Chapter Summary: Dr. Glassman processes his feelings about Lea's death and remembers his favorite recent memory with her.
AN: This chapter focuses on Dr. Glassman's feelings and it is still taking place on the same day as the last two chapters. Just like I have mentioned before, some feedback is appreciated and feel free to give it to me and review if you'd like :)
While they were perched on their couch, Dr. Glassman and Debbie glanced down with utter joy and utter sadness at Shaun and Lea's daughter, who was fast asleep in her travel crib and unaware of everything that was going on; unaware she had just lost her mother. She was spending the night with them so Shaun could have some space and get some well-deserved sleep. Aaron offered to stay with Shaun for the night while Debbie would take care of Nell, but Shaun declined and said he just wanted to be alone.
Aaron was still blindsided over the news of Lea's sudden death this morning from a massive eclamptic seizure that lead to an aneurysm that caused her to become brain dead. He thankfully didn't witness it, but Shaun did...and this was officially the third time that someone Shaun had dearly loved "went to heaven in front of his eyes". Nell was there when the seizure occurred, but she was lucky she wasn't going to remember any of it.
As for Shaun, on the other hand, Aaron knew that he was going to be taking this very hard. And frankly, he himself was kind of taking it hard as well. The irony in this is that he never suspected to ever have to grieve over Lea. Her death painfully felt like losing Maddie all over again.
Until almost a year ago, Aaron never expected to actually love Lea like a daughter the same way he loved Shaun like a son. He started to care even more for her during the coronavirus nightmare and when she got pregnant, which was when he truly got to learn and perceive her more vulnerable side.
Most of all, he actually regretted and cringed at the way he acted towards her before all that. While understandable, his hostility and distrust towards her were totally inappropriate, and so was barging into her apartment. She was always a good friend to Shaun, and he knew he should have been more appreciative of her instead of seeing her as a flakey evil temptress.
He was definitely going to miss her, even her sassy attitude.
Aaron's thoughts were then interrupted by a tiny, delicate gag. He took one look at Nell, noticing that she had spat up all over her lime green onesie that had a cute little smiley frog on it.
"Debbie, can you go grab the diaper bag?" He requested as he reached over towards the travel crib, carefully lifting the fragile little human being out of it. "Shaun said there were spare clothes in there."
"I'm on it," she confirmed, getting up off of the couch to retrieve the diaper bag from the dining room table.
Aaron glared back at Nell, grasping her tiny, soft hand with his fingers, which she grabbed in return. "Your daddy wouldn't like it if we kept you in dirty or stained clothes," he cooed melodiously.
Once Debbie returned with the diaper bag, they used a burp cloth to wipe up the vomit before changing the baby into a fresh clean onesie.
Aaron held Nell in his arms while Debbie caressed her soft and delicate scalp. The infant glared up at them with open eyes; they were definitely Shaun's blue eyes. He remembered when Maddie was this tiny, which was 33 years ago. If she was still alive, she probably would have had a child of her own by now, and it was tragic that she never got the opportunity to reach that milestone.
"She is just adorable," sighed Debbie sorrowfully, trying to get her and her husband's minds off the tragedy that had just happened today and the sad fact that Nell would never know her mother.
Aaron recollected the moment he and Debbie visited Shaun and Lea in the hospital when Nell was born. Shaun holding his newborn was a heartwarming image for Aaron to see, especially when her tiny hand grabbed his finger and squeezed it. It also made him feel like he was a grandfather.
Not long after Lea and Shaun started dating, she told him about the incident with the baseball bat in the parking lot, which was the first time he ever felt bad and even concerned for her. Shaun apologized for it, but he was quite cross with Shaun when he found out. He felt even more for Lea when she revealed the true reason why she didn't want to start a relationship with Shaun at first. It wasn't that she wasn't interested in him romantically or even because of his autism, it was because she believed that she would be a terrible girlfriend and that she didn't deserve to be happy. She didn't think Shaun would be able to handle her issues. She just used his autism as an excuse, which she regretted and apologized for. She had self-esteem issues, self-loathing, and self-hate that she really needed help for.
And when Shaun informed him about Lea's family, especially about the toxic relationship she always had with her mother, he actually started to care a lot more for her.
When Lea and Shaun told him that they were having a baby, he was kind of shocked as well as concerned because they had only been dating for seven to eight months, but he was happy for both of them anyway since they had known each other and lived together long enough. They weren't strangers who just had a one-night stand. Although, he could already guess that Lea was pregnant even before they told him since she was showing obvious symptoms.
Throughout the past nine months, she kind of drove him crazy with her hormones and her sassiness while working for him. One time, she cried hysterically because the computer at her desk wouldn't turn on and she turned out to be pressing the wrong button due to pregnancy brain.
Aaron also thought about the last moment he had with Shaun and Lea before Nell was born...other than the moment he drove them to the hospital after Lea's water broke.
Aaron and Debbie were having dinner with Shaun and Lea, who was 38 weeks pregnant, in their apartment. They all wanted to have just one more moment together before the baby was born.
And since Little Murphy - Eleanor if it was a girl or Steven if it was a boy - could arrive any day now at any minute, it was now or never.
