p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"strongChapter 3: WIDE AWAKE/strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"It took everything strongPaul Blart/strong had not to regurgitate the spaghetti sandwich he had eaten for lunch. Right within arms reach was the one creature that he could not abide by. Nothing in the universe is truly perfect, and even in a masterpiece such as strongDon Bluth's The Land Before Time saga/strong, there looms a dark cloud. The most disgusting and reviled of all God's creatures, the repulsive strongPetrie The Pteranodon. /strongBlart often contemplated why a genius like Bluth would even consider committing any pteranodon to the screen, but this hideous creature was the pteranodon of pteranodons. The embodiment of all the worst traits of the already godless and vile bastard sons of satan himself. Nasty. Yucky. Icky. Gross gross yuck./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""you am fat, you must know where am treestar store!" sputtered the strongPetrie/strong as he gingerly tasted the urinal cake with the tip of his leathery beak./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Back off you nasty booger!" shrieked Blart in a panic. He turned his body and held his hand behind him to give the impression he was reaching for the gun or taser he certainly didn't have./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You rude. Me call friends. They no happy if you rude to Petrie. Petrie the most popular."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Paul Blart shuddered. He knew it was true. To the man's horror, the baby bird-devil stumbled its bloated little body out of the urinal and began waddling toward him unsteadily. His tiny wing-claws grasping at the air around him as if reaching for tiny vines or clawing through wiry wig hairs. "Me climb up your pant leg" Petrie menaced. "Petrie teach you strongBIG LESSON"/strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""strongNONONONONONONO" /strongPaul Blart's face was a mask of terror. Stepped backwards without looking and found himself tripping into a toilet stall. His butt wedged itself firmly into the bowl of the toilet, as it had so many times in the past. His experience told him it would take no small amount of effort to pry himself from this porcelin bear trap. Tears gushed from his eyes and mixed with the beads of sweat as they both racedto his chin. This was the end for Blart. The automatic high pressure flush activated over and over as he sobbed, sucking his cheeks deeper into the bowl./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Petrie plodded onward, his prey helpless and waiting for him. Urinal cake crumbs lined the fleshy lips of his beak, which he greedy licked up./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"strongThe End/strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"-said the voice of formerly deceased former president strongGeorge W Bush /strongas he finished his book in the next stall over." That was a good book", George W Bush said to himself, "There were lots of pictures of planes"./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"George peeped under the stall at the whimpering Blart. "Hey buddy, wanna read this book? It has lots of pictures of planes. It even has a jumbo jet!"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Puh puh please.. help me, former president George W Bush. Please save me from this baby dinosaur" Blart managed to say between gasps and sobs./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Oh okay." said George W Bush. "Jumbo jets are the best ones because theyre the biggest" he explained as he tossed his book at the advancing Petrie from under the stall. It landed squarely on top of the creature, trapping him underneath. Petrie hissed with rage as Blart squeezed himself out of the toilet so he could stand up and salute George W Bush. "THANK YOU SIR" Blart had to shout over Petrie's spits and curses. "GOD BLESS YOU AND GOD BLESS AMERICA"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I WISH THAT WERE TRUE MISTER BLART, BUT GOD HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON OUR FINE COUNTRY IN RECENT YEARS" shouted back the former president. "IN NO SMALL PART THANKS TO THE WICKED BARACK OBAMA"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""NOT strongMY /strongPRESIDENT" Replied Blart both heroically and stoically./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""EXACTLY BLART. THIS IS WHY YOU ARE ONE OF THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN HEROES. OBAMA'S SATANIC OBAMACARE PLAN KILLED ALL THE OTHER ONES."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""YOU DONT MEAN.." Blart whispered loudly over his breath./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""YES BLART. IT IS UP TO YOU. I WILL NOW TRANSFER ALL THE FORBIDDEN MAGIK OF THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTO YOU, AND WITH IT MY SOULD WILL FINALLY BE LAID TO REST"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"George W Bush leaned in and gave Paul Blart a passionate open-mouthed kiss. Despite himself, Blart closed his eyes, lost in this moment. He could hear the faint cry of eagles and a beautiful rendition of the star spangled banner as played by the original George W himself. That's right. GEORGE WASHINGTON. And he was VERY good at the flute. A vision swept over Blart of Washington showing him a secret Jugallo handsign, which Blart repeated back to the founding father's. "you are special. my special baby boy" whispered Washington, nodding. When Blart opened his eyes at last, George W Bush was gone. all that was left of him was his book, which still pinned the shrieking shrieking baby Pteranodon./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You gonna get it now! Me hear me friends coming! strongWe ALL teach you big lesson!