Here it is. The end. Thanks for sticking with it.

=/\=

Kathryn was sure that of all the inventions of modern life, the antidote for a hangover hypospray had to be the finest.

She had woken up after a disturbed night of sleeping with her head pounding, her stomach rolling and a feeling of absolute dread. The hypospray had ridden her of most of the symptoms but the knot in her stomach remained.

She wondered how on earth she was going to face Chakotay after all that had been said between them. She was mortified. On many levels. She had been unfair, she knew that now.

But she was ashamed to admit that for all her regrets, for all of what she needed to apologise to him for, she couldn't help that what kept replying in her mind was his face as he told her that he had moved on. That he had done what she wanted him to do. She had no one to blame for her heartache but herself.

Her misery was interrupted by her comm system. It was B'Elanna.

"You okay?" her friend had asked, with what looked like sympathy. Had Chakotay spoken to her?

"Fine. Hangover dispensed with. I'm never drinking again."

B'Elanna snorted, "I know what you mean. But no I meant more Sean Ramirez. Julia told me what happened when she dropped off Miral this morning. There we were teasing you last night and…well…I'm sorry."

B'Elanna looked devastated and Kathryn quickly reassured her, "Oh God, Im not upset, not at all. Honestly. Sean Ramirez was a wonderful interlude but I can honestly say his slightly questionable behaviour with his aide is more amusing than it is hurtful."

Her former crew member visibly relaxed, "Have you spoken to Chakotay this morning?"

Kathryn felt the blood rush from her face. "No. Why?

B'Elanna shrugged, "He called us early this morning, said he had been trying to reach you," Kathryn looked at her comm system and there was the telltale light blinking. She hadn't noticed.

"He asked me to tell you to check your 'damn messages' and that if you didn't to make sure you knew that he was going out of town on an Academy trip and he would speak to you when he got back and when you were hopefully 'sober'. Don't look at me like that - his words not mine. What happened last night? Did you have a fight? p'taQ! Did he upset you?"

Kathryn buried her face in her hands, she was mortified.

"I'm coming over," B'Elanna said but Kathryn stopped her with a hand.

"No don't, I'm fine. We had words but I'm not sure I can talk about it at the moment. I behaved dreadfully. I'm lucky he was trying to reach me at all, let alone leave a message with you."

B'Elanna looked disbelieving, "Are you sure? I can be there in two minutes."

Kathryn shook her head, "I'm sure. I'll tell you all but I probably need to speak to him first. Did he say when he would be back?"

"Friday he said," B'Elanna peered through the screen at her, "If you need to talk…"

Kathryn smiled, "I know."

B'Elanna nodded, "Right I need to go wake that lazy ass husband of mine."

"B'Elanna?" Kathryn asked before she could sign off and B'Elanna paused.

"I'm incredibly grateful you know. To you. And Tom. Since we got back, I don't think anyone has done more to help me regain that part of myself I thought I had lost. Your friendship, it's been the greatest surprise and the greatest gift."

B'Elanna who had half risen to turn off her comm sat down with a thump.

"You don't need to thank us Kathryn. We love you. You're our family. There's not much choice involved."

Kathryn laughed, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Kathryn, if he hurt you…"

"He didn't. Not anymore than I hurt myself I think. Or more than I hurt him."

After the call she sat for some time steeling herself for Chakotay's message before berating herself for being a coward and pressed play.

He looked good. Certainly better than she felt. But she could tell he was still angry.

"Kathryn. I've got to leave in ten minutes for an Academy trip to Jupiter station. If you get this after I've left then…We need to talk. When I get back. No alcohol this time."

Well, that was abrupt, she thought. But at least he wanted to talk. Maybe she could hold on to their friendship. She just had to wait.

=/\=

Friday had come around quickly and somehow not quickly enough. She wasn't ashamed to admit that by the time Friday had dawned she had gone through hundreds of different scenarios of how she was going to approach the conversation with Chakotay. B'Elanna had tried to help but as she didn't want to break Chakotay's confidence before she had spoken to him she didn't really know how to.

