A/N - I've finally got a bit of a longer chapter for you guys!
ndavis77 - I'm glad they're back together too! Much more fun to write :)
sassyfraz - That was the idea! I couldn't resist.
oldestj1 - I pretty much just post as I write, so you never know when the chapters will hit! I'm glad you like my shorter chapters!
ldsrsc - I guess we'll find out!
Aliassaiori - You'll definitely see some possessive Ben in this chapter!
thecelestialpotato - Hello, thank you so much! I'm a big fan of binge-reading fanfics too!
GuestCT - Guess we'll just have to wait and see how everything plays out! And I am really strongly attached to both of the characters, and I feel like that shows. I'm glad you like my portrayal of them!
.xo - I'm happy you love the story so much! Thank you for sticking with it!
Guest - I'm glad you like it!
Guest - Everyone seems to really enjoy that scene! I wonder why... ;)
Brenna345 - Your wish is granted! Hope you enjoy!
manaoki - I am a notorious fanfic binge-reader as well, so I gotchu! Thanks for reading!
Rey sat on the edge of the stone slab within one of the many huts on the island. Luke sat across from her, on the opposite side of the space, with Ben remaining standing between them.
She glanced curiously at Luke, who looked completely relaxed despite their presence. There was an air of indifference surrounding him, and yet Rey sensed that there was something more that he was keeping purposefully hidden from them.
"What have you gotten yourself into, Ben?" Luke questioned.
"I don't see how that is any of your concern."
She felt the spark of curiosity that raced through Luke as his eyes raked over her again.
"You've come to me, Ben. That makes it my concern. You have brought whatever trouble you are in here to my world. I have a right to know what it is."
Ben turned to him, but his jaw was taut, and Rey was well aware of the fact that Ben was not ready to open up to Luke. She was just as curious as his Uncle about what Ben had planned, but if he was unwilling to say just yet then Rey wasn't going to press him.
"This isn't your world, Uncle, it's your exile." Ben shot back. "Or has that changed?"
"How much does she know?" Luke nodded towards Rey. "About that night, how much have you told her?"
Rey glanced at Ben curiously.
"Enough," He snapped, before turning to Rey. "Leave us."
Rey bristled at his tone.
"I'm not leaving you alone with him."
"I just need to talk to him," Ben's voice softened. "Please, Rey. My Uncle and I have a lot to discuss. There are… details that he needs to know."
Understanding dawned on her, and she nodded slowly. She began to make her way to the next hut further down the mountainside.
Rey had just begun to meditate when she was momentarily crippled by an overwhelming sense of loss. It didn't take long to realize that it was coming from Luke.
Ben appeared in the entrance of the hut. She could see the barely contained tension simmering beneath his surface, sense the thin thread of control that he had over himself.
Rey froze as she took him in. He was being pushy and overbearing, but for the first time she glimpsed the strain he was going through having to face Luke and recount his past actions.
Ben's eyes were smoldering, his shoulders rigid, the stress of their current situation clearly wearing on him. She felt that he hadn't even realized how strenuous and draining this would be on him.
She could also sense the fear that he was trying so desperately to keep from here. The fear that he wasn't going to be able to keep her safe, that he would lose her.
She couldn't promise him that they would be safe, that they would make it through this, but she could help him by letting him know that she could handle herself.
"Ben," She moved to face him, gently taking his hand and resting it against her chest, over top of her heartbeat. "Do you feel that?"
His eyes were dark, stormy as he raised his gaze to hers. She knew that he could feel it, it was impossible to ignore its forceful beat.
"It's yours. I am yours, Ben. I'm strong, and I can handle this. You don't have to worry about me."
Though he was still tense, his eyes were also filled with awe. His fingers curled against her chest, he bent to kiss her forehead, then her cheek, and ear.
"I am yours also, Rey. Never doubt that," He murmured. "You are the best thing to ever happen to me."
"You don't have to say that," she breathed.
"It's true," he told her softly. "I don't want anyone but you, Rey. You are mine, and you will always be mine."
His voice rang with possessiveness, and she could feel his tension spiking again. It was the first time she realized that it wasn't just this entire situation that had him so out of sorts, but also her.
It was a frightening and disconcerting realization. She didn't know how to help him, how to ease the stress thrumming through him.
"The thought of you turning to someone else, for anything, makes me want to destroy this entire place," He admitted. "It makes me want to shred someone limb from limb."
She stared at him in surprise, disturbed by the rapid change she sensed in him. Disturbed by the fact that she was a large part of the instability she sensed growing inside of him.
"I would never do that," She promised. He was dark, remorseless, and distant in a way that he hadn't been since she had first met him in the forest. For a moment it seemed as if he didn't see her, as if he was trapped in the thought of her with someone else. "Ben, you are the only one that has ever made me feel like this."
