?"
"No. Just… away," Dave says on a soft sigh and it sends a shiver through him.
"Okay. I can do that."
A quick glance at the fuel dial tells him the tank is almost full so he doesn't even bother thinking about it, instead just heads straight out of town. It's dark, no lights visible in any direction when he eventually stops and turns off the car, letting the peace and darkness just envelop them. He doesn't know if Dave wants to talk, or how to start the conversation or even what to say and is grateful when Dave starts talking.
He listens and tries not to let anger overwhelm him as he hears about how Dave sat through dinner hearing about how unnatural he was, that it was something he just needed to get over. That if needed help with drugs or a camp she would pay for them. He listens as Dave tells him how he felt like he was sliding backwards after all the steps forward he's taken. He feels furious and helpless, furious that he is helpless.
"It's just one person," he says, and as soon as the words are out of his mouth he wants to grab them back, because it doesn't matter, it's Dave's mom and if it was his mom saying these things to him his heart would be breaking.
"Yeah well, that one person is my mom so it's a pretty big fucking deal."
"I know. I know. I'm sorry, I just… I don't know what to say." He feels weak admitting it, but Dave doesn't laugh at him, or make him feel like he should somehow have all the answers.
"Just… hold me?"
"I can do that." He scrambles out from his seat and climbs over to Dave, straddling him and it's definitely not the most comfortable position. And Dave is just staring at him like he's crazy. "What?"
"I thought maybe we could get in the back seat, but uh, you're here now…so."
"So."
He leans forward, looping his arms around Dave's neck and pressing their chests together, feeling Dave's arms wrap around him in return. It feels nice, to be able to comfort him like this. He just holds him, ignoring the growing wet patch on his jacket and quiet sniffling sounds.
They sit like that for a long time. He knows it's too long when his muscles are tight and have cramped up in the cold, and he tells Dave quietly that he has to move. Dave has to recline his chair back as far as it goes, and fortunately as soon as he does Sebastian can move upwards now that there's a bit more room for his head and can shuffle back to the driver's side. Doing all this seems to break the quiet tension and they both start laughing.
He reaches over and kisses him, cupping his face in his hands and hoping that the kiss conveys a little of how much he loves him, supports him and just wants to be there for him. He moves a hand down and runs his thumb over Dave's heart, watching his face.
"I love you too."
He smiles slowly, soft, because Dave can read him so plainly. He sits back in the driver's seat.
"Call your dad, he'll be worried."
"Oh yeah. Thanks."
He listens to the one sided conversation, holds Dave's hand when he starts crying again explaining to his dad why he's upset, but that he's fine. That he's with Sebastian and will be home soon. He obviously gets asked where they are because Dave answers with a hesitant 'I don't know' but that he's sure Sebastian knows the way back, and failing that they both have GPS on their phones. Paul finally lets Dave go, and he completely understands his concern, because if he wasn't sitting with Dave right now he'd be feeling sick with worry. That thought makes him think of Kurt, and he knows he has to be worried.
"Can you text Kurt, tell him you're okay. Or will be okay. Whatever. Just, he was worried about you. Sends his love," he forces the words out despite his reservations and is a bit taken aback when Dave huffs disbelievingly and shakes his head. Dave still thumbs out a text message to Kurt though. He frowns, does Dave not believe Kurt loves him? And okay, it's probably completely platonic because of the whole fact of Kurt being with Blaine and Dave being with him, but it's like Dave doesn't believe he'd ever have a chance with Kurt because… well, he has no idea why. Unless Kurt had shot Dave down in the past like he himself had, which actually, now that he thinks back he's sure Dave mentioned something along those lines.
He squeezes Dave's hand and starts the car, doing a careful three-point turn on the narrow country road before heading back to Lima. They're quiet for the most part, not saying anything even when he pulls up outside Dave's dad's house and parks his car. Paul has obviously been waiting because the door flies open and Dave is being hugged and he remembers that it was Dave's dad that found him. He swallows, his throat suddenly tight and stands back, letting them have this moment. Paul Karofsky meets his eyes and nods, and he's never felt like he's not been accepted by him before, but suddenly he feels like he's gotten a final seal of approval.
