Author's Note: Hi all, this is HijaDelTrueno (formerly JediMasterRoyal). I last posted a few years back but this pandemic opened up a creative opportunity for me, and since the Clone Wars has provided us with inspirational fuel I was compelled to partake in Anidala Week 2020. This is my submission for Day 1: Headcanon/Missing Scene. This is, I guess, a little mix of both taking place in CW Season 7, Ep 2 "A Distant Echo" Disclaimer: Star Wars is owned by Disney.
*Extra points to whoever can tell me which song inspired this?*
;)
Sinking
"Threepio, how do I look?"
She stared at the mirror. Looking at herself from all angles. Currently, she couldn't stand looking at herself. Was that bad?
"Oh Mistress Padre, what an absurd question?! You are the absolute definition of beauty!" C-3PO exclaimed.
Padme rolled her eyes. It's not that she felt hideous, it's that she felt pregnant. Too pregnant.
It all started with the fatigue. Usually she could power through Senate sessions and work on bills for more than 8 hours a day but then suddenly she started feeling exhausted. One time, Bail found her asleep at her desk in midday and asked if she was okay.
Then it was the headaches. She felt them coming a mile away. And don't get her started on how easily irritated she was recently.
The morning sickness kicked in at the 7th week, and she had never felt as wretched, except for that one time when she went out with the handmaidens for Yane's birthday and got drunk on wine.
But the nausea gave it away for her. Especially since she remembered she had not had her monthly in quite sometime. Soon enough she had 3PO buy her a pregnancy test and she felt she did not even need to prick her finger with the blood it asked to know the answer.
Ever since she had found out, Padme had lost her sleep.
She wondered how? And why?
Padme huffed while looking at herself in the mirror. She knew how.
Of course, she knew how. By her calculations she could tell you exactly when and where. It's not like her and Anakin were constantly together.
After Scipio and Clovis, her and Anakin had been in perhaps awkward terms. They at first had trouble addressing the several banthas in the room. His jealousy, her stubbornness, his distrust, and her call to duty had been wrenches that were ripping the seams of this….thing they called marriage.
She had apologized in Scipio and he had too on the ship back to Coruscant. He had wept and begged her to forgive him for distrusting her. But the awkwardness was still there, the words that had been said before, still stung. Anakin had stayed away a bit more often when he was stationed in Coruscant. And truthfully, she missed him.
Which is why she devised a plan. Padme followed the war closely, pulled in a few favors, spoke to the Chancellor and soon enough there was a short reprieve from war. Her knight could come home.
There in the lake country with no one to bother them, in the place where they fell in love, they were honest. They apologized again but this time there was no awkwardness just acceptance and a promise to be better. They realized they were both more dutiful than they had been 2 and half years ago. That prioritization was leading to resentment for one another. They talked it out. Found possible solutions.
They also had fun. They laughed about anything and everything, moments throughout the war they had yet to process. They swam. They had picnics. And they made love too. Padme would be lying if she didn't think that was what she missed the most.
But that's not when she conceived.
It was sometime after the Vos/Ventress debacle. Anakin had been back and forth from the front but had been relaxed. It wasn't until the Outer Rim Sieges began, battle plans were made and announced, that she saw his worry lines appear.
"I might be gone for longer than normal."
"Oh."
"But we can comm each other often," Anakin said desperately.
She smiled at him jokingly from her vanity. "Often huh…"
Anakin chuckled and rolled his eyes, "You get the point."
He got down to one knee in front of her and his hands cradled her face.
"I'm going to miss you so much. But the Outer Rim Sieges feel like the war is getting closer to the end. And the end of this war means that we will be free. Free to leave all this behind, free to love each other without reprimand, free to start a family," Anakin murmured. His eyes filled with hope and desire.
She nodded her head in his grasp. "I love you Anakin Skywalker."
"And I, you, my angel." Anakin leaned in to kiss her.
The kiss was soft and held no malice. Gone was the shyness of the Rebel Jedi she met three years ago. And now was a man before her filled with certainty and confidence. It seemed that she loved him even more now everyday.
His flesh hand fell away from her face and intertwined with hers at her lap. His lips broke the kiss but hovered above them.
"Allow me to worship at the temple of my goddess so as to remember her in my time of need," Anakin said huskily.
Padmé smiled. Anakin an ever dramatic romantic. She nodded.
That's when she conceived.
Don't get he wrong. She was happy. She was excited. They were going to have a baby.
A little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes like it's father. And she'd hold that baby and love that baby.
But just as she was happy, she was beyond scared.
The war was not over yet. And Anakin was in Anaxes, with no sign of him coming back soon at all.
What if she gave birth and he was still in the front? What if something happened to him out there?
Which is why her current predicament was to tell him or not to tell him.
The question had been mulling in her head the whole week. They hadn't commed often like he'd said. But he made sure to send her messages. She thought sending him a message with this sort of news back would be way too impersonal. Plus she was hesitant of sending messages. It left a trail.
That was another issue. Lately she had been hesitant about a lot of things. She had taken great lengths to hide their secret thus far and Padmé would continue to do so. Except that as more time passed it became harder to hide this secret.
She was big. Too big for four months. Her regular clothing stopped fitting her long ago.
She had ordered new larger clothing and hoped that people would just believe she was into a new fashion trend. But she saw the looks Bail and Mon gave her occasionally.
She was scared to go to the medic again in fear that someone would find out. She was scared to buy anything for the baby yet in fear of some Holonet reporter following her. She was scared to go to any function and have politicians ask her why she wasn't holding her normal glass of wine. She was simply scared and alone.
Every night she spent thinking of things she could not do or had not done. Sometimes she felt she could not breathe, the anxiety overcoming her.
Does it make me weak?
Padme had always been confident of herself and being the older one in the relationship, occasionally meant she led the charge on certain items but this…this made her feel way out of her element. How would Anakin take this news? How would he react? Would he be upset or disappointed? Maybe it would require her to feel older than she had asked to be.
She supposed she could call Dorme or Sabé, but they'd long ago left to Naboo and while their friendship remained, she did not want them to worry and come to Coruscant for her. There was Ellé and Moteé, who kept her secret safe but she did not want them too involved. Not after what happened with Teckla.
Besides this was her doing, was it not?
The worst of it was this feeling that she was sinking. This far away impending dread that she could not shake off.
Looking back at herself in the mirror she sighed while cradling her bump. She had foolishly decided to wear her tan jumpsuit. Padme figured that Anakin would notice, and then the floodgates could open and he would provide her with some comfort and solace.
"It was the will of the Force," he'd say and that would suffice. At least for now.
….
Except Anakin had not noticed.
Ugh men can be so dense sometimes. Padme nervously laughed as she got into bed.
She did her best to stand appropriately, but not only had Anakin been late but he'd been in a haste.
And she'd almost burst out but then he said her name and it all fell away oh so tenderly. All her worries whisked away and instead she guided him to the answer he sought. He was in war. This would have to do for now.
In due time, Anakin would be by her side again and she would tell him. For now, all she could do was place her hands over her belly and dream of their future. Their new hope.
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HijadelTrueno