It was raining violently outside tonight, not that we were stuck in it like in the past. Tom and Laura had set up a room and made dinner for us, as an official welcoming gift to Hitoshi and I. It seemed too perfect that just as rainy season came around we had a place to stay for as long as we wanted.
Their kids watched the two of us with critical eyes, though it seemed like Hitoshi already won the little girl over. She stared at him in awe, which made him uncomfortable and made me laugh.
I peeked out from behind my warm pillow and towards the sky. The sun was very slowly dropping below the horizon, and I cringed as it pierced my just open eyes. I dug my face back into the pillow and squeezed it towards my body. Three days I stayed in the Shredder's Lair, worried I'd be called out for disappearing. Three days I boiled over what to do with the turtles, and in the end, all I wanted was to be in their lives. I wanted to visit them as often as possible, and I think I knew what I wanted with each of them.
Leo was obvious, I wanted any kind of relationship that didn't involve being constantly hostile. Mikey was easy, he was that sort of brother figure morphed with a best friend. It wasn't what I thought of when I thought about him, it was the one that ended up happening as more memories appeared. Donnie, I wasn't completely sure of. Memories led me to believe he was the one I could communicate with on an intellectual level, and we would be up early in the morning talking about his machines and my nights out. When he saw me in the lair though, he didn't look so friendly and open, and I understood why. I'd single-handedly massacred his brothers in a ten-minute time span, and then I found my way into his home five days later with Shredder's emblem on my weapon. I wasn't a popular candidate to have in his home.
Raph was easy to decide on. Whatever feelings I had before were still potent even while I lived, breathed, and slept in enemy territory. Leo was okay with it now too, which was a plus. I didn't feel rushed to make a decision either, because I remembered that Raph was willing to spend a couple more months waiting, which was ripped out of every cheesy movie I could remember. But it helped me decide what I should do. Sort of.
I turned my face into the bed and lifted my lower body off the bed first. My waist was squeezed by four pieces of colored cloth, which I found earlier today. I hadn't thought of a better place at the time I got them, and I didn't want to remove them when I got back to my room. I like the idea of calling it laziness and not caution. It made it easier to walk out of the lair and into the sewers once the sun was entirely gone.
I'll admit the door was easier to find this time around, and it was less stressful to pull it down. This time, when the doors opened, I didn't jump. And this time, there was someone to see me. The one I had the least memories about.
"Master Splinter." I said, surprised. Amidst all the memories I'd regained, Splinter had always been further back than Leo. He wasn't very controlling in his sons lives, and almost all of my memories were of some kind of meditation with him.
Splinter smiled at me, and beckoned me into his home.
"Come in. You are welcomed here," He said. I stepped forward, and I felt the wind of the door closing behind me. Splinter looked over me as he assessed my outfit. "So different from your black, but you don't bare the Foot emblem."
"It messed with my ability to hide," I answered honestly. A sense of safety and peace fell over me in his presence. He's a mentor. He might have been my mentor for a very brief time.
"It's good to see you." Splinter said after a few seconds. He stepped towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder in solidarity. It felt boney, and I could tell he didn't do it often before because the feeling was strange. It was comforting still, because I knew Splinter would try and help if I asked. I smile at him and placed my hand over his.
"It's good to see you too," I responded. Splinter smiled back at me, and then his tail flicked and he looked over his shoulder.
"Leonardo should be up," He offered. I opened my mouth to respond, but I didn't know how to say that was the wrong brother. I wasn't sure how Splinter felt about... me dating one of his sons... My silence must have spoken volumes to him though, because he looked back at me with a look I wanted to say was knowing. I hadn't said anything though. "Raphael is sleeping. I'm sure Michelangelo will wake him up soon enough."
I didn't want to ask how he knew what I wanted. Maybe it was obvious on my face. Maybe he was animal enough to smell a change in my emotions like some pets were capable of doing. That thought was a little discerning, because if Splinter was animal enough to do that, who was to say the turtles weren't the same?
"Where's Mikey?" I asked instead of worrying about all that. I'd chicken out of talking to Raph if I thought too hard.
"In his bed, reading another one of his comics. When he hears you he's going to get Raphael." Splinter answered.
