Jess walked straight to her bedroom after getting home from Ima's, thankful Lux wasn't home. She had so many thoughts swarming through her head and she needed some time to herself to sort through them all. She lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling, Ima's black and blue face pictured in her mind. She hated knowing that Jax had been the one to do that to her and wondered, grimly, if he was capable of that, what else was he capable of?

If she was honest with herself, she had known for a while that Jax and the others weren't all they seemed. But her crush on Jax had allowed her to ignore all the parts of herself that had been warning her and instead she'd taken everything they told her at face value. They were mechanics who liked bikes and got together on occasion with other groups who may or may not be gang related. She realized she'd wanted to remain blissfully ignorant, but Jax had now shown his hand and forced her to look deeper; forced her to see everything that had been right in front of her face.

She rolled over on the bed, remembering the night she'd really fallen for Jax. The night he became something to her other than a hot body and a pretty face. It was their last night together, laughing hysterically on the picnic tables, talking all night about his family, about her past, watching the sunrise from the roof. She had felt like she was 16 again; just a girl with a crush on a boy. She couldn't remember ever having a better night. Until the next morning, when Ima pulled that damn gun out of her purse and it felt as if everything had changed since then. She now felt like she didn't know Jax at all.

She recalled the mug shot wall at the clubhouse, finally allowing herself to wonder what they'd all been to prison for, and as different theories and ideas flooded her brain, she finally fell into an uneasy sleep.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Jess awoke the next morning feeling as if she hadn't slept at all. It took her a moment to recall the reason for her bad sleep and she shot up in bed as she remembered. She quickly crawled out of bed, throwing clothes on and rushing out the door. Item number one on her agenda for the day was to get some answers from the only person she knew that wouldn't lie to her.

She pulled up to Rose's house, quickly walking up the drive and unlocking the front door with the key Rose had insisted she keep. She walked into the kitchen to see her aunt reading the paper and sipping on a cup of coffee, glancing up as she walked in.

"Jess!" she said happily, standing up and giving her a hug, "Well this is a nice surprise. Do you want a cup of coffee?" Jess nodded gratefully as she took a seat at the table while Rose brought her a warm mug. Jess took a sip of it as she glanced across the table at her aunt, who was watching her worriedly.

"You seem a little down about something," Rose finally said. Jess set the mug down, shrugging as she looked back at Rose, wondering where to start.

"It's a guy," she finally said. Rose nodded knowingly, sitting back in her chair.

"You want to talk about it?" Rose asked. Jess nodded, sighing.

"How much do you know about SAMCRO?" she asked.

"Ah," Rose replied, "So this guy is a Son?" Jess nodded.

"Jax Teller," she told her. Rose raised her eyebrows.

"Gemma's boy?" she asked, "No wonder she was being so nosy." Jess gave her a small smile before staring down at the mug in front of her.

"I just don't know what I've gotten myself into," she said, "All I know is I was stupid to believe Lux when she told me they were just a bunch of mechanics." Rose nodded sympathetically.

"Well, don't be too hard on Lux," Rose said, "I'm sure that girl's had to carry secrets around that would overwhelm most of us."

"Secrets about what?" Jess asked desperately. Rose shrugged.

"I couldn't even begin to imagine," she said, shaking her head, "Now I'm not telling you Jax isn't a good person or that you shouldn't be with him if it's what your heart wants, but I am telling you to be careful. He's… done some bad things."

"What kinds of things?" Jess asked.

"Well, I only know what's public knowledge and what's rumors," she said, "No one without a cut really knows the whole truth."

"So what's the public knowledge?" she asked anxiously. Rose looked thoughtful for a moment, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Well, him and a couple of the other guys were arrested a few years back. Did some time for gun running and smuggling. They had a hard time proving it in court, something about searching without a warrant got a bunch of stuff thrown out, which was why his sentence was so lenient. Only did a couple years. It was pretty big news, seeing as how nothing ever happens in this town, so we were all following it pretty closely, but I don't know any more than that about it. Could've been a one-time thing and he just got caught… but I doubt it," Rose finished, looking back at Jess who was still processing the information. Smuggling? Running guns? She didn't know what she'd expected, but it wasn't that.

"What should I do?" she finally asked.

"I can't tell you that," Rose said, "All I can tell you is whatever you decide, you be careful. You could get in over your head before you even realize it." Jess sighed, feeling more conflicted now than when she got there, wondering what advice Rose would be giving her if she told her about Ima and her black and blue face.

SOASOASOASOASOA

Jess stayed at her aunt's house for several hours before finally driving back to the apartment. She walked inside, changing quickly to go for a run and hoping that would help clear out the jumble of information, thoughts, and feelings filling up her head. She grabbed her iPod and took off, running down back roads and through neighborhoods in an attempt to avoid certain people.

