AN: Thank you everyone for the reviews/follows/favourite

Christian

"This is nice." Ana says as we cuddle on the couch having just watched a movie that was based on one of the books she published. She's laying on me, her hair fanned out on my chest.

"I hate that word." I say making her giggle. I have teased her a few times over the years about the word nice. I remember vividly getting it drummed into us at school never to use the word nice. "CEO of a publishing house should use better words than nice."

"But this is nice." She says leaning up to run her hands through my hair and I clasp her lips in my own and kiss her softly.

"It's still early." I tell her as she releases me. "Wanna watch another movie?" I suggest picking up the remote control. We don't get a lot of time to watch movies as neither of us are big fans of doing so. We usually have much better ways to use our free time up.

"I think I'd rather go to bed." She says before catching my lips in her own again and she deepens the kiss this time, her tongue slipping into my mouth. I return the kiss and she moans.

We stay there, making out like horny teenagers, she fights me for dominance and sometimes I let her win, I'm aware that any kind of sexual interaction needs to be very slow and steady and at her pace, so she has to know she's in charge and in control.

I don't know how many minutes go by but we're soon fondling each other through our clothes, grinding against each other, moaning and groaning through wet sloppy kisses.

"Let's go to bed." Ana mumbles and she climbs off me and tugs at my hand.

Ana

We make it into the bedroom and I lunge at him. My mouth meets his and my hand goes for the edge of his t-shirt. We haven't been intimate in so long and I desperately want to be intimate with him.

Our lips separate so that his t-shirt can come off and my hands immediately go to his naked chest.

"An...slow down baby." Christian groans as I go for his pants. I ignore him. I want him now.

I unzip his pants and Christian gently pulls away. I look at him, hurt.

"Christian..." I say trying not to panic as my heart thumps in my chest.

"Just slow down baby we've got all night." He says gently as he pulls me back to him. I gulp, glad to know he isn't rejecting me as I don't know how I'd cope with that. He takes my top off over my head and strokes those long fingers up my arms.

"My beautiful wife." He says kissing me again. "Perfect, flawless."

I pull away. I can't do this.

"An..." he sounds worried as he comes up behind me and I jump when his hands go to my biceps.

"I'm not flawless Christian..." I say my voice cracking as I speak.

"Yes, you are. Ana, my beautiful Ana. You could be head to toe in burn scars you'd be flawless to me." He says and I turn to him to see if he's telling me the truth. "I love you, Anastasia. Every piece of you. Every lump, every curve, every mark, it's all perfection to me. It's flawless."

I kiss him again. God, he knows just the right thing to say to me. I love him so much.

"Let me worship you." He says taking me over to the bed. He peels me out of my pants and inhales his way up my leg until he kisses me there, through my panties. I grip his hair as the pleasure runs through me.

He peels my panties down and comes to stand before me. He is still in his pants but when I reach for them he pushes my hands back before going for my bra.

"Let me worship you." He tells me before kissing my neck as he removes my bra. I'm naked before him and I shiver. His fingers dance along my skin as he kisses my neck and the top of my breasts until he slowly lowers me to the edge of the bed.

He kisses up my thighs, teasing and tantalising me. I groan when he blows on my hot core. I'm hungry for him.

He kisses me there and I moan and grip his hair. I've missed this. He tongues me and I'm putty in his hands. He's relentless, swooping and flicking at my clit.

"Christian..." I groan and I gently lower myself back to lie down as I can no longer hold myself up.

I come apart at the work of his tongue alone and I wither and writhe beneath him as he comes up to hover over me. He kisses me deeply again and I taste myself on his lips.

Again I reach for his pants and he gently removes my hand.

"Christian?" I question looking into those deep grey eyes.

"That was about you An." He says gently and I frown. "Please let me just worship you."

"But..." I sigh and quickly roll out from underneath him. What's the point?

"Ana?" He asks kneeling on the bed as I reach the back of the door to grab my robe.

"Christian. If you don't want me that's ok... but at least be honest about it." I say trying to hide the emotion in my voice.

"Ana..." he says but my hand stops him.

"I'm going to shower." I tell him and I turn for the bathroom before the tears come. I suddenly feel extremely dirty.

I'm not in the shower two minutes before Christian comes into the room.

"An...baby please." He calls as I turn my back to him. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"What do you think that did Christian?" I snap as he opens the shower door and climbs in with his pants still on.

"Ana just talk to me baby please." He says as the water just runs over us. He looks at me expectantly.

"You rejected me Christian." I say unable to hold back the tears. "I'm struggling so much with the violation, the fact that before I was raped you're the only person who has ever touched me intimately and I know how much that meant to you. I just need to know nothing has changed. That you still love me and that I am still yours and only yours." I sob and Christian's hands cup my face.

"You are mine. Only mine. You are still and always will be only mine Anastasia." Christian looks deep into my eyes and I see, that he too is crying. "Please Ana. I wasn't rejecting you. Never baby. I just don't want to hurt you. We need to take time, please..."

I wrap my arms around him right and he buries his nose into my hair. I don't know how long we stand here under the beating water but eventually Christian peels away and takes some of my strawberry shower gel and starts to wash my body.

"I love you Ana. Everything about you. You are so strong. The strongest person I've ever met. You're a survivor." He lowers to his knees and softly kisses my behind which is still healing.

"Then why don't you want to have sex with me?" I ask and he drops the sponge and stands again.

"I do Ana. I really do but I'm so scared I'll hurt you." He says stressfully but I look at my feet. The shame brewing inside me. "Please Ana..."

"I just want to feel you Christian. I need to know that the last person who was inside me wasn't the vile disgusting man." I tell him as I hear my heart thumping in my ears. "Please..."

He pulls me out of the shower and grabs a towel wrapping me up in it like a child. He kisses my head and peels his trousers off before grabbing a towel for himself. I watch him. I feel so confused and hurt and angry.

Morton took so much from me. He violated me he entered my body without my consent. He beat and scarred me. I feel him on me again and I feel sick.

"Ana...Ana...Anastasia come back to me baby..."

I look at my husband who looks at me with so much concern.

"Let's just go to bed." I say not wanting to talk about this any further. Any time it comes up I have to remember everything and it makes me feel sick and dirty and I don't want to remember.