Tamara

I look at Ana and Christian sitting in front of me. Ana looks great, she's come to see me with Christian at his insistence from her office, so she's all done up, hair tidy, makeup, she looks like she's come so far from the woman who I met in the initial aftermath of the assault. It's nice to see her like this.

"I don't know why we're here." Ana says grumpily and I glance at Christian. He arranged the appointment so he can start. We're at John Flynn's office where he has given me a room to hold this appointment and to start working out setting up my own practice right here in Seattle as I have fallen in love with the place, plus there is going to come a point where Ana is going to need my support and I need to be here for that support to be available.

"Well... Ana seems quite desperate to have sex and I'm afraid of hurting her or setting her progress back so have been hesitant which is upsetting to Ana; she's convinced it's because I don't want her." Christian says and I give a small nod as I'm actually fully aware of this as he told me on the phone when he arranged the appointment but it's a good way to get the conversation started and see what Ana thinks and feels about this.

When she rolls her eyes and grumpily huffs I know she's unhappy to be here and she doesn't want to have this conversation. That isn't good, you can't do therapy when someone is uncooperative. There's no point and it works against me.

"What do you think Ana?" I ask her and she looks at her lap and starts picking at imaginary lint rather than meet my eye. "Ana do you think what Christian says is right?" I encourage and she snaps her little head up and sucks at her bottom lip a moment.

"What do you expect me to say? Is it wrong that I want to have sex with my husband? We had a very healthy sex life prior to the assault I've taken time to heal I now just want to go back to normal." Ana snaps and I realise while she's here physically with Christian she doesn't want to be and she's not in the mood to be very cooperative but for now I can work with whatever she gives me, if that's just supporting Christian in the art of communicating with Ana post the assault.

Truth be told though if Ana doesn't want to be here and doesn't take on board what we discuss it is pretty useless. I just hope that despite the fact she doesn't want to be here that she will take on board what we talk about and maybe it will mean she gets what she wants sooner rather than later.

"This is what it's like every time the conversation comes up." Christian groans. "She just doesn't get it."

"I don't get it?!" Ana explodes. "I don't get it?" She asks again fury in her face. Christian did mention explosive mood swings but I don't think anything could have prepared me for it. For such a small thing Ana does truly explode, her face reddens, her eyes widen, she's so angry.

"An..." she doesn't let me finish.

"No I do fucking get it Christian, I really fucking do." She growls. "It's you who doesn't get it. It's you who doesn't get that despite the violation I just want to feel like nothing has changed in my marriage, that my husband still loves me and wants to be with me..." she stands from her seat and goes over to the window and I watch as Christian watches her go like an abandoned puppy. He goes to speak but I stop him. Ana is taking deep breaths and is slowly calming herself down, likely using techniques Jamie taught her.

She drops her head to the window and I give Christian a nod, now encouraging him to go to her where she may be more receptive. He goes to her and puts his hands on her shoulders. She jumps out of her skin and turns around landing a punch right on Christians cheek.

"Fuck!" Christian roars as I jump to my feet.

Ana's frozen with absolute horror written all over her face. She's just punched Christian but I know in her mind that wasn't Christian standing behind her.

"Ana..." I approach slowly, unsure whether she's back in this moment with me. Her eyes are wide, pupils dilated. She's frozen rigid, staring at a spot on the wall over Christian's shoulder. I reach my hand slowly forward as Christian clutches his hand to his cheek. "Anastasia, it's me it's Tamara." I tell her when my fingers are inches from her shoulder. "Ana answer me."

She blinks, her eyes meet mine and then she looks at Christian and I see the shame fill her face almost in slow motion as she realises what's happened and then her tears come.

"It's ok Ana." I reassure as I finally place my hand on her shoulder. "It's ok, you're safe. I promise no harm will come to you here. You're safe."

"What happened?" Christian asks angrily and I put my hand up to stop him. Right now my priority is Ana, ensuring she's ok after this attack and is grounded back here in the office with us.

"Hey sweetie are you here with me?" I ask her as softly as I can and she nods and looks at Christian again.

"I'm sorry." She says through her tears. "I didn't mean too...I don't know what happened..."

"It's ok Ana. It's ok." I reassure her as Christian stands mute behind me. "Christian can you get us a bottle of water from the fridge there please." I tell him at least being able to make him feel useful while I stand here, my hand still on Ana's shoulder while she shakes, frozen to the spot. "Are you ok?" I ask her gently.

"I just hit him didn't I?" She asks in a whisper.

"It's ok." I reassure her. "Did you have a flashback?" I ask and she nods. "Has it been happening a lot?" She nods again. "We need to address that." I tell her and she hesitates just a beat before nodding again.

Christian brings some water over and I ensure Ana has a drink before we sit down again so we can pick this session up.

"Ana. Just based on what happened here today I don't think sex should be your priority." I tell her gently and Christian slips his hand into Ana's and brings it to his lips. His way of being her supportive husband and letting her know he's right there beside her. "I would be worried that you'd have a flashback and a violent reaction."

"I'm not violent..." Ana says fighting her tears.

"No sweetheart I know." I reply quickly. She's incredibly sensitive right now I see. "But flashbacks are so unpredictable and it's better safe than sorry."

"Ok." She sighs.

"That doesn't mean you can't be intimate with each other. Have dates, share a bath, candlelight massages. There's so much you can do together to share intimacy and share your love that doesn't need to be sex or even sexual in nature." I tell them because I know Christian wants intimacy but he's afraid of hurting Ana.

"In the meantime Ana, I think we need to be working together to address these flashbacks. They're caused by the way your brain processed the memory during the assault and without treatment, they won't go away. This isn't something that heals with time on its own." She looks at me. Her blue eyes full of sadness and after a beat or two, she nods at me.

"What are the chances I'll lash out like that again?" Ana asks looking at Christian who now has an angry red mark on his cheek.

"It can happen but has it happened before? Where you've reacted like this?"

"No." Ana replies.

"I think that it was amplified by the highly emotional state you were in. You were stressed and upset when the flashback was triggered and you reacted in panic. For the time being try to keep your stress levels down."

We set up an appointment for Ana to come and see me so we can now finally address the trauma and I reassure Christian that she'll be ok. I'm glad this happened here. It's forced Ana to accept that there is a problem and she needs to deal with it. Otherwise, god only knows how bad things would have gotten.