She thought about what her aunt had told her and tried to understand how she felt about it. Did she believe, as her aunt suggested as a possibility, that it had been a one-time thing? No. She was pretty sure that if he had been running guns 6 or 7 years ago, there was a good chance he was still doing it. She thought about the meeting with the Niners, now convinced that the Niners were a gang from Oakland, but it wouldn't take much more than a google search to find out for sure. Had they been meeting about guns? Were the Sons trying to sell to them? By the satisfied looks on all their faces as they left the meeting, a good deal had obviously taken place.

But she didn't think any of this would bother her so much if she hadn't seen Ima's face. She could take Jax's arrest record – she'd already known he'd been arrested in the past by his inclusion in the mug shot wall, and it wasn't as if Jess had never broken the law. It was sometimes pertinent to survival when you were a foster kid. But she couldn't take the thought that he would hurt someone half his size like that, no matter the reason. That act alone had her rethinking everything she thought she knew about him.

She had no idea how long she'd been running, but the sun was starting to set by the time she got back to the apartment. The only sign of Lux was a note left on the counter that read 'Where the hell are you?' Jess took the note before walking back to her bedroom and checking her phone, seeing several missed calls from Lux as well.

And then she remembered. Today was Thursday. She was supposed to go over to the clubhouse, but the thought of seeing everyone, especially Jax, right now was intolerable. She needed more time to work things out. She sighed, grabbing her phone and making her way into the living room to watch TV and get out of her head for a little while.

There was a knock on the door sometime in the middle of a Dance Moms marathon and Jess glanced up at the door, instinctively knowing who it was. She shut the TV off, hoping he would just leave, but she should've known better. He knocked again, harder this time and Jess sighed, standing up and answering the door.

"Hey," Jax said, a worried expression on his face.

"Hey," Jess said shortly. She stared down at her feet, not wanting to look into his blue eyes, and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I saw your car downstairs," Jax explained, "Lux said you hadn't been answering her calls; I just wanted to make sure everything was okay." Jess nodded.

"I'm fine, I just… didn't feel like coming over tonight," she said, hoping that would be enough for him and he would leave. She just needed some time to herself to think. Jax stared at her for a minute, at the way she wouldn't make eye contact with him and how she hadn't yet stepped back from the door to allow him inside.

"Didn't feel like going over there or didn't feel like seeing me?" he eventually asked. Jess flicked her eyes briefly to his but glanced away quickly, shrugging.

"Jess, what's going on?" Jax asked, an edge to his voice. Jess shrugged again, leaning against the door frame.

"Nothing," she said, but Jax still didn't leave. She sighed, looking everywhere but at him, "I just… talked to my aunt. Heard some things I didn't know before." She heard Jax's breath hitch and it took him a second to respond.

"Things like what?" he asked. She finally raised her eyes to meet his, and was startled to see him looking so angry.

"Things like you were arrested for smuggling guns," she said.

"Fuck," he hissed, turning around and leaning against the railing of the stairway. When he turned back to her, his face was pained and his eyes narrowed.

"I just need time to process everything," Jess said, "I'm just not sure how I feel about it right now."

"How you feel? About an arrest from 8 years ago?" he asked, his voice full of anger and frustration.

"Oh, so you haven't done it since then?" Jess asked, her voice full with sarcasm. She was tired of being lied to. She just wanted to know the truth. And from his silence, she felt like she'd finally found some.

"I saw Ima yesterday, too," Jess added, feeling if she was laying down one thing, she might as well lay it all down, "How do I know you won't do that to me one day?" She could see Jax's eyes blazing as he looked at her, his nostrils flaring.

"Part of the reason I did that was FOR you!" Jax bellowed at her, slamming his hand against the metal railing, "Because I was scared she was going to hurt YOU!"

"That scares me even more!" Jess yelled back, "I don't want you to hurt people for me. And we both know Ima wouldn't have fired that gun if I hadn't been stupid enough to try and take it from her."

"This is my life, Jess!" Jax shouted in finality, his arms outspread, "I don't know what to tell you. Either you can handle it or you can't." Jess shook her head, tears beginning to streak down her cheeks. She didn't want this to be the end of it. She just wanted more time to think.

"Did you think I would never find out?" Jess asked , her voice full of fury and desperation, "Jesus, the whole town at least knows about your arrest!"

"I didn't think it was anything you needed to know!" Jax yelled, "And honestly, I didn't think you'd be able to handle it. Obviously I was right."