Slightly abusing her rank and position, her aide had informed her when Chakotay's transport had landed back on Earth and she had made her way home to her apartment to change and wait. His message hadn't indicated when or where they were meant to have a conversation. She thought about calling him but didn't want to run the risk of getting Leona instead.

Was she supposed to do dinner for them? Candles were probably a no go. And probably no music. She snorted. She should probably hold off on the flirting too.

It was hopeless she decided. She needed to do something to distract her. She looked at the wine bottle. That was probably a no go too.

Before she could change her mind her door chime went and with no small amount of trepidation she called for whoever it was to enter and there he was. In civvies, like her, he'd obviously had the same thought about meeting as equals without rank or Starfleet in the way.

"I wasn't sure when to expect you," she said.

"I wasn't sure you'd be sober when I did."

The look she levelled on him would have quelled most people except her mother and maybe Phoebe. He was unmoved.

"You make it sound like I have a problem."

He snorted, "Your tongue when inebriated is a problem."

"Perhaps. In vino veritas."

He looked at her quizzically, "My latin isn't up to scratch."

"In wine, lies the truth."

"Ah. So you have been truthful?"

"Of course. You didn't think so?"

"Just checking. It all seemed quite hard to believe."

She nodded at him, feeling unsure of herself and hating the fact.

"Would you like a drink?"

"Dutch courage?"

She smiled at him, "Perhaps," she said ruefully.

"Maybe just a coffee. Safer."

As she busied herself at the replicator and tried to gain some control over her emotions she attempted to inject some normality in to the conversation.

"How was Jupiter Station?"

"Fine," he said as he settled himself on her sofa. She rolled her eyes at him as she handed him his coffee and sat down opposite him, unconsciously mimicking their arrangement from the previous weekend.

"You wanted to talk?" Kathryn pressed, she refused to be intimidated by his mood.

He reclined on her sofa taking a sip of the coffee before wincing. She had forgotten the sugar.

"Oops," she said mirthlessly and this time it was his turn to roll his eyes at her. He got up to get the sugar and surprised her on his return by sitting down on the coffee table in front of her instead of on the sofa. She tried, and failed, to be unaffected by his nearness.

"You drive me nuts," he said.

"Feeling's mutual," she replied.

He took a breath and reached for her hand. She couldn't tell if it was for reassurance or out of pity for whatever it was he wanted to say.

"I meant what I said last week. I had moved on. On Voyager, particularly towards the end of our journey, I had no idea you thought of me in any way but as as a Commander. I was relieved when we got back, during the debriefings that we regained a friendship."

"Me too."

He nodded, staring at their intertwined hands, "In some ways I had stopped seeing you as a woman. I had to. It was self preservation. It never occurred to me that you wanted to change that."

She felt the tears rise and tried vigorously to hold them at bay.

"After the debriefings I felt lost. You seemed jubilant, ready to head boldly in to your future. Everyone did. I just felt numb. I thought that going home would ground me, help me come to terms with all that had happened. And I wanted to nurse my bruised ego after Seven."

He let go of her hands and stood to pace in front of her.

"And then I met Leona. It was normal and nice and uncomplicated. It was freeing. And when she said she was willing to come back to Earth with me, I was so relieved. I had begun my new life in the alpha quadrant, that was completely separate from Voyager. But then I turned up at Miral's celebration…. it felt like everything I had built during my time away fell as if it had been built on sand."

"What do you mean?" Kathryn asked, in no small amount of surprise. He had seemed so together and content since his return. It had infuriated her in fact.

"There was me thinking I had moved on to a new life with a new woman and when I got back I realised that you had all moved on too. But only you had moved on together. I was the outsider. It wasn't disapproval Kathryn when Mike or Tom flirted with you. It was disbelief that your friendship had evolved in that way. I was the one you flirted with. Not the crew."

"But you've made up for that since. You've spent time with everyone, rebuilt some bridges."

"Yes but I can't get that time back can I? It was you that was there for Gerron and for Jor. It was you that had helped Mike find his boys. All those trials and tribulations that the crew went through while I was nursing my bruised ego, it was you that solved them. And without me. You didn't need me."

"Chakotay…"

"Let me finish. It made me feel like I had let go of something important. I had let go of our family in order to move on when I didn't need to and when I shouldn't have."

