Ana

"5...4...3...2...1...Happy New Year!" Christian holds me and dips me into a passionate kiss as an electric version of Auld Lang Syne begins to echo around us.

"Happy new year baby." Christian says before pulling me up.

"Happy new year Christian." I reply managing to force a smile on my face before my hand is grabbed by Phoebe and I'm forced to join in with the traditional Scottish folk song.

Everyone is joyous, jumping and dancing around while clutching the hand of the person standing nearest to them. I usually love this moment on New Years Day but today I just don't feel it the same. I paste a smile on my face though and sing and dance with everyone else just because it's what's expected of me but it's not easy. I feel like I'm living a lie in this moment.

When the song finally ends I kiss my eldest two children and wish them both a happy new year before warning them they have fifteen more minutes before I expect them to make their way to the house and to bed.

"I'm just going to get some air." I tell Christian and he nods before letting me go. Unfazed by my need for space, I guess he gets it a little why I'm just not in the mood to celebrate.

Of course, the minutes after the clock chimes midnight is filled with everyone wishing each other a happy new year. Everyone stops me as I go and I return their gestures each time, an air kiss for John, a hug for Rhian, a kiss from Carrick, and a half hug half dance weird thing off Mia.

It feels like forever before I finally step out of the marquee and I wander down to the garden pagoda that's not far from the boathouse. It's hard to celebrate this new year. Some would think it would be easy to just be glad that the last year is behind us but last year isn't over for me. Not yet.

Grace

"Did I just see Ana step out?" I ask Christian after kissing him and wishing him a happy new year. I want to give my daughter in law a kiss too if anyone needs a happier new year it's her.

"She went to get some air." Christian replies and I nod, I'm not surprised if Ana is finding all this overwhelming. Deciding I don't want to leave her alone to ponder I head out of the marquee to find her.

At first, I can't see her. The garden is bathed in candlelight and thankfully it isn't long before I see a small glimmer of a silver shoe in the Pagoda. Of course, she'd have gone to sit down she's thirty-six weeks pregnant, she wouldn't want to be standing up out here if she didn't have to.

"Anastasia?" I ask as I near the opening, letting her know I'm here and coming to her.

"I'm here Grace." She replies and I can tell she's been crying. Bless her heart. I hate the pain she's been put through, her and the entire family have been to hell and back this last year.

"Oh sweetheart." I sit down next to her and immediately pull her to me. She rests her head on my shoulder and I kiss the top of her head lightly for comfort.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to be a party pooper." She says making me chuckle.

"You're not a party pooper." I tell her gently. "I understand, it's been a rubbish year."

"But it isn't over." She replies tearfully. "It isn't over for me. In just a couple of weeks, I have to go and give testimony against Hyde. It isn't a happy new year...it's..." she cries softly again and I run my fingers through her hair. Now I fully understand why she didn't want to hang around and wish everyone a happy new year. She can't accept those wishes in return.

"It won't be long now and it will be over." I tell her and she chuckles.

"It will never be over Grace. Ever. If he doesn't get convicted I'll spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and if he does... what if he wasn't involved? What if he had all the good intentions in the world?"

"Oh Ana." My heart bleeds for her with this one. While I know she's convinced herself he knew she would be raped by Morton, she still struggles to believe he sent her into that house for that very purpose. She's not been able to comprehend, if so, why he came into the house with a gun, why he didn't let Morton finish the job. It's been the cause of many breakdowns for Ana when the court case has come up and I think she'll need more therapy afterward to deal with how she feels in regards to the verdict more than she needed therapy to deal with the rape.

"After the court case at least you'll be able to throw all your energy into this new baby. Not long to go and he'll be here." I tell her hoping to move her mind in a positive direction, something John mentioned when I casually mentioned I always struggle to move conversation on with Ana because I just want to help her all the time. The baby is apparently a good distraction for us all right now, something so bright and positive to look forward to.

"I'm just praying he holds on that long. Dr Greene wanted me to consider an induction after everything with the twins and how fragile my mental health has been but that would mean I would literally have to have this baby while the court case is going ahead and I can't do that. I need to get the case out of the way."

"What did she think about that?" I ask nervously. I hope Ana isn't going against medical advice here.

"She says there's no medical need for induction it would be more for my peace of mind. I think she understood that keeping him in there was safer for my state of mind than bringing him into the world while this is all going on. So she's happy to wait and see what happens."

"Well baby boy Grey you heard your Mommy and now Grandma is telling you the same. You've got to hang on in there till Mommy tells you your free to come out ok?!" I poke her belly as I talk making her laugh only for her to abruptly stop and take my hand higher on her bump.

"Oh Ana he's going crazy!" I say feeling the movements he's making inside her womb. Oh it's such an incredible feeling.

"Yeah thanks Grandma for waking up the baby." She says sarcastically making me laugh. "You know when he's here, you do this he becomes your responsibility." She warns.

"Yes please." I laugh. Grandbaby eleven and probably the last. He's going to be the most spoilt of the lot of them and they've all been spoiled rotten by Carrick and I. Our children really have blessed us with a house full of grandbabies and it's been magical for us. To think there was a time many years ago we never thought we'd be parents.

"I can't wait to meet him. My little warrior." Ana says rubbing her belly and I kiss her head again. She's the warrior here, no one else, she's the only one that went through what she did, survived it and came out better for it. She's incredible and I know Ana enough to know she'll never see that. She doesn't see what we see in herself.

"Hey there's my two favourite ladies." Christian smiles poking his head into the Pagoda. I think he's had a little bit too much champagne.

"Don't let Phoebe here you say that." Ana teases making no move to move away from me, allowing me to hold her a little longer.

"She's one of my favourite little girls, one of three..." he muses making me chuckle. Yeah, he is going to find himself in a lot of trouble with those phrases if he isn't careful. "Thought you'd want to know security has taken Phoebe and Teddy to the house." He says and Ana nods. Christian suddenly looks awkward and I realise that's my signal to leave.

"I best go in case our guests start to leave. Fireworks in about ten minutes." I say and Ana finally peels away from me so I can get up.

"I love you..." I hear my son tell his wife as I make my way to the marquee and I smile, they'll be ok. They always have been.