Jess had become dead weight in Jax's arms, unable to hold herself up. All of her energy was going into the struggle to deny what she'd just been told. Luann was not dead. The cops were wrong. This was some huge mistake. Her heart felt like it had been permanently ripped from her body and it was a pain she hadn't felt before. She couldn't focus. Coming back to reality would mean facing the truth and she couldn't do that. Not yet.
Because the truth was that this was her fault and she couldn't bear to think about it. She should have insisted Luann take someone with her to the club the night before. Why hadn't she done that? Why hadn't she made sure Luann was safe? She couldn't move. She could barely breathe.
She was vaguely aware of Jax scooping her up into his arms and walking her over to the ambulance. He sat her down gently inside, her legs dangling over the edge. He crouched in front of her, brushing his fingers down her face as she stared at a point in space, focusing on nothing. She wasn't trying to avoid looking at Jax, but her mind was in so much shock she felt as if she'd lost all control. She was completely frozen.
"Jess, I'm so sorry," Jax whispered, but Jess didn't respond. Her eyes were wide and unblinking, her lips parted slightly. Other than the slight rise and fall of her chest from breathing, she wasn't moving.
"Jess?" Jax said worriedly, shaking her shoulders slightly, but Jess just moved with his hand like a ragdoll, unresponsive.
"Jax!" Jax turned at the sound of his name to see Opie running up to him. He glanced at Jess worriedly before turning to Jax.
"Jax, we gotta go back to the clubhouse," he said, "Cops everywhere." Jax turned desperately back to Jess, whose eyes were still blank, and he shook his head.
"She's in shock," Jax said, running a hand through his hair in worried frustration, "She can't ride."
"I'll take her in the squad car," Roosevelt offered, stepping over to them. Jax looked at Roosevelt hesitatingly before turning to look at Jess, realizing he had no other options.
"Yeah, okay," he said, "Thanks." Roosevelt nodded as Jax lifted Jess from the ambulance, cradling her in his arms as he and Roosevelt ran towards the squad car. Jax loaded her in, frowning in concern as he took one last look at her before running to his bike. He and Opie pulled out in front of Roosevelt as they took off towards the clubhouse.
Jax could see the flashing lights lining the street, parked not in the TM lot but across the street, in front of Jess and Lux's apartment. Jax frowned as he saw a crew of cops searching Lux's car as the front door opened and Lux was walked outside by a cop, her hands handcuffed behind her back. She looked like a complete mess.
Roosevelt pulled up behind him and Jax rushed over to the car to see that Jess had come out of her shock, but only just. She stepped out of the car, slightly clumsy on her feet as she looked around at the scene. She frowned as she saw Lux being walked down the stairs in handcuffs and looked towards Lux's car, where a cop was taking a baseball bat out of the trunk. It was covered in blood.
She looked back at Lux, connecting the dots in her head as rage overcame her and she ran towards Lux. Jax ran to Jess, gripping her around the waist as she lunged toward Lux.
"WHAT DID YOU DO!" Jess screamed, trying to wriggle out of Jax's grasp as the cop walked Lux toward a squad car. Lux looked at her, her face full of fear and disbelief.
"Nothing!" Lux shouted, her lip quivering.
"Why is there a goddamn bloody baseball bat in your car!?" Jess shrieked, and it was taking all of Jax's strength to keep her in his arms. Tears poured down Lux's face as she shook her head furiously.
"I didn't do anything!" she said, "You know me! You know I wouldn't do something like that!"
"Jess, Lux didn't do anything," Jax said to Jess, but it was useless. He turned back to Lux as they lowered her into the car, "Lux, don't worry, okay? I'll get Rosen on it. We'll get this figured out."
It wasn't until the cops had shut the door behind Lux and driven away that Jess finally stopped struggling against Jax. She went limp in his arms, turning around and throwing her arms around him as she sobbed into his shoulder. Jax rubbed her back, turning to look at Opie.
"Call Rosen," he said, "Let him know Lux has been arrested. I need you to run point on this right now. I gotta take of Jess." Opie nodded.
