AN: This is a self insert and everyone is going to be OOC. This story is comedy and not meant to be taken seriously at all. If you get offended by me changing how the characters act then oh well cause I'm not changing it. Besides that the only characters I own are myself and whatever OCs I invent a long the way. RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth Animation

Our story begins in a simple house. Inside the house is a guy who is gaming away on his switch. He is playing a game known as "Fire Emblem 3 Houses" and is on his fourth run through of the game. He is oblivious to the world around him as he focuses on finishing the mission he is on not knowing there is a portal opening up behind him and from the portal come two figures. One has the glow of pure white, like snow covering the ground. While the other is an obsidian black, absorbing all the light in the vicinity. The two figures walk up to the guy, put their hands on his shoulder and teleported away before the guy even has a chance to scream.

I open my eyes and see a room that is half white and half black. On the white side you got a love seat, a couch and a lounge chair with a table that is half white and the other side is half black. On the black side you got some wooden chairs and one chair that looks like a throne that appears to be fuzzy and fluffy. On each side also has the the figures of white and black. The white figure on the black side and vise versa.

'I really wanna sit on that throne but those chairs also look really comfy. Also where the hell am I?'

"HEY, glowing figures. Where the hell am I and who the hell are you?" my voice reverberates around the room making it sound a lot louder than I wanted it to.

"OH, so it seems we got ourselves a wise guy on our hands eh light? Guess he doesn't know what to do when in the presence of Gods huh?" a voice comes from the black figure. It sounds like one of those mob bosses or gangster leaders. "Now listen here, I'm a God see and and this God ain't that patient ya see. I better be shown some respect from ya or else the mob of Grimm ain't gonna be to happy."

"Honestly brother, must you always cause a commotion when one person who doesn't even know who we are doesn't respect you. This is why mom likes me more and allowed me to create humanity. She left you with the scraps of Grimm and shadows." a tired voice comes from the white figure. It seems to have a tired but yet arrogant and haughty voice, like everything belongs to it and that no one can ever challenge its power. "I'm so sorry about my brother, he has a mouth and vocal chords but not a brain to use them properly. Allow me to introduce my self."

The white glow dissipates and standing there is a man who appears to be around 6 foot 3. The clothes he wears look like a tuxedo made of the whitest silk with trimmings of gold. The slacks are have the same white silk and gold trimmings on it as well. He has a monocle over his right eye and a white top hat resting on his head. He was a golden watch around his left wrist and golden rings on his index and middle fingers of both hands. His shoes are white dress shoes. "I am the God of Light, I hold half the power in the universe of Remnant. And the man who is in black is my brother, he holds the other half of the power bestowed on us by mother."

"Listen to this schmuck goin on like he's the best in the universe" The shadows covering the black figure sunk into the ground to reveal someone who looks a lot like Al Capone. He has the fedora, the cigar in his mouth, the black tie with a white button up shirt and the black striped suit jacket and pants, black and white two toned shoes, a pocket watch chain in his pants pocket, some white gloves and a cane. "c'mon kid, you know I'm da better one right ya see. I'm the God of Darkness and the leader of the Grimm mafia, if you can even call those mindless monsters a mafia. They need Tommy Guns but Light and Ma were like 'Oh No ThAt WoUlD bE uNfAiR' blah blah blah.

My mind is racing around like a nascar car going zoom zoom very fast. So much information was just dumped into my mind all at once. My brain eventually shut down and had to reboot. Once my brain starting functioning again the first question that came to mind was "wait, as in the gods from Remnant and the tv show RWBY?"

"Oh, so he does have a brain in that head space you humans call a skull. Yes we are those gods from that animation you call a show. They got everything wrong. Imagine the disrespect I felt when they got me so wrong, I felt offended so much. The only thing they got right was how the characters dressed, besides that they got everything wrong. So we, by that I mean I, came up with this glorious plan on kid- I mean borrowing one you humans from that place called Earth so you can see the truth and spread the good word of the Gods of Light and Darkness. Come human, you should be celebrating that you have been given such a phenomenal task. Rejoice!" The God of Light lets out a laugh that makes him sound like Frieza.

