Jess had never felt emotion like this as she sped through the streets of Charming, desperate to get to Jax's house. She felt so helpless, knowing there was nothing she could do to get Abel back that the club couldn't and the only thought that was going through her mind as she begged her car to go a little faster was why would Tara take Abel in the first place?

She slammed on her breaks in front of Jax's house, parking quickly and climbing out of her car. The driveway was already filled with cars and motorcycles and as Jess ran by them all she figured nearly the whole club must be there. She burst through the front door, looking around the living room to see a sea of leather clad bikers sitting around morosely, some with their head in their hands, others with a beer. The only Son she didn't see sitting around the living room was Jax.

She saw Gemma and Lux huddled together on the couch and they looked up as Jess ran up to them.

"Where is he?" Jess asked breathlessly, looking wildly around the room.

"He's in Abel's room," Lux muttered.

"He's been asking for you," Gemma said, nodding her head towards the hall. Jess stared down the hallway, nervous about what she would find. Jax had always been the strong one. Jax had always been there to save her. What the hell was she supposed to do for him now? She took tentative steps, overhearing Chibs on her way to the hall.

"It's fucking Belfast all over again," he muttered. Jess walked down the hall, pausing in front of Abel's room. She stared at the door, at the colorful sign in front that spelled out Abel's name and she reached up a hand to run her fingers over the name. She knew Tara wouldn't hurt Abel. She loved him. She kept reminding herself that wherever he was, at least they all knew he was safe.

She opened the door tentatively to see Jax leaning against Abel's toddler bed and drinking straight from a bottle of Jack. He didn't glance up as she walked in, but he didn't seem opposed to her being there either so she walked over towards him, taking a seat next to him. They sat there quietly for what felt like an eternity to Jess, and she began to wonder what she was even doing there when he looked over at her and finally spoke.

"Am I a shitty dad?" he asked, his voice slightly choked in his throat.

"What? Of course you're not a shitty dad," Jess said, wanting nothing other than to hold him, all her anger towards him completely disappearing in the moment as she looked at his broken down face and devastated expression.

"Am I as good a dad as Tara is a mom?" he asked. Jess paused, not knowing how to answer that, "Maybe he's better off with tara," Jax continued miserably.

"No, Jax," Jess said gently, "I don't know what Tara was like as a mom, but I do know that Abel belongs here. With his family." Jax nodded, taking another swig of Jack as he stared out at the room.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do here," he said, sounding as if he was speaking mostly to himself, "I don't know how the fuck she could do this." Jess shook her head, leaning her head on his shoulder as they sat there in silence.

She searched her brain, trying to come up with the perfect thing to say to make him feel better, but she came up empty. She eventually figured that there was no such phrase; that the only thing that would make Jax better was to have his son back, and there Jess couldn't help. She didn't know anything about Tara. The few conversations they'd had had been short and she hadn't learned very much about her. She knew that Tara had gotten her undergrad in San Diego, but she figured everyone else must know that, too, and something told her that wherever Tara was, it wasn't San Diego.

"Did she… did she ever say anything about where she might go?" Jess finally asked. Jax shrugged, taking another pull from the bottle of Jack in his hand.

"No," he replied dully, "I asked her where she was gonna go when she said she was moving out, but she didn't tell me. Just said she had some options."

Jess nodded, trying to think about where Tara might have gone, but the possibilities were endless. For all they knew, she could be halfway to Florida by now. In a country of 300 million people, how were you supposed to find just one? Then again, they could also be in Mexico.

"At least… at least you know he's safe with Tara," Jess said, feeling the emptiness of the words as she said them.

"Yeah, I just… I just want him back," Jax responded, his voice low. Jess nodded.

"You'll get him back," she said, her voice showing much more confidence than she felt, "I know it." Jax gave her a half-hearted smile.

"I'm glad you're here," he said and Jess smiled back at him as they fell into silence once more. Jess looked around Abel's room and an immense sadness washed over her as she looked at all his toys, wondering if he'd ever play with them again. She attempted to get into Tara's head, trying to find the reason she would have taken Abel with her, but again came up empty. She just didn't know Tara well enough to take a guess at what she was thinking.

