You shall ask and I shall deliver!

I received a review from a guest this week asking for a oneshot about Alex's scars and body insecurities. I loved the idea and you just had to poke the muse for her to enlighten me to write this. I wanted to write something equal parts fun and angsty (you know me, I love angst) and this is what I came up with. I also decided to throw in some jealous Alex just for the sake of it. I hope it's up to your expectations and I'll be waiting anxiously for any feedback you can give me.

I hope you guys like it!

By the way, this takes place shortly after the epilogue in "Does he know better?"

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One shot: Nobody had to know

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"I don't know..."

"You could meet new people, all of our friends will be there, and then some"

"She has a point"

"Does it have to be a pool party? Does it have to be a party at all?"

"So far you've only met Leyla and Reggi, and Reggi was just in passing. You should expand your social circle"

"My current circle is fine, thank you"

"Me and Vict are the only ones in your circle"

"And-"

"Your brother doesn't count! Vict, kiss some sense into that boy!"

"Again, she has a point"

"But a pool party?" Alex whined and looked pleadingly at Vict across the small breakfast bar on the kitchen but the older boy seemed really enthused with the idea. Leyla was still going on about the benefits of her friend's house pool, her voice higher pitched and slightly disjointed over the phone. She had called them oven an hour ago and their stomachs were loudly complaining, which made Vict give him a pleading look, shaking the phone in front of his face. The blond let out a long suffering sigh "Where is it? When is it? And how long am I supposed to stay before it's not considered rude to leave?"

"Success! Saturday. Two p.m. Don't be punctual. Bye!" he didn't miss the lack of answer to his last question.

When the call finally ended Alex dropped his head dramaticaly on his folded arms over the counter.

"She's a menace"

"She has good intentions"

"I don't need to work on my social life, which has more than two people in it by the way"

Vict snorted, resuming the preparation of their late breakfast. "I beg to differ"

"It's true though"

"The unit doesn't count Alex. They're never around. I've barely seen them once"

It had been around three weeks now since K-unit went to visit and meet Vict. The guys hadn't been able to stay long and so Vict had only seen them that first day. But that didn't mean they didn't count as Alex's friends "You've barely seen them"

His tone was petty, he knew, but he wouldn't diminish K-Unit's role in his life. At least Vict sounded a bit apologetic after that "I think Leyla was leaning towards more friends your age"

"I don't like people my age"

The other boy waited until he was finished scrambling the eggs before answering "You like me. And Leyla"

"I tolerate her, there's a difference" he purposefully didn't confirm or deny his feelings towards him. They were obvious by now.

"Yeah... don't tell her that" at some point, a pan appeared and Vict took his time cooking the scrambled eggs to his liking. Alex reached for the bread already on the counter and took out a slice for each of them. Vict turned back to him holding the pan over their plates. "Two hours. We can show up for two hours and if you genuinely don't like it, we leave"

"I don't have a swim trunk"

"Who doesn't have-" Alex's glare stopped Vict from finishing that sentence "Okay, we can buy one. Or you can use one of mine"

When a generous amount of eggs was put on his plate, Alex downed a glass of water and began tearing his bread to pieces scrambling his eggs even more so with them and then eating the whole thing with a fork. Vict wisely didn't comment on his eating habits.

"Two hours" he agreed and tried to supress the tug of his lips when Vict threw a hand in the air.

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Saturday morning found them walking through a department store in search of a new swim trunk for the blond. To say that said blond was less than thrilled with the idea was an understatement.

"Solid or printed?"

Alex shrugged, hands hidden inside his pockets "I don't know"

"Black would suit you, or green"

"Not white" Alex said when the other boy reached for a pair of white trunks with a green leaf pattern on it.

"Oookay. This one?" brown and green checkered trunks.

He shook his head. "No"

"Let's see..." he bypassed a few animal printed ones and reached for another green colored pair "This?"

"Not green" Alex decided, fearing this would all be just a waste of time. He didn't actually want a swim trunk.