Paul makes them cocoa, and Dave mutters under his breath about just going with it, and he realizes that Paul just needs something to do with his anxious energy. Dave is all talked out, and he knows the emotional exhaustion has hit him, because he looks half-asleep, head nodding dangerously close to knocking into the lip of his mug where he holds it. Making the executive decision he stands and takes the mug, startling Dave in alertness.
"Come on, let me put you to bed. You're dead on your feet." He cringes at the unfortunate choice of words but neither of the Karofskys seem to notice.
"Uh, you two can…" he waves his hands at the pair of them and he frowns, wondering what he's trying to say. "You both look like you could do with the company tonight."
Paul looks embarrassed, and he realizes that they've just been given permission to share Dave's room. He's never felt so grateful to someone in his life, he would have ignored his wishes that he and Dave sleep in separate rooms under his roof, because Dave needs this right now, and he's glad his dad can recognize it. He quietly mouths thank you and edges Dave towards the stairs.
He helps Dave undress and pulls the blankets up around his shoulders, murmuring quietly that he'll be right back. He goes back down to the kitchen to find Paul pouring himself a scotch.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'll leave the door open, so you can, you know, check on him… during the night."
He doesn't really know what's possessed him to make the offer, but the gratitude he sees shining in his eyes tells him he's done the right thing, as does the hoarse thank you that Paul repeats back to him. He smiles softly and excuses himself. It's not quite yet midnight, but it feels much later and he pulls his phone from his pocket. Not surprisingly there's a message on his phone from Kurt and he reads the 'Dave said he's fine, but can you confirm that? Glad you're there for him' and feels mixed emotions.
FAF
He wakes with one of Sebastian's arms wrapped around him, his body pressed along the length of his back and he feels more relaxed than last night. He doesn't know why he thought having dinner with his mom and step-dad would suddenly mean she accepts him for who he is, but a small part of him had definitely hoped that that had been the case. Instead he'd had to listen to her tell him it was wrong. That he was wrong, and sick, and needed to get help. He knows the only help he needs is his therapist to help him deal with how his mom is, which isn't the way it should be. He can accept complete strangers giving him the stink-eye, but having his own mother apparently love a book more than him just makes him hate himself. Likes he's not worth her time, even though he gets told it's her that isn't worth his time. He can't just give up on his relationship with his mother like that. Even if there's no real relationship to speak of.
He lets out a long sigh and feels Sebastian shift against him, kissing the back of his neck and he rolls over to face him, rubbing their noses together softly and smiling, because he's still not used to waking up with Sebastian, thrills at it every time it happens.
"Merry Christmas."
"Oh fuck. Yeah. Merry Christmas."
Sebastian laughs into his chest and he laughs as well. It's his first Christmas where he hasn't had to go to a midnight service and another during the day. Instead his dad and he, along with some of their relatives are going to Sebastian's parent's house. That's going to be weird, but he's also kind of excited to see them all intermingle. Sebastian has rolled away, is pulling something from his bag and then he's being given his first Christmas present.
"Seb, you didn't–"
"Fuck off, of course I did. Just be glad someone forced me to show some restraint, saying it might make you feel uncomfortable to shower you with gifts."
He grins shyly, looking at the smallish package Sebastian has laid in front of him because he knows Seb has to be referring to Kurt, and he'll have to thank him later, because yeah, of course Sebastian showering him with gifts would make him feel a little uncomfortable.
"Yeah well, you can shower me later… I mean–"
"Watersports huh?"
"Uh, no. I meant you can shower with me. Shut up, I'm tired…"
"I like you half-asleep. It's amusing."
"Yeah yeah…"
"Come on, open it."
"But yours is under the tree downstairs."
This will be his first Christmas that he hasn't split between his mom and dad, and he's glad he went with his gut instinct to only have dinner with her last night, because the idea of seeing her today makes him feel tense.
"I'll open it later. Come on."
