Chapter 11:

As usual when Ana arrived at her desk, a single red rose stood before her announcing to her and the world that a sex god was in love with her. She bent over and drew in its delicate fragrance. She smiled at the thought that Christian stood probably in this spot to place his gift on her desk. She did long for him. Every beat of her heart ached for him. His touch inflamed her desires and the memory of his kiss burned in her soul. She knew they had wonderful times together, but she also remembered the bad, the stalking, the domination of her life, the feeling of being held in a gilded cage, and that damn belt. She wanted to soften her heart towards him and give them another chance but she was so afraid. The fear of losing herself kept her from calling him during the lonely nights. She was about to slip into the memory of that beautifully written letter when the phone rang. "Grey Law, Ana Steele speaking." She said in her professional tone.

"Ana, it's Christian. Baby, you need to find Tara…she shouldn't find out about Ryder in the papers."

"Christian, what are you talking about?"

"Baby, Ryder Hamilton was shot last night and he's not expected to make it."

Ana dropped the phone in shock. All she could think about was Tara and getting to her before she made it to work. Ana picked up the phone. "Thank you for the information, Christian. I have to go. Thank you again."

"Ana…please…if you need me, I'm here for you." His voice was soft and warm and it made Ana want to crawl into the phone lines to be in his arms.

"Yes, I know, my love. Thank you." She said not able to keep from using the endearment.

"I like that…my love. A man could get used to that, Miss Steele." He drawled gently. "Do you need me to send a car for you?"

"Thank you, but no. I have my own transportation. Christian, I do have to go. I have to find a replacement for today and I have to get to Tara before she finds out". She hung up the phone with a mental note to apologize later. She knew she was rude but she didn't have time. She had to get to Tara. She looked at her wristwatch. Any other day, Tara would be at work by now, but she had a Doctor's appointment. Ana quickly found a replacement, sent an email to Carrick to explain her absence then ran out of the building to find her car. She tried to call Tara, but was sent directly to the girl's voice mail. Hopefully, the doctor's office did not have television on.

Twenty-five minutes later, Ana is running into the Seattle Medical Associates building and into the reception area. A silver haired receptionist comes to her feet thinking that Ana was hurt.

"This is an emergency. You have a patient here by the name of Tara Holt. It is imperative that I speak to her." Ana was not going to take no for an answer. She was giving this woman a chance to be helpful.

"She is in exam room number three, but she is with the doctor now." The receptionist said as Ana quickly found her way down the hall. She stormed into the room to find Tara dressing.

"Tara." Ana breathed. "There's been a horrible incident. You need to come with me." As the two women ran from the doctor's office, Tara yelled over her shoulder for them to bill her. Her mind was going a million miles a second wondering what the horrible incident was. "Get in Tara and I will explain as we go to the hospital."

"Hospital?" Tara's face went pale.

"Hon…it's Ryder. He was shot last night and it doesn't look good."

Tara went into shock. She could not imagine Ryder in a hospital bed or being less than perfect. "Who?"

"From what I found out on the way over…a woman shot him and she is in custody."

"Oh." Tara couldn't find any words to say. Her brain went numb. She closed her eyes and tried to conjure the memory of a happy, carefree Ryder Hamilton.

"I got the news when I got to work this morning. I didn't want you to hear it from reporters." Ana bit her lip as she drove through Seattle traffic. "I know you still have feelings for him."

"Of course, I do. I spent five years of my life with him."

"I know." Ana whispered. "I know how you feel. If this was Christian, I would want to be with him…especially…" She let her voice fade. She couldn't fathom Christian dying. It hurt too much.

Tara was hustled into ICU as Ana paced in the waiting room. Ana used her Grey connection to get Tara in to see Ryder since Tara, at first was denied entrance. It took one phone call to Dr. Trevelyan-Grey to get Tara's clearance. Ana kept pacing. Hospitals made her nervous. She finally made herself sit and began to think about how precious and short life really was. She looked down at her phone.

"Christian." She whispered when he answered his cell phone. "You said if I needed anything…"

"Baby, whatever you need." His words were steady and calming to Ana. She closed her eyes and relished his baritone voice.

"I need you here with me. Please, Christian? Life is too short…it's too sacred." She felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Tara is in shock. I…I don't want anything to happen to you. What if this was you? Oh, god, Christian, it would kill me if someone hurt you like this. I don't want…to need you…but I do."

"Baby, turn around." Christian said lowly. He stood behind her. She had to know that he wouldn't let her go through this alone with her friend. Ana dropped her phone to the floor and flew into Christian's arms. She didn't care that they were no longer together. She needed him. Only Christian's arms could give her comfort and strength. Christian held her tight to his chest. He did not notice that her face plastered into his no-go zones. He did not feel the usual burning sensations that pained him when someone touched him. "Do you think I would let you go thru this without me? Tara is going to need you if…and you will need me."

"She is broken. I watched her go from shock to anger to despair and then the tears. She still loves him. After all that he did to her, she still loves him."

"The heart wants what the heart wants, baby." He caressed her soft chocolate waves. "Do you need anything? Are you hungry?"

"No Christian…I just need you to hold me." She said into his soft linen shirt. She basked in his unique alpha male scent and snuggled even closer to his strong and warm chest. She was home. She missed this, not that she got a lot of emotional and physical intimacy from Christian in their short relationship. Yes, they had ground shaking sex but very little intimacy.

Christian closed his eyes and silently rejoiced that he was holding the only woman he ever loved. She was his home. She was life. She was his light and his hope for a normal life. "Ana, I want to be here for you…and for Tara. Whatever you need…either of you, I want to be able to provide it for you."

