Author's note: Not entirely sure where this came from, but I think I know where it is going...

As for the title, I know only too well that in wine lies the truth. And Kathryn loves wine.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Paramounts.

In Vino Veritas

by

Sweeny81

Prologue

She supposed it was inevitable really. Seven long years of command, seven months of an emotionally and mentally fraught return to the Alpha Quadrant. And despite the wonderful moments during those seven months, the friendships rekindled, the family reunited, the relationships that were allowed to breathe more freely and deeply than they had previously - something was going to have to give at some point.

The conversation she never thought they would have.

The conversation she was sure they had never had in the other timeline.

The conversation that she had thought had passed a long time ago.

The conversation she was sure he was no longer interested in having.

The conversation that had the potential to expose her emotionally like no other.

"Kathryn? What do you mean you tried to seduce me?"

=/\=

Chapter 1

She was late. She hated being late. But since their return from the Delta Quadrant a few months previously the infamous military timekeeping she had had since her days as a cadet had disappeared through the transwarp hub that had brought them home.

She smiled ruefully. Thankfully her hosts were no more likely to be on time than she was. Which was probably what having a teething baby did for you. A part Klingon teething baby at that. As she turned down the path to the Paris household she could hear the wails already. She wasn't sure if the wails belonged to Miral or either of her parents….

As she let herself in she called out tentatively and relatively quietly, learning from a previous mistake when she had bowled in, in all of her Admiral enthusiasm and was berated for waking the now not sleeping baby. That was the other thing that had disappeared with the transwarp hub. Any sense of command over her former staff. Oh she was the Admiral on occasion, but mainly she was just Kathryn. And she liked it that way.

She looked around and realised that they hadn't made a start on the tent for the ceremony, no sign of the caterers or the decorations that B'Elanna had ordered. She got a sinking feeling in her stomach and walked back to the hallway calling again up the stairs.

A bleary Tom Paris popped his head over the bannister from the first floor, "Oh thank God. B'Elanna! She's here!"

"Kahless! About time!" B'Elanna's voice shouted.

Kathryn raised her eyebrows in surprise, and not without some suspicion. "Why are you so happy to see me Mr Paris?" Kathryn asked tentatively.

"Don't Mr Paris me, Kathryn. You are late. We slept in. The baby hasn't stopped crying, I haven't showered, B'Elanna hasn't dressed and we are expecting the best part of 200 guests for a naming ceremony for the child I'm about ready to send out of an airlock!"

Kathryn tried vehemently not to laugh at Tom's face, he looked wide eyed and hysterical. She supposed that's what a constant lack of sleep did to you. She wondered if she had ever appeared like that on Voyager. Her insomnia was a constant sort of concern to her loyal former first officer. If she ever looked like Tom did now she could understand why.

She held up a hand, "I will sort the baby. You and B'Elanna get showered and dressed. I will call in reinforcements to get the house ready for the party."

"Admiral."

"Yes Tom?"

"I love you."

"I know."

Tom disappeared and she finally let the laugh escape that she had been holding in and climbed the stairs to Miral's nursery. She steeled herself, laughing again this time at herself.

"The Borg, the Hirogen. And here I am frightened of a teething baby." She muttered to herself as she crept through the door towards the cot.

"Hey there beautiful girl, Aunty Kathryn is here. Why don't you and me see if we can find someone organised, efficient and brilliant enough to make sure this party is up and ready for everyone to arrive in, Sh—-shoot, 75 minutes?"

Miral stopped her wailing to peer up at Kathryn as she brought the child in to her arms, almost looking at her quizzically.

"Oh no, not me. Let's see if we can get Grandma Gretchen here a bit earlier shall we?"

=/\=

'Grandma Gretchen' did indeed arrive a bit earlier, along with Phoebe, Admiral Paris and his wife Julia, Harry Kim, the Doctor, Samantha Wildman, Naomi, Icheb and Mike Ayala. Kathryn watched her mother with no shortage of amazement as the bomb site that was the Paris home was miraculously transformed, the tent for the ceremony was erected in the garden, decorations were adorned, food was laid out, a bar set up and the sound system switched on. All with a ruthless efficiency that would have shamed half the Admiralty of Starfleet.

As the last banner was put up by Harry and the Doctor, Kathryn, who was still trying to get some porridge down the baby, turned to her mother in wonderment.

"How on earth did you manage to complete all of that in 65 minutes?"

Gretchen shrugged, her attention still on the banner, "More to the left Gentlemen!"

Her sister Phoebe snorted in amusement, "Oh please Kathryn. This took her a lot longer than 65 minutes."

