Chapter Summary: Shaun thinks about the worries he has about the future as well as thinking back to the moment when he found out he was going to be a father.

AN: Although we don't know when this whole coronavirus social-distancing thing will be over, I'm just going to say that in this story, it had ended in May, June, or July and that the flashback scene in this chapter is set in September. We're also just going to assume that it was February when the earthquake happened and that most of the Season 3b events took place in January. Also, if you want to review or critique this, don't be afraid. I love and appreciate constructive criticism :)

It had been two days since Lea passed away and Shaun continued to receive texts from everyone offering him their help with anything he needed. And as usual, he refused and turned everyone away.

Now that all of Lea's vital organs - except for her liver and kidneys, they were too damaged - had been harvested for transplants for patients who needed them, her body was able to be transferred to the morgue. Her heart, lungs, pancreas, and intestines were given to four different patients. They could continue to live good lives thanks to her.

Social services were trying to locate her family in Hershey because Shaun thought they at least deserved to know, especially her older brother Donnie. He was also too upset to plan her funeral alone and he needed help writing her obituary. And since they weren't married and she had no will or healthcare proxy, Lea's parents were her next of kin, not Shaun.

However, Shaun was also starting to question if contacting Lea's family was a wise idea. He never met them, but Lea has told him a lot about them.

She hasn't spoken to any of them for almost three years and according to her, her family is a complete disaster. Donald and Virginia Dilallo divorced when she was five, and then Donald died of a heart attack when she was 19. She and Donnie weren't there to see it because they were away at college at the time. When it came to Virginia, she had the habit of criticizing her daughter for almost everything - her appearance, her hobbies, her boyfriends, and her life choices. And after Lea and Donnie tanked their grandfather's auto shop along with their relationship, their relationship with their mother became estranged as well.

Most of all, Shaun wasn't sure what Virginia would think of him, especially since her daughter never contacted her to tell her she was pregnant. He was already assuming that she wouldn't like him very much. He also had a fear that she would try to demand custody of Nell and use his autism against him. Besides Virginia, he was already even more fearful of the scrutiny from others and child welfare agencies who didn't understand now that he was a single father. For instance, besides the dread of the possibility of being labeled "the weird dad", he feared that he would find himself in a custody battle for his child.

He's heard stories of disabled parents losing custody of their children because the court determined them unfit due to their disability. They were awful and heartbreaking, and he found it appalling that this was a real thing. And without Lea, he believed the possibility was a bigger risk for him now.

One thing going through his mind right now was the lack of resources for autistic parents as well as the stigma against people like him. There was not enough research, so there was very little support. This was unsettling because Shaun really needed some helpful advice, but there wasn't enough data (actually, there was barely any) covering parents on the spectrum. Although autistic parents existed in some parts of the world and probably have for a long time without anyone noticing, the idea that anyone on the spectrum could raise a child was long considered impossible and undesirable. Because of this, Shaun felt kind of isolated from most parents. He felt like he didn't have a parent friend he could really connect with or a group of parent friends he could turn to for support. Sometimes, he worried that he was unable to cope with being a parent.

In fact, the only autism support groups that Shaun knew were for neurotypical parents of autistic children. Those were usually consistent with parents lamenting that their child's autism was a tragedy and that it needed to be cured. It wasn't helpful or reassuring at all.

Researchers were finally starting to do some research on autistic parents, but it was going to be longitudinal. This meant the study will take years to finish, and it will need to be replicated again and again. It was great that they were getting the ball rolling and parents on the spectrum were finally getting some recognition, but Shaun and the other autistic parents of his generation were going to be the guinea pigs. He couldn't imagine what it was like for the autistic parents of Temple Grandin's generation.

He tried not to worry too much about it as he devoured his lunch and attended to some paperwork, watching Nell sleep safely and peacefully in her bassinet through the baby monitor screen. It would only be a matter of time before she would start crying again.

He couldn't help but reflect back to the time Lea told him she was pregnant with Nell.

As Shaun walked through the door after coming home from his shift, he noticed Lea - who had moved back in during the beginning of March just before the whole coronavirus quarantine nightmare started - standing in the exact spot he was occupying when he asked her if he looked nice before he left to ask Carly out.

The earnest expression on her face indicated that she was nervous and serious. "Shaunie, we need to talk."

"Okay. Are you going to break up with me?" Shaun guessed, apprehensive of what this conversation was going to be about and already assuming the worst-case scenario.

Their relationship was improving for the better and they had already made so much progress. He didn't want that to be thrown away like it was with Carly. She decided to break-up with him when he thought everything was going well with her. They'd still be together if they tried to work things out over her jealousy of Lea, but he and Carly were already both happy with where they were in their lives right now. Shaun had Lea and Carly had found a new man, Dr. Patrick Robinson, the head of St. Bonaventure's pharmacy. They've been together for almost seven months and were already moving in together. They were perfect for each other.

"Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Whatever I did, I'm sorry," Shaun quavered, rubbing his hands together as he walked over towards Lea, relieved but still anxious about what this conversation was leading to.

"I'm not mad at you, Shaun. You did nothing wrong," she reassured, gently reaching out to grab his hand and then lure him towards the couch. "But there is something I need to tell you. Let's just sit down."

Once they both sat themselves down on the couch, they resumed the conversation.

"There is no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to go ahead and be blunt," she paused and avoided making eye contact with Shaun, staring down at the floor with her hands tightly folded into her lap.

"Okay," said Shaun, impatiently waiting for Lea to spit out whatever she had to say already.

She let out an exhale and then finally said it. "My period, it's...it's late."

Shaun's brain took a while to process the words Lea just told him. His eyes widened with surprise. When they started dating, Shaun asked Lea a few of the same questions he asked Carly, and having children was one of the things they were both on the same page for. However, when it came to the "how soon" area, neither of them was planning on it this early in the relationship, especially after spending the majority of their first months living together as a couple either at the hospital or quarantined at home. They agreed that they wouldn't start trying until after getting married and Lea would stop taking her birth control pills.

"You think you're..."

"I don't know, Shaun," she interjected, sighing tensely and anxiously. "I haven't taken a pregnancy test yet. I was going to buy one tomorrow, but I wanted to let you know about this ahead of time so it wouldn't be an absolute shock if it's positive."

Shaun tried to react in some way, but so many thoughts were now running through his head. He couldn't understand how Lea was able to get pregnant since they always used protection (he actually knew how it could have happened, he just couldn't believe it), especially during the whole coronavirus saga. He always wore a condom and she usually took her birth control pills every single day, even the pills she missed. Sure, he was well aware that every method of contraception wasn't 100% effective, but the chances of failure were usually very slim. On another note, no matter how responsible she was, Lea has missed more than two pills at some point.

"What are we going to do if it turns out positive, besides have a doctor confirm it?" Shaun asked. He wasn't sure if they were ready to be parents yet, but perhaps they could make this work? They never discussed what they would do if they accidentally got pregnant, and he didn't discuss that with Carly either. "I'll support whatever decision you make. And if you want to keep the baby, that's fine with me."

"Are you sure, Shaun?" Lea faltered. "I mean, I really do want to keep the baby. It's what I want, but only if the decision is mutual. I also don't want to pressure or rush you into something if you're not ready. I mean, do you want to? I can get an abortion if you're not ready, and I'd be okay with that too since there will still be opportunities for me to have a baby in the future."

Shaun actually did want to give fatherhood a try...even though it was a bit early. "Yes, I want to, but..."

"But what, Shaun?"

"Are you sure you're fine with having an autistic child...or a child that isn't 'normal'?" He asked nervously, aware of the chances that their child could be on the spectrum like him, or have some other disability or difference. They weren't fixated on having a "normal" child, and they were okay with that. However, Shaun still wanted to double-check with Lea and make sure she was actually ready and willing to put herself up for the challenge.

"Yes, it is totally okay with me. I'll also have you as a partner to help me out, which is an upgrade. Also, I don't care if our child is deaf, blind, or has no legs. As long as they're alive and can have a life, and also don't grow up to be a serial killer or worse, that's all that matters," she replied thoughtfully before telling a joke. "But if they come out with a rat tail, we're cutting that off immediately. I'm talking about the hairstyle; I hate them."

Even though that was never going to happen, Shaun definitely agreed with Lea about rat tails. He hated them, too.

"I'm also scared," confessed Shaun, getting back to their serious discussion.

"Me, too, Shaunie," agreed Lea. "But, if it turns out positive, we can get through this. We can do this. We can make this work."

The next day, Lea bought a pregnancy test from the pharmacy on her way home from the hospital. She waited until Shaun came home from his shift to take the test because they wanted to find out together, no matter if it was positive or negative. The anticipation of it clouded their minds all day, and both of them were secretly hoping it was positive.

It felt like an eternity before they were finally alone in their apartment and Lea was holding the pregnancy test in her shaking hands, about to take the test.

Excited but also nervous, Shaun took in deep breaths.

"I'm fine," he replied. "Let's just get this over with. I can't wait anymore. I want to know now."

"Me, too," Lea agreed before heading towards the bathroom. "I'll go ahead and go pee on this thing."

Shaun sat on the living room couch as he impatiently waited for Lea to come out and show him the result. He tapped his feet and rubbed his hands together anxiously.