He swallowed heavily, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again she was relieved to see a softening in his gaze.
"I know, Rey. I know you wouldn't."
She hoped that her insistence would help to get through to him, but she still sensed something dark and turbulent beneath his calm exterior.
"Then why do you seem so troubled? So angry?"
Ben looked startled by her observation, shaking his head as his eyes filled with a self hatred that rattled her. He took a small step back from her.
"I'm sorry, Rey. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You didn't," she assured him quickly, terrified by the strange gap she felt expanding between them. A gap she didn't understand, just as she didn't understand what was going on with him. She enfolded his hand in hers. "Ben, you could never hurt me."
He didn't look appeased by her words. He didn't even look as if he believed them.
"We should return."
"Ben, what is wrong?" She demanded, becoming frightened by the strange air that now encompassed him.
He grabbed hold of her, pulling her against him. A small gasp of surprise escaped her as he fell to his knees before her. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he rested his head against her stomach.
"I have done nothing to deserve you. I don't deserve you, or your love. I have done nothing to earn it."
Rey was frozen, astounded at the picture of the most powerful man she had ever known on his knees before her, broken by the anguish pouring from him. Anguish she did not understand.
She slid to her knees before him, clinging to him as he enveloped her, rocking her against him, holding her and touching her so reverently that she could barely breathe through the love swirling and building within her.
His presence overwhelmed her with its intensity. His hands were in her hair, his mouth and tongue had fierce possession of hers. His kiss was passionate, burning with a desperation that left her shaken.
He pulled away from her.
"Rey," He breathed. "You're so innocent, so sweet…"
"I'm not that sweet."
His smile was strained, his eyes dark and tortured.
"True," He agreed. She grinned at him, sensing the easing in his mood that she had been hoping for. "But there is so much you don't know about me, so much that you could never understand. There are things that I have done…"
She placed a finger over his mouth, silencing him.
"Stop, Ben. You're not going to scare me away. You are not Snoke, and you are not Hux."
"I am a killer."
"I have killed also."
"In self-defense. I killed for pleasure, for joy." She tried to turn away from him. She had no desire to hear this. She knew what he was, what he was capable of. He grabbed hold of her, pulling her back toward him. "You have to hear this, Rey."
"I understand, Ben. You don't have to do this."
"I do, because you don't understand. I only killed out of anger. I never killed for pleasure, never killed for the joy of it." She frowned at him, not understanding where he was going with this. "Until Poe took you away from me."
Rey recoiled, the color draining from her face. He was right, she didn't understand this. The Ben she knew was kind, caring, overly protective, and as willing to die for her as he was willing to kill for her, but he was not vicious. And this conversation was taking a turn toward cruelty that she hadn't expected from him.
"After that, I lost myself in the pleasure of death, the pleasure of killing." Rey felt nauseous. He was a killer, she understood that, but she didn't care to hear about it. He leaned closer to her, his eyes burning with a strange fire. "I didn't enjoy it for long."
Rey shook her head, forcing herself not to recoil from him. She loved him, but how did she assimilate the monster he was describing to the man before her?
"Why?" She managed to croak out.
"Because for brief moments of time I was almost able to forget you, but I eventually realized that I didn't enjoy it and it truly didn't help."
She stifled a moan as she closed her eyes. Guilt stained her soul and twisted in her stomach. It was not her fault that he had done those things. He had chosen to kill, but her absence had been the catalyst that sent him spiraling over the edge.
"Why are you telling me this?" She whispered.
His hand was gentle as he gripped her chin.
"Because you must know."
She shook her head in denial. She loved him, she truly did, but now she felt ragged and raw. He had starkly reminded her of things that she didn't like to recall, reminded her of the fact that he was a monster, or at least he had the potential to be. He would never harm her, but what would he do to someone else that stood in his way?
She knew the answer to that, and it would be something immediate and violent.
"Rey, you have to understand what it is that I'm saying to you." She blinked, her eyes burning with tears. She was confused as to why he kept pushing this. "I can't lose you again. It sent me into a dark spiral, snapped something inside of me, turned me into something evil and twisted. It wrecked me, and I can't lose you again, or many will not survive it."
"You're not going to," she promised.
His hands were on her face, his eyes forceful and smoldering.
"Whatever this is between us, it's something that I don't understand, it's something strong, intense, pure, and yet consuming," He told her. "It is something magnificent and precious, but it can also turn me into something horrendous. Losing you would drive me mad."
"Ben, I will never leave you," she insisted. "Why do you believe that I will?"
His eyes were sad as he gazed at her.
"Because if you stay with me, you will never be a Jedi."
A/N - Uh oh! Angst time!
As always, please leave a review with your thoughts, suggestions, and predictions, and I'll see you in the next chapter!
~ Elizabeth (FanOfDeliciousFlavour)