'Man, who knew RT could be wrong is the worst way possible. At least he can pull of the laugh well but besides that he is getting on my nerves. Not a fan of those selfish gods who feel entitled' I shake my head and look towards Darkness.

"Is he always like this?" I pray to whatever god is out there that he isn't.

Darkness sighs, "ya, he is. Listen here. I'm just gonna send you down to Remnant and where you'll end up I have no idea and frankly, I don't care. But you seem to got a good head on you ya see. So I'll send you down with an aura and semblance but I'm gonna keep it locked. Can't be sending you down with a free win pass. Any questions, no? good see ya kid." and with a snap of my fingers I was teleported once again with the sounds of the two gods laughing to each other. From there I now know what my goal is. To become a god slayer, but how the hell am I going to do that. I have no idea.

So there I was, floating the middle of nowhere for who knows how long. Time felt slow but yet also fast. There are purple swirls everywhere which I can say is so much better than just a bunch of eyes in this portal. Then in my peripheral vision I see a small portal open up and inside it is just a bunch of eyes with and a deep royal purple in the background. I panic and start to swim as fast I can away from the portal knowing who's that is. In my panic I swim out of the teleportation and fall out. I back first onto the ground. I shield my eyes from the sun as it is right over my face. I sit and up and all around me is desert and sand.

"I don't like sand. It's all coarse, and rough, and irritating. And it gets everywhere." I complain to one really in particular, but who in their right mind would enjoy sand anyway. Cause it absorbs all the heat from the sun and then the next thing you know your feet are burnt and it is just not a lot of fun. ]

I stand up and brush off all the sand off my clothes. I look around and once again all I see is sand and dunes and one bright ass sun blinding my eyes. My shoulders sag as I realise that there isn't really anything that will help a poor young man out in the middle of the desert. I take off my glasses and clean them off with my shirt and out them back on and see nothing has changed. So I start walking in a random direction because I don't really have much a choice in the matter anyway, hope I'm somewhere near Vacuo.

I continue to keep on walking while observing all the glorious nature that is the desert. To my left all I see are sands and dunes and to my right there are once again more sands and dunes, but hey at least every now and then I find the stray cactus which would provide with me with some sort of substance but sadly I do not have any form of edge to cut them so RIP me. I hope I will eventually find civilization soon, who knows what this endless vast sandy desert planet filled with nothing but the void of my own heart and soul and all these memes that are in my head and will never shut the hell up.

I noticed it became night time once the sun started going down and it started to get cooler. I finally decide to take a break and sit down for a little bit to rest my legs after walking for God knows how long. Just walking in the sun constantly with no break. I lean back and look towards the sky and I see the moon in all of its broken glory with stars dancing all around in space, slightly lighting up the night sky.

"Ya know, I do wonder if I will find civilization in the middle of desert. I really do gotta pray that they landed me in Vacuo or else I am screwed because I have no weapon against the Grimm, no aura unlocked and have zero sense of direction. Maybe someone else will find my napping body and kidnap into a different place that is no longer in this god damn desert." I lie down and close my eyes hoping to the gods above that I do not get heckin killed while in my napping time.

I wake up and take in my surroundings and notice that I am still in the desert with the same placement that I was in last night. So that means I was not kidnapped but that also means I still have to keep on walking in the same direction as yesterday and once again pray to the gods that I will eventually find civilization. I sit up and ust off my shirt and face, after that I stand up and brush off my pants and make sure that none of my zero possessions were robbed of me. I feel my pockets and notice there is an uneven surface inside one of them. I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone, not in the best condition but it works. Screen slightly cracked and about 75% battery with no charger.

'At least day brought some good news but sadly I have zero service out here in the desert plus Scrolls and phones run on different tech so rip me...again' I turn my phone off and put it back in my pocket and continue my journey in this stupid ass desert that literally has nothing in it besides my own commentary in my own head. God damn this desert hella boring, nothing I can do bout it though but keep on walking forward and talking to no one but myself.