But the other boy wouldn't be deterred with his foul mood so he kept going through the endless racks of options silently ignoring some models and loudly insulting a few others.

"I know! This one's cool" he held out a pair of blue wave pattern trunks but Alex creased his face in disgust.

"Too bright"

Vict sighed showing the first signs of impatience and put the garment back in its place, "I know we're not supposed to be on time to the party but we don't have all morning either. Just take a look with me and see if anything catches your eye?"

Alex unfolded his arms and walked closer to the rows of color. "Fine"

He began inspecting for himself while Vict continued to do the same, changing tactics and just grabbing a few options and holding them close to his chest instead of asking for Alex's opinion. The blond figured he should do the same.

They rendezvoused near the end of the racks and Alex proudly held up the two options he'd forced himself to grab.

"Happy?" he lifted an eyebrow when he counted at least six pairs in Vict's arms.

"Go try them on!" if only his enthusiasm was enough for both of them.

Still, Alex tried to keep his displeasure to a minimum, at least from showing. His issues weren't the older boy's fault. He followed Vict to the changing rooms and found himself buried into a small mountain of swimwear. "I wanna see them all!" he insisted.

The blond entered the small cubicule and resigned himself to the task at hand.

He picked through Vict's pile and singled out a dot print pair. He stuck his arm through the curtain holding the offending garment away.

"Not this one!" he said and Vict chuckled when he took them from his outstretched hand.

One down, seven to go.

He decided to just try the first one without giving it much of a thought. He took off his shoes and slid out of his jeans to quickly try on a pair of solid black trunks. The fact the stall didn't have a proper door but a curtain wasn't helping his anxiety any.

Alex glanced at himself in the full body mirror. He would've actually chosen this pair for how simple they were just to save himself the trouble of going through all the others, but he didn't like how short they were. He preferred something closer to the knees.

He picked the next one and tried it on. Too colorful. The one after that, too tight.

Vict's voice reached him from behind a corner of the curtain, "Did you try one yet?"

"No" he lied.

"Will you let me see them?"

"No" he not-lied.

Vict didn't speak again after that.

He chose to try the one's he'd picked himself but one of them was too short again and the other one just didn't look good on him. That left him with only two more options. A dark black and blue navy design and a black one with a paint splash of almost fluorescent pink on the side of one leg.

He let out an annoyed sigh and stuck both of them out through the curtain.

"Which one you like best?" he asked because if he was being completely honest with himself, he didn't necessarily dislike either of them.

Vict took his time deciding. "Ummm, the black one?"

Alex put it on. The fit at the waist wasn't bad, the lenght didn't quite reach the knees but he supposed he could live with that and the obnouxiously bright splash of color didn't make his eyes bleed. If Vict liked this one better, he wouldn't even try the navy blue one.

He was holding the hem of his shirt up to gauge how the garmet hugged his waist when he caught sight of one of the scars on his back. A fine but jagged line running from the bottom of his spine to his right side, the skin slightly raised and whitened. He clenched his teeth at the sight of it. He pulled up the shirt a bit more to show his stomach and found the small dots of electrical burns running from his navel and dissappearing under the trunks. He stroked them lightly with the tip of his finger. Faded as they were, the small dots still contrasted slightly with his pale skin. He scratched them nervously while he rid the shirt past his chest all the way up to his neck, imagining how he would look like wearing the swim trunks, just the swim trunks.

He scowled when his eyes landed on the wound above his heart. It had been years since he was sniped and almost killed by a bullet but the scar hadn't lost its uggliness. The only difference he could find between now and the year he got it was that the small puckered scar was more white than pink at this point.

With an annoyed tsk, he let the shirt fall and changed back into his own clothes. What had he agreed to? He asked himself.

Vict flashed him a smile when he finally stepped out of the changing room. "What's the veredict?"

The blond threw the black and pink trunks at him and threw the rest into the discarded items cart.

"You're paying" he spat, because there was no way he'd waste his money on something he'd only use for a couple of hours and then probably just burn afterwards.

