Chapter Summary: On his first day back at work, Shaun shares a bond with a patient who has a heartbreaking life story that is almost too similar to his own.

AN: Again, feel free to review and give me feedback if you want. I should also warn that there is a mention of infant mortality in this chapter.

On his way over to the breakout room, Shaun stopped by the pathology lab to talk to Carly, who was expecting her first child in February as well as her wedding in a year. Shaun was happy for her.

"Hi, Shaun, I haven't seen you in a long time," she greeted her ex-boyfriend at the window of the pathology lab. At five months pregnant, she had her hand to her growing belly.

"Hi, Carly," he greeted back, happy to see his ex-girlfriend. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, except for the aches and pains, but at least the morning sickness has stopped. It's my second trimester," replied Carly before there was a long pause. "It's a boy, and he has been kicking. I like it sometimes, but I wish he would stop sometimes. I can't even fit into my clothes anymore."

"Congratulations," said Shaun, glad that Carly was getting her happily ever after. "You're going to be a good mother."

"Thank you," Carly obliged. "But enough about me. How have you been doing? How has Nell been doing? I know it's your first day back at work."

"I've been fine, except Nell can be exhausting and frustrating sometimes," Shaun answered bluntly. "I'm also missing Lea...and Nell right now. She doesn't like being away from me."

Carly's happy face turned to sadness, feeling sorry for Shaun after what he had recently went through. He and Lea deserved so much better than that. They were soulmates. "Again, I'm really sorry about Lea. She would have been a great mom. I don't know what I'd do without Patrick. He's my rock and I'd be devastated if I lost him, and he'd be devastated if he lost me."

"I know," Shaun sighed, hoping that Carly wouldn't suffer the same fate Lea did, and he knew that the odds are were that she wouldn't. "We would have been engaged at this point if she was still alive. I would have proposed to her last month."

"So much to look forward to," sighed Carly, not knowing what to say. "Anyway, maybe you should head to work right now. I've also gotta get back to work. I don't have time for small talk right now."

"You're right, I should go now."

"Have a good first day back, Shaun!"

"Welcome back, Shaun," Claire greeted with a smile as soon as she saw him walk into the breakout room where she, Morgan, and Dr. Park were waiting. "We've all really missed having you around."

"Yes, it's been really boring without you here. You've been on vacation for so long that you being gone was starting to become our new normal," teased Morgan, who was filing her nails. Shaun couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic.

"That wasn't a vacation," defended Shaun. "I know you can be mean, but please tell me you're not one of those."

"I was joking, Shaun," laughed Morgan. "We can't take a vacation for more than one week."

It was the truth, though. Shaun hadn't really seen any of them that much since Nell was born although they all visited him briefly once or twice in the past 18 weeks, and that was pretty much it.

"Anyway, how is Nell?" Claire asked curiously, wanting to know how the little cutie was doing as this was Shaun's first day away from her.

"She's fine and fun overall. But she can also be exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes boring. She'll also pull your hair if you hold her or get your face close to her, and she'll put it in her mouth if your hair is long enough," Shaun shared bluntly, knowing he probably shouldn't encourage the habit of chewing on other people's hair. "I do love her, though."

Everyone tried to hold in their laughs about the weird and dopey things babies do.

"That is true about most babies, though. Kellan liked to nibble and suck on people's earlobes, and he picked up that habit until he was three. Mia didn't wear earrings for a long time because of it. He once did it to a stranger on the airplane," shared Dr. Park, his face turning red with slight embarrassment, aware that Kellan would be embarrassed as well.

"Oh, my god!" Morgan snickered along with Claire and Shaun.

"It's how they explore, learn, and develop their five senses, especially taste, but that must have been awkward," guessed Shaun, who couldn't help but laugh a little bit at the image of Kellan, the now 18-year-old college student, doing that weird action as a toddler.

"It really was. Anyway, how is being a dad? I imagine it must have been hard to leave Nell in the care of someone else. Dropping Kellan off at daycare and pre-school wasn't easy for me or Mia," Dr. Park said empathetically. Dr. Park was pretty much the only other parent on the team and besides Dr. Glassman, Shaun often asked him for parenting advice when Lea was pregnant.

"Yes, it was," replied Shaun. "I'm happy to be back, but I did enjoy the time I had with my daughter. It was hard doing most of it without Lea, though."

Everyone's excited smiles faded at the mention of Lea, sad that Nell wouldn't remember her mother. The atmosphere went silent until Dr. Andrews entered the room. Although he knew it was Shaun's first day back, seeing him almost felt like a shock to him since he had been on paternity leave for 18 weeks.

"Welcome back, Murphy," greeted Dr. Andrews cheerily. "How have you been doing? How is Eleanor?"