"We'll all had to find our way. Our family as you put it love you and respect you. That will never change. Yes they were hurt when you went away and they missed you, we all did. When you returned acting like you hadn't missed us and with a new relationship that was obviously serious and which we all knew nothing about….well…it stung."

"I'm sorry for that. I suppose I didn't realise I had missed you all until I realised just what I had missed if that makes sense?"

Kathryn nodded.

"And I realised that I had some catching up to do. How things had changed. Your relationship with the crew took me by surprise although I'm not sure why. I always wanted you to be closer to them."

"They've been a balm to the soul. Tom and B'Elanna in particular. And Mike - he's become the brother I never had."

Chakotay smiled sadly, "I'm a bit regretful I missed you all getting to know each other. It would have been fun to watch."

"You've would have enjoyed Mike's courtship with Phoebe." Kathryn smirked.

"At least I wasn't the only one in the dark about your relationship with Sean."

"'Lanna and Phoebe knew, and my sister wouldn't have kept her mouth shut with Mike, but Tom didn't know. I think they knew it was a fling, it wasn't something anyone else needed to know about. I certainly wasn't going to bring him home anytime soon."

"It had crossed my mind that you would find a relationship. Quarra taught me that. Although I suspected someone like Mark or Jaffen. A nice guy. Safe."

"Boring you mean?"

He laughed at that, "Perhaps. When I found out it was Sean Ramirez and Phoebe saying that was your type. I wondered if that was why you and I never worked out. I was too safe. You wanted danger and passion."

Kathryn shook her head, "We never worked out Chakotay because I couldn't get the ship home without you. I couldn't compromise our command by getting in to a personal relationship. Our friendship barely survived. I have it on good authority it wouldn't have survived at all if we had remained in the Delta Quadrant."

He nodded, "I understand that. I agree with it. But we never discussed it did we?"

Kathryn looked up at him, considering, "Now you mention it, no. I never thought of us having communication problems but perhaps, upon reflection, we did."

"It was partly my fault. After the void, I realised that what you needed was being saved from your guilt and yourself. And then after Teero, I realised that I had failed you and you seemed further away than ever. After the Equinox I thought I had lost you completely. I was determined to be the best first officer, to let you go as a friend, as something more, so I could save you."

"I appreciate what you did for me Chakotay. I couldn't have asked for more. But you should know that you were never 'safe' for me. Not in the way Mark was, or Jaffen for that matter. You had danger written all over you from the moment we met."

"Oh?" Chakotay seemed lost for words.

"You disturbed feelings in me that I hadn't felt in a long time. Perhaps had never felt, not truly. I'm sorry I never told you that."

Chakotay nodded, "Apology accepted."

She nodded sadly. The topic seemed exhausted. There wasn't much else left to say. He'd let her go. And now she had to do the same. She took a deep breath.

"I'm glad we talked about it. And I'm pleased I still have your friendship. At least I hope I do."

His pacing, which had slowed during their conversation stopped altogether and he looked at her.

"Of course. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Perhaps now it's safe to have that drink?" Kathryn asked with a smirk and Chakotay laughed.

"Well I think we've exhausted the truth for one night. Any Antarian ale in that replicator of yours?"

"It was the first thing I had programmed."

Kathryn got the drinks and this time they both sat down on the sofa.

"To friendship?"

"Slainte."

"So," Kathryn started, as confessions of the soul were probably over she attempted to change the subject.

"How's the house hunting going with Leona?"

"Ah," Chakotay looked awkward all of a sudden, "Well…"

"Well what? What's wrong?" Kathryn asked, concerned something had happened.

"We broke up about two weeks ago."

"Two weeks ago? But the barbecue…?"

"I know. It may sound weird but she was keen to come along one last time, she really liked you all. In fact I think she liked all of you more than she liked me," he said with a small laugh and a shake of the head.

"I'm sorry Chakotay." Kathryn was shocked, she hadn't had a clue. But then also she hadn't spent much time with either of them. She slightly resented all the time she had spent angsting over their relationship. Particularly the past week.