Jess eventually pulled herself up, letting Jax know she would find out if there was any new news and he gave her a half-hearted nod, returning to his whiskey. She walked into the living room to see everyone now in conversation.

"Why hasn't anyone called the police?" Lux asked, clearly frustrated.

"We can't yet," Clay responded wearily, "If we back her into a corner…"

"She knows too much," Bobby finished Clay's statement.

"I don't give a fuck what she knows!" Lux shouted, "She kidnapped my nephew. I want him back!"

"Lux, we report her and the Feds would only too happily cut her a deal to get her off kidnapping charges if she flips on the club," Tig told her, reaching over to grab her hand and squeezing it tightly.

"I'll be the first to say it, then," Lux said, "We should just kill the bitch."

"Relax, Lux," Opie said, "We're not there yet."

"Yeah," Gemma scoffed, "We'd have to find her first."

"You gettin' anywhere with that, Juicy boy?" Chibs asked and Jess turned to see Juice huddled on the floor with his laptop, furiously banging on the keyboard. He shook his head.

"All my searches are coming up empty," he responded, sighing. Jess stared around the room at all the hopeless expressions and knew she had to try and find Abel. She didn't know how, and she didn't know what resources she had that the Sons didn't have. All she knew was that the thought of sitting around doing nothing while Jax was breaking down was unbearable.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jess sat at the kitchen table at Rose's, pushing her food around on her plate distractedly as Rose watched her with interest. It had been over a week since Tara took off with Abel and they were no closer to finding them now than they had been. She was beginning to feel as if this would never end.

"Something bothering you?" Rose asked. Jess glanced up, quickly shaking her head.

"No, just thinking… about work and stuff," Jess lied, but Rose clearly didn't believe her. Jess felt bad about lying to her aunt, but she knew the club wanted to keep Abel's kidnapping quiet for as long as possible so the police didn't get involved, and it wasn't as if there was anything Rose could have done anyway.

"Well whenever you want to share what's really bothering you, let me know," Rose said gently. Jess gave her a small smile, nodding.

"Actually I'm kind of tired," Jess said, "Would you hate me if I went home early?" Rose shook her head.

"Of course not," she said, and they stood. Jess helped her clear the dishes and gave Rose a hug.

"Thanks," she said, starting to walk towards the door.

"Don't forget your mail!" Rose called after her and Jess glanced down at the table by the door where a small pile of mail had grown.

"I swear I'll get my forwarding address in at some point," Jess said, turning back to look at Rose.

"Don't worry about it. Gives me an excuse to see you," she said. Jess rolled her eyes as she thumbed through the mail in her hands. Most were bills and bank account notices forwarded from her address in Santa Barbara, but there was a post card in there that had been addressed to her at Rose's house. She picked it out of the pile, smiling at the picture of the Santa Barbara coast on the front. She flipped it over to see who had sent it, but didn't see a name. The card was blank except for the number 44 written across the back.

"Who's that from?" Rose asked. Jess shrugged as she shoved the card back in the pile of mail and stuck it all in her bag.

"Doesn't say," Jess said, "It's probably my friend Katie. She was always sending me weird stuff like that." Rose nodded.

"Okay, well, have a good night. And just remember, whatever's bothering you, things always get better," she said. Jess nodded, giving her a half smile as she turned and walked outside, hoping to God Rose was right.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jess leaned over the counter in her bathroom the following night as she stared at herself in the mirror and slowly applied her lipstick, her mind in a million different places. She barely noticed Lux walk up and lean against the doorframe of the bathroom.

"You goin' into work tonight?" she asked. Jess nodded, running her thumb under her lip to wipe off the excess lipstick and looked back at Lux.