And, he with a child via surrogacy on the way, he was also excited to have two residents to ask for advice about being a father.

"We're both doing fine," replied Shaun monotonously, fighting his urge not to send Brooke a text asking if Nell was okay. "But since Nell is with someone else right now, I don't know if she is fine."

"I'm sure she is in good hands right now," Dr. Andrews reassured. "Anyway, if she wasn't, then I'm pretty sure the daycare worker would probably be calling you right now."

"I guess," agreed Shaun, knowing from a logical standpoint that his attending was right. "But I'm ready to start my shift. I need a good distraction from being worried."

"Alright then, Dr. Cooperberg is out sick today so Park and Reznick will be with Dr. Lim. Murphy and Browne, you're with me," said Dr. Andrews.

An ambulance had arrived at the ER with an elderly man, who greeted Shaun, Claire, and Dr. Andrews with pure angelic hospitality. "It is so great to see some more young faces here," he said cheerfully with enthusiasm, referring to the three of them. The trio of doctors and the nurses weren't sure if he was high or something.

"John Muntz, 92-years-old," the EMT introduced. "Fever and pain. Redness and swelling in his leg."

"When did it all start?" Claire asked, ready to retain every piece of important information about the patient.

"About an hour ago," replied John, who was surprisingly calm.

"We'll take good care of you, John," reassured Claire.

The three doctors tended to the man and gathered his medical history. John had type-II diabetes and cirrhosis of the liver. After examining his leg, Shaun hypothesized that it could be osteomyelitis and the three doctors agreed that they would need to do a bone biopsy and an MRI.

While doing the MRI, John would not stop talking about his awesome life adventures - being a combat medic in the Korean War and traveling all over the world. While Claire and Shaun found his life to be interesting, it also made it hard for them to concentrate on the procedure with his constant talking.

The MRI revealed some tissue damage, so it wasn't long before they prepped John for a bone biopsy, where he would not stop talking as they numbed his leg with a local anesthetic.

"We'll need to know what type of germ has infected your bone. It will allow us to choose the right antibiotic," Shaun explained to the sweet old man.

Once he was numb and the procedure began, John decided to stop talking about himself and wanted to learn about his fellow doctors.

"So, what are your lives like? Besides being doctors, I'm sure you guys have lives outside the hospital, and I'm sure they're exciting," John speculated.

"My wife is a doctor at San Jose General," shared Dr. Andrews. "We've been together for 29 years."

"Do you have children?" John asked.

"We're going to have one through surrogacy in six months," Dr. Andrews sighed in sadness. "We tried for years, but I had a fertility problem. It was hard, but we started to accept that we were fine as we were and just wanted to focus on our relationship and just live our lives as they were. Then, we decided that we could still have children. We decided to hire a surrogate."

"That's a wise choice," John complimented. "What about your two residents here?"

"I'm currently in a relationship," Claire shared happily. "We haven't talked about marriage yet, but I hope so someday...and kids, too."

"That's nice," John said sweetly. "Dr. Murphy, do you have similar plans?"

"It's actually my first day back," replied Shaun. "I was on paternity leave for 18 weeks."

"Well, congratulations!" John saluted enthusiastically. "What's your baby's name?"

"Her name is Eleanor Clementine, but we usually call her 'Nell', which is in honor of one of our former attendings," answered Shaun. "She was born on May 30th and is four months old."

"What a lovely name. That's wonderful, and so are children. My Lulu and I never had any, but they sure are a blessing. Our nieces and nephews were a blessing."

Neither Shaun or Claire felt like mentioning Dr. Melendez or Lea to John, so they just continued with the procedure. Shaun also didn't think he should mention to John that Lea's family would call her "Lulu".

Getting back on topic, Dr. Andrews told John what needed to happen. "You're going to need surgery to remove the portions that died and then we'll put you on antibiotics."

"Sounds great," exclaimed John. "Then let's do this!"

John's surgery went well at first, and then he was put on antibiotics. But when they didn't work, Shaun, Claire, and Dr. Andrews had no choice but to amputate his leg.

"I think I'm ready for the surgery," he mumbled groggily as he woke up slowly.

"We just finished the surgery, John," explained Dr. Andrews somberly. "Odds are you're going to be fine, but there was a complication during the surgery..."

"The antibiotics didn't work, so we had to amputate your leg," finished Shaun candidly.

"I can't wait for Lulu and Helen to come see me. I hope you gave them a call," John hummed in delight. "Anyway, nothing wrong with no leg. Amputation is better than death."

"Who is Helen?" Claire asked in curiosity and confusion.

"She's my daughter," replied John, which was weird because John didn't have any children. Though they were aware that Lulu was his late wife as he had mentioned her to them before.

However, they all just brushed it off as delirium from the anesthesia. They also admired his ability to always look at the bright side of things. He was 92-years-old, and any day could be his last so he was probably trying to make the best of everything.

