When This War Is Over

Part I

July 1861

My Darling Beth,

I hope this letter finds you well and our dear Alice growing with each passing day. I received your letter a month ago and it troubles me deeply that I was not there when our Matilda passed. She was taken from us much too soon but I find comfort in knowing that I will see her again in the coming days for I fear the coming battle will cost many a men their lives, mine included.

I would kill every Yankee I could, even those who mean no harm, if it meant I would be able to return to my girls and to my home. But I find that I do not hate them for doing their duty and for doing what they feel is right, we're all fighting for a reason, and to simply kill them because I wish to return to you would be cruel and as you, my darling Beth, have reminded me in your letters, it is not Christian to have those thoughts and though I've never been a faithful man of God, I am forever faithful to you.

If I cannot write you, my darling, do not mourn me dead.

Think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again.

Forever,

C. Merle Dixon

Beth clutched Alice to her chest, the small child wriggling in her arms and crying, as she watched the troops approaching the farm.

She knew their news would be what she had feared the most for she had received her husband's letter weeks ago and read it every night before bed.

News that the Confederate Army had been victorious in the Battle of Manassas had left her hopeful for his return but then she had received his letter and could almost feel the desperation in his words to her.

She had expressed to her Mama and Daddy that she feared he had given up on returning to her and they had responded by telling her to pray and to keep up the hope that he would indeed return.

She kept her faith, tried her best to sray strong and got down on her knees every night before bed to pray for his safety but as soon as the light from the lantern had been extinguished, she let her tears fall silently.

The sounds of hooves hitting the rocks and dirt as the grew closer made her heart race and tears well up in her eyes. She closed them and said a silent prayer.

"Mrs. Dixon?" a voice called out as the hoof beats stopped.

"Yes," she breathed out, opening her eyes.

"You're Mrs. Charles Merle Dixon?"

When she nodded, the soldier swung his leg over and dismounted the horse then approached her slowly.

"Mrs. Dixon, I come to you with news of your husband."

Beth gasped, clinging tightly to little Alice, and fought to stay upright as her knees buckled but the soldier continued.

"He will be here by rail in just two days time."

She looked up and said with a shaky voice, "Thank you for returning him home to me. I know he would want to be laid to rest near his home and not on a battlefield."

The soldier crouched down and held out his hand. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but I fear you have misunderstood. He will be here in two days time, alive but just barely, though I cannot tell you that he is completely whole."

Her body trembled and her voice cracked each time she tried to speak.

Beth smoothes her hands down her skirt and took several deep breathes before looking up with teary eyes at her Mama.

"The soldier that gave me the news of Merle's return said he couldn't say he was completely whole," she choked back a sob. "What does that mean, Mama?"

Annette took her daughter's hands in her own and gave them a reassuring squeeze. "I will not begin to tell you what that young man could have meant by that but I can tell you that in the weeks after Matilda passed, I could see that you weren't completely whole, my dear. Merle has seen battle. He has seen men lose their lives and more likely than not he has been the cause of some of those loses. One cannot simply be whole after something like that."

Beth nodded as the tears rolled down her face and her mother pulled her into a hug.

"Whatever you may see in there, my dear child, whatever Merle's condition may be, you must remain strong and faithful. God would not give more than you can handle and I don't believe he would take Merle from you and then give him back, only to take him again." Annette placed a gentle kiss on her daughter's forehead then said, "Go on in and take your place by your husband's side."

Beth took another deep breath and willed herself to put one foot in front of the other until she was inside and an older woman with blood down the front of her skirt silently ushered her into a room.

The room smelled horribly though she couldn't see a reason why.

There were several beds lining the walls with white curtains draped around them.

"Mrs. Dixon, I presume?" She asked quietly.

"Yes ma'am," Beth whispered.

The woman gave her a sad smile before reaching out and pulling aside one of the curtains.

Before the woman could say another word, Beth had rushed forward and was kneeling beside the bed.

"Oh, Merle," she gasped and cried.

He groaned and shifted in the bed.

"My darling Beth," he said gruffly.

He reached out his right hand to wipe the tears from her face but stopped when the blood soaked bandage caught her attention.

"I keep forgettin'," he said as he lowered his arm.

"What happened?" she asked quietly. "Please husband, tell me what has happened, what you have been through."

Merle looked away and groaned again, his face twisting in pain.

"I lost a couple fingers on my right hand, then they said gangrene set in so they had ta tale my whole hand. Other than that, I won't ruin you with the tales of what happened. Just know that I have made it home to my girls, even if it's only for a little while."

Beth wrapped her hands as far as the would go around his right forearm and closed her eyes in silent prayer.

When she opened her eyes again, Merle was staring at her with tears in his own eyes.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his then said, "You've returned to me and our Alice. If we must head west, we will, but I will not let them take you from us again."

"I love you, Beth, and I love our girls but this is our home and I have to know where..."

"I know," she said with a nod. "I know you will not leave until we know for sure where your brother is and if he will come home."

"Has your sister heard any news?"

"No," Beth shook her head. "She sent a letter to let him know they had a son but she has yet to receive a letter back."

Beth smiled wearily at Merle and kissed him once again.

"It will be dark soon," she said quietly. "I must return home but I will be back tomorrow to see you and I'll bring our little Alice. She has missed you so."

Merle returned her smile. "I have missed her, too."

A/N: This is an indirect follow-up to "Angel Of The Alamo" and by that I mean, both that story and this one are part of a series I'm calling "Moments In History" where I'll write Beth and my favorite TWD men into specific moments in history. I hope I've explained that well enough but if not, feel free to send me a PM. There will be a second part to this one coming soon.

For anyone wondering, the First Battle of Manassas is more commonly known as the First Battle of Bull Run which is the term the Union Army used. The Confederate Army used the term Manassas, which I have chosen to use in this story, because the battle took place just north of the town of Manassas, Virginia. This battle, which was the first major battle during the Civil War, resulted in a Confederate victory.

I am quite aware that there are probably many, many historical inaccuracies in this piece and in any future pieces within this series but this is obviously fanfiction so it won't be historically accurate (even though I could probably fill these little stories full of historical information but where's the fun in that lol).