"Can you make him live? Can you make him walk away from BDSM and love her like she deserves?"

"Baby, if I could, I would." He said as he kissed the top of her head. "I would do anything to make you happy."

She lifted her face to him and her blue eyes searched his beautiful gray eyes that gazed down at her with deep emotion. She saw it. She saw the love that he had for her. There was some possessiveness still lingering in those grey depths, but she saw the concern, the love, and the hope that he had for her. "You love me, you know." She stated. "I know that now."

"Yes, I know. I'm just so sorry that I am so dense that I wouldn't admit it until you left me." His large hand gently strokes the delicate line of her jaw. Her bone structure was so delicate but he knew that her fortitude was anything but delicate. This little bundle of life was stronger than anyone he knew. She walked away from the great Christian Grey and kept him at bay for weeks. She had more guts than most men that he knew. "Do you still love me, Ana? Do I still have a chance?"

"I never stopped loving you Christian." She confessed looking straight at him. "I didn't like what you did and wanted to do to me. I can't live like that. I have to be able to come and go at my will and I will not be subjected to your unique needs ever again, not from you or anyone else." She took a deep breath. This was it. This was their moment of truth. "I love you, Christian and I want to be with you, but not as your Sub. I will not live with those rules and expectations you demanded from the fifteen. I am better than that and I am worthy to be loved and cherished and trusted. I am an adult woman that can vote and have a drink. I am a college-educated woman and I have a good job that I am damn good at. If you want me, Grey, you have to accept me as I am, a woman that has needs, wants, and demands love, devotion, and commitment."

Christian licked his lips with the tip of his tongue. "And, you don't think that I can do that for you?"

"You tell me, Mr. Grey."

"I already have, Miss Steele. I've walked away from the lifestyle. I have torn out the playroom and a certain blonde has been given her walking papers. Miss Steele,…Ana…I am yours."

Tara stood at the end of the hospital bed staring at the man who made her life hell. She knew that she should hate him, but she still loved him. She didn't want to love him, but it was there in her heart. No matter how much her mind fought against the truth…she loved Ryder Hamilton. Her eyes took in all the machines that were hooked to Ryder, keeping him alive. She held herself trying to find some comfort. She slowly made her way around the bed and sat beside the bed. She took his hand that was so cold and lifeless. "I do love you, Ryder. I know you forbid me to tell you that, but it's the truth. I love you. Please fight. Don't give up Ryder. I know you don't want to die. You have so much to do."

Ana could hear his words echoing through her head. "Ana, I'm yours….yours…yours." She felt her body move towards him. She could feel the heat off his body. "Christian, I do love you, and I do want you. However, I am scared. I'm scared of the pain that you could inflict on me…not physically but mentally."

"Ana, I want you more than any woman I have ever been with. I want more with you. I want to have a long life with you, with love, devotion, marriage and children if you want them."

His soft-spoken confession made Ana gasp in surprise. Marriage and children? Love and devotion? Who was this man and what did he do with Christian Grey, the Dominant? Tears welled up in her eyes making them sparkled as perfectly cut sapphires. "Babies?" She whispered.

"As many as you want." He smiled down at her. Gently, he brushed away a wayward curl from her lovely face. His fingers felt the silkiness of her skin and his heart quicken, especially when she reached for his hand and pressed it to her face. Her eyes closed as she relished his touch. "I love you, Ana. I know that I didn't go about trying to get you back in a safe and sane way. I lost control when I lost you and all I wanted was you back with me. Please, come back to me."

"Okay." She breathed as her blue eyes opened. She stepped toward him letting her hands go up his arms and encircling his neck with her arms. She stood on her toes to reach his lips for their first "back together" kiss.

"Ana." He said as their lips meshed. His arms encircled her waist and he picked her up. "I will make you happy, I will. I will work every day of my life to make you happy."

"Just love me, Christian. That's all that I need. Your love, your trust, and your devotion." She kissed him once again, her lips demanding his kisses. "So, we are back together?"

"Yeah, we are," He laughed. He put her back down. "and I won't mess this up. I know that you are the one."

Ana hugged him, her cheek pressed against his wide chest. "You are the one for me."

Tara stood off to the side as nurses and doctors rapidly streamed into Ryder's room as alarms went off. She saw them moving and could hear them talking, but it was all in a kaleidoscope of images that merged. That damn alarm made her skin crawl.

"Fuck…we are losing him!" A doctor yelled. "Paddles…now."

Tara closed her eyes so not to see his body arch as the paddles were applied to his chest. She could still hear the flatline alarm that echoed through the room.

"Again." The doctor yelled.

Tara slid down the wall into a heap of tears and sobs. He was gone. She knew that the man that she loved even though he had dominated her for five years was gone. She crawled from the room and used the doorjamb to pull herself to her feet. Slowly, she walked down the hall without saying a word to anyone. She stood at the end of the hall staring out the window. She was empty inside. His death killed her soul.

"Tara?" A soft voice asked. Ana stood beside her friend.

"He's gone, Ana." Tara heard her voice that sounded raspy. "He left me this time."

"I'm so sorry, honey. Let me take you home."

"Who was it? Who killed him?"

Ana frowned. She could hear the anger in her friend's voice. "Felicia Tyson." Ana watched as Tara's body transformed in front of her from being wrung out with emotion to being rigid with anger. "She's in custody. They found her with Ryder with the gun still in her hand." Tara only nodded.