Jess ran up the stairs to the apartment faster than she'd ever run before and stormed into her bedroom as she cursed herself for not picking up on the clues Tara had left sooner. Tara had asked her so many questions about Santa Barbara. Hadn't Jess even told her it was big enough that you could get lost in the crowd?
And then there was the final piece to the puzzle. The post card from Santa Barbara she had received at Rose's house. The mysterious postcard with no signature. Nothing but the number 44. How could she not have realized?
She grabbed the pile of mail she'd picked up at Rose's and shuffled through it until she finally saw the postcard. She pulled it out of the pile, confusion and excitement wafting over her. The postcard showed the Santa Barbara coast and in golden cursive letters the words Beach Side Inn, Santa Barbara, CA were written across the front.
Without another thought, she grabbed her keys and ran out the door, throwing herself into her car as she sped out of the parking lot and towards the freeway. Every intuition was telling her that Tara had sent her that postcard. That for some reason, Tara wanted Jess to know where she was. She didn't know why, but she had never been more sure of anything else in her entire life. Tara was at the Beach Side Inn in Santa Barbara in room 44.
The drive to Santa Barbara normally took about 6 hours but only 4 and a half passed before Jess was passing through the familiar Welcome to The City of Santa Barbara sign and smiled as she drove through the streets towards the coast. She'd forgotten what a beautiful city Santa Barbara was and wished she didn't have such awful memories plaguing the city. If she was just visiting Santa Barbara for the first time, she'd have a hard time believing anybody could be unhappy here.
Jess drove along the coast following the directions on her phone to the Beach Side Inn, a small but charming Inn that lived up to its name, being right across the street from the beach. Every nerve in her body was screaming as she pulled into the lot, in fear, in excitement, in worry. But she managed to swing herself out of the car and walked into the small lobby where a portly, balding, but friendly looking man stood behind the counter. He smiled at Jess as she walked up to him.
"How can I help you?" he asked. Jess shuffled her feet.
"I was actually going to meet a friend in her room. I believe it's number 44. Can you tell me if a Tara Knowles is staying in that room?" she asked, wanting to make sure her intuitions were correct before barging in on an unsuspecting stranger. The man nodded, glancing down at his monitor and typing in a few keys before shaking his head.
"No, I'm sorry. Room 44 is a Kerry Weaver," he said apologetically. Jess's face fell as the impact of his words hit her. She had been so sure that postcard had been from Tara, hadn't thought for a second she might be wrong. And now she was crushed. She just felt silly having driven all the way down here for nothing.
"Oh," Jess replied, "Well can you tell me if you've got a Tara Knowles anywhere in the hotel?" she asked hopefully, "It's K-N-O-W-L-E-S." The man typed again and shook his head.
"No, I'm sorry," he said, "Are you sure she's not at the Beach House Hotel? It's just a couple miles down the road." Jess shook her head, until an idea appeared to her.
"What about Tara Teller?" she asked, thinking maybe Tara had registered under that name. The man once again indulged her and Jess bounced on her heels impatiently, hoping to see a smile spread across his face. But he shook his head again.
"No, I'm sorry," he said, "No Tara Teller, either. No Tara at all, in fact." Jess sighed. If Tara had really wanted her to know where she was, surely she wouldn't have made it that difficult.
"It's okay," she sighed, hating the idea of returning to Charming empty handed, "Is there a coffee shop nearby?" He nodded.
"There's a Starbucks just next door," he said and Jess thanked him, walking outside into the bright Southern California sunshine, thinking this may be the worst she'd ever felt in Santa Barbara, and that was saying a lot. She felt completely heartbroken at the dead end and was suddenly very glad she hadn't told anybody where she was going. The humiliation of being wrong would have been too much.
She walked next door to the Starbucks, standing in the long line as she thought about the situation. It didn't make sense. All the pieces had aligned perfectly and Jess didn't understand how she could have been wrong. If Tara hadn't sent her that card, who had?
"And why does the name Kerry Weaver sound familiar?" Jess muttered to herself as she stepped up to the counter to order her latte.
"Kerry Weaver?" the barista behind the counter asked and Jess nodded, looking across at her.
"Yeah, do you know her?" she asked. The barista grinned.
"ER's only my favorite show," she said.
"ER?" Jess asked in confusion. The barista nodded.
"Yeah, you know. Dr. Kerry Weaver. She was on the show for, like, 12 years," she said cheerfully. Jess stared at her, her heart thudding in her chest again as she shoved her wallet back in her bag.