"Is there a plan to this?" I asked. I walked farther into the lair as I waited for his response. Splinter laughed, which was all I needed.
"They're all under orders to tell Raphael when you arrive." He admitted. I smiled at that, and shook my head. It did relieve some stress from my shoulders though.
"That's smart for him," I answered. A second later I realized that someone had to give the order, and the fact someone did that for Raph made my chest warm up.
Splinter didn't respond after my words, so I walked forwards and up the stairs. I didn't get a chance to figure out whose room was whose, because a door to my right opened when I got to the top of the stairs. A tall, green figure stood in the doorway, massaging the skin between his fingers with his other hand. He had dark green skin that reminded me of red oak tree leaves, and his honey-colored eyes were downcast at the floor, where he was shuffling his feet.
"Splinter said you were sleeping," I said. I didn't need to guess who it was, out of all the brothers, Raph was the easiest to point out for me.
"Well I was, but the door slammin' woke me up. No one can leave because we're on lockdown, so tha' meant someone came in." Raph explained. He smiled just a hint, even if he kept his eyes downturned.
"Are you... Better?" I asked, unaware of how to word it. I walked nearer to him, because I wanted to see he was better with my own eyes.
Raph looked up then, and I could read his eyes. I didn't think he let emotions show often, Raph was always this person who had a physical way of doing and showing things, but I could see the hesitance in his eyes this time.
"Yeah, I feel better now that I know ya came back," He answered. He shifted his weight to his other foot, which I found odd for a ninja to do. Then I realized, he was nervous. "I thought I scared ya away."
"I meant your arm, but I'm glad you feel better with me here," I said quietly, so I didn't seem rude. Raph chuckled and stood straighter. I tilted my head back a little at his move so I could keep my eyes on his now. Something tugged my memory, and I furrowed my brows. There was a smug feeling there.
"Liza? Ya alright?" Raph asked with a furrowed brow.
"You're..." I trailed off, because what was it? "Taller? Taller than me."
Raph looked down at himself as if inspecting his front side would inspect his height.
"I am?" Raph asked. He closed the distance to me to check, and stood at his tallest. I stared straight ahead at his chest plates, and felt cold from the man in front of me. The turtles were colder than I was. I thought they were warm-blooded, being half-humans, but maybe they're still cold. This didn't help my earlier concern with them being more animal than human.
I was forced to realize shortly after that I was shorter than Raph. If I stared ahead, I stared at his collarbone. I remembered enough to remember I was eye to eye with him when I lived here.
"Huh, I am taller." He commented, no doubt looking at the top of my head.
"But I'm more skilled now," I remarked, an instinctive tease that tickled my brain. I knew Raph was likely my superior in fighting, but who was better was something we fought over, literally, before everything. Raph glanced down at me as he scoffed.
"Please. That alley fight is nothin'. None of us wanted to hurt ya." He said, a response to my tease. Cold rushed me though, and I rocked on my heels as I remembered the fight. It was the most vivid memory I had of the turtles. It was the most raw emotions I had for them, and they weren't good. Swimming in the past made it so easy to forget why I was actually here.
"Liza, snap outta it," Raph whispered, and his green hands landed on my shoulders. I looked at where he held me, and the dark green of Raph hurt my eyes against the bright silver suit I wore. A very stark contrast. It brought a whole new meaning to "Enemy Mine".
Raph grabbed one of my hands and brought it up in front of us once he saw my shoulders didn't do any good. I looked at them, held between us with Raph's fingers. Raph split my fingers apart, two of mine between one of his. It was a bit of a squeeze for me and a very weird stretch for my fingers, but I wouldn't move them.
"Ya may have felt something different before I kissed ya... but that's because ya were told ta hate us, brainwashed too. With no memory before that, it would be all ya felt. If ya had continued fightin', even with the memories, then it would have been the real emotions ya felt. But ya stopped. Ya wanna know why?" He asked. I looked up at him, and I got a real good look at the tiny scales that brushed his nose. He was very close, and his breath was warmer than his skin. I tilted my head, curious to his reason.