Vict looked like he was about to protest but decided against it once he seemed to notice that Alex's mood had taken a turn for the worst. They just got in line to pay without exchanging any other words.

They had a little over tree hours until the party and they went their separate ways so Alex could get ready in his own room. Apart from a towel, what else was he supposed to take to a pool party? He decided to ponder the answer after running a few laps around the block.

Nothing screamed social anxiety at him better than a freaking party. In fact, he couldn't even remember going to one in the past.

What if people began spreading gossip about him?

But no one knows me here.

What if Vict's friends didn't like him?

What do I care about them?

What if Vict feels ashamed of his poor social skills?

I really don't want to go.

Definitely social anxiety.

Ben hadn't been absolutely any help either when he'd told him about his plans for the day. A party? That's awesome Al! Imagine all the friends your age you could make. Engaging in social activities, that's exactly what your therapist recommended when we moved here…

Why was everyone so obsessed with him making new friends? Didn't they get that people 'his age' just didn't like him? And he didn't like them back anyway, so what was the point? He didn't need any more people in his life.

He wished he'd refused to go.

But he had already agreed and Vict had bribed him with taking him out to dinner that night after the party. He knew Alex had a soft spot for thailand food and he wasn't afraid to use his weakness against him to get his way. The bastard!

Alex guessed he could endure a few hours of anxiety since he was used to living with it anyway. He just hoped dinner was indeed worth all this trouble.

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"There's Leyla. Hey!" Vict waved at the girl who excused herself from the group of people she'd been talking to and happily sauntered her way towards them. She hugged the taller boy and then gave Alex a once over with a look of pride in her eyes.

"I approve" to which the blond just rolled his eyes.

The pool itself wasn't really that big. It was the rest of the back yard that stood out with how spacious it was. Alex could make out a food table at the other side of the pool and a bar right next to the door they'd just come out from. Not many people were in the water since everyone was busy fixing themselves some drinks or walking around the food table filling paper plates with snacks of every kind.

The blond took a step closer to his boyfriend, "So, you know everyone here?"

"No way. They're mostly Leyla's friend's friends, you know, the owner of the house?" Alex arched a brow "I do know some of them. Look that's Bethany, we graduated from the same high school. And William, same team until I left it this year. Reggi, you know Reggi. And Leyla, of course. Matt, Linda and Lucas"

That sounded like an awful lot of people to meet on the same day. "Any chance we can just keep to ourselves?"

Vict rolled his eyes and chuckled at his discomfort. "Come on, I'll introduce you"

Alex tried his best to pretend he was interested in everyone else and he would spurt questions to the people Vict slowly but surely introduced him to just to get the focus of the conversations away from himself. He supposed he was doing fine, anxiety wise, as long as Vict was around to save him when things inevitably went socially awkward.

The doorbell ringing could be faintly heard all the way back there and Alex lost count of how many new guests arrived during the first hour of the party.

At some point, someone powered on a speaker and music began blasting through the small device dangerously close to the pool. The now half full of bodies pool. People had begun shedding their clothes by the time eating and introductions were taken care of and now everyone just walked around on nothing but tight bikinis and colorful swim trunks. Among the sea of skin and color, Alex was glad his own clothes were mostly dark.

"I could use a beer" he said close to Vict's ear. The other boy was engaged in conversation with his group of friends.

"Get me one?"

Alex nodded and made his way to the bar.

It took some time before he found a cooler under the counter with already melting ice and some cans of beer. At least the cans were still cold. But instead of going right back to his boyfriend's side, he lingered behind the counter and took the oportunity to get away from the swarm of almost naked bodies around him. He popped the can open and sipped the bitter but cool liquid.

Everyone was walking around practically half naked, bumping into each other, hugging and casually touching arms and hands. Alex didn't like the casualness with which everyone exposed their bodies. Weren't they bothered by everyone watching? There he was, creepily observing from afar the amount of skin on display. Did they even notice that they were being watched? Did they care?

