Disclaimer: This story will contain mentions of bullying, violence, thoughts of self-harm and thoughts of suicide. Viewer discretion is advised.

Author's notes: A person's time of adolescents can be extremely difficult. I'm not saying that everyone should get along but remember everyone is going through something. Please show kindness and don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Your life matters

"I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"Absolutely."

― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

She couldn't remember when this began…When she started feeling so hollow on the inside.

She couldn't remember if it was something that slowly crept its way into her heart or if it was in an instant. She couldn't remember if she had woken up with it or if it was when she was going to bed… or anytime between. She couldn't remember when she started staring blankly at a wall in the middle of conversations. She couldn't remember when she started turning down pictures of herself in her bedroom, or when she stopped liking her picture taken all together. She couldn't remember when she went out of her way to avoid her reflection.

She just couldn't remember.

She still smiled and laughed at jokes, but she didn't feel it in her soul. She couldn't feel it in her heart. She couldn't even feel her own heart beating anymore. Sometimes she would hold her breath and place her hand over her chest just so she could detect it thumping. When she released her breath, she sometimes wished she hadn't. Sometimes she wished her heart would stop beating.

She still made amazing grades. She was always on auto-pilot in her classes. If she were honest, she couldn't remember when she truly focused on a lesson. When had she started tuning out the teacher so that she could be distracted by the birds outside? Or even to scribble on her notes. She wasn't even the artistic type. She just couldn't help herself drawing circles and coloring them in until it ripped through the paper, or hearts that she always made broken. Maybe her heart was broken… She would pause and hold her breath and place her hand on her heart. Yep, still thumping. It can't be broken if it still worked… right?

She still ate with her sisters and friends. She couldn't remember the last time she finished her tray of food, though. She wasn't a picky eater… but if she was being honest, nothing looked appetizing these days. When did that start? Food that she did eat would often come back up after her next class. She always used the upstairs bathroom that was vacant during that time. People claimed it was haunted, and she found herself hoping a monster or ghost would actually appear.

She still fought evil. Being the leader, barking out orders came out fluidly. Her sisters wasted no time in following them. Her plans succeeded, of course. Her mind would wander, though. What if they hadn't worked? What if the villains finally claimed their casualty? What if… Just what if the casualty was her? Her sisters would be okay. They would have enough sense to retreat, she was sure. Bubbles would cry and Buttercup would probably cuss at her in the sky, but they would heal. They would be just fine. The Professor had two more daughters. He would be fine too.

Everyone would be fine if she just died…

"Yo!" Blossom blinked slowly. Her eyes adjusted and focused on the pair of ruby-red eyes that were right in front of her. They were squinted in in agitation. She finally took in the entire appearance of the owner. Brick was leaning towards her, his face mere inches away. His lips were in a thin line as his eyes were now examining her face. His right hand was placed on her desk to hold him up.

Her desk. She was at school. She must have been looking outside again.

"What the hell is your problem?" He asked rudely. His voice was low and seemed to be accompanied with a low grumbling sound. Blossom blinked again. His irritation seemed to rise once more. "You've just been sitting there, staring into space. Class ended like seven minutes ago and you haven't even flinched." He then stood straight and crossed his arms. "Whatever, you're back to earth now. Not my problem anymore." He then walked away and out of class.

Blossom's relationship with Brick was strange. Sometimes they were at each other's throats, other time times they laughed together like old friends. She never seemed to understand what was going through his head. She couldn't even figure out what was going through hers.

Boomer and Butch were both on good terms with her sisters. Perhaps that's an understatement, though. Bubbles and Boomer have been together for about three years now. Buttercup and Butch were newer into a romantic relationship, but they've always been close to that boundary. It was like they were better at defining their relationships with their counterparts… like they were better at most things.

Blossom shook her head slightly. She looked up at the clock above the door. It was lunch time already… When had she made it to this period? What did she have for breakfast? Did she even have breakfast? What time did her alarm wake her up this morning.

A sound of screaming in the hall woke her from her thoughts. A squeal more like it. A girl ran passed the door way, a boy smiling and chasing after her.

Blossom made her way to the cafeteria. She slowly descended down the stairs; fellow classmates crowded her against the rail. She held it firmly with her left hand tightly so that she wouldn't lose her balance… What if she just let go? She adjusted her focus again. She had super powers. A tumble down a small flight of stairs would just tickle.

Her stomach twisted painfully at the smell of the cafeteria. Now that she thought about it, she wasn't hungry. Buttercup and Bubbles wouldn't mind if she went to the library instead. She needed a new book anyway. She finished her last one already… she thinks. She looked down at the book and inspected the cover. Funny, she thought it was a different one. Maybe she didn't need a new book after all. She would just lay her head down then. She was extremely exhausted.

