(The Eye in the Sky)

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The house was quiet when he got home. Slipping off his jacket, he placed it on the back of the couch, moved over to where his liquor cabinet was, changed his mind and moved into the kitchen. His hand on a bottle of beer, he changed his mind once more and grabbed a bottle of water. I've got enough problems. I don't need to add alcoholism to the equation. Opening the bottle, he walked down the hallway and heard a voice coming from Christine's room. Leaning against the doorway, he watched his wife reading a bedtime story to their little girl. The child was clearly asleep, but he knew that Brennan would continue to read the story until the end because she couldn't help herself. She was precise, she was thorough and Booth loved that about her.

Restless, Booth moved back down the hallway and into the living room. Not sure what to do with himself, he walked over to the bookshelves and pulled a photo album from the bottom shelf, carried it over to the couch, sat down and flipped it open. Afraid he was going to spill some water on the album, he placed the bottle on the coffee table, settled back and stared at his grandfather and grandmother's wedding picture. He ran his index finger lightly over their faces and tried to keep his emotions under control. Since he wanted to be as calm as he could be, he closed the album and placed it on the coffee table. Crossing his arms against his chest he tried to be patient while he waited for Brennan to leave Christine's bedroom.

She had heard him walk down the hallway and stop in the doorway. Almost at the end of the story, she had chosen to finish it before she left the room. She didn't know why she felt compelled to finish stories knowing her child was asleep, but she did it and told herself it was a normal thing to do. The light in the room now out, she closed the door leaving a crack open so if her child cried out for her, she would hear her. Moving down the hallway, she spied Booth sitting in the living room, his arms crossed tightly against his chest and his face dark with emotion. She didn't know what was wrong, but clearly Booth was upset about something. "What's wrong, Booth."

Startled, Booth stood up, faced Brennan and ran his right hand through his hair. He was nervous and afraid that his partner, his wife might not understand what he was about to say. He needed her support, but would she understand that? "I have a problem, Bones."

Her throat felt tight, but Brennan decided to remain quiet. She didn't want to assume anything. Slowly nodding her head, she sat down near the end of the couch and stared up at her husband.

Clinching his jaw, Booth sat down and turn to face Brennan. "I have a problem . . . and I need to tell you about it." Her silence was a little unnerving, but he knew he couldn't stop now. Gavin was right, he had to talk to her, now. "Um . . ." He paused and shoved his right hand in his pants pocket and grasped his GA coin. Eleven years and it never ended. "I . . . You were right, I shouldn't have gone undercover. I've been a mess for the last two days. I went to a meeting tonight and I talked to Gavin and he said I need to talk to you . . . I want to gamble." He stopped and didn't say anything else, waiting for Brennan to respond.

"Have you gambled, Booth?" She was worried about the answer. If he had been gambling, then what would he do next? How would they handle it?

"No . . . no, I . . . I called a bookie a few times, but I ended the call when he answered." Booth felt hot, as if he was standing in a sauna. "I didn't make any bets, but I wanted to . . . I have this urge to gamble and . . . I don't know if I'm strong enough to keep saying no . . . Bones, I . . . I don't know what to do."

Relieved that he hadn't crossed that line yet, Brennan calmly nodded her head, her mind focused on the problem. "That's good, Booth. You still have control of the situation even if you don't think you do . . . Why do you want to gamble? Because you almost won a big pot the other day when you were undercover?"

"I thought that might be it, but Gavin doesn't think so. He thinks that might have been the impetus, but he doesn't think that's the real reason."

"What does he think the real reason is?" Brennan had met Gavin twice and both times, the man seemed to be calm and a rational person. She knew he was a recovering gambler and he took the GA meetings very seriously.

"I'm not in control . . . Pops died. I was almost killed by Durant's people. I might be getting a promotion . . . I'm going to be a father again . . . Bones, don't take that personally, okay. This has nothing to do with you being pregnant. This has to do with me feeling out of control. I know I can't control the big things in my life, but lately I don't even have control of the little things." Booth paused to gauge Brennan's emotional state. So far, she seemed to be calm and concerned and that was good. "Gamblers usually gamble because they need to be able control something . . . Sweets told me that a long time ago. I don't know if he was full of shit, but Gavin believes that too . . . anyway, these last few years have been crazy. Rebecca moved to England because some nut job tried to kidnap Parker. Then we got involved in a murder investigation that led us to a traitor and then more traitors and it seemed like we couldn't trust anyone . . . I have to be able to trust someone, Bones. I have you and Sweets and Cam . . . Aubrey may work out, I don't know yet . . . Hodgins and Angela . . . Danny . . . I don't have a lot of people I can trust . . . The Director and Stark, but . . . I need to be able to trust the men and women I work with and I think I do, but what if we missed some of Durant's people? Pops is gone and I'll never get to talk to him again . . . My wall that I use to protect myself, my wall is gone, Bones."