"Because we can pass over any differences, individually and together. Ya showed me tha' last ya were here. Ya used to murder people, I used to just hand them to the police. Yer a human: warm-blooded, ya have hair, nails, ya have ta wear clothes. I'm a mutant turtle: somewhere between warm and cold-blooded, I don' have hair, nails, I don' have ta wear clothes. But we still like each other. You're with Shredder, and we're enemies." He squeezed my hand. "But yer still here."
That was a lot to take in from the passionate man before me. It was a lot of information he'd said in a short few seconds, but everything he said had been what I'd fought over the last few days. It seemed like the things I'd warred over he'd already decided on. All that was left to him was my response, whatever it was.
"I'm here for a reason," I answered, and squeezed his hand back. Raph blinked a few times, like he remembered where he was. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I smiled at him, "I'd like to-"
"Liza!"
"Kill Mikey," I grumbled, and turned my head to look at Mikey and Don.
Mikey was leaning on Donnie heavily, but they were walking over to us at a quick pace. Donnie looked sorry, but Mikey just smiled away, like he hadn't just destroyed a good moment.
"I'll help." Raph murmured to me quietly, and let go of my hand. I smile at him, then walked over to the youngest turtles. Mikey transferred his weight to me and hugged me against his good side tightly.
"Oh how I missed you so," Mikey said into my neck. Mikey was my height now, which told just how much these stupid turtles grew in the last few months. I was going to end up shorter than them at this rate.
"Hey, Mikey." I murmured, and squeezed him to me.
"I like this you. You actually hug me." Mikey said as he pulled back. I didn't know how to handle that new information. I knew it was true, because I could remember that, and I remembered why, but I didn't know whether I should apologize for being against touch or to just let it brush by.
Raph nearly brushed it aside for me by grabbing Mikey, but I was left facing Donnie in a much more somber mood, which all three of them picked up on. The smiles faded from Raph and Mikey's faces, and the hard turn in Don's eyes shifted to confusion.
"What's wrong?" Don asked. He looked at his brothers, as if they could know why I turned dour.
"I just... Remembered how I was before, with physical contact. And why I was like that..." I trailed off. I didn't know how to say it. I'd never admitted it aloud after that evening with the police officer. Most days I could forget about my family because my life was a whirlwind of training. When I did remember though, I could make it off as a bad dream. Now, faced with a fact of the true reality, it was a bit harder to brush off as a dream.
Don's face lit up with knowledge, which meant he knew what I meant. I think they all did, which I felt meant a lot, if they knew that emotional scar. For a moment I wondered if they knew Hitoshi personally. Raph seemed familiar with him.
In the next moment Don was carefully wrapping his arms around me. Not only did I not expect such a move from any of them at this time, I didn't expect Don to get that close to me ever again. Close enough to touch, to wrap my arms around, to hug for as long as he let me.
Don split away and looked at my stomach. His fingers grazed over the pieces of cloth I have tied to my abdomen, under my suit, and he looked up at me with a different type of concern.
"You have a wound?" He asked. I could see Raph and Mikey look down at where Don had touched my stomach, and I was quick to ease their minds.
"Oh, no. I found replacement masks. I couldn't think of a better place to put them." I explained quickly.
"You found us masks?" Mikey asked. I nodded, and smiled as the three looked at each other.
"That's, wow... Thanks," Donnie said. "You want to get rid of them? They make some weird ridges in your suit."
"Sure." I shrugged. Donnie nodded, and looked at Raph. A silent conversation passed between the two of them in a span of a few seconds, and Raph sighed and walked Mikey slowly to his own room when they were done. Don motioned for me to follow him to where his room no doubt was.
"You and Raph looked pretty close in the hallway. Sorry Mikey had to interrupt." Don said once we were likely out of his brother's earshot. I was prepared to respond in a brushing manner, but was introduced to Don's room for the second time.
His room was littered with papers- Missing files, blueprints- along with machinery and tools. His bed was half-filled with knick-knacks he'd created, and the other half was made up so well I wondered if he'd actually slept in it. His computer must have been ten years old, but it looked far more advanced than half of the stuff in stores with all the gadgets that surrounded it. The walls were filled with theorems and more blueprints, and some of them were in languages I'd never seen. A few looked alien.
"Wow, you have a lot of time on your hands, don't you." I whispered to myself as I stepped into his room. Donnie closed the door behind me and looked around at my words.