"What do you mean?" asked Kathryn, confused and a little distracted by the porridge that had just been spat on her top.

"I mean that when you came home last night and told Mom that you were going to be going to the Paris house early to help set up, she immediately called everyone to get them here to help."

Kathryn looked at her in amazement, "And why did she think I was so incapable?!"

Gretchen rolled her eyes at her eldest daughter while her youngest snickered away, "You may have brought a starship back from the Delta Quadrant sweetie, but domestic arrangements has never been your strongpoint." She tapped her fondly on the cheek, "I think you are going to need to change. You smell of porridge."

Kathryn didn't know whether to be offended or amused but dutiful daughter that she was, she handed the spoon to Phoebe with a slightly menacing smile, "Your turn." And laughed gaily as she went out the room at the look on her sister's face.

She turned slightly before she closed the door and took in the scene before her. The Doctor and Harry smiling happily at Gretchen's praise, more happily than strictly necessary she thought, but that was her mother for you. Mike Ayala approaching Phoebe in laughter as she attempted to finish what Kathryn couldn't. The Paris Seniors setting the last food plate on the table and looking proudly round the room and Samantha helping Naomi and Icheb select the playlist for the party that would follow the ceremony. She was overcome with emotion at the sight of all these people she loved, some of whom she thought lost to her for so long. Her heart almost burst with gratitude that they were all here. She brought her hand up to wipe the tear that had escaped and as she did so she felt a slight pressure on her should and looked round to see Tom and B'Elanna each taking a place at her side.

"This is amazing, Kathryn. Thank you." Tom said.

"Oh I did nothing, this was all Gretchen." Kathryn said, slightly embarrassed at being caught in her moment.

"Well I think it took Admiral level cunning to get the right people for the job," B'Elanna said as she wrapped her arm round Kathryn's, "Besides we never asked you here to organise the party."

"Why does everyone think I'm completely useless all of sudden?" Kathryn said with mock annoyance.

"Not completely useless Kathryn, listen?"

"What?"

"The baby isn't crying. You are the only one she will settle for. Tom and I think you should move in with us permanently"

Kathryn giggled, although she wasn't entirely sure B'Elanna was joking, "I spent long enough living with you two thank you very much. But I'm more than happy to babysit as much as possible."

Tom gave her a kiss on her cheek, and then screwed up his nose, "You should go and change Admiral. You stink of porridge."

=/\=

The ceremony had gone off without a hitch. Miral was too enthralled by all the people, the decorations and her Aunty Kathryn to make a murmur as her Godparents were enlisted and her name was celebrated. Her parents had finally relaxed and were enjoying Icheb's 20th Century music playlist on the dancefloor. Kathryn was taking her Godparent duties seriously and had stolen Miral from her Godfather to make the rounds with the guests, leaving the Doctor to pout about favouritism.

She had just rescued Deanna Troi's necklace from Miral's grip when she noticed a familiar sight at the far end of the tent, champagne glass in hand, laughing at something Admiral Paris had said. She hadn't seen him for three months. It had been a shock to the system when he had left. The seven years at each other's side, the seven weeks of celebrations and debriefings where they had gotten their friendship back on track after years of neglect and the ending of his brief relationship with Seven the former Borg drone had left Kathryn with a small but definite hope of a somewhat different future relationship. A forlorn hope it had turned out.

Kathryn entered the Welcome Home Ball with a spring in her step. The briefings were finally over, all of her crew had been offered Starfleet commissions if they wanted them and help finding new careers if they didn't. She had spent the past week with her mother and sister relaxing at a beachside resort. Her counselling sessions with Deanna Troi were reducing in frequency thanks to all the progress she had made. She felt balanced in a way that she hadn't for years. If ever.

"Woah." Tom Paris whistled as he and B'Elanna raced up to embrace their former Captain. "You look beautiful Cap-sorry *Admiral*."

Kathryn smiled, she felt beautiful truth be told. She felt at peace, ready to embrace the next phase of her life without the burdens that had threatened to smother her for so long.

She drank in the sight of her former helmsman and Chief Engineer. They looked at peace too, despite the 7 week old baby that was no doubt resting in her ecstatic grandparents arms who had volunteered to forgo the party to get to know their grandchild better.

She smiled happily as her former first officer walked up to them. A handsome figure in his black formal suit. Kathryn had refused to wear the new dress uniform and Admiral Paris had relented with a fond exasperation and declared that uniforms for the Ball were optional.

"Admiral," Chakotay nodded at her and the Parises and Kathryn tried not to feel a slight disappointed that he had looked at her without commenting as Tom had. And then berated herself for being such a female cliche. A strong woman, who has just led her crew out of the Delta Quadrant within 7 years, does not need the approval of a man to make her feel her worth.