Standing, Brennan moved closer to Booth and sat down again. Taking his right hand in her hands, she held it tightly. Not to make him feel uncomfortable but to help him feel connected to her. She didn't understand psychology and most of the time it was just guessing to her, but she knew Booth. She knew he was psychical and he needed to touch her sometimes and sometimes he needed her to touch him. It helped ground him. "Why did you give up gambling?"

"You know why."

"Tell me anyways." She could hear the distress in his voice and she needed to calm him down. That was the first step he needed to take. He needed to be calm.

Staring at their hands, Booth felt some comfort knowing that Brennan wasn't disgusted with him. That was his biggest fear, that she would give up on him. "When we first worked together, we didn't really get along too well, but man you were hot and smart and you helped me solve a case that was driving me crazy . . . We kissed outside the bar, but you refused to go home with me. I didn't know what I did wrong, but off you went in a cab."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Booth. We'd had a lot to drink and I didn't want to make love to you because I was drunk or you were drunk."

His thoughts on that kiss, Booth slowly nodded his head. "Okay, that makes sense . . . I was feeling kind of let down . . . it was raining and I could have gone back into the bar and played some pool, but . . . I knew that I'd probably already had too much to drink and gambling would have just made the situation worse, so I went home . . . after we blew up our partnership, you said you'd never work with me again, but I knew that if I played my cards right, I might get you to change your mind . . . You're the best in your field. You helped me solve my case and it made the suits upstairs notice me. Up until then I was just a low level agent in the bullpen . . . Caroline knew I had potential and she had me help with a few cold cases and I was successful, but that case we worked on together, that case pushed me up the ladder. We made a great team and I wanted to work with you again . . . I knew that if I was going to get you to work with me, I had to be the best and I couldn't fritter my life away gambling. You'd never work with a gambler, so I joined Gamblers Anonymous and I've been fighting the urge to gamble ever since. Sometimes, it's like a little buzz in the back of my mind and sometimes it's louder and I have to fight to ignore it . . . I haven't felt like I feel right now for a long time. I want to gamble, it's like a drum beating in my chest, in my head . . . I'm fighting it as hard as I can, Bones. I don't want to lose you and Christine."

She didn't know what to do. Booth was being honest with her and she appreciated that. He was asking her for help and she needed to find a way to help him. "You went to a meeting this evening. Did that help?"

"It helped a little, to talk about it with someone that understands what's going on with me." His gaze focused on their hands Booth tried to think of a way to help himself. He knew that he was the only one that could stop this, but he needed a reason to stop it. "If I gambled . . . If I gambled, I could lose you . . . I could lose everything."

Careful with her answer, Brennan finally nodded her head. "It's possible, you could Booth. Gambling can lead to debt, lying, obsessive behavior, failure to fulfill your work obligations, family obligations, blackmail . . . You may be promoted next spring, but if you're gambling and your gambling is out of control the FBI could not only not give you the promotion, they could demote you or someone could try to use your gambling against you."

"I'd never let that happen, Bones." Confident, Booth looked at Brennan's face. "I would never let anyone blackmail me . . . but yeah, the other stuff could happen . . . what would hurt the most is if I lost you. I can't lose you, Bones. You know I love you. I have for a long time."

With a flash of insight, Brennan knew what she had to do. "Then you know what you have to do, Booth. If you start to gamble again, you could not live with me. We have a child and she cannot be subjected to your changed personality and you would change, of that I have no doubt. I couldn't live with it either. I need you Booth, but I need you as you are. You must choose between your need to gamble and me. The choice is yours. I can't make that choice for you." She decided that Booth needed 'tough love'. She and Booth had used it against Jared and it had worked. The man had his alcoholism under control and she knew that Booth could do it too.

"I understand, Bones . . . I'm going to have to go to a lot of meetings. They work, but I have to let them work. I . . . I may go every day, so I may not be home until late sometimes, but I need to do this Bones. I have a lot of work to do and it's going to be work . . . Don't give up on me. Please let me work this out. I need time."

"Booth, I will not give up on you." She lifted his hand up and kissed the back of it. "I love you and I know you're stronger than you think you are. You didn't gamble for eleven years and I think that's speaks volumes about just how much control you do have. A lot has happened to you in the last few years and I think it became too much. I want you to go to your meetings. I want you to talk to Gavin and talk to me. I want you to beat back the drum until you can't hear it and when you've accomplished that, I want us to go on a vacation. A vacation where we can be alone, you and me. Where there are no outside pressures, no cases, no late night calls, no murders to investigate. Just you and me. We need some quiet time together."

Her words were soothing and it held a promise that he wanted her to keep. If he got his act together, if he built his wall back up and controlled his urge to gamble then they could make time to be together. They hadn't had that kind of alone time since Christine had been born and he knew he would do what he could to get that time with her. He had a lot of work to do, but he could do it. "That sounds like a great plan, Bones." He spoke softly, but he knew she heard him. "I won't lose you. I won't."

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