Alex could remember a time when he supossed he was like them, carefree about how he looked. He'd gone to the beach before, done water sports as well and not once had he worried about his body. He'd been innocent. He'd been naive. Just like every one here was being naive, not paying any attention to how much they showed of themselves.

Alex averted his eyes and worried the can of beer between his hands. Dr. Gwen had worked around this issue with him for so long and still, he hated the idea of exposing skin. Of anyone seein his body again. He allowed Vict to see it because Vict was... well, he was Vict. But anyone else? Not happening.

He picked up the older boy's beer from the counter and made to walk back to him when he caught sight of Vict, who had also shed his t-shirt earlier, talking to some guy near the pool.

The group they'd been talking with had dispersed in his absence and now only Vict and the new guy remained. Alex didn't recall Vict introducing him when they'd arrived to the party so he assumed he didn't know him either. Great, a stranger. The blond stepped back behind the counter and watched from afar.

The new guy was talking animatedly and Vict was playing along. Laughing and replying to whatever the guy was talking about. He was a few inches taller than Vict and his tanned exposed torso was well defined. A pair of bright yellow trunks hugged his legs a bit too tightly and his hair was slicked back probably from having taken a dive into the pool. Apparently he was coercing Vict into joining the party in the water.

Unexplainably to him, when Vict actually sat down with his legs in the water, Alex put the beer can back on the counter and walked back into the house. He asked for directions to the bathroom and locked himself in it when the person currently using it finally got out.

He took one look at his reflexion on the mirror and cursed under his breath.

Idiot.

You shouldn't have come here.

The blond studied the skin of his arms and ran a hand all the way to his shoulder under the sleeve. His fingernails stratched the exposed skin on their way back down.

He took a step away from the sink and roughly pulled the t-shirt over his head. His eyes roamed over the pale skin.

Why could he be comfortable without a shirt on. Why was it so hard to even look?

It's ugly.

The pale skin, the jagged marks.

Alex had stopped checking himself into the mirror right after Kiev. He hadn't wanted to understand why that man had chosen him. He still didn't. He also didn't understand why Vict would like him.

You're ugly.

He had to be. He had to be ugly for someone like Serhiy to do what he'd done to him. For his first intimate experience to be like it was, for someone like that - a monster, a pervert - to have wanted him, for him to have been so uglily introduced to the confusing world of pleasure... he must be ugly.

And he really didn't understand why someone like Vict could set his eyes on someone like-

A knock on the door brought a halt to his spiraling thoughts. "Alex?"

The blond gasped and ran a hand through his hair.

"You in there?"

Vict sounded... worried? He cleared his throat "Ye-yeah. I'm here"

"Everything alright?"

"Yes. I'll be out in a minute"

But he wasn't out in a minute. He couldn't keep his eyes away from the mirror or his hand away from his chest. He'd been nervously scratching into the bullet wound scar so hard the skin was irritated. How long had he been in the bathroom already?

"Al, can I come in?"

Can you let him in? Why would he want to be in? Why had he noticed Alex in the first place? Why-

"Alex?"

Now he sounded really worried. Had he spaced out again? With a sigh, he reached over to unlock the door and open it just barely wide enough for Vict to fit through. When he locked it closed again, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned into it.

Vict stared worriedly into his face. "Is something wrong?"

"I won't be getting into the pool with you" the blond offered as explanation for his odd behavior.

"That's fine. You don't have to get in if you don't want to"

"Then what's the point!?" of the pool, of the swim trunks, of coming here at all.

Vict frowned at his guarded stance. "To have fun? To talk to people, drink and eat some food. To do something different. You're not obligated to get into the water"

"You've been talking to someone alright" the blond murmured under his breath but Vict caught it anyway.

"That guy? I know him through Leyla. He was just... oh. Oh. Are you jealous?"

That was ridiculous. "No"

"You are" but Alex shook his head and leaned away from the door, untangling his arms to wave them around while he spoke.

"Why would I be? There's nothing to be jealous about, right? He's just all smiley and talkative, and he's taller than me, and he doesn't have any fucking mark in his stupid fucking body and he's fine without a fucking stupid shirt on!"