Before she could turn and head out of the bustling cafeteria, a cold feeling touched her roots and dripped down her face to her shoes. Blossom glanced up into beady dark eyes and wicked smile polished with deep red lipstick. Blossom knew that sharp nose decorated with thick freckles anywhere. Blossom spared a look down. Grape soda. Probably from the vending machine.

"Oops. Sorry. I thought you were a trashcan." Princess' voice sneered nasally, and her eyes closed in pure amusement. A dry laugh followed her insult. Two girls that were flanking both sides of her giggled and clapped.

Blossom looked in the direction of the table she usually sat. Everyone had gone still and quiet. They all just stared with bated breaths at the scene. Finally, she found the eyes of her sisters. Fires of fury burned in both pairs as they launched themselves to her. Boomer and Butch were frozen in their seats. Both of their mouths were slightly opened. Boomer looked as if he wanted to cry for her.

Then her eyes found Brick. He was seated at the end. Usually, she sat across from him. They would share small words of greeting and maybe hold a small conversation. Then he would eat his food silently. That was if they were having a good day. When it was a bad one, they yelled. He yelled out of anger and frustration. She yelled out of habit.

He wasn't looking at her.

Blossom saw that his eyes were trained on Princess. They were in angry slits, almost like he was about to shoot of a laser. His mouth was in a deep frown, his teeth were showing just slightly. With her super hearing, she picked up the sound of him growling deep from his throat. Blossom knew that these were tell-tale signs that he was extremely pissed. She was just confused on why… It's not like he cared what happened to her.

It was then he noticed her eyes on him. All signs on anger were replaced with concern. Blossom felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Damn it, you Slut!" Buttercup screamed. She pounced on the still cackling girl. Her groupies gasped and cleared out of the way. Bubbles was at Blossom's side in an instant.

"Oh, Blossy." She wailed. Her soft hands held her face for a moment as she looked into her eyes. She then stepped back in shock. Her hand retracted like I burned her… but when Blossom looked closer, she saw that it was the opposite. Her hands were coated in ice. The soda that was dripping ceased. All of it clinging in place. All of it froze where it was. "Bloss?" Bubbles' voice was panicked.

Buttercup looked up from the girl she had pinned beneath her at the sound of her sister's tone. She also looked at her elder sister fearfully.

Then something snapped.

Blossom wasn't sure what it was. At first, everything was slow. She could hear the sound of all the inhales and exhales from all of the students in the room. Their eyes were heavy on her. She could barely make out what Buttercup was saying to her, and the feeling of Bubbles trying to clean her off with napkins was a numb tickle.

However, now everything was going too fast.

A scream ripped through Blossom body. A scream that held all the sadness and anger and loneliness that she had been locking away for a while. She couldn't remember when it all started to pile up, but now she couldn't stop it from coming out. She let out another scream after the other. Tears threatened to pool down, but the froze instantly to her cheeks. She ignored the looks of extreme terror from her sisters. Buttercup was now off the ground and approaching her like a timid animal. Bubbles had curled into herself, tears streaming down her face. Princess remained on the ground, one of her eyes now swollen

Blossom wanted to walk over there and swell the other. She wanted to break her nose and shatter her knees. She wanted to hear the sound of whimpering, begging her to stop, come from bleeding lips. Blossom wanted to make her pay…

But, this wouldn't be a problem if she wasn't so worthless to begin with.

Suddenly, Blossom became too aware of her surrounding once more. Everyone had wide eyes. Some in pure fear of the Puff leader, others in concern. Nobody moved. Blossom figured they could see how broken she was. They were judging her now. She wasn't as perfect as they all seemed to think.

They hated her.

Blossom ran. Buttercup and Bubbles screamed after her. Now, she heard the Ruffs join in. The rest of the super teens were following her. She had to escape. She had to set them free. She was no good. Why couldn't they just let her disappear? Didn't they know they'd be better off?

She mustered all the strength she had, going deeper into her power reservoir than she ever had. The air cracked around her as she broke the sound barrier. Her hair whipped violently behind her. Then she sharply dove into the ocean… Townsville was in a landlocked state… When had she made it to the ocean? She continued deep in the water. Fish went in all directions. Plants became uprooted as she passed.

Blossom came back up to the sky. Quickly landing eyes on land in the distance, she flew quickly to it. The water had taken off all the soda, and she had lost a shoe in the process. That was the least of her concern though. She landed roughly into the dirt. She tumbled forward, her heels smacking the back of her head.

She laid there, not wanting to move. Not wanting to breathe. Not wanting to live.

The sound of traffic caught her attention. Blossom finally stood, her rapid flying in the air had dried her off. She noticed she was near a fishing port near a busy road. Fishing boats with men working on them were all around her. They looked bewildered at the sight of her but didn't bother to say or do anything.