He's never seen Seb this excited before and just to annoy him he slowly and carefully undoes the tape, peeling it back carefully so as not to rip the paper. He looks up to meet Seb's eyes and he's being glared at and he laughs. For some reason that earns him a kiss, Sebastian's fingers threading through his hair and he feels warm and content, kissing back slowly before pulling back and opening the gift. At first he thinks they're season tickets for both the Rangers and Giants, but that makes no sense, because part of the season is over and… holy shit. They're not season tickets, but they are tickets, to every remaining home game for the next six months. Fuck, if this is Seb not splashing out he hates to think what he would be like with no restraint.
"Seb, I can't accept this, it's too much."
"Well, don't think that too fast, I mean, they're all double passes, and you have to take someone, so…"
He laughs, relaxing a little, because yeah, he supposes that Sebastian's always going to come with him, and now he doesn't have to fight with Sebastian about who pays, because the craft asshole has made sure that as a gift he never has to pay again.
"You think you're so clever."
"Maybe."
"Pfft. There's no maybe about it, you definitely think you're clever."
"It's because I am clever. Admit it. These were genius."
"It's awesome. Thank you."
Seb grins at him, obviously pleased and he hopes his own gift will be as equally well received. It had taken months of planning, secrecy and he'd ended up getting Kurt's help, which he finds amusing considering Kurt has probably helped Sebastian, or at least held him back a little, which he's grateful for, because he didn't spend very much money at all. A cough from his doorway has him turning around, and his dad is standing there, already dressed, and he flushes, feeling a little self-conscious sitting on his bed with his boyfriend while his dad stands there.
"Maria's making pancakes. You two coming down?"
"Yeah, of course. Just, uh, let us get dressed."
His dad nods and pulls the door closed behind him and he's amazed at how fast Sebastian can move because he's being pressed back into the warmth of his bed, Seb's lips on his, tongue licking and teeth nipping.
"I really want to give you a Christmas day blow job, but I don't think we have time for that, and I don't know if you're really in the mood, but I just wanted to kiss you. Properly. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas you complete and utter sap."
"I wanted to give you a blow job, that's not sappy."
"Coming from you it is."
He pulls on his jeans and a shirt, wondering if he needs to dress up for Sebastian's house. Then again he really wants to have a shower before leaving the house, because he feels a bit wrecked from the crying last night, along with the cold sweats he'd experienced during dinner. Thinking about last night must show on his face because Sebastian crawls across his bed just to hug him and he feels a little idiotic for seeming so fragile, but he's not. Not anymore.
"Thanks for being there for me last night. I needed it."
"Anytime Fuzz."
Sebastian rubs his palm over his stubble and Dave rolls his eyes, pretending annoyance but he likes Seb's little pet name for him, and Sebastian knows it. He watches as Sebastian dresses and they head downstairs. The smell of bacon and coffee is heady and his stomach rumbles, because of course he was too upset to really eat last night. His dad sticks his head around the archway, eyebrow raised and Dave shrugs, jerking his head in the direction of the Christmas tree.
"I'm just going to give Sebastian his present, won't be a second."
He licks his lips, nerves suddenly jumping to the forefront and he shoves the tiny present at Sebastian before he can take it back, promise sexual favors in lieu of a gift. Fortunately Sebastian seems to pick up on his nerves, not drawing out the unwrapping process like he himself had and then the tiny music player is in Sebastian's hands. It's not as good as Sebastian's one, but he couldn't afford anything more than this, and he knows that what's on it will probably, hopefully, be of more value anyway.
"I know you already have an iPod, but this has…it's… me. Playing the piano. Uh. I played and recorded, because you tell me you like listening to me play, and now I figure you can listen to me play even when I'm not there."
"Oh."
The pleased surprise in Sebastian's voice relaxes something inside of him and he smiles softly at himself, feeling like he did something right.
"Thank you. I can't wait to listen to it. Did you put The Piano Duet on here?"
"Yeah, it's the first song," he says, grinning, because he kind of thinks of it as their song, and obviously Sebastian does a little as well, and he likes that. Quite a lot.
"Good. I like that song."