"Yeah, nothing gets by you, does it?" Jess asked, spite filling her voice, "Guess you got me all figured out there. Maybe if all of this hadn't been sprung on me, maybe if you hadn't felt the need to bash Ima's face into a mirror-"

"None of that concerns you!" Jax screamed, interrupting her, his anger finally overcoming him as he banged his fist roughly against the doorframe.

"Fuck you!" Jess screamed back before slamming the door in his face, taking several steps backwards as she stared at it, tears now streaming down her cheeks.

Jax punched the door in angry frustration, breathing heavily as he turned away, running down the stairs. He couldn't remember ever being this furious, but mostly he was angry at himself. He should have known it would go down like this. He knew before it started that Jess wasn't the type of girl he should involve himself with. She wasn't the type of girl that would ever be able to accept him, accept the life he led, and he had no business bringing her down with him. But for so many reasons, he had found himself undeniably attracted and drawn to her and knew he couldn't have stayed away if he'd tried.

'It's probably better this way,' he thought as he walked straight to his bike parked in the TM lot. Over before it began. If an 8 year old arrest and a thing like Ima were going to send her running, it was best he know now.

He hopped on his bike and drove straight to his house, barely acknowledging the SUV parked in his driveway as he strode inside. Only upon entering did he realize Tara was sitting on the floor with Abel, playing with some toy cars. Abel looked up excitedly when he heard the door open and hopped up, running to Jax and throwing his arms around his legs, Tara smiling at the scene. It was amazing the power a 3 year old could have to ebb his anger away.

"Hey, buddy," Jax said, smiling at the child as he lifted him up and carried him back into the living room, smiling down at Tara. Tara, who had run off on him, but who always came back. Tara, who had been trying for months to be a family again, even knowing everything she knew about him.

He took a seat on the floor next to her, setting Abel down who picked up a toy car and held it out to Jax. Jax took it, grinning as he ran it along the floor.

"I guess I'll go now, since you're back," Tara said, tentatively rising from her place on the floor. Jax turned to look up at her, his fight with Jess running through his mind, and he shook his head.

"No, stay," he said. Tara looked back at him for a moment before smiling, nodding, and taking her place back on the floor. Abel handed her a toy car as well before ramming his toy car into theirs. Jax grinned over at Tara as Abel made exploding noises due to the car accidents he'd just caused and Tara laughed.

"This is nice," Tara said. Jax turned to her, nodding.

"Yeah, it is," he said as she leaned against him and they watched Abel play.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Sunlight streamed through Jess's window Saturday morning, causing her to roll over and groan, reminding herself she needed to get curtains. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and leaned back against her headboard, her knees pulled into her chest. She'd spent the entirety of the day before in her room, calling in sick to work so she could stay home and feel miserable. It had now been two days since the heated argument between her and Jax and part of her knew things were for the best, but the other part of her couldn't eat, sleep, or stop crying. The only times she'd even gotten out of bed had been to use the bathroom.

There was a knock on her door and Jess stared at it, but couldn't bring herself to respond or open it.

"Jess?" Lux called through the door, "Just… let me know you're still alive in there, okay? I'm really worried about you."

"I'm alive," Jess said, grasping her throat as her words came out croaky and hoarse from not being used.

"Okay…" Lux said, "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No," Jess said, surprised and grateful that Lux wasn't barging into her room demanding answers. Jess finally heard Lux's footsteps retreat and lay down in bed again, curled in a ball and grasping a pillow.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

When Jess awoke the next morning, she felt immensely better. She'd given herself two days to mope and be miserable and that was more than enough time to mourn a relationship that had ended before it'd even began. She was on the schedule at Cara Cara that day and refused to let herself miss another shift, so she crawled out of bed, walking down to the kitchen to start the coffee pot. She soon heard Lux's door fling open.

"Jess?" she heard her call, her voice full of surprise, before she ran down the hall to the kitchen, her face breaking out into a smile when she saw her. Lux wrapped her arms around Jess, embracing her tightly.

"What the hell has been the matter with you?" she asked once she'd finally stepped away. Jess shrugged, pouring a mug of coffee and sipping on it as she looked back at Lux over the mug.

"I don't really want to talk about it yet, if that's okay," she said. Lux stared back at her, obviously wanting to tell her it was most definitely not okay, but she finally nodded.

"Yeah, okay," she said, "But you really had me worried. I haven't even seen you in like… three days." Jess nodded.

"I know. I'm sorry," she said, "I just needed some time."

"But you're okay now?" Lux asked.

"I'm… getting there," Jess said. Lux nodded, glancing down the hall and grinning, waving at someone. Jess leaned over to see Tig walking down the hall toward Jess's room.

"Fuck, is he still using my window?" Jess asked. Lux shrugged.

