A/N - Welcome back to the story! Just a warning, things get a little spicy in this chapter!
Rey remained mute as Ben bandaged her wrists. His touch was gentle, his hands feathery upon her mutilated and sore skin. Her tears had finally subsided but she felt exhausted and completely defeated.
He was being kind to her again, and she didn't know why. Neither of them had spoken to the other in the past hour.
Why had he come back to her? What had stopped him from going after Finn?
Ultimately as long as Finn was safe, then she didn't really care what the reasons were. She had promised Ben anything he asked of her, and she had meant it.
Was it that promise that had brought him back to her? She wasn't going to risk him changing his mind. She'd overestimated his kindness and understanding of her, hadn't thought there was a snapping point within him - even on Starkiller he had been reserved, never truly intending to hurt her - but then again she hadn't slapped him in the face before either.
She supposed she was lucky that he hadn't just killed her outright.
He finished with her bandages, hands resting upon her wrapped wrist and fingers. She lifted her head to meet his eyes.
"Why?" She inquired.
"Why what?"
She swallowed heavily, wary of sending him into another frenzy but she knew she had to ask the question.
"Why did you pull me off that stage? Why haven't you told Hux or Snoke who I am? Why aren't you trying to turn me, or pressuring me for the map to Skywalker?"
His hands gently squeezed hers before he rose from the floor and sat on the bed beside her.
"Would you believe me if I said I didn't know?"
"Not particularly," she admitted, fiddling anxiously with her bandages.
He became withdrawn, silent for a moment as his attention fixed on the doorway.
"I had never met anyone else as strong in the Force as you," He told her. "I saw your potential the moment I entered your mind."
She turned toward him, her fingers stilling on her bandages as she studied his handsome countenance. He had wiped her blood from his face, but she thought she could still see the reddened handprint that was rapidly fading.
A small bit of shame crept through her. She shouldn't have hit him, but she'd never been one to control her temper. It had nearly cost Finn's life.
"Is that really all?"
She felt his gaze slide over her. She could only imagine what she must look like. Her eyes had to be bloodshot, she could feel the swelling in them. She assumed her face was blotchy and puffy as well. Her hair was in disarray, wild as it straggled about her face.
Her appearance had never mattered to her before, though, and it didn't matter now.
There was a reason she was here, even if he was hesitant to reveal it, and she knew it had nothing to do with her looks.
"No."
She nodded, not liking the strange pit that formed in her stomach as he confirmed what she'd already known.
"So then why?"
He ran his hand through his hair. It was already disheveled, and now it stood a little on end. He stood up and walked over to the window before moving back across the room. He looked like a caged animal as he paced restlessly back and forth. Tension and power thrummed through him and for the first time she saw him for what he was.
He wasn't just a man, or a monster, and certainly not her enemy. Really he was someone who was just as confused and uncertain about this situation as she was.
"Snoke warned me that as I grew in the Dark my equal in the Light would rise," He began quietly. "The moment I met you I realized he was wrong. You are my equal, but that is not contingent on your position in the Light, nor mine in the Dark. Because since coming together we have both drawn power from the opposing force."
He turned toward her, and their eyes met.
Rey knew he was speaking the truth. She had, at times, given into her anger and her passion. And he had been unwaveringly kind and gentle. Neither of them truly resided in the Light or in the Dark.
So what are we, then?
"We're the Gray," Ben answered her unspoken question. He stopped before her, kneeling down as he took hold of her hands. "The balance between the Light and Dark, the good and the evil. But only together."
Rey's heart leapt wildly in her chest. She didn't know what to make of this confession or what it signified. She leaned forward, bringing her hands to his face, stroking along the scar she had given him.
He didn't stop her, but rather leaned into her touch, eyes closed.
She pressed her hands tighter against his face as she brushed her lips tenderly against his forehead. She wished that she could do so much more, wished that she could heal the damage that she had inflicted upon him.
She couldn't undo what had been done, but she could attempt to soothe the lingering anguish she sensed in him now.
"Ben," she breathed, so completely lost and confused by everything that was happening to her. To them.
Ben was silent for a moment, studying her, then his fingers were in her hair and he was pulling her against him.
Rey gasped as his mouth claimed hers with a desperation that left her dazed and breathless. At first she was so surprised that she was motionless against him, unable to respond to the intensity and passion she felt radiating from him.
Then her shock was buried beneath the torrent of emotions that surged forth in her. She was shaking, rocked by the need that filled her, the desperation that seized her. She needed this, she needed him. It all felt so right, even though she knew the Jedi code said it was wrong.
In fact, even though he was something she had hated and fought against, she thought this might be the first right thing she had ever done.