"Don't be. It was for the best. We both realised, thankfully, that as much as we liked each other it wasn't enough. We'll stay friends."

Kathryn patted his hand and held up her glass again, "Here's to finding the one." Chakotay smiled back at her and repeated the gesture.

An hour or so later, and a few Antarian ales later for that matter, found them both giggling over the Doctor's performances that he used to make them sit through. And his speeches.

"I've never seen you move to the Bridge so fast."

"Oh god I couldn't take one more moment. I love him I really do, but sometimes…"

"You want to decompile his programme?"

"Exactly," Kathryn replied as they dissolved in to a fit of laughter again.

Kathryn wiped away the tears of laughter to find Chakotay staring straight at her. All amusement from his face gone.

"What is it?" Kathryn asked, worriedly at how quickly the mood had changed.

"I haven't been able to get the images of you and Sean Ramirez out of my head."

She blinked, that was a non sequitur. She looked down at his glass. Just how much had they had? His eyes were looking little glazed. She didn't think she had ever seen him this drunk before. He'd always stayed in control, allowed her to relax into inebriation. There with a hypospray when she needed it. God she loved him.

"I dont…" she started.

"In fact I've hated every man who has ever flirted with you, kissed you, had a relationship with you."

"Oh," he had obviously decided it was his turn for the truth serum. She didn't know whether to be amused, scared or thankful. Perhaps all three.

Chakotay nodded seriously, "I was the one that ruined the Fair Haven programme."

Kathryn was shocked, "You?!"

"Let's just say the doc is not the only hologram I have wanted to decompile."

"But…"

"And when you walked in to the Welcome Home Ball in that dress I had to wait a few moments before I came and spoke to you. There was no way I was going to be able to dance with you without it becoming obvious what your dress was doing to me."

Kathryn stared at him as if he was a madman. He'd had her convinced earlier that night that he'd moved on. But the traitorous part of her heart tried to make some sense of his words. She thought back to the ball. She remembered being upset that he had barely looked at her.

"When we sat together I had to gaze at the dance floor to keep myself from begging you to come with me to Trebus."

She had thought he had been staring wistfully at Seven. And when he had left her she had thought he was going to say something before he walked away. But she'd been too preoccupied with her own broken heart to analyse it.

"And when Mike talked about a menage a trois with you, him and Phoebe, I had to restrain myself from punching him."

"Okay."

"In fact anytime Mike or Tom flirt with you I want to punch them. I hate their protectiveness over you. That's my job," he nodded with finality.

"But you said you had moved on!" Kathryn cried incredulously.

"I had."

"So - I'm a little confused as to where this is all coming from!"

They both stared down at the glasses in their hands and he smirked at her as he pulled her glass away from her and settled both on the coffee table. He turned back to her and leaned forward, stroking her cheek.

"In vino veritas, Kathryn."

She stared at him, could he really be saying what she thought he was saying. She needed to be sure. This was the one thing they couldn't miscommunicate.

"Chakotay - are you being serious? Because if this is a joke it's not a very funny one. And a little cruel."

"I've wanted you since you put your hand on my chest to stop me from killing Tom Paris. I've loved you for nearly as long. I've also been disappointed in you, disliked you, disagreed with you. But never in that time have I ever stopped loving you. I've tried. I told myself tonight that we were going to hash it all out and move on as friends. But I'm sitting here thinking that no one makes me as mad as you do. No one makes me laugh like you do. There's no one who makes me feel as much or as hard or as deeply. And I'm an idiot for thinking that I could walk away from you when you had opened your heart to me."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we've been given a second chance at happiness. And instead of letting past hurts and regrets spoil our future, we should embrace what we have and move forward. Together."

By this time Kathryn was unable to stop the tears from flowing down her face.

"No ancient legend?"

"No. No more legends, or half truths or misunderstandings. I love you. And I'm pretty sure now that you love me."

"In vino veritas?" Kathryn asked him with a sob and Chakotay's face broke out in to a beautiful smile, dimples and all.

"Truth," he answered.

"We've waited long enough don't you think?" Kathryn whispered.

"Why Admiral, are you trying to seduce me?" Chakotay whispered back, just before their lips met and their future was sealed.