"Well now that you're back in the world of the living," she said, turning back to Jess as she poured herself a mug of coffee, pointing to the balcony in a silent request to sit outside, "He's been having to use a ladder and sneak through the living room window. It's been difficult." Jess rolled her eyes as she followed Lux out to the balcony, sitting down on the chairs outside.

"You guys are really terrible at sneaking around," Jess said after they'd gotten settled outside, "Even Jax knows." Jess winced as she spoke his name and Lux's eyes widened as she slowly lowered her mug from her lips.

"Fuck, Jax knows?" Lux asked. Jess nodded and Lux sighed, shaking her head, "Whatever. As long as my dad doesn't know."

"So… is this just a sex thing between you guys or do you actually like him?" Jess asked, her morbid curiosity finally getting the better of her. And the more she wasn't talking about Jax, the better. Lux shrugged, sipping her coffee.

"I mean, it started out as just a sex thing," she said, "Back when I was- well, it was a weird time in my life. I was pretty much trying to destroy all the relationships in my life and that was my way to ruin my relationship with my dad. Tig was pretty hard to get at first, but you know I like a challenge." Lux grinned, shaking her head before she continued, "Anyway, I thought it'd be a one-time thing, but it just kept happening after that. And now we really care about each other and don't know what to do about it."

"You can't hide it from your dad forever," Jess told her, "You need to tell him before he finds out some other way." Lux nodded, looking as if she was going to respond, before she looked between the thick railing of the balcony and her eyes widened.

"Yeah, you're probably right," she said quickly, standing up, "We should go inside."

"Why?" Jess asked confused.

"It's hot," Lux replied.

"It's 75 degrees," Jess said.

"Maybe I have a fever then. You should come inside and help me check my temperature," Lux said desperately.

Jess looked at Lux strangely before she turned her head to look through the railing to see what had spooked Lux and saw Tara stepping out of her car in the TM lot. Jess stood, leaning against the railing to see better and Lux sighed, finally walking over to stand next to her. Jess glanced around the lot and her heart restricted as she saw Jax for the first time, their argument and the pain and anger on his face flooded back to her as if it had just happened. She continued to watch him as he walked over to Tara and her eyes widened, her heart ripping in two as she watched him pull her close to him, kissing her intimately. She finally looked over at Lux, who had a guilty expression on her face.

"Did you know?" Jess whispered. Lux sighed.

"I'm so sorry, Jess," she said, "You were being all emo locked up in your room, I didn't know how to tell you. And then I thought maybe you knew and that was why you were being all emo." Jess nodded, turning away from the display and walking back into the kitchen.

"Believe me, I'm so pissed about it," Lux continued as she followed her inside, "I know he cares about you! I don't know what he was thinking." Jess sighed, taking a seat on one of the barstools in the kitchen.

"I do," Jess said, causing Lux to stare at her blankly for several seconds before finally asking, "What?"

"We… talked the other night," she said, "And he didn't like how it went." Lux nodded, slipping onto the stool next to her, her eyes never leaving Jess's.

"Is that why you were shut up in your room?" she asked. Jess shrugged, "What was the talk about?"

Jess looked back at Lux, wondering if she about to lose a friend when she'd already lost Jax. Would Lux feel like she needed to take sides once she heard the whole story? Would Jess's inability to accept the club 100% feel like a betrayal to her?

"I, uh, I found out SAMCRO is a little more than just a group of guys who sit around and talk about bikes," Jess finally said. Lux's face fell, a guilty expression forming on her face.

"I'm sor-" she started, but Jess cut her off.

"I know you couldn't tell me," she said, "I'm not made about that. I just needed to figure out if I could handle being with someone with that kind of lifestyle. Jax and I argued about it before he pretty much decided for me and ran off… apparently right into Tara's arms." Lux frowned, her eyebrows creased as she watched Jess carefully.

"So… you're okay now?" Lux asked. Jess shrugged.

"I'll be fine," she said, trying to convince herself as much as Lux, "I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I really miss him and I still have….feelings for him. But it's better this way." Lux nodded, but it was clear Jess had not managed to convince either of them.

Author's Note: Thank you so so so much to everyone who reviewed our last chapter! I hope this chapter didn't make you too mad (or do I?) but this story is very, very far from over!

Just a reminder, we have enough material to feel comfortable updating once a week and know we can keep up with that. The thing that really motivates us the most to write more is your reviews, and because of that we decided that on top of our weekly updates, if we get good feedback we'll also post an additional chapter on Wednesday! So if you've got a second, we'd really appreciate a review! Let us know what you loved, what you didn't, or what you think is going to happen! We love hearing your thoughts!