"So, what's it been like working without me?" Lea, whose maternity leave started two weeks ago, asked Aaron. "I'm guessing my absence is a blessing," she jokingly commented, a smirk displayed on her face.
"I'm enjoying getting a long break from you, but I do miss your sassy attitude," quipped Aaron, glaring at Lea with a smug expression. "I'm going to be missing it for the next 16 weeks."
"Claire told me that she hates that I won't be working with her for 18 weeks," Shaun, whose paternity leave would start as soon as the baby was born, added monotonously to the conversation. Lea also wanted to work all the way up until she went into labor, but once she reached full-term, the discomfort became too much for her to the point she could even concentrate. She was going to be returning to work before Shaun.
"Well, since your last year of residency isn't that far, I don't blame her," chuckled Aaron, which was followed by a giggle from Debbie.
The noisy atmosphere quieted down for a little bit before Shaun finally spoke up.
"Can I ask you something, Dr. Glassman?" Shaun requested nervously as he pushed the food on his plate around with his fork.
"Sure, Shaun," Aaron, intrigued, gave a reassuring nod. "You don't need to ask me for permission."
"He's afraid it will kill the mood," Lea forewarned, looking somber as she took a bite of her green beans.
"What?" Aaron chuckled in confusion as he slowly took a sip of water. "Why?"
"It's a personal question," Shaun stated bluntly, staring at the table.
"Look, if you're going to ask me anything, just go ahead and ask me, please," cajoled Aaron.
Shaun just decided to let it all out and tell his mentor what was on his mind.
"What...was it...like...when Maddie was born?" Shaun asked, still nervous, wondering if he should have asked that. He has asked Dr. Glassman questions about what he should do as a birth partner in the delivery room, but he never asked him about his experience in being one.
Aaron guessed that Shaun and Lea were afraid to ask this question because of the mention of Maddie, but he knew that Shaun would have a lot of questions about being a father, so he expected his deceased daughter to at least be brought up at some point.
"I appreciate you being considerate," began Aaron, smiling sensibly. "And while a question with a mention of Maddie can be saddening a little, it's not like you were asking me about her death. I would love to share good memories, too."
"So, what was it like? How did you feel?" Shaun beseeched before explaining his reasoning. "I asked Dr. Park about how he felt when Kellan was born, and he said that he was nervous and excited and that it was the proudest moment of his life. I asked a few patients and some of the employees who had children, too. But I want more answers and I saved you for last."
"Well, my answer is the same as Dr. Park, but I'll say the whole thing anyway. It was the best day of my life," admitted Aaron. "The birth was indescribable. I couldn't help but be so overjoyed. I was also kind of in disbelief because it was kind of weird to grasp at the fact that this baby was my own child that I was suddenly responsible for. It was pretty overwhelming, but I knew it was going to be worth it."
Although Maddie didn't make it to adulthood, Aaron still believed that raising her was worth it. That didn't mean he had no regrets, though.
"Were you nervous about being a good father?" Shaun asked.
"Oh, yes," said Aaron. He smiled at Shaun and Lea, completely understanding how they felt. Shaun had gone through the doubts and fears of fatherhood many times, and Lea had the same feelings about motherhood.
"I guess it's safe to say that both Shaun and I are experiencing the same thing," beamed Lea, who then winced a little bit as she felt what she thought was either Braxton Hicks or a real contraction.
"Lea, are you alright?" Debbie, ready to get up out of her chair, asked in concern as Lea groaned softly for a few seconds.
"It could just be Braxton Hicks," hypothesized Shaun.
The pain subsided once Lea took a sip of water.
"Yep, it's definitely Braxton Hicks because they stopped as soon as I took a drink of water. Damn it, I was really hoping this was it!" She sighed in disappointment. She had been having a difficult pregnancy and painfully just had the baby manually turned around two weeks ago so it would be positioned to be born head first. She was so tired of being pregnant and she just wanted this baby out of her.
"So was I," sympathized Shaun, disappointed that this wasn't actual labor. He was really excited to meet his baby.
"Are you sure?" Aaron asked, half-joking and aware that Lea was totally correct. "Because if this is the real..."
"Yes, I'm sure 100%," replied Lea, rolling her eyes. "Shaun told me that Braxton Hicks subside once I change positions, drink, or eat, and that is what happened. It's also what our OB and doula said. They all agree that if these were real contractions, I wouldn't need to get to the hospital until they are less than five minutes apart, when my water breaks, or when my mucus plug comes loose. And neither of those things have happened yet."
"Okay, noted," acknowledged Aaron, already aware of all of those facts and information.
"How do you two feel about this?" Debbie initiated, changing the subject.
"I'm still nervous and anxious, not just about being a parent, but also about everything that can go wrong during childbirth," divulged Lea, her face wrought with anxiety as she tapped her fingers against the table.
"Me, too," agreed Shaun, obviously nervous as he stimmed with his hands.
"I'm sure everything will go fine," reassured Aaron for the umpteenth time. "I wish you two the best."
"Thanks, Glassy," Lea voiced, giving him a sweet smile.
Aaron was proud of both Shaun and Lea and was looking forward to meeting his surrogate grandchild.
"You got this."