Blossom ignored their stares. She looked into the skyline. She didn't see any silhouettes. She lost them… or they gave up. They must've finally realized how worthless she was. Good. Boomer and Butch would take care of them. The Professor would just love them more.

"Blossom." Her head whipped behind her. She hadn't heard anyone come up.

Brick was approaching her. His breath was in a jagged slow rhythm. His fists were clenched against his sides. His eyes were trained on her like prey. Blossom turned to dash, but Brick caught her wrist. She looked back at him.

"Quit running. I'm getting tired and I don't want to chase you anymore." He spoke sharply, but the tone didn't match the expression in his eyes. Blossom tried to rip her arm back, but his grip was iron tight. "Blossom! Stop!"

"No!" She screamed back. He was taken aback, surprised with her sudden outburst. "If you're tired, then stop! I didn't ask you to follow me! I'm sorry that I'm such a problem to you!" She was yelling. Her other hand was now beating on him. Brick didn't try to stop her. His eyes just gazed down at her. She refused to meet his eyes.

"No one said you're a problem." His voice was calm. She almost hesitated in her attempt to escape him. "Believe me. If I didn't want to chase you, I wouldn't have. You know me, Pinky. You know I'm telling the truth."

"Just let me go." She pleaded. Tears were now flowing from her eyes; her movements became lame and rigid. "Just let me go."

"Why?" He prompted. "Why would I let you go?"

She stopped fighting. Her energy was gone. She slumped forward. Brick's arms now wrapped her and brought her close against his chest. He then started to rub slow circles on her back.

"I'm useless. I can't feel anything. I've tried and I just can't." She cried. Brick listened. "I'm so tired of not feeling anything. I just feel so lost and alone, but then I can't cry about it. Not that I don't want to, but because I can't. Then I cry in the shower and in my room, but I can't get the anger from my heart."

"How long have you felt like this?" He asked gently. His hand was now caressing her hair. The other hand keeping her firm against him.

"I don't remember!" She yelled. "I've tried to remember. Everything is hazy and dull noise. I don't like who I've become, Brick! I'm hideous! I can't even recognize myself. I don't want to keep living like this!" Brick became stiff at her words; his hand stopped its movement.

"Bloss…" He tried to say.

"I don't want to keep bringing them down." Blossom kept going, referring to her family. "They would be better off without me. I'm just this waste of air that doesn't even matter…"

Brick ripped her away from him but keeping her close. Blossom gasped, here eyes widening from the angry look in his eyes, His teeth were clenched.

"Don't…" He bit out. "…Ever say that again."

"But…"

"You matter!" he yelled at her. His hands cupped her face. He wanted to make sure she was focusing on his words. "Your life matters! To your sisters, to the Professor, to your friends, the town, my bothers… Your life matters to me." His eyes blazed with an emotion that she couldn't quite grip. "Look, I know that we aren't always on the best terms, but I like you. I hate how much I like you. Most of the time that I start arguments with you is because how angry I am for liking you. Cause I don't deserve you. I'm not about to go on about my little issues, but there it is."

He then brought her closer. Their breath mingled together. His eyes pleading with her to believe his words.

"You're such an amazing person. You care so deeply for other people who are scum. You can be judge-y and prudish but at the end of the day you only care about the well-being of everyone else. If Bubbles and Buttercup heard what you just said, they'd be devastated. They look up to you for everything. You are their rock." He continued.

"They would be fine. They would live…" Blossom interjected, almost in a whisper.

"With a fucking hole in their hearts!" He exclaimed. "Yeah, they wouldn't die on the spot, but if you think your death wouldn't affect them…. Then you're fucking stupid. They would be fucking traumatized!"

Blossom's bottom lip was trembling. Actually, her whole body was shaking. His body temperature had risen to which if she had been a normal person; she would've had serious burn damage. Instead, her ice that was developing with her emotions, mingled with his heat. Steam sneered around them developing a fog.

"Damn it! Why didn't you tell someone?" He yelled at her. His voice was raw. Blossom openly gasped when she saw that tears were now in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell your sisters, or the Professor? Why didn't you go to a counselor?"

"They would be disappointed." She managed out. His laugh that followed was empty of emotion.

"Of what? You having emotions? You needing help? Blossom," He said her name desperately. "… You help everyone, but that doesn't mean you're exempt from the privilege of receiving it yourself. You are loved. So. Very. Fucking. Loved! If you died…" Brick became silent. His eyes un-focusing with the thoughts that were running in his mind. Blossom hung on his words. He then matched her gaze once more. "If you died, I'd probably kill a lot of people." There was no humor in his words. His eyes were stony and hard. "I'd probably blame everyone around me and kill them."