All through his outburst, Alex had begun scratching at his body again, leaving angry red marks over his ribs and stomach until Vict reached his hands to stop him from doing any more unconscious damage to himself.

The blond felt raw and exposed and about to have a panic attack that he really didn't want to deal with right now and he dislodged Vict's hold on him intent on putting his t-shirt back on. Vict stopped him with a hand on his chest, right over his rapidly beating heart and the irritated scar above it.

"Hey... what's going on?" his tone had gentled and his other hand found its residency at the back of his neck "Do you want us to go?"

Alex shook his head. "I want to be normal"

"You are-"

"No, I'm not! I'm boring and ugly, and I don't like parties and I don't like people watching me and I don't like interesting people talking to you"

"What interesting people?"

"That guy. And Linda and Lucas and Reggi" he couldn't keep the contempt out of his voice.

"You really don't like people our age, do you?"

Alex sighed. "I'm just not like them. I don't enjoy the sames things that they do. I'm boring" and paranoid, and anxious, and self-conscious, and ugly. Ugly ugly ugly.

"And I wouldn't want you to be" Vict reached a hand to pull his chin up so their eyes could meet "If only you could see you the way I see you"

The blond stared dumbfounded at him.

"Alex, you're the least boring person I know. I mean, remember how we met and everything that happened afterwards? I'd say it doesn't get any less boring than that"

"That was then"

"And this is now. And right now I'm locked in a bathroom with the hottest guy around so you won't see me complaining, or bored" the blond scoffed and averted his gaze "Alex, you're not ugly. It's okay if you don't want to be shirtless in front of everybody but don't think you have to cover yourself up. Believe me, you're everything but ugly"

Alex eventually nodded and broke out of his hold. He didn't feel like discussing his self image in a stranger's house. They'd already done it enough.

Vict offered him his t-shirt back and Alex was glad to feel the garment fall into place. "Do you want to leave?"

"I promised you two hours"

"I don't care. We can go"

Alex shook his head adamantly. "I promised two hours and you promised dinner tonight"

"It's good to know Thai food can get me anything when it comes to you" Alex lightly shoved him away, releived to feel his panic receeding away.

"I guess I can give this thing another try"

"That's the spirit! Come on"

Before they left the room though, Alex tugged on Vict's sleeve. "But that guy better keep to himself. I'm not above marking territory at this point, you know?"

"We're into public displays of affection now, huh?" the older boy asked around a laugh. Alex couldn't help but feel lighter at hearing it. No matter how hard he broke down, Vict's smile could always bring him back.

"They asked for it"

"Come on. I have an idea"

Vict's idea included intertwining their fingers while they walked all the way back to the pool so Alex could sit over the edge with his legs dangling into the water. The only way Vict could convince him to stay put was by promising not to leave his side for the rest of the afternoon and fullfiling that promise by diving into the water himself and propping his arms over Alex's lap, leisurely kicking the water under the surface and occasionaly pressing a hand at the underside of the blond's knees.

People joined them over time and soon enough Alex found himself surrounded by Vict's friends and willingly participating on the conversation. If he needed to run his fingers constantly through Vict's hair to keep himself centered enough to participate, no one but Vict had to know.

And at the end of the day, if he didn't throw away the swim trunks like he'd planned to but carefully folded them into a drawer... well, nobody had to know either.

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And that was it! You've no idea how much fun I had going through swim trunks at the store with the boys. I also took the oportunity of this fic to show how Vict grew to know some of Alex's issues over time since by this point they'd been together for roughly six months.

To the guest who requested this one shot: I hope this covered what you were expecting to read. I couldn't write a fic about Alex explaining his scars to Vict because I plan to do that after "Who knos better?" Is done, or maybe even inside that fic as well.

Speaking of which… I know I should be updating that story instead of writing new one shots but I just couldn't resist once I saw the request. Worry not though, I miss my babies too much to leave them hanging for long, not now that they're together again.

Anyway! Does anyone have any more requests? I'd love to get ideas for new one shots!

Until the next one!