It felt like eons before Lea finally came out of the bathroom. Grinning with proudness, she handed him the pregnancy test for him to look at. "See for yourself, Shaun."

He shakily exhaled as he stared at the stick in his hands, not caring that she didn't put the cap back on the end she had urinated on. They were both going to need to wash their hands after this. There were two pink lines, which meant it was positive.

Lea was pregnant...with his baby. He was going to be a father.

"W-We're...going to be parents?" Shaun quavered, sounding surprised and amazed, finally breaking the silence.

Lea nodded with a beaming teary-eyed smile, a similar grin she gave him when she told him they were going to be roommates. "I'm pregnant, Shaunie!"

"I-It's positive!" Shaun chirped happily, his voice slowly building up into pure excitement as he merrily sprang up from the couch.

"Yes, it is!" Lea squealed with enthusiasm.

"Oh, we're going to be parents!" Shaun gloated practically jumping up and down in joy and excitement, happily stimming.

"We're going to be parents!" Lea echoed, joining Shaun in his happy dance and stimming with him.

There were now tears in both of their eyes. They hugged each other in joyousness over the fact that they were going to have a baby.

However, Lea was kind of afraid of how Dr. Glassman was going to react to this.

When Shaun's thoughts were interrupted by Nell's shrill cries, he made his way towards his and Lea's bedroom to get her.

"Hey, hey," he cooed quietly and inaudibly as he carefully picked her up and gingerly cradled her against his chest, supporting her neck and buttocks as her head rested against his shoulder, before giving her a kiss on her forehead. "It's okay, sweetie. Daddy's right here. Daddy's here."

After Shaun whispered soothing, hushed words to her, Nell finally calmed down after a minute and then snuggled deeper into her father's chest and gripped his shirt with her tiny fists, reminding him that he made her feel safe, secure, and loved.

Shaun had a few doubts and fears about becoming a father, even while Lea was pregnant. Despite wanting to have children, he sometimes wondered if he was cut out to be a father. Being autistic didn't have to exempt him from being a good father, but his own father was an abusive alcoholic and he sometimes feared that he would turn out just like him.

He and Lea knew very well that parenting wasn't going to be a walk in the park for them, especially since he was still trying to work on his communication difficulties. They were well aware that they were going to make a lot of mistakes as parents at some point and Dr. Glassman reassured them that one mistake shouldn't scar their child for life, but Shaun was still fearful of messing up his daughter for life because his own father did kind of mess him up for life.

He could still hear Ethan Murphy's cold, mean voice in his head as well as those cruel, unforgetful, haunting words.

"I wish you were never born!"

"You're damn right Stevie's death wasn't my fault. It was yours!"

"I can be a good father, I can do better than my own father. I'm nothing like your paternal grandfather," he said to the little girl with confidence, letting tears drop from his eyes. "I can do so much better than him, especially if you're like me. I will be a better father than him."

There was a possible chance of her being autistic like him, which wouldn't be a problem. What he really feared was Nell having a difficult life, just like him.

What if she wants friends but she struggles to make them and she feels alone? What if she's bullied? What if a caregiver or teacher is mean to her, and she doesn't have the means to tell me? What if a therapist discourages her stimming, or forces eye contact? What if she faces discrimination, gets abused or exploited, or becomes a victim of a hate crime? If she is neurotypical, will she see me as an unloving parent?

He thought of every worst-case scenario, but didn't want to worry about any of them right now. He just remembered the reassuring words Lea told him a few months ago:

"Shaun, bad parents come in all shapes and sizes. As do good parents. Being neurotypical doesn't exempt someone from being a bad parent, and being autistic doesn't exempt you from being a good parent. If you can succeed at being a good person, a good doctor, a good friend, and a good boyfriend, I think you can succeed at being a good dad."

"Everything is going to be okay, this isn't your fault," he whispered softly to Nell and gave her another kiss. "I love you. I always will. You are worth the trouble."

AN: Although Shaun and Lea have always been my OTP of the show, I do ship and enjoy Sharly as well and I like Carly as a character in her own right, and I hate that we won't see her that way in Season 4. So, I hope you're all glad to see that I confirmed that Carly is in a good place in this story and not forgotten. And don't worry, even if it's not going to be in every chapter, she will get some heartwarming mentions and even one scene with Shaun in a later chapter :)

Also, an important reminder, all the Lea and Carly haters are not welcome here. If you have a vile negative, hateful opinion of any of them, keep it to yourself please. Character bashing for the sake of a ship is one of my biggest pet peeves in fandom...and I would rather not see any comments vilifying and saying mean things about Carly or any anti-Lea/Shea trolls that just want to piss me off. I thankfully haven't seen any yet and I hope I don't because I will remove comments like that.