"Do what you gotta do," he said, "I'll call you with any news." Jax nodded as he picked Jess up once again, carrying her upstairs and into her room. He set her gently on the bed, leaning over her as she curled up, staring up at him, her eyes wet and her arm outstretched toward him.
"Stay with me?" she asked meekly and he nodded, crawling into bed next to her and allowing her to curl into him as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.
SOASOASOASOASOASOA
Tig paced the open room of the clubhouse, trying with all his might not to rip every hair out of his head in frustration. He'd wanted to go up to the police station as soon as he'd heard about Lux, but Opie had told him to stay behind, that Rosen was taking care of Lux and that they needed everyone together at the clubhouse. Gemma walked up to Tig and he stopped pacing, running his hands through his hair.
"Any word?" Tig asked desperately. He hated being in such a helpless position, especially when it concerned Lux. She must be so scared right now. He hated that she was alone. He sighed as Gemma shook her head.
"She was with you all morning," Gemma stated, "Wasn't she?" Tig looked bleakly at Gemma, slowly shaking his head.
"No. She disappeared last night. Finally called me this morning saying she was at the apartment. Said she'd been doing shit with Jess," he said, "But that was maybe an hour before the cops showed up."
"And clearly not true," Gemma said, "Based on Jess's reaction." Tig nodded in agreement, taking a deep breath.
"I know," he said, "I don't know where the fuck she was last night but I know one thing. She was not at fucking Cara Cara." Gemma nodded, pursing her lips.
"It'll get sorted out, Tig," she said confidently, "Lux didn't do anything wrong." Tig nodded, knowing there was no other option but for Gemma to be right. There was no way he was letting Lux go down for this.
SOASOASOASOASOA
Jess had finally run out of tears, lying next to Jax and gripping him tightly, whimpering. She finally sat up, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and looked at Jax.
"How could this have happened?" she asked in a whisper, shaking her head, "I was just talking to her last night. And now she's…." Jess couldn't bring herself to say the word. Jax sat up, running his hand lightly down her back.
"I'm so sorry, Jess," he said helplessly, "I know how much she meant to you." Jess nodded, looking down at the charm bracelet she still wore every day. She fingered each charm individually, stopping when she got to the Cara Cara charm Luann had had specially made.
"What's Otto gonna do?" she asked, gazing up at Jax, "Luann was everything to him."
"He has you now, too," Jax reminded her, tilting her chin up lightly so she looked up at him, "Otto will be okay." Jess nodded, sniffling slightly as Jax checked his watch, sighing.
"I've got to get back to the clubhouse," he said, "Will you be okay or do you want to come with me?"
"I want to come with you," Jess said and Jax nodded as they stood, making their way out of the apartment and across the street to the clubhouse.
The entire club plus Gemma were sitting around on the couches and chairs, discussing what the next step would be as Jax and Jess walked in. Gemma walked up to them, kissing Jax on the cheek before pulling Jess into a hug. Jess found herself clinging onto Gemma as she hugged her back, Luann's best friend. Gemma eventually pulled away, grasping Jess's shoulders as she looked down at her.
"She loved you," Gemma said and Jess nodded, feeling her eyes well up again but fought the tears back as Jax pulled a few chairs up and they all took a seat in the circle. Clay walked up, snapping his pre-pay shut as he looked around at everyone.
"It'll be a few hours before Lux can get into a bail hearing," he said, "I'm gonna go up and talk to Lux."
"I'm coming with you," Jess said immediately, standing up, "I need to talk to her." Gemma eyed her warily.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Gemma asked. Jess nodded fervently.
"I have to know what happened last night," Jess said emphatically.
"Well, then I'm going, too," Gemma stated. Clay shook his head.
"She won't talk if we're both there," he said to her and she frowned, crossing her arms across her chest as she looked at him, "You know she won't," Clay added and Gemma sighed.
"Fine," she grumbled. Jess took one last look at Jax, giving him a small smile, before hurrying out of the clubhouse behind Clay and running to her car parked across the street.
SOASOASOASOASOASOA
Rosen, the club's attorney, looked nothing like Jess expected. Tall and young, with a Tom Ford quality about him, Jess pictured him practicing somewhere much more glamorous than Charming, CA. He was waiting for Clay in the entrance hall at the station, striding purposefully up to him as he and Jess walked through the front doors.