He doesn't know whether to mention that there are two versions of the song on there, one which he did by himself, like the time he played it for Sebastian, and another version, where he and Kurt are playing together. He'd been unsure about putting it on there, but Kurt had spent a long time practicing, secretly, so in the end he'd put it on.
Breakfast passes effortlessly, but he supposes that he's comparing it to dinner, which had been fraught with tension for him, so this is the opposite end of the spectrum for him. His step-mom is nice enough, she hasn't said anything about him being sick, which gives her points in his book. He helps clean up, and Seb helps, which has him frowning but Sebastian just shakes his head and says don't ask under his breath. He excuses himself to go shower and change, which he's going to do despite Sebastian insisting he doesn't need to.
They both shave, standing side-by-side in the bathroom, and it's a lot more cramped here than in Seb's bathroom at the apartment. That's the excuse Sebastian uses every time he accidentally brushes himself against Dave's ass. It's getting distracting, and he's already got two nicks from his razor. A very definitive grind means another nick and he catches Seb's eyes in the mirror.
"Seb, could you just… not?"
"Really? I was thinking about the blow job I mentioned earlier."
He groans, because a part of him really likes the idea, but he's also mindful of the fact that they are meant to be getting ready to leave, and his dad has been really good with everything and he really doesn't want to push that right now.
"Okay, sorry. No blowjobs."
"Maybe mutual hand jobs in the shower?"
Sebastian beams at him.
Of course his shower isn't made for two, although it does force them to stand together closely, hands gripping each other before they decide that for expediencies sake to swap back to jerking themselves off. It doesn't stop them kissing, or their other hand stroking over lathered-up skin, and it's almost like a waking dream, a fantasy, his own hand on his cock, knowing exactly the fastest way to get himself off. Having Sebastian's body pressed up against him, feeling his body thrust into his fist in the small space of his shower cubicle, as he makes the familiar sounds of arousal is another layer completely and it just drives him faster towards his orgasm.
He tries not to blush or look guilty when they go back downstairs, and he wishes that he could look as calm and collected as Sebastian but suspects his dad knows exactly what has happened. Well, maybe not exactly, but enough that he can't seem to meet his eyes, doesn't want to see hurt or disappointment like he sees in his mother's eyes each time she looks at him.
They're meant to be having Christmas lunch at Seb's house, although Seb has told him it's closer to three in the afternoon, so he's glad they've all had a large breakfast. He goes with Seb in his car, his dad and Maria following with his grandfather, and then Maria's sister and her kids in a car after that, like a small convoy. He really needs to find some way to thank Annelise for pretty much inviting his family.
When Sebastian pulls into the drive he does a double take. Seb had warned him, but he's still not really prepared for the complete overabundance of everything Christmas. The trees outside are decorated, and he can hear the excited squeals of his step-cousins even though they are two cars behind them. He sneaks a quick glance and sure enough Seb is smiling slightly and he shakes his head, because he obviously hadn't taken the warning seriously enough, thinking he's been exaggerating. But apparently not.
He thinks the Christmas tree in the foyer is big, smiles at the wide-eyed wonder of the little kids, but then he goes through to the living area and he knows he probably looks the same, mouth open, eyes-wide. He looks at Sebastian with a disbelieving look and just got a shrug in return before he leans against him, voice low as he whispers in his ear.
"It's mostly for my dad's work Christmas party which they host every year. Plus my mom loves Christmas." He says it with a 'what do you do?' type shrug and he smiles.
FAF
It feels good, having him here and mixing with his family. Of course he feels bad that Dave has to put up with the craziness that is his extended family, but things go amazingly well, and he feels comfortable and content, more than he would have ever thought possible, because it's kind of a big deal, having your families share a holiday like this, meeting for the first time properly.
He relaxes against Dave, leaning his head against his shoulder as the smaller kids use their stretched out legs as either race-ways or obstacle course for their new toy cars. He's not sure, and he's too tired and full of good food to care overly much. There's present opening, and he's already received his, although Paul is standing in front of him and holding out two almost identical packages.
"Here, these are from Kurt. He dropped by the other day for me to give them to you."