"Yeah," she said unenthusiastically. She placed the top back on the tube of lipstick and fingered it in her hand nervously as she turned her eyes down, "I've been meaning to ask… have you, um, have you see Jax at all?" Lux cocked her head at her but the usual Lux all-knowing grin was absent. Jess couldn't remember the last time she'd seen her smile and that, more than anything, depressed the hell out of Jess.

"Yeah," she said. Jess shifted nervously when Lux didn't elaborate, setting the lipstick down and running a hand distractedly through her hair.

"How is he?" she finally asked, "I haven't seen him since… that day." Lux shrugged.

"He's not living off a bottle of Jack in Abel's room anymore," she said, "But I wouldn't call him fine." Jess nodded, pursing her lips as Lux watched her interestedly, "He'd probably like to see you." Jess shook her head.

"I don't really know what I'm supposed to do here, Lux," she said, "I feel terrible for Jax, and I really wish there was something I could do for him. But… that doesn't mean we're suddenly okay."

"You know, for a Pisces you sure do know how to hold a grudge," Lux said, "He's not a bad guy. Really. He's just… bad with feelings."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Jess scoffed, turning back to the mirror to double-check her makeup before she needed to leave for work, "Besides, right now his head is so focused on Abel I could be lounging naked on his bike and he wouldn't even notice, so I really don't think the fact that I haven't seen him is having all that big of an effect on him."

"He needs support right now, Jess," Lux said, "I think it'd mean a lot to him to know he has yours." Jess sighed, leaning against the counter of the bathroom.

"I just wish… I wish there was something more I could do than just offer my support," she said in frustration, "I wish I could help find him."

"You and me both," Lux said, "But the club'll find him. They found him in Ireland, they can find him again. And Tara isn't nearly as good at hiding as those Irish mother fuckers." Jess nodded, remembering Jax briefly telling her how Abel had been kidnapped before when he was only a year old.

"But if you really want to help Jax," Lux continued, "The least you could do is stop by and see him. He's always at the clubhouse, which if you recall is directly across the street." Jess bit her lip, nodding.

"Yeah," she said, "Yeah, you're right. I'll go see him tomorrow. I've got a couple days off coming up." Lux nodded, pushing herself off the door frame.

"Good," she said before turning around and walking out.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jess wasn't quite sure how she made it through her shift that night. She had gone through the motions, as she had every other night, but couldn't quite focus on anything. It was hard to care about anything when most all of the people she loved were in such pain.

She walked through the empty club, giving it a weak once over to make sure everything was in place, before turning into Luann's office to grab her bag. Luann was, unsurprisingly, still there sitting behind her desk, and she glanced up when Jess walked in, smiling at her.

"Rough night?" Luann asked. Jess shrugged, reaching into the closet to grab her bag and was about to say good night before Luann spoke again, "Have a seat real quick. I wanted to talk to you." Jess refrained from sighing and nodded instead, taking the seat across from Luann.

"I wanted to tell you," Luann began, "You've been doing so great in your training, I've decided to make it official." Jess raised her eyebrows at her, but didn't say anything, so Luann continued, "From this point on, you are now officially my assistant manager. Training over." Luanne beamed at her and Jess gave her a small smile, nodding.

"That's great, Luann," she said, trying to force some enthusiasm in her voice. Under normal circumstances, she would have been thrilled at the news, but she had so many things weighing heavily on her it was hard to muster. Luann seemed to have suspected as much.

"What's up?" Luann asked, "I thought you'd be a bit more excited." Jess shook her head.

"No, I am!" she insisted. She leaned back in her chair, sighing, "I'm just… upset about Abel and I just feel so helpless. It's hard to be happy when they're all so miserable."

"They'll find him, Jess," she said, "Don't you worry. One way or another, they'll get him back." Jess nodded, but looked unconvinced. It had been the same thing Lux had said to her, and considering Lux and Luann had been around the club far longer than Jess, she wished she could just take their word for it. But she couldn't. The pit of her stomach wouldn't allow it.

"Is it just Abel you're upset about?" Luann asked tentatively, "Or Jax, too?" Jess shrugged.