"Bail hearing's set for 2:00," he said, "I've spoken with the DA, she's an old friend. I think we can get Lux bail if she agrees to wear an ankle monitor. She'll be allowed at home and that's it." Clay nodded, rubbing his eyes with his fingertips.
"She'll agree," he mumbled as he and Jess followed Rosen down the hall to Lux's cell. Rosen pointed it out to them before leaving to give them some privacy and they walked the short distance to the cell. Lux was hunched over on the floor, gripping her knees into her chest. Her mascara had smeared all down her cheeks, which were still damp from her tears, and her hair lay in tangles around her shoulders. She glanced up when they walked over, hopping up quickly from her spot on the floor and dashing to the bars that separated them, gripping them tightly.
"I didn't do it! Someone put that stuff in my car, I swear-" she gasped at them, looking wide eyed between Clay and Jess. Jess stared back at her, part of her feeling like a bitch for thinking, for even a second, that Lux could have had anything to do with what happened that morning. The other part of her, the part currently dominating all of Jess's emotions, really wanted to know where the hell Lux had been, if not at Cara Cara.
"I know, baby," Clay said, reaching through the bars to grip Lux's hand. Lux nodded, looking over to Jess.
"Do you believe me?" she asked, her voice choked. Jess bit her lip as she looked at Lux, finally nodding.
"Of course I do," she said, "I'm sorry for…." Her voice trailed off and she shrugged, but she knew Lux didn't need her to continue. She gave Jess a small smile, nodding.
"I'm sorry, too," she said, her smile fading as she looked at Jess sympathetically, "For you." Jess nodded, glancing at Clay and praying he would get around to asking Lux the question she needed answered. Clay finally obliged.
"Lux… where were you last night?" he asked, "We obviously know you weren't with Jess. Tig says you weren't with him either. And he checked your apartment." Lux looked at him, her eyes widening even further as she shook her head.
"I just… I was at church," she finally said. Clay released her hand, looking at her with surprise as Jess's eyebrows shot up.
"You were at church?" Jess repeated doubtfully. Lux nodded.
"Yeah… I went for a walk. Ended up at that church on Main. I must've been there for hours," Lux said evasively.
"Why were you at church?" Clay asked, his voice grave, "In the middle of the night. For hours." Lux shrugged and Jess saw the anger switch in Clay's eyes.
"LUX!" Clay bellowed, "Tell me. Now." Jess saw Lux begin to visibly shake as tears poured down her cheeks. She'd never seen her looking so scared; not even when the cop was walking her out of the apartment in handcuffs. Lux shook her head forcefully and Clay banged his hand against the bars, causing both Lux and Jess to jump.
"Okay!" Lux finally said, "I… I had a bad night last night. I got upset about some stupid shit and…. one of the croweaters had some blow and…." Lux's eyes turned down as her voice trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with Clay, who was staring at her with wrath.
"You didn't," Clay said, his voice low and furious. Jess looked between the two of them, confused. Lux nodded through a sob as she stared down at the ground and Clay turned around, banging his fist on the wall behind him and wincing in pain as he shook it out.
"I'm sorry!" Lux sobbed, finally raising her eyes to look at her father, "I just did one line and I freaked out the second I did it! That's why I went for a walk and ended up at that church. And when the sun came up I walked over to an NA meeting I knew was going on. Dad, I'm so sorry!"
"You know that shit almost ruined this family!" Clay said, and Jess was surprised to hear his voice choke up slightly, "Almost took you away from us! Almost got you killed!"
"I know!" Lux said desperately, "I know! I swear I won't do it again." Jess stared at Lux in disbelief. She knew Lux didn't like to talk about her past, and she'd mentioned several times the trouble she'd been into before, but Jess had had no idea was an addict. Weren't addicts supposed to stay away from alcohol? And weed?
"How many times have I heard that?" Clay asked angrily, "How many times have you stood exactly where you are now, swearing you'll never do it again?" Lux shook her head furiously, tears still streaming down her face.