He and Dave take them, and each gift has a beautifully made tag on it with their names, and he can tell Kurt has made them himself. He picks his off carefully, wanting to keep it safe and accepts Dave's as he passes him his own little tag. He feels relieved that he gave Kurt a gift yesterday, and it explains Kurt's enigmatic smile and complete lack of guilt that he hadn't had a gift to exchange, he'd circumnavigated it by giving it to Dave's dad, which is actually kind of sweet, because if he hadn't given Kurt a gift he'd have time before he saw him again to get him one.
He opens it and stares at the shirt in his hands, and he can see from the corner of his eye that Dave has a shirt as well, and he shakes it out. It's… nice. And he knows Kurt has made it himself, because there's a little tag with Handmade by Hummel written on it in Kurt's tiny cursive script. The material is cream with earthy-colored pinstripes through it, but at the cuffs and collar there is a dark green fabric, adding a nice level of detail.
He looks to Dave's shirt and realizes his is made in contrasting colors; solid green but with the pinstriped material at the cuffs. He notices other little things, like how Dave has buttons on his cuffs but his own cuffs are made to wear with cufflinks, the collar in his own seems stiffer, but Dave's softer, because Dave still doesn't like wearing tight collars if he can help it. He has no idea when Kurt found the time to make these, but he likes it. Not as much as Dave's gift, but the fact that it's been made especially for him makes him happy. Although that could be the eggnog.
FAF
He spends the day after Christmas with Blaine, curled up under blankets on the sofa pretending it's cold just so they can snuggle together and watch movies. They exchange gifts and he doesn't have to feign surprise at the CDs Blaine has bought him, because he would have thought Blaine would know he already has all this music on his iPod. Regardless he thanks him, giving Blaine the jacket and matching bowtie he's slaved over the last few months. Worry curls in his gut that he won't like it, and his response isn't overly enthusiastic. He's pretty sure Blaine doesn't even realize that he's made them himself.
He pushes it away, not wanting to think about it right now, despite knowing he really does need to talk to Blaine. Everything feels okay with them right now, and has done for the last few days, but it's like his senior year all over again, but sped up and he feels helpless in the face of Blaine distancing himself. The last week has been wonderful, but there is another week before he's meant to return to New York and already Blaine has stopped answering his text messages immediately, is making himself less available. At least this time he knows what he is doing, but it doesn't stop it hurting any less, and he knows Sebastian is right. He can't have this dragging him down when he's trying to have a life in New York that Blaine doesn't seem to want any part of.
Despite trying to not think about it, it eats away at his mind, and he wants to talk it out with Sebastian again, because he can see only one solution, but he doesn't want it to be the only solution. He doesn't want to break up with Blaine, even though he feels like his life in New York wouldn't alter very much at all. He'd probably even feel a little better because he wouldn't feel like Blaine was ignoring him, because if they aren't together he wouldn't expect Blaine to want to talk to him on Skype, or listen to him complain about his classes, or the latest show he and Sebastian have seen, or the most amazing recipe he and Dave have just tried.
He's missing them he realizes, and it's only been forty-eight hours. How he's going to cope when they go back to New York for New Years he has no idea. He's meant to be staying in Lima, spending time with Blaine, before going back on the fourth. He's not sure how that will play out anymore, his mind and heart settling the more he thinks about it. He can't be with someone just because he doesn't want to be alone, especially when he feels so alone anyway. That thought seems to coalesce everything in his mind, and he realizes that he's going to be going back to New York single, he just doesn't know when or how he's going to break up with a guy he still loves.
FAF
The next time he sees Kurt and Blaine together he knows it is coming, maybe before Kurt, although he doesn't think so, but definitely before Blaine. He supposes it's because he's able to read the sadness and determination in Kurt's expression, like he's hoarding away some happy moments because he knows the end is near. He's not surprised, and he doesn't envy them trying to have a long-distance relationship. He'd never have attempted something like that, but they'd both been so convinced it would work. He's sad that it hasn't, more than just for them.