"I feel terrible for Jax," she said, "I have no idea what he's going through, but I know it's awful." Luann nodded, pausing before asking her next question.

"So… what went on between you two?" Luann asked and Jess's eyebrows shot up in surprise as she squirmed uncomfortably in her seat, "I know you guys got pretty close there for a little while." Jess shrugged noncommittally and Luann took this as permission to continue asking questions, "Do you still have feelings for him?"

Jess stared at her for several moments, wondering how to answer the question. Luann was the closest thing to a mother Jess had ever had, and she didn't begrudge her wanting to know. But the last thing she wanted to talk about, ever again, were her feelings for Jax. Especially since she didn't even know what they were. So she finally told her the closest thing to the truth she could.

"Nothing's going on," she finally said, "He's done some terrible things, said some terrible things." Luann nodded thoughtfully, gazing at Jess.

"But you didn't deny having feelings for him," she pointed out. Jess stared at her again, her lips pursed, as Luann's words resonated through the office, echoing in Jess's mind and she knew. She knew that no matter what Jax did or said, she'd probably always care about him, and the thought did nothing to ease her mind.

SOASOASOASOASOASOA

Jess sat on her balcony the next morning, taking small sips of her coffee as she stared across the street at the clubhouse. Jax's bike was parked in the lot, and Jess knew he hadn't left in days. She really should have gone over sooner, and now that over a week had passed she didn't even know what to say to him. She sighed, rubbing her face with her hands before finally standing up and walking back inside to get ready.

An hour later she stepped out of her apartment and down the stairs, noticing that she was taking an extra-long time to reach the ground. She hated to admit it, but Jax still made her nervous in both the best way and the worst.

She stepped tentatively into the clubhouse, glancing around to find it mostly empty. She looked in the back corner to see Juice at his desk running searches on his computer as Jax stood over him, staring at the screen. His long hair hung in drapes over his shoulders and his beard had grown into a tangled mess.

"Did you check Chicago Presbyterian?" Jax asked.

"I've checked nearly every hospital in the United States, Jax," Juice said wearily.

"Check them all again!" Jax yelled in frustration, "And check the day cares nearby. See if any of them have Abel registered. And check the name Knowles, too."

Juice nodded, turning back to the computer to do as Jax demanded as Jax shoved himself away from the desk and strode over to the bar. Jess watched him grab a beer from behind the counter as he leaned against the bar. His eyes were blood shot and rimmed in black and he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. Jess walked tentatively up to him, giving him a small smile.

"Hey," she said as he looked over at her, "I just wanted to check on you… see how you were doing."

"How the fuck do you think I'm doing?" he snapped at her and she grimaced.

"Right… sorry," she said quietly. Jax sighed, rubbing his face with his hands as he shook his head.

"Nah, I'm sorry," he muttered, "I'm just frustrated." Jess nodded, taking a seat on one of the bar stools next to him.

"So no news then?" she asked. He shook his head.

"Nothing. I don't want to get the cops involved; if she gets arrested for kidnapping she could turn on the club but we've just hit wall after wall. It's just all fucked up," he said exhaustedly.

"I don't think she would," Jess said gently. Jax looked at her, giving her a small smile.

"Yeah, well, I didn't think she'd take off with my kid," he said, "And I have no idea where she would go."

"What about where her friends and family are," Jess suggested, but Jax shook his head.

"Nah, we've double-checked every city she's got ties to. She's not anywhere," he said.

Jess nodded, tilting her head to the side as she suddenly recalled her and Tara's last conversation. It had been days before Tara had split and so obvious Jess didn't know why she hadn't thought of it before. She turned quickly to Jax, her eyes wide and her heart racing as she realized Tara had given all the pieces of the puzzle to her.

"I've gotta go," she said, turning and racing out of the clubhouse.

Author's Note:Thank you thank you thank you to all our reviewers! We're so grateful to all of you and thank you so much for taking the time to tell us your thoughts. We will continue to post chapters earlier than once a week if we get a good response on that chapter!