I would say I have been walking for maybe a good few hours but I honestly have no clue on how long I have been walking in this damned desert. Why the hell did I decide to swim of the magical teleportation tube where it would probably teleport me to Vale but noooo I had to go and swim away and lad somewhere in the middle of god knows where, with it being most likely Vacuo considering this is literally just a fucking desert.

Despite my complaining nothing has changed, even though people always do that on the internet or complain to see the manager. Why is it not working here, is it because I am not Karen enough? While I am lost in thoughts all alone thinking on why complaining has not done me any good whatsoever yet a voice in the distance calls out to me.

"YOOOOO, Mr Stranger man, can you hear me!?"

I am shook from my thoughts and start to look around trying on where to find the source of the voice was. I look around till I eventually see a figure that looks to be in a humanoid shape. I bring my arm up in a waving motion and the figure starts to jump up and down and getting bigger.

"AHHHH, so you can hear me, wait there I'll run over to you" the voice one again calls out

I shrug my arms and sit down while watching the figure slowly become more and more clear. Eventually they reach a point where I can clearly see what they are wearing. They are wearing a turban over their head and face only leaving their eyes exposed. A really long beige dress that covers their whole body. And some kind of boots.

They finish walking over to me and bend down with their hands on their knees so they can catch their breath. After a few seconds of them taking deep breaths they straighten back up and sigh relaxing instead of tensing up.

"What are you doing out in the middle of Vacuo, and with little clothing that can help against the sand and not even a weapon to protect against the Grimm. What the hell is wrong with you, do you have a fucking death wish? You're lucky someone like me came along and found you instead of a marauder or a criminal or just someone with a dark heart." Now I can clearly hear they have a feminine voice. One that is laced with annoyance, tiredness, and slight worry. She lets out a long sigh. "Honestly how long have you been here for and not even know the proper way to dress for desert exploration."

I got two options, I can either tell the truth and be sent in the looney bin or the truth can be used as an excuse from desert fever. Or I can fabricate a whole bullshit backstory of why I am exploring the desert. I'm leaning more towards the second option and just make a bullshit excuse cause it would be funnier.

"I'm honestly not really sure why the hell I am out here. One moment I was just relaxing and then the next thing I know I am here in the desert. It was probably those damn fairies play pranks on me. Or even those tricky antlions teleporting me everywhere. Or worse, Thomas the Tank engine himself is coming for my soul. You can hear it can't you, the sounds of the train coming for me. His face has haunted my dreams for an eon or even more. I have lost track of time" I cry out while falling to my knees and covering my face. "He will eventually find me, there shall me be no escape for me."

The woman looks upon me in shock and very much concerned about my mental health. A few seconds later I take my hands off my face and stand up. I look around cautiously like I am on the alert.

"Hey" I say to her "do you have any place we could go so I can not attract Grimm, or at least a safer place for me too stay so the train does not find me"

"Honey, you need more than a place to stay, you need a Oum damn hospital to cure whatever the fuck is going on in your head." She grabs me by the arm and just yanks me off my own two feet and starts dragging me in a direction that I was not heading in. So that means I was most likely headed in the wrong direction, good job me. But then again the desert is a very confusing case. Also sand is a great way to get brush burns as I am now learning from this woman as she is literally dragging my ass across this sand.

Eventually the woman finds a camp filled with tents and people walking around all in the same kind of wear as her. Turbans over their heads with clothes covering their whole body to protect from the sand. She drags me into a tent and just fucking yeets me onto one of the mats that are strewn about across the ground of the tent.

I give her a look of bewilderment trying to figure out everything that is going on right now, from the tents and the nomads to just dragging my whole ass body across the desert.

"Uhhh, can you please explain what is going on here miss? Cause you just kinda dragged me and yeeted me. You have done me a confusion."

"Look, you seem to be suffering from either heat stroke or just straight up crazy so what you are gonna do is sit your Oum damn ass down and stay the fuck there." she starts grumbling to herself as she walks out of the tent.

I look around the tent and see that it looks like a makeshift infirmary with all the mats strewn about and some herbs on some desks. Besides that there is not much really going on in this tent. I then decide in that one moment that I shall decide to ignore what the woman has said and walk out the tent.