/strong"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Im not afraid of you anymore!" lied Blart as he scurried up the wall to an air vent. He now had all the powers of a true former president, which included being able to climb around on walls and cielings whenever he wanted. He wriggled down the narrow air duct as fast as he could as he heard the other dinosaurs burst into the bathroom behind him./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""It's time to make a stand, it is time to save America" thought the Blart heroically right before he collapsed in the air duct from a lack of sugar./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"To Be Continued./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"It took everything strongPaul Blart/strong had not to regurgitate the spaghetti sandwich he had eaten for lunch. Right within arms reach was the one creature that he could not abide by. Nothing in the universe is truly perfect, and even in a masterpiece such as strongDon Bluth's The Land Before Time saga/strong, there looms a dark cloud. The most disgusting and reviled of all God's creatures, the repulsive strongPetrie The Pteranodon. /strongBlart often contemplated why a genius like Bluth would even consider committing any pteranodon to the screen, but this hideous creature was the pteranodon of pteranodons. The embodiment of all the worst traits of the already godless and vile bastard sons of satan himself. Nasty. Yucky. Icky. Gross gross yuck./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""you am fat, you must know where am treestar store!" sputtered the strongPetrie/strong as he gingerly tasted the urinal cake with the tip of his leathery beak./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Back off you nasty booger!" shrieked Blart in a panic. He turned his body and held his hand behind him to give the impression he was reaching for the gun or taser he certainly didn't have./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You rude. Me call friends. They no happy if you rude to Petrie. Petrie the most popular."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Paul Blart shuddered. He knew it was true. To the man's horror, the baby bird-devil stumbled its bloated little body out of the urinal and began waddling toward him unsteadily. His tiny wing-claws grasping at the air around him as if reaching for tiny vines or clawing through wiry wig hairs. "Me climb up your pant leg" Petrie menaced. "Petrie teach you strongBIG LESSON"/strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""strongNONONONONONONO" /strongPaul Blart's face was a mask of terror. Stepped backwards without looking and found himself tripping into a toilet stall. His butt wedged itself firmly into the bowl of the toilet, as it had so many times in the past. His experience told him it would take no small amount of effort to pry himself from this porcelin bear trap. Tears gushed from his eyes and mixed with the beads of sweat as they both racedto his chin. This was the end for Blart. The automatic high pressure flush activated over and over as he sobbed, sucking his cheeks deeper into the bowl./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Petrie plodded onward, his prey helpless and waiting for him. Urinal cake crumbs lined the fleshy lips of his beak, which he greedy licked up./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"strongThe End/strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"-said the voice of formerly deceased former president strongGeorge W Bush /strongas he finished his book in the next stall over." That was a good book", George W Bush said to himself, "There were lots of pictures of planes"./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"George peeped under the stall at the whimpering Blart. "Hey buddy, wanna read this book? It has lots of pictures of planes. It even has a jumbo jet!"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Puh puh please.. help me, former president George W Bush. Please save me from this baby dinosaur" Blart managed to say between gasps and sobs./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Oh okay." said George W Bush. "Jumbo jets are the best ones because theyre the biggest" he explained as he tossed his book at the advancing Petrie from under the stall. It landed squarely on top of the creature, trapping him underneath. Petrie hissed with rage as Blart squeezed himself out of the toilet so he could stand up and salute George W Bush. "THANK YOU SIR" Blart had to shout over Petrie's spits and curses. "GOD BLESS YOU AND GOD BLESS AMERICA"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""I WISH THAT WERE TRUE MISTER BLART, BUT GOD HAS TURNED HIS BACK ON OUR FINE COUNTRY IN RECENT YEARS" shouted back the former president. "IN NO SMALL PART THANKS TO THE WICKED BARACK OBAMA"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""NOT strongMY /strongPRESIDENT" Replied Blart both heroically and stoically./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""EXACTLY BLART. THIS IS WHY YOU ARE ONE OF THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN HEROES. OBAMA'S SATANIC OBAMACARE PLAN KILLED ALL THE OTHER ONES."/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""YOU DONT MEAN.." Blart whispered loudly over his breath./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""YES BLART. IT IS UP TO YOU. I WILL NOW TRANSFER ALL THE FORBIDDEN MAGIK OF THE FOUNDING FATHERS INTO YOU, AND WITH IT MY SOULD WILL FINALLY BE LAID TO REST"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"George W Bush leaned in and gave Paul Blart a passionate open-mouthed kiss. Despite himself, Blart closed his eyes, lost in this moment. He could hear the faint cry of eagles and a beautiful rendition of the star spangled banner as played by the original George W himself. That's right. GEORGE WASHINGTON. And he was VERY good at the flute. A vision swept over Blart of Washington showing him a secret Jugallo handsign, which Blart repeated back to the founding father's. "you are special. my special baby boy" whispered Washington, nodding. When Blart opened his eyes at last, George W Bush was gone. all that was left of him was his book, which still pinned the shrieking shrieking baby Pteranodon./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You gonna get it now! Me hear me friends coming! strongWe ALL teach you big lesson!/strong"/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Im not afraid of you anymore!" lied Blart as he scurried up the wall to an air vent. He now had all the powers of a true former president, which included being able to climb around on walls and cielings whenever he wanted. He wriggled down the narrow air duct as fast as he could as he heard the other dinosaurs burst into the bathroom behind him./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""It's time to make a stand, it is time to save America" thought the Blart heroically right before he collapsed in the air duct from a lack of sugar./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"To Be Continued./p