"This isn't like that!" she said, her voice frantic, "It was just one time! And I went to the meeting and I..." her voice broke as it trailed off and Clay's anger was replaced with sadness. He shook his head, pressing his hands against the bars and leaning into them.
"Do we need to send you to rehab again?" he asked urgently, but his voice was calmer now, "Because we will." Lux shook her head.
"No, dad," she said, "I'm done. It was a stupid one-time thing. It's not my life anymore." Clay nodded.
"Whoever gave it to you, I want them banned," he said, his voice somber. Lux nodded, sighing as she leaned against the bars.
"This is all just so fucked up," she muttered.
"So you were never at Cara Cara, then?" Jess asked, redirecting the conversation. Lux glanced up at her, her lips forming an even line.
"No," she said, "You know me. You know I could never do something like that to Luann. I was at that stupid church, and then NA all morning. I didn't get back to the apartment until right before the cops showed up. Said they'd gotten an anonymous phone call about seeing me at Cara Cara last night with a baseball bat."
"How'd the bat get in your car?" Jess wondered out loud. Lux shrugged.
"As far as I know, my car never left the parking spot. Check the TM cameras. I bet you can see it on there," Lux replied.
"We'll check the cameras," Clay promised, "In the meantime, Rosen says he can get you bail with an ankle monitor. You won't be able to leave the apartment." Lux nodded, sighing.
"Okay," she said.
"Your hearing's at 2:00. I gotta get back to the clubhouse but I'll be here to pick you up," Clay said. Lux nodded, sniffling slightly as her tears began to cease.
"I love you," she said quietly. Clay gave her a small smile, reaching through the bars to grip her hand once more.
"I love you, too, baby girl," he said, "Don't worry about this. We'll figure it out. We always do." Lux nodded, her eyes flashing the briefest hint of doubt, before she smiled back at him.
"Of course we will," she said.
SOASOASOASOASOASOA
Jess walked into the clubhouse that night to find it much more somber than usual. Lux had made bail and was now confined to the apartment, and Jess had decided to give her some alone time with Tig while Jess searched for her own old man. She knew he was at the clubhouse somewhere, but scanning the room she only saw the other sons, several croweaters, and a couple of hang-arounds she recognized but didn't know.
Jess walked down the hall toward the dorms, noticing one of the croweaters stumbling into the bathroom before she finally found Jax in his dorm room, sitting in a recliner with his head in his hands. He glanced up as she walked in, shutting the door behind her, and he sat up, allowing her to crawl into his lap as he wrapped his arms around her.
"How you holdin' up?" he asked softly, stroking her arm with his fingertips. She shrugged, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Just trying not to think about it," she said, "Gemma said she'd handle the funeral. I just… it still hasn't sunk in that I'll never talk to her again. And Cara Cara's gone. And Lux… It's so much. How do you deal with this?" Jax sighed, gripping her tighter in his arms as he pressed his lips gently against her forehead.
"I wish you didn't have to," he replied sadly. She looked up at him, tears brimming her eyes again.
"It's my fault, Jax," she whispered. He frowned as he shook his head, his eyebrows creased in worry.
"No, Jess, you can't do that to yourself," he said. She sniffled, nodding her head.
"She told me she was going over to the clubhouse. One of the security guys called to tell her there'd been a break in. I told her to take one of you with her but she said she'd be fine with the security guys and I just… I just let her leave. By herself," Jess explained, struggling not to start crying again.
"This is not your fault," Jax said gently, "We don't even know everything that happened. There wasn't anything you could've done for her." Jess shrugged, leaning her head back on Jax's shoulder, wishing she could believe the words he was telling her. They sat like that in silence for several moments before Jax spoke again.
"What security guy called her?" he finally asked. Jess lifted her head to look at him, shrugging.
"I don't know, she didn't tell me," she said.
"Has anyone been hired in the last couple months?" he asked. Jess nodded.
"We've got a couple new guys," she said, "Why? You think it was a set up?"
"I'd bet on it," Jax responded grimly, "Might even be one of Zobelle's guys that got hired." Jess shuddered.
"Why is he doing this?" she asked meekly, but Jax knew it was a rhetorical question and he didn't respond.