He shares a couple of looks with Kurt, quietly asks him if he's alright and gets small tight smiles in response, Kurt saying he'll be alright. Dave doesn't seem to know, and he doesn't feel like enlightening him, just in case it makes Dave go all introspective on their own relationship. He knows that Kurt will be doing the right thing, because when he and Dave had worn their shirts, taking their jackets off in the Lima Bean, Kurt's face had lit up, making a happy exclamation that they were wearing them, and that they fit so well. Blaine had been surprised to learn that Kurt made clothes and he knows the look he'd given Sebastian had been one of his old scathing looks, because both Kurt and Dave had frowned at him. But Blaine just doesn't seem to be aware of how multi-talented Kurt is.
He and Dave seem to both want to spend as much time with Kurt before they go back, and it's nice to spend time together without the stresses of essays, finals and presentations bearing down on them all. Not to mention the cooking, cleaning and general stuff that is one of the responsibilities of having an apartment. So he invites Kurt and Blaine to stay at his parent's, and there are still family around, but it's still nice. Kurt thanks him for the Broadway tickets and he just laughs, telling him the same thing he'd told Dave, in that he expects to be the person Kurt takes with him. He assuages his curiosity about where Kurt found the time and place to make their shirts and Kurt smirks at him, muttering 'Costume department at NYADA', and the smirk makes him feel like he's rubbing off on him.
When it comes to say goodbye at the train station the hug he gives Kurt takes him by surprise, although from the look on Kurt's face he's equally as shocked. Dave is laughing at them both, pushing him aside to gently give Kurt a hug of his own and he shakes himself mentally, because hugging… really? He knows he'd given Kurt a hug on Christmas Eve, but that had been more out of shared worry for Dave than anything… like this. He puts it down to the fact that he's kind of worried that they won't be there for him, for when he finally breaks up with Blaine, but he knows Kurt will have his dad, and he has other friends, and he will be seeing him again in only five days.
FAF
They're getting ready to go out for dinner, and that feels like a ridiculously old thing to do on New Year's Eve. He knows what Sebastian and Dave are planning and wishes he'd agreed to go back early, experience a New Year's in New York. Except he'd given in to Blaine's pleas that he stay in Lima for as long as possible, and now he's regretting it, feeling a little bitter and resentful that he's here and not where he wants to be. He can't take it all out on Blaine though, it was his decision to make. But it does solidify the fact in his head that he really needs to break up with him. He's tried talking, as a type of warning that he's not happy, but Blaine has effectively shut him down each time and he's just let him.
"I don't want you to go back."
"I – what?"
"I don't want you to go back. I want you to stay here with me."
He knows Blaine isn't serious, but the whining tone in his voice irritates him. The last few months he's tried to keep up the contact between them, and looking back it feels like it has been largely one-sided. Even now he seems selfish, not realizing how much Kurt loves New York. How stifled he feels in Lima. How stifled he feels with Blaine. He feels like throwing up, the realization that while he loves Blaine, he isn't right for him. And he's not right for Blaine either.
Emotional floodgates seem to open and he's crying, and he can hear the concern in Blaine's voice, asking him what's wrong, and this isn't how he wanted to do this, but the words are pouring out, everything he's been feeling.
"I need to break up with you. I want to break up with you."
Blaine tries to reason with him, tries to argue, but he just shakes his head, knowing he needs to stick this out, even though it's ripping him up inside. Blaine eventually leaves. He doesn't blame him, and he just curls into himself, pulling his duvet over his body and trying to ignore the fact that it smells like Blaine.
FAF
"We're never fucking doing this again."
Dave laughs, because he doesn't care about the crush of people, or the fact that it took them ten times as long to make what is usually a five minute stroll. Times Square on New Year's Eve. He can hardly believe that he's here, the lights, cameras and the positive feelings everyone around them seems to be exuding.
"Fuck, Kurt would love this."
"Yeah, he would," Sebastian replies, and there's a look of horror on his face, and he's immediately concerned.
"What?"
"I just realized we're going to have to do this at least once more so that Kurt can experience it."
"Yeah, we are," Dave says, looking up and smiling as the ball drops.