"This stuff is a collection of things I've made over the years." He answered, which told me he heard me. That news surprised me, I hadn't thought any of them were older than me. In fact, I distinctly remembered Raph is younger than me, and Don and Mikey are his younger brothers.
"Really? You're what, fifteen?" I asked, and looked at Don. The tallest turtle gave me a half-hearted glare.
"Seventeen." He clarified.
"Doesn't count if you turned seventeen in the last month," I said, and pointed my finger at him. Don's brows furrowed for a moment, and then he stuck his tongue at me. The move was so surprising I laughed.
"So, how do you get the masks off?" Donnie asked, and gestured to my uniform. I looked down at my suit, and promptly realized I was in a one piece suit. I'd have to unclothe my upper half to get to them.
"I'll have to unzip," I answered hesitantly. I didn't know how Don would take it, and when he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly I knew his reaction was close to mine.
"Its nothing I... haven't seen," He said shyly. It took a moment for that to settle in, and then my brain raced trying to fit together when that happened. Oh no, was there a love triangle I wasn't aware of? Was I more familiar with these turtles than what memories I had let on? Was this a harem type situation?
"I'm the one that helped that bullet wound in your arm," Don said in an attempt to help the panic I now felt. I looked at him, even more lost. That didn't help at all. It was my arm. Unless I was in a one piece suit with gloves on, similar to now, there was no reason for it. I'd seen what I looked like in BMT uniform in what pictures and video footage of me there was; I hadn't worn gloves, and I wore a black outfit.
"So why have you seen me naked?" I asked. Donnie's cheeks turned a strange color, and I realized he was blushing.
"Raph brought you in with several layers of blood on you. We figured we should clean your outfit to save from infection, and I wanted to get the dirt off of you. And I haven't seen you naked, just down to your underwear." He clarified. Well... I guess not the weirdest thing. The panic in me subsided, but my heart rate was successfully elevated for now.
"You've seen more of me than most would dream of. I don't think Hitoshi saw that much of me, and we traveled together for three years." I said. I made for my zipper at the nape of my neck and began the long descent down my spine. At certain moments I would tug the uniform away from my body to keep the zipper away from the scar that went down my back. It was still sensitive to many forms of pressure, because it was still in its healing stage.
"You don't remember a lot, I'm pretty sure you have," Don breezed as if he knew more about me than he let on. He probably did. Don walked around me as I began to slip the uniform from my arms, and stopped at my back. "Do you remember sustaining the wound?"
"No." I answered calmly. A cold hand placed itself in my shoulder, and carefully rubbed the red scar. He didn't put much pressure down, I could tell that much, but it too much pressure for me. I avoided my shoulder at all costs, because it had the deepest blow, and the slowest healing time. Anything touching it for longer than a few seconds hurt. Don knew that when I shifted his hand farther down, to a less sensitive spot.
"You didn't take care of it well when it was scabbing. You're going to have this for the rest of your life." Don murmured.
"Shredder was very keen on me starting my training as soon as possible. I had three week recovery, and then the training started." I explained. I wasn't bitter about it, I didn't know. I was the mind on a thirteen year old in a seventeen year old body then, I didn't know how wounds worked.
"That's nice," Donnie said sarcastically as he pulled his hand away. "It looks similar to what you gave Leo."
I grabbed the first cloth, the orange one, and started undoing the knot as I thought that over. I suppose it was. Shoulder to hip in a slashing motion. I wonder if I'd thought subconsciously that everything I'd been put through was because of Leo. I'd felt familiar with the turtles when I saw them that night, but I'd also felt hostile. I thought the familiar feel was because I knew them as the enemy and had faced them before. I'd assumed the worst hatred for Leo because he was the leader, the "toughest one".
"I'm sorry about that. The entire night." I murmured as I handed the orange mask to Don. He took it with a hum, and I started on the next one, red.
"I know you're sorry." Don said, but it didn't feel like all he had to say. "You know Raph and I had to carry our brothers back home? Leo bled then entire way, and Mikey never woke up the rest of the evening and into the morning."
"I didn't know," I whispered. It was like once he started he couldn't stop.