There had always been something missing in her life, something that she'd been searching and hoping for. She thought it had been her parents, but she was wrong.
Now, with his mouth upon hers, and her body tingling with electricity and a fire building within her, she knew that it was him.
He was what she had been missing, what she had been searching for.
Maz had been right; the belonging she sought had not been behind her, but ahead.
His large body loomed over hers as he seized hold of her waist and lifted her easily up to deposit her in the center of the bed. Her heart hammered, and excitement and nervousness tore through her in equal measures as he came down on top of her.
His chest was firm against hers, the width of his shoulders nearly three times the size of hers as his arm wrapped around his waist and he lifted her against him.
The differences in their bodies were startling; he was unbending everywhere that she was yielding, and yet she fit perfectly against him.
He took advantage of a small exhalation that escaped her to take full possession of her mouth. Her fingers fell against the bare skin at the hollow of his lower back that his shirt had bunched up to expose. Her hands splayed over the rigid muscles that flexed beneath her as he settled more firmly between her legs.
He kissed her until she was breathless, kissed her until she couldn't think straight and was desperate for more.
His strong hands slipped her thing nightgown up her thighs. His fingers brushed over her bare skin, stroking her as he moved steadily higher. She wanted to scream with pleasure at the same time a bolt of fear shot through her.
It was all so new and thrilling, but it was also moving far too fast as the heavy weight of his body pressed her deeper into the mattress.
Rey broke free of the enchanting pressure of his mouth as reality crashed back around her. She couldn't breathe, couldn't get control of her surging body and tumultuous emotions.
"Ben, wait," she managed to pant out.
He froze against her, his fingers a tantalizing sensation as they stilled upon her thigh. Rey shook at the realization that it was the most intimate touch she'd ever experienced.
A tremor raced through her as desire sent her heartbeat skyrocketing again.
She'd never felt so torn before, never felt such overwhelming desire and belonging mingled with such pulsating dread of the unknown. She couldn't think, and she desperately needed just a moment to at least try and sort out what was going on.
His hands were upon her face, turning it towards him. She blinked at him as she focused on the beautiful, caring eyes before her.
"Rey, are you okay?"
She managed to nod.
"I'm just… I'm not… it's just too fast. It's all too fast."
His eyes scanned questioningly over her face. Then, much to her dismay, a dawning realization seemed to come over him. His brow smoothed out, his eyes were far more understanding as they came back to her.
Her face flooded with color, and her eyes darted rapidly away from him. She couldn't meet his gaze, she was too mortified by what he had undoubtedly just realized.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked softly. "I would have gone slower if I'd known you were-"
"Stop," she interrupted him, too embarrassed to hear him say it.
He bent his head to press his forehead against hers. His lips were swollen from their kisses as they hovered over hers.
"Okay," he said simply, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.
He rolled off of her, pulling her against his side, his arm wrapped around her waist as he held her against him. Rey was enthralled by the ease with which he embraced her, and the fact that he had taken her abrupt stop so calmly. His fingers were as soft as down against her wounded ribs.
"I haven't either, you know," he informed her. Her head shot up to meet his gaze.
"You… really?" She was shocked. Not only was he significantly older than her, but the way he handled her conveyed experience.
"No," he admitted. "But I have been thinking about doing that to you since Starkiller Base."
Rey blushed, and he simply smiled, pressing affectionate kisses across her cheeks. She was amazed by him, overjoyed by the tenderness he showed her, staggered by the fact that he had so easily accepted being denied something she knew he craved.
He was her enemy, and yet she knew now that though he could be volatile, he was not a monster. He never would be, not to her anyway. She knew it with every fiber of her being.
"What are you going to do with me?" She hated asking, but she had to know.
His quick smile was stunning, robbing her of her breath.
"Whatever you would like me to do." Rey couldn't help but smile back at him as she traced the ridge of his jaw. "I know you covet your freedom, Rey, but I can't give it back. But I can protect you. I will make sure Snoke never discovers your existence, and no harm will come to you."
Rey nodded, warmed by his words, but not at all comforted by them. There would be little either of them could do if Snoke arrived at the palace. He would undoubtedly sense the presence of someone strong with the force.
"You look exhausted," he noted.
"I am," she admitted.
"Sleep, we can talk later."
She didn't feel like sleeping; she enjoyed lying there and feeling him against her. She wanted to lay there and enjoy the simple awe of her strange and tenuous situation. Although she fought against it, sleep was swift and deep when it finally claimed her.
A/N - Hope you enjoyed this chapter!
As always, leave a review with your thoughts, suggestions, and predictions, and I'll see you in the next chapter!
~ Elizabeth (FanOfDeliciousFlavour)