"Son of a bitch!" she yelled, turning to run out of the shop, "Cancel my order!" she called over her shoulder as she flung herself out the door and ran back next door to the Inn. She ran through the lobby, not even stopping to smile at the bald man still standing behind the counter, as she ran down the hall in search of room 44.
Of course she would use a fake name. And of course that fake name would be one of the most well-known doctors on the most famous hospital drama ever to be on TV. And of course Jess would have only seen about two episodes of that show in her life. Tara probably expected her to make that connection right away.
She skidded to a halt in front of room 44, staring at the number in front of her. This was it. If Tara wasn't behind that door with Abel, she was just going to have to have a breakdown right here in the middle of the hallway. This had to be it.
She knocked tentatively on the door, stepping back and bouncing on her heels anxiously. She heard rustling behind the door and knew that right then, someone was looking at her through the peephole. It was several more seconds before the lock finally clicked and the door opened.
Tara gave Jess a small smile, leaning against the door frame as she looked at her.
"Took you long enough," Tara said as Jess's heart took a minute to recuperate and begin beating at a normal pace once again.
"Yeah, well….it wasn't exactly like you left me a treasure map," she said, "I only figured out it was you today."
"Well, I'm just glad it's you and not Jax," Tara said wrily, "Or the cops." Jess nodded.
"Well they made it pretty clear calling the cops wasn't really an option," she told her, surprised when Tara frowned.
"Why not? They think I was gonna flip?" Tara asked. Jess nodded and Tara sighed, stepping back to let Jess in. She saw Abel sitting on the floor in the room playing with some toy cars. He glanced up when she walked in, but clearly she wasn't nearly as interesting as his cars and he went right back to playing with them.
Tara sat on the edge of the bed while Jess took a seat in the arm chair in the corner of the room. They sat in silence for several minutes, neither knowing how to start the conversation they were about to have.
"Why me?" Jess finally asked, "Why did you send the postcard to me?" Tara cocked her head at her, shaking her head.
"I thought that'd be obvious," she said, "You were the only person I knew that wouldn't kill me the second they saw me."
"Yeah," Jess agreed, "You really…. You really fucked up." Tara gave her a wry smile, nodding in agreement as she turned to look at Abel.
"I know," she said, "It was rash and impulsive." She turned back to look at Jess, a look of all seriousness in her eyes, "You have to know I didn't take him with me to hurt Jax. I just… I was packing up my car and getting ready to leave and I didn't really have any idea where I was gonna go. My cousin is still in San Diego so I was thinking of going there, but I really wanted a place where no one knew me and I could have some time to myself to just think. And I remembered us talking about Santa Barbara and that seemed like as good a place as any."
"And Abel?" Jess asked. Tara sighed.
"And Abel was there. I was supposed to take him over to Neeta's on my way but as I was driving him over there I just started thinking about how much I loved him. He's become my son. But I knew I didn't have any legal rights to him and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be able to be a part of his life and I just… panicked. And I kept driving. And I got here and as soon as I got here I knew I'd made a huge mistake but I knew I couldn't take him back to Charming myself," Tara explained.
"Why not?" Jess asked. Tara raised her eyebrows in surprise as she sighed.
"Oh my God, so many reasons. First, I wasn't kidding when I said you were the only person I knew that wouldn't kill me. I was scared. You were right when you said I fucked up. I fucked up big time. I couldn't be sure that I could drive back into that town, drop Abel off, and drive back out alive," Tara said. It was Jess's turn to raise her eyebrows in surprise. She wanted to think Tara was just being dramatic, but she knew the club a lot better than Jess did.
"And second," Tara continued, "Because I knew you would listen to me. You would let me explain. Lux, Gemma, Jax, the Sons… none of them would have cared about a word I had to say." Jess nodded in agreement. That much she knew to be absolutely correct.
"So you sent me the postcard," Jess said. Tara nodded.
"Your aunt's house is listed," she said, "I didn't want Lux to see it in case she figured it out, so I sent it to your aunt's. I've been expecting you for days."
"Well, I'm a little slow I guess," Jess said, giving Tara a small smile, "So what did you want to say that the club wouldn't listen to?" Tara pursed her lips, looking back at Jess.
"You can take Abel back," she said, "I know I can't keep him. But I want to be able to see him. I want to spend time with him. I'm his mother. He calls me mommy. And even if Jax and I aren't together and I don't have any legal rights to him, it would be hurting him just as much as me if I didn't get to see him anymore." Jess nodded.
"So you want me to tell that to Jax?" she asked. Tara nodded.
"I want him to know this was not about hurting him, this was about me loving Abel. I want him to know I had no intention of keeping him from him for even this long. And I want him to agree to let me see him," Tara said. Jess nodded.