"I spent hours on Leo. Did blood transfusions from Raph and I. To close a plastron takes a long time, because it's not skin. Where Leo sits now, his plastron is still open. The skin under it has healed, but his plastron will take much longer to return to full strength, even with our fast healing factor." Don explained. He took the red mask from me, and I started on the blue mask.
"Mikey's damage is... less deadly. It's hard to fix ribs through our plastrons if they're actually broken, but once he woke up we knew you hadn't actually broken his ribs. They snapped, but they can heal on their own because that's what ribs are meant to do. He's on bedrest and ice packs and painkillers for a while, but he's ok." Don continued. He stared hard at the blue mask I was undoing, like he couldn't look at me. I didn't make a noise, I waited for him to speak. All I could say was I was sorry, and that only got you so far.
"I don't know who you were when you were younger, I will never meet that girl, but who you are right now is a killer. I knew it when you entered our home the first time, and I know it now when you entered our home this time. Before I only cared a little, because who you killed were criminals. Every one of them had done a major crime, and every petty criminal who had crossed your path had gotten out alive. Now, I don't know who you kill, but you still do. You hurt my brothers, my innocent brothers who have done nothing against this world. You would have killed all of us if Raph hadn't gotten through to you. I don't know how many you've killed under Shredder's name, but I can tell you every single person was innocent." He finished.
"You guys would have been my first kill under Shredder..." I whispered. I stopped once I held the blue mask in my hands, and I stared at it with narrowed focus. I was in too deep with all of this. I wished, for a second, that I could get out of it. Leave it all behind, go to my grandmothers, hell, even go back to Linda and Tom's. I knew they weren't safe though. Everyone knew who I was, if I disappeared Shredder and the police would hunt me down. Besides, there was something here that stopped me from leaving.
"He will make you kill someone, eventually." Don said, a fact in his mind.
"I won't be able to stop it," I answered. A wet mark landed on the mask, and I was quick to give it to Don.
"This is the life you live now. This is the hardship we all face in this life we live in... Do realize while I may not like you and I may not trust you, my brothers do, and I stand by my brothers. You're not alone anymore. You have us." He soothed. I started on the last one, and kept my eyes to the ground.
"None of you can save me while I'm in that tower," I countered.
"We planned to get you out of that tower. Your job is to stay alive until then," Don told me. He tried to lighten the mood after that. "And don't break my brother's heart until then either."
It worked, I laughed a bit at it. I handed the purple mask to Don, and he handed me a tissue back. I placed the white sheet over my eyes and held it there until I felt like I'd stopped the waterworks, and then worked my zipper back up my body to cover everything up.
"My plan is to do the opposite of that," I said.
"Good. Because if you do, don't think we won't hesitate to hurt you." Don said, almost cheerfully. I looked over at him then, and couldn't stop the smile at seeing him in his mask once more. Don smiled back.
"Right now, I think I'd rather die than hurt any of you," I answered. Don's smile faded, and he sighed. He raised his hand up and showed me the red mask I'd brought. I reached up and grabbed it from him, and the transfer felt symbolic.
"Don't go dying for us yet," Don said. I looked at the mask I now held, and then at Don one last time.
"I'll try not too," I answered. Don smiled just a pinch one more time, and then led me out of his room. He didn't follow me down the hallway, he closed his door behind himself, but I was ok with that. I left his room a little more guilty, but things felt a little better with him.
Now that I was out of his room and in the hallway, I remembered the real reason I'd come here. I wanted to tell Raph what I thought about, before Mikey and Don interrupted.
I walked to Raph's door with his new mask in hand. I arrived at the door with my hand already raised to knock, but Raph was out of his room before I got the chance. We stared at each other for a moment, deers caught in headlights. He looked down at the mask I held, and then back up at me. His eyes went over my face, and I realized I probably still looked like I cried.
I didn't get a word out before Raph pulled me to him in a tight hug. I didn't know if it was for my tears, for the fact he hadn't gotten to hug me earlier, because I'd brought him a mask, or for an entirely different reason. I was content not to know though as I wrapped my arms around him as well, and hugged back.
"I'm ready to try 'us' out," I whispered. Raph's grip relaxed for a moment, and then he hugged me all the more tighter.
A/n: Thank you for reading this far. It means a lot. I hope you've enjoyed it thus far, and see you in the next chapter.