Once John's anesthesia wore off and Shaun, Claire, and Dr. Andrews walked out of the room, Shaun turned back to notice a sad look on John's face. He was crying.

"Are you crying? Are you sad?" Shaun asked, seeing it as an odd sight since John was acting happy most of the time.

"I lied," sniffed John. "I've actually been widowed for many years, not three. Lulu and I didn't live a very long life where we got to grow old together. And we actually did have one child, a little girl, Helen. She never got to take her first breath, though."

Shaun was voiceless, the words from John sounding totally unexpected. "I'm...so sorry," he blubbered. "It was complications from pregnancy or childbirth, wasn't it?"

"Yes, it was," sighed John. "When I got back from Korea for good in 1953, Lulu told me that she was two months pregnant with my child. I was very happy and we were so excited when she was four weeks away from her due date. She had been complaining of headaches, and when they got bad, I feared that it could be toxemia. So, while I was driving her to the clinic, she had a seizure. I then rushed her to the hospital. The baby was born via c-section, but she was stillborn due to placental abruption. The doctor told me that it was eclampsia that caused Lulu's seizure. It was diagnosed too late, and her body began shutting down slowly. We were going to name the baby Helen, who would be 67-years-old today. She'd probably have a few children of her own and maybe even a few grandchildren by now."

"Undiagnosed eclampsia is how Lea, Nell's mother, died, except that it happened six weeks after she was born. The eclamptic seizure caused an aneurysm, which caused her to become brain dead," shared Shaun, being reminded of that painful moment all over again. "I was going to ask her to marry me on her 30th birthday, which was last month. Lea had a very difficult pregnancy, and the birth wasn't easy either."

"It's been almost 70 years since I've gone out on a date, because Lulu was my soulmate. I met her back in 1952 at a USO dance. I was 23, and she was 18. While everyone else was dancing, I just stood in the corner and watched. Then, Lulu came up to me and we started talking, then she asked me if I wanted to dance...and we immediately clicked although she was better at dancing than I was. We were total opposites, though. I was very shy and orderly and she was very flighty and spontaneous, but our differences were what made us fall in love with each other," John reminisced. "She was the only one who called me 'Johnny'."

"I met Lea when she knocked on my door asking for batteries," said Shaun, who had now sat himself next to John. "She took me on a road trip and taught me how to drive and also how to live. She taught me how to fall in love. She was very free-spirited, and I was deliberate. She told me that she was the only honest guy she knew, which is why she fell in love with me. She said I was the only person who never judged her. Most people thought she was too flakey. Her family would call her 'Lulu', and she would call me 'Shaunie' sometimes."

"You know, people would always crucify Lulu for not being prim and proper, which is why my father didn't approve of her," John gave Shaun a smile as he whispered. "But she was far more interesting and fun to be around than most of the other women I've met. She told me that I was the only man who actually cared about what she had to say."

"I'm sorry," apologized Shaun. "I'm sure you would have been a great father."

John reached out and took Shaun's hand weakly. "Just keep on living your life. Don't waste your life grieving the loved ones you lost. You will be able to move forward and love again."

"I already feel complete with my daughter," asserted Shaun. "Besides being a doctor, she's my purpose in life right now. And losing my rabbit and brother is why I decided to become a doctor. I wanted to make life possible for other people. I will also make sure that Nell will live a long and happy life."

"That's a good way to cope with grief and use it for a good purpose in your life," John affirmed, giving Shaun an encouraging smile. "I also lied about all the adventures I went on. After I lost Lulu and Helen, I had no family or friends left, we were both only children, so we didn't have any nieces or nephews. I wasted most of my life drinking in pity after that. I eventually got better, but I could have found love again with another woman and eventually started a family with her."

Shaun took the man's advice, and tightened his grip on the man's hand a little bit, acknowledging what he had just told him.

Despite his sadness, the patient was going to be fine physically. He was going to be fine. He was going to live.

When Shaun picked Nell up from the daycare later that day, he was so happy to see her again; he was practically hugging her as if he had just got back from a war. After everything that had happened for the past year and after hearing John's whole life story, he couldn't help but feel even more blessed to have her in his life.

On their bus ride home, all Shaun could think about as he stared lovingly at Nell in her car seat was poor John Muntz, the man who came in talking as if he had just lived an interesting life when he actually spent most of it in complete grief after he had the best things that ever happened to him ripped away from him. And how poor Lulu never even got a chance to hold her daughter.

Shaun could not stop thinking about how lucky he was that he still had his daughter after losing Lea. He could not stop thinking about the other possible outcomes that could have happened.

Lea could have miscarried. Her hyperemesis gravidarum and gestational diabetes could have caused her to give birth