"Admiral Hayes is keen to say a few words before the party gets started and has asked for you to join him." He motioned over to the table where Bill 'Blowhard' Hayes was getting ready to address the crowds. She rolled her eyes at Chakotay who smirked back at her, "Don't shoot the messenger Admiral. The quicker you get there, the quicker it will be over."She walked away muttering something about traitors as she did so and tried to ignore their laughter as she pasted the fakest smile on her lips for Admiral Hayes. She turned to quip something to Chakotay and realised that he wasn't behind her as she had expected, he had remained with the Parises, still smiling at Kathryn's dislike of Bill Hayes, his attention on them and not on her. She almost faltered at something that settled low in her stomach and as she stood there listening to Hayes ramble on a few minutes later, she realised that the feeling that had shook her to her core was one that she hadn't felt in 7 weeks.

It was loneliness.

The Ball had been a success and Kathryn had danced with nearly every man on her crew and a lot of the women too. She had shook off her earlier feelings as just being uncomfortable with Bill Hayes' insistence of making a showpiece of her. She had enjoyed herself, drank champagne, danced, laughed and spent time with all the wonderful people that had served with her for seven years.

There was one dance victim that had eluded her though and that was her former first officer. She searched the crowds for him and found him standing by one of the great marble pillars looking out on to the dance floor.

"Commander? I fear I am going to have to bring you up on insubordination charges."

He turned to her with a slight smile, "Oh?"

"You are the only member of my senior, sorry, *former* senior staff that I have not yet had the pleasure of dancing with. Shall we?" She held out her hand to him with a smile that faltered as she watched him reach up to tug on his earlobe.

"Dancing isn't really my thing Admiral. Do you mind if we just sit and talk instead."

Kathryn nodded as she followed him to an empty table, confused but not yet bowed.

"I am happy to just sit and talk Chakotay, I feel like my feet are ready to fall off after all the dancing tonight. But I must insist - if I let you get away with not dancing with me can you please drop the Admiral? I keep looking for my father when anyone says it."

Chakotay laughed at her mock despair, "Of course *Kathryn*." Kathryn watched as he looked out again over the dance floor, a frown marring his handsome face. She followed his line of sight to the dance floor where it had rested on the Doctor and Seven who were showing off their tango moves. She sighed, she hadn't realised when B'Elanna had told her the fledgling relationship was over that Chakotay harboured any regrets over it. B'Elanna thought he had been more embarrassed than anything. She had never raised it with him and as far as she knew, Chakotay thought she was unaware that any relationship had ever happened. Kathryn nearly snorted at the thought. 'If only.'

He must have felt her eyes on him as he turned back to her, a smile pasted on his face. Much like the one that she had pasted on her face for Admiral Hayes earlier in the night and wondered if that's how he saw her now. She had thought that they had repaired their friendship over the past few weeks and it hurt her to see him hide himself from her.

"Don't do that." She blurted out at him, cursing the champagne she had drunk that evening for loosening her tongue.

He looked at her in surprise, "Do what?"

"I'm not your Admiral, Chakotay, there's something bothering you. Don't hide from me."

"I wasn't aware that I was." He replied, honesty covering his features and she relaxed slightly and decided to change the subject to some happy news.

"Tom and Harry have booked an evening at Sandrines in Paris in two weeks time. Can you imagine Chakotay? The real bar! The real Sandrine! And then Tom wants to organise a picnic down at beach for a few weeks after that. Regular catch ups. Help us all to acclimatise back to the Alpha Quadrant."

Chakotay nodded back at her, "Seems like a great idea. I know quite a few of the crew would appreciate regular contact."

"Any concerns?" Kathryn asked, worried that she had missed a member of her crew who was not feeling as settled as she thought they all were.

"No, don't worry. Everyone is doing really well, but I know that Naomi in particular misses spending time with everyone. And I think all the crew need some time to get used to not seeing each other every day."

Kathryn looked at her friend, "What about you Chakotay? How do you feel about not seeing everyone everyday?"

He grinned at her and she grinned back, "Oh I don't know. I think I can cope without having to live next door to the boss!" He chuckled as he knocked back the last of his champagne and Kathryn felt her stomach roll again. She knew he didn't mean anything by it, that he wasn't being serious but it made her feel…unwanted.

"Actually there was something I wanted to speak to you about." He said as his face turned serious and she shook her maudlin thoughts away. Too much champagne. She gestured at him to continue.

"I'm going to to Trebus for a few months. I know my family are not there anymore but I just want to take some time before I take up my next commission."