"Well, you guys had that arrangement before. I'm sure Jax will just be relieved to have Abel back," Jess said, not all too sure of her words even as she spoke them.
"And Jess… don't tell them where I am," Tara said, "I'm not sure how long I'll be here, but just in case… I don't want anyone knowing I'm here." Jess nodded in understanding.
"And can I get your number?" Tara asked, "So I can maybe check in on Abel from time to time?" Jess nodded, shrugging.
"Yeah, but I don't know why you'd check on him with me. I hardly see him," Jess said. Tara shrugged as she dug around for her phone and Jess did the same.
"Yeah, well, maybe that'll change," Tara responded simply. Jess decided not to ask her what she meant as she continued to dig around in her purse before recalling that she'd left her cell at the apartment in her haste to get down there.
"I'll just have to give you my number," Jess said, "I don't have my phone." Tara nodded as Jess typed her number into Tara's cell before passing it back to her. Tara placed the phone back in her bag as she turned to gaze sadly at Abel before turning back to Jess.
"You wanna walk down to the beach with us?" she asked Jess, "So I can have a little bit more time with him?" Jess shrugged, nodding.
"Yeah, we could do that," Jess said. Tara smiled, turning to Abel.
"You wanna go to the beach, buddy?" she asked. Abel beamed up at her, nodding.
"Yeah!" he said, hopping up and racing to the door like a puppy waiting to be let outside. Jess laughed as she and Tara followed Abel and they all walked down to the beach together.
Jess and Tara watched as Abel ran towards the water, shrieking and running back to the sand as the water splashed around his ankles. He smiled, diving into the sand and digging furiously as Jess glanced at Tara out of the corner of her eye. Jess didn't have any kids, so she had no idea what Tara must have been feeling at that moment, not knowing when the next time you were going to see your son was. What she had done had been wrong and impulsive, but to Jess, it had also been understandable.
As Abel began constructing a sand castle, Tara finally turned to face Jess, a troubled look on her face. She looked as though she was debating something. Jess frowned at her curiously.
"What is it?" she asked. Tara gnawed on her bottom lip for a moment before finally nodding to herself.
"There was another reason I wanted it to be you who found me," she said. Jess raised her eyebrows in surprise, cocking her head curiously at her.
"What is it?" she asked.
"I want you to have something," Tara said, digging into her pocket and pulling out a long silver key. It looked a bit like a skeleton key, but the lever lock was much more intricate. Tara grasped it tightly in her hand, staring down at it for several seconds before her eyes returned to Jess's.
"I don't really know if I'm doing the right thing," she said, "But there's just some ways things work in Charming that I don't think you know about yet and when the time comes I want you to be able to protect yourself." Jess looked strangely at Tara, having absolutely no idea what she was talking about.
"Okay…" she responded, her voice trailing off. Tara sighed, taking a moment to gather her thoughts.
"It's about Gemma," she finally said and Jess nodded, albeit hesitantly, "She… it's not that she's a bad person. It's just that there's nothing she won't do to protect her family, especially her kids, and her position within the club.'
'She's got this huge mama bear mentality, which is great – when she's on your side. But the second she sees you as any sort of threat to changing things, she can get pretty nasty. I had to deal with it a lot back when Jax and I were first starting to get back together, back when Abel had just been born." Jess continued to stare at Tara, having no idea where this was going. Tara finally thrust the key into Jess's hand and she took it, staring down at it for a moment.
"I'm not saying you'll ever need it. I hope you won't. But if you do…" Tara's voice trailed off as she turned back to look at Abel.
"What is it?" Jess finally asked.
"It's a key to safety deposit box 43662 at Charming City Bank. There's some… information in there. If there ever comes a time when Gemma decides you're suddenly no good for her family… it might be useful," Tara said. Jess raised her eyebrows.
"What, so it's like some kind of blackmail?" she asked. Tara shrugged.
"I suppose you could look at it like that. I wouldn't go looking for it if you don't need it. You're better off not knowing. But…. Well, anyway, I'm not going to need it anymore. I thought the torch should be passed on," Tara finished.
"Does anyone else know about it?" Jess asked. Tara shook her head.
"No. I never had to use it. It's just something I figured out about a year ago. Some copies of some forms and stuff. But I can tell you for certain it's not information Gemma would want anyone to know," Tara said.
Jess nodded, throwing the key in her bag and making her mind up on the spot that whatever was in safety deposit box 43662, she would not go looking for it. Information like that just wasn't something Jess wanted. Especially information about her best friend's mom. She was choosing ignorance.
SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA
The sun was setting by the time Jess got Abel loaded up in his car seat in her car and they were back on the road, headed back to Charming. She couldn't believe it. She couldn't remember ever feeling this happy and she was practically giddy just thinking about the celebration that would erupt with Abel's home coming. She cursed herself for forgetting her phone, wanting to call them all right away, but now it would just have to be a surprise.
"You excited to see your daddy?" Jess asked Abel, glancing at him through the rearview mirror. Abel nodded sleepily.
"Yeah," he said, leaning his head back as he slowly drifted off to sleep. She smiled, returning her eyes to the road as she sped down the freeway towards Charming.
The drive home seemed to take much longer than the drive there. She was so excited to get home and reunite Jax with Abel that every mile they passed seemed to take hours. She finally took the exit in Santa Cruz to head inland towards Charming, knowing that meant she had less than 2 hours left.
Finally, at close to midnight, Jess pulled into the lot of Teller-Morrow, her heart thudding in her chest. She glanced back at Abel, who was still fast asleep in his car seat, and stepped out of her car to unbuckle him and take him inside. He moaned sleepily as she pulled him out of his car seat and he clutched onto her, wrapping his legs around her waist and his arms around her shoulders as he buried his face into her neck, falling asleep again quickly. Jess smiled as she carried him towards the front door, now realizing how Tara could love this child so much.
She grabbed the door knob awkwardly, having to work around Abel, and finally managed to walk inside. The mood inside was somber as usual, but most everyone was still at the clubhouse. Juice was still pounding away at his computer with Jax barking orders over his shoulder, Tig was sitting with Lux on the couch, and everyone else was sitting at the bar or at the tables scattered throughout the room, hunched over their drinks.
Everyone was speaking in hushed whispers and as they glanced at Jess as she walked in carrying Abel, a hush overcame the clubhouse as everyone stared at her in shock. Jess smiled awkwardly at them all as she patted Abel on the back. Lux was the first to speak.
"Holy shit!" she exclaimed, jumping off the couch. This got the attention of Jax who glanced up, his eyes finally landing on Jess and then the figure she was holding. He stared at her in shock for several moments before finally breaking out into the widest grin she'd ever seen him wear as he rushed over to her. He took Abel gingerly from her, wrapping his arms tightly around his son as Jess saw a tear trickle down his cheek. He kissed Abel's forehead and Abel blinked sleepily, looking up at Jax.
"Daddy!" Abel said happily and Jax laughed, his voice choked up as he nodded.
"Yeah, buddy," he said softly, squeezing him tightly again, "It's me." He glanced over at Jess, curiosity and appreciation glowing from his eyes. Before he could say anything, everyone else in the clubhouse ran up to them all happily, a smile on every single person's face.
"How the hell did you find him?" Lux asked. Jess shrugged.
"It's a long story," she said, wondering if she'd ever give the full version to her. Lux shrugged off Jess's evasive answer, much more interested in her nephew as she pried him from Jax's fingers and began swinging him around the room as he giggled happily.
Jax watched Lux with Abel for several moments before turning to look at Jess, shaking his head.
"I don't know how you did what you just did and I'm sure tomorrow I'll want to know all the details, but right now I don't even know how to thank you," he said, taking several steps towards her until he was inches away. Jess shook her head, looking up at him.
"You don't have to thank me, Jax," she said, feeling herself getting breathless as he lowered his head towards hers. They held eye contact for several moments and Jess felt her heart thudding once again in her chest. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to jump on him or run away from him, but he made his mind up before she did and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. His lips crashed onto hers and Jess felt herself melting into the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. He held her tightly against him as he kissed her fervently and she felt herself get light-headed.
But then reality crashed around her and she stopped Jax, pressing her hand lightly against his chest as she took a step back from him, shaking her head. He looked down at her, confused and expectant.
"What?" he asked quietly, his eyes searching her face beseechingly. Jess bit her lip nervously before sighing deeply, flicking her eyes away from his. Their emotions were running high and Jess couldn't stand the heart break again if that kiss turned out to be him caught up in the moment. Because it meant something to her, and she knew that night wasn't the right time.
Not knowing how to explain herself properly, she glanced over his shoulder at where Gemma was now prying Abel away from Lux before returning her eyes to Jax, giving him a small smile.
"You just got your son back," she said, "I'm gonna head back to the apartment. Give you some time with him." Jax just nodded, his eyes narrowed in confusion as Jess turned away from him and walked out the door, leaving everyone in the clubhouse to celebrate Abel's return.
Author's Note: I hope you liked this chapter! Please as always, if you've got a second let us know what you thought! We really appreciate/love/are obsessed with all the feedback and it's what keeps us going!