Once I walk out the tent I see that there are not many people walking around. Sure every now and then I see someone walk by but mainly there are about 3 people walking around the campsite? I am not really sure what they are called but either way its like a ghost town but it makes sense since this is mainly made of nomads and nomadic people. I continue looking around until I see something that looks like some construction supplies. I start really looking around it until I see one grey block that seems to be out of place in this world of sand, wood, and cloth. On the cinder block is a note:

'Heres a present for ya' From the God of Darkness.

I sigh to myself trying to figure out how the hell I can use a single cinder block for literally anything at all. During my dilemma of figuring out how to use it. The ground starts to shake. I look up from the cinder block to see literal sand waves coming at zooming at a high speed. I look around trying to figure what the hell it is. I pick up the cinder block and start running away from whatever the hell that is.

Eventually the sand waves catch up to me and I see that it is multiple grimm that I was not aware that existed. They are have a crab like appearance with one giant claw. They have the classic grimm mask that covers their face with white markings going all over their body. Their other claw is much smaller which seems to mainly be used for steering.

"what the fuck are those" I say out loud while trying to find a way for them to stop tailing me. "wait a minute" I do a 180 while sliding in the sand with cinder block still in hand. I wait for the crab like things to keep swimming towards me. Once the closest one catches up and I can see the red eyes gleaming at me from in the mask. I lift the cinder block and slam it down on the crab. Somehow the cinder block stayed in one piece while the crab not so much.

The mask starts to crack and it lets out a screech and digs back into the ground. I stand their in disbelief trying to figure out if it was the cinder block, me, or the grimm the being that weak. I look back and see that more the crab grimm are charging towards me. I position myself with the cinder block in hand ready to fight off all these crab grimm.

Each time one pops up ready to lunge at me or whatever it plans in doing I slam it with my block kind of like a game of wack-a-mole. I start counting how many I have hit compared to how many I have seen at first and the number is askew. It seems that I have not killed any but instead just weakened them a lot with a lot of blunt trauma to their heads.

A dagger flies into my view and stand the crab in the face before I could once again slam its face in. I look back and see it is the woman who dragged me here in the first place. She then starts going from one crab to the other with two daggers dancing around the crabs only going in to hit them then jumping over them. After many more games of lead frog with crabs they all turn to dust one by one. She looks at me with nothing but anger and fury in her eyes.

"Where in the mother fuck hell were you. I fucking told you to stay in that damn tent and when I come back I see you aren't in the damn tent like I told you to do so I rush out and see that you decide it would a mother fucking fantastical idea to face mole crabs with nothing but a fucking cinder block. Where the hell did you even get one anything. Oum damn mother fuck. You are so lucky I have not decided to kill you right here and now for how fucking pissed I am at you."She just fucking yanks my arm almost dislocating it from its socket and once again drags me back into the infirmary tent and just forces me to sit down.

I open my mouth to say something but her ice cold glare cuts off whatever I was gonna say. We sit in silence as she looks over me making sure nothing was too badly injured and makes me lay down and presses a cold compost on my head and places a pillow under my legs to lift them up.

"Take off your clothes" she demands me to

"why should I take off my clothes, we just met."

"so I can get rid of the damn heat stroke you got going in your body for thinking it was a smart decision to be in Vacuo and fight off mole crabs with only a cinder block."

I shrug my shoulders, sit up and take off my shirt, use it as a pillow and lay back down. She gets up and looks like she about to leave.

"Wait, what is your name o savior of mine?" I call out before she can leave the tent.

"My name is Beth, and don't you ever fucking forget it."

AN: Chapter one is finally done. Took longer then I wanted but hey that's just life. Wish my laptop would return from repair, but hey finals are almost done and once they are I will be writing much more often. But yes, this is a self insert of myself into the world of RWBY with my weapon being a cinder block cause it would be funny. And yes, this story will feature many OCs since it helps expand the world and makes it feel alive and real instead of secluded in one singular place. When am I gonna meet canon characters? Probably once I reach an academy.

Anyway, this is Atomizer signing off.