"You're not a killer." She whispered. The smile he gave her was terrifying.

"Not yet,but you don't know the capabilities of a grieving man." Brick challenged. He then sighed and his expression softened. "We could go over all the what ifs, but the gleaming fact is you are so important to a lot of people. Let's go to someone and get you help. These thoughts are not okay, and you shouldn't deal with them alone."

Blossom thought about it and nodded.

"Okay, but under one condition." She spoke. Brick raised an eyebrow. She smiled up at him. A genuine smile that she hadn't felt on her lips in a long time. "If you promise to stay beside me and keep me on track."

Brick smiled back at her and brought her into a hug.

"You got it, Pinky. You got a lot on your plate to get through, but the moment you feel your ready. I'm gonna sing to the world how much I love you, alright?" His smile was toothy. She melted at the sight. "Now, let's get you back into town. Your sisters are worried sick."

It has been eight months since Blossom started therapy. For the first three, she was being seen about three times a week, after another three it was two. Now, Blossom was to once a week appointments. She was proud at the progress that she has made so far.

One of the things required by her therapist was for her to keep a journal. She was to write anything that she wanted down, but she had to at least write something. At first, the entries were awkward and disorganized with her thoughts, but now she wrote fluidly. Every night at nine o'clock, Blossom would write her days down. It was incredible on how such a simple ting made her better.

Her relationship with her sister, although was close before, was now even better. She told them everything upon her return. The three held and cried together the whole night. The Professor had even joined them and called them out of school the next day. He wanted the day to be spent on purely supporting his brave girl.

Buttercup and Blossom made a deal to always have an outdoor day on Saturdays, no matter the activity or weather, they would just spend time outside. They would take in the fresh air and appreciate their time together. They would have picnics when the days were nice. Blossom loved the fact that she was able to eat and hold down foods again.

Bubbles secured herself time with Blossom for "spoiling" days. Usually, on a Friday, they would just pamper themselves with face-masks and feet spas. Bubbles knew the importance of self-care to mental health and always made sure Blossom was doing just that. Blossom now looked in the mirror whenever she passed it.

Brick kept his promise, and vehemently at that. Blossom found herself leaning against him physically and mentally all the time. He checked on her throughout her days and nights. He always sent her inspirational quotes in the morning that would lift her up.

Blossom smiled more than ever. She still had her down days. Days she felt she couldn't even get out of bed, but now she sought help. No longer did she keep it building inside.

"Happy eight months." Brick congratulated as he brought her the tray of food. To celebrate, they were eating at one of her favorite diners. She smiled at him and started to unwrap her burger. She took a bite and hummed at the taste. The best burger in town.

She then noticed Brick was staring at her, not even budging to hide his affection. She blushed under his gaze. She grabbed a napkin and started to wipe her face. He laughed at her movements.

"I'm staring cuz you're pretty, not cuz you have food on your face." He stated bluntly. Blossom blushed a deeper red. He then cleared his throat. "I was thinking. You've almost hit a year of therapy. You're doing so great and I couldn't be prouder. You've come a long way." Blossom smiled at his words, her heart thumping against her chest. "I was wondering if… you know maybe…" He started to stutter. "Fuck. I even practiced this shit in the mirror before I left." He then steeled and grabbed her hands, looking directly in her eyes. "Blossom…"

"I like you too." She giggled, interrupting him. "I'd love to go out with you." They exchanged adoring smiles and ate their food. It was after she was done with her burger, working on her shake, that she spoke again. "Thank you, Brick. For being everything I needed when I needed it. You saved me."

"I'm going to get up, now." He stated. She peered at him curiously, gulping down some of her shake. He did as he said and stood. He came right next to her. "I want to kiss you so bad." Blossom almost choked but managed to keep her composure.

"What's stopping you?" She questioned daringly. He smirked.

"Nothing now." He then kissed her. Soft and warm and light. It wasn't anything to passionate, but to Blossom, it was perfect.

Author's notes: I cried writing this because it was a piece of me. I've battled with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. My thoughts were always tainted with self-harm and suicide while I was in high school. I finally sought out help and saw a therapist who made me write in journals. It wasn't much but it did help. I still had problems and I still had bad thought… I still do to this day. But I am fighting.

I was blessed with my daughter almost a year ago on the ninth of this month. She gives me a strength I never knew I had in me. I want her to grow up and know that her Mama knows that sometimes she will feel sad and not always know why… and that's okay.

Everyone who reads this and is struggling, I want to give you a pat on the shoulder. Everyone of you are strong and beautiful and brave. It's okay not feel okay. I realize that I'm just a voice behind a screen, but I'm here. My inbox is always open to those who need help.

Thank you,

MisfitQueen