"I gotta meet with the guys," Jax sighed, running a hand through his hair. Jess nodded, standing from his lap so Jax could stand up. He wrapped his arms around her once more, kissing her fiercely as her fingers wrapped into the back of his cut, wanting to stay secure in his arms forever. They eventually pulled apart and Jess gave him a small smile before turning to walk out of the room, Jax close behind her. As she turned out of his room, her eyes fell upon the door to the bathroom at the end of the hall and Jess's eyes narrowed, remembered the disheveled look of the croweater that had walked in just as Jess had walked into Jax's room. She glanced back at Jax.
"Hang on a second," she said, walking towards the door and pressing her ear against it as Jax watched her curiously. Jess felt her blood boil as she heard the tell-tale sounds of someone snorting coke. She felt a fury build inside of her that she hadn't felt before, knowing that it was this stupid bitch behind the door that was responsible for the mess Lux was in right now. If she hadn't brought the blow to the party, Lux would never have taken it and she'd never have left the clubhouse. She wouldn't be framed for Luann's murder and Jess would be able to grieve in peace.
Every emotion that had been weighing Jess down all day manifested itself in pure rage and all she saw was red. Forgetting that Jax was standing several yards behind her, forgetting where she was, almost forgetting who she was, Jess barged into the bathroom, startling the croweater into dumping several lines of coke on the floor.
"Shit!" the croweater shrieked, immediately getting on her knees to collect it. Jess sneered at her, walking into the bathroom and standing over her before bringing her foot back, kicking her hard in the side. The girl collapsed, howling in pain as Jess kicked her repeatedly, finally straddling her and punching her hard in the nose. Jess had never punched anyone before but barely registered the pain shooting through her fist and up her wrist as she brought her fist back to punch her again. The croweater pulled her hands up, struggling to block her face from Jess's attacks, but she couldn't see straight. Right now, Jess blamed this girl for everything wrong in her life and it felt good.
"Jess!" she heard Jax yell, but she didn't stop hitting the girl until Jax had grabbed her around the waist, lifting her easily from the ground as the girl remained on the floor, moaning.
"She gave Lux coke!" Jess shrieked, struggling to get out of Jax's grip. She felt his grip weaken in surprise at her words, almost allowing her free, before he tightened his arms around her again. The croweater had risen to her feet by now, her nose dripping blood, and she stared murderously at Jess.
"You crazy bitch!" the croweater shrieked.
"Get the fuck out of here!" Jax yelled at her and she turned disbelievingly to look at Jax. Jess stared at the girl's face. Black and blue bruises were already beginning to form and she was touching her nose gingerly as if it had been broken.
"But… Jax?" she said. Jax shook his head as Jess finally began to calm down in his arms. He retained his grip on her with one arm as with the other arm he pointed down the hall.
"Out!" he yelled again, "Do not come back here."
The girl ran off and as Jess watched her leave she couldn't help but realize her face was looking a lot like Ima's had, all those months ago. She stared at her retreating back, noticing with surprise that she didn't feel an ounce of guilt over what she had done and suddenly realized what it felt like when someone threatened your family.
"I get why you beat the shit outta Ima," Jess muttered as Jax relaxed his grip on her, letting her go. Jax chuckled softly, taking her right hand in his and kissing her knuckles softly.
"I don't know if that's a good thing," he said, smiling and shaking his head at her before throwing an arm around her shoulder, "Come on, let's get you some ice for your hand."
Author's Note: I hope you liked this chapter! The story will continue to get a little darker and darker as we finish up the story lines we had in the original New Start, but we're getting towards the end of what we'd already written and are excited about the new stuff we have planned for the story that hasn't been seen before. Originally, we were just going to write a sequel to New Start because we had a lot of ideas for what we wanted to do with it, but decided to rewrite the original and just segue right into the sequel instead of making it two separate stories.
So I guess what I'm saying is, it won't stay super dark forever, but it does get to a really dark place before it all gets resolved and they start to get out of it. You'll want to remember I said that later! :)
Anyways, it's late while I'm writing this and I'm rambling so please let me know what you thought about this chapter and I will love you forever!