Kathryn nodded mutely as he continued, "Feel like I could do with some time away from everything." The words 'and everyone' went unspoken but Kathryn knew that they were there.

"I leave tomorrow morning for the transport."

Kathryn looked at him in shock but tried to school her features, "You will miss Sandrines and the picnic?"

He at least had the decency to look ashamed at that, "I know but I feel it's the right thing for me. You do understand don't you?"

She didn't understand, she didn't understand at all at why now they were finally back he was rushing off again in to deep space for a few months. His family, his sister were all here on earth now. His friends were here. She was here. But as she looked in to his eyes, she could see his worry about how she would react to this news. She remembered all of the times when he didn't understand her. Didn't agree with her. But supported her nonetheless. It was time for her to do for him what he had spent the last 7 years doing for her.

"Of course. We'll miss you." She said quietly and squeezed his hand, he squeezed her fingers back and got up to stand.

"I better go and tell B'Elanna the news."

"Good luck!" Kathryn said ruefully.

He hesitated before he turned away, "I'll see you in a few months." All she could do was nod in return and he turned towards the Paris'.

She looked down at her glass of champagne, blinking back the tears that had accumulated. And far from drinking too much champagne, she realised that she hadn't drunk enough.

That was the last time she had seen him. She had sent him messages and got messages in return but the damage to the relay stations had meant that two-way communication was out of the question. And as time went on, the messages had got less and less, and shorter and shorter. In fact, she was surprised to realise that she hadn't spoken to him for a few weeks now.

"Kathryn?" Counsellor Trio, giggling as Miral released her necklace, had looked up to see what had gotten Kathryn's attention. And at that moment Chakotay had caught her eye and raised his drink in acknowledgement and a smile and then turned back to Admiral Paris. As if she was just another acquaintance. As if they hadn't not seen each other in months.

She felt Troi's knowing eyes on her and plastered on a smile to her former counsellor. She went to open her mouth when B'Elanna came up to her.

"Admiral? Can you help me with something?" Kathryn nodded and smiled at Troi as she left and tried to ignore the concerned look she had given her.

B'Elanna half dragged Kathryn to the other side of the room where the cake was sitting.

"What's wrong, did the dogs get at the cake again?" Kathryn asked shifting Miral in her arms as she looked in concern at the cake. Which looked perfectly fine.

"Nothing's wrong," B'Elanna said taking Miral out of her arms, "I just didn't want you to get blindsided by something."

"Blindsided by what?" Kathryn asked, confused at Torres' antics.

B'Elanna took a deep breath, "Chakotay's here."

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "I know, we've waved at each other. I know everyone was upset that he just went off for months, but I'm more pleased that he is back than anything."

B'Elanna shook her head, "It's not that. He's brought his girlfriend with him."

Kathryn looked at her former Chief Engineer. Her face blank. She struggled to know what to say. As close as she had become to the Paris' there were somethings that they never discussed. They were all a little hurt that Chakotay had just left them like he had, just when everyone was starting to settle. They were hurt that he hadn't kept in contact as often as he had promised. Those things they had all discussed. But they had never discussed how it had made Kathryn feel. How much she missed him. How often she had looked to her side to find he wasn't there. Although given the look Torres was now giving her it seemed they hadn't had to discuss it. They already knew.

"I wasn't aware…" She broke off as B'Elanna shook her head.

"None of us were. He introduced her to Harry when he came in. Harry told the Doctor, the Doctor told Tom who…"

"Who told you." Kathryn finished.

"Yes."

Kathryn smiled at her friend. For she was her friend now. Not her Chief Engineer, not a member of her crew. Her friend.

"I'm not going to insult your intelligence and claim that this information doesn't…unsettle me somewhat."

B'Elanna smiled at her.

"But that's my problem. Not anyone else's problem. Understood?"

Kathryn could see the barely concealed anger that B'Elanna was trying to control and she put her arms on the young woman's shoulders.

"I'm pleased..I am. That he has found someone. He wasn't built for loneliness."

B'Elanna nodded and Kathryn reached back for the baby.

"She's mine until I relinquish her. I'm meant to be introducing her to everyone."

"Your Aunty Kathryn is very bossy Miral. Try and keep her under control."

Miral gurgled at her mother and they both laughed, they caught each other's eye and without words promised to speak later.

"Right then little one. Let's go and face Uncle Chakotay shall we. Phasers to stun. No need for a red alert."

However by this point Chakotay had moved away from Admiral Paris, his arms round a beautiful dark haired woman, laughing as they both moved to the music. On the dancefloor.

"Well Miral," Kathryn said, trying to ignore the way her voice trembled, "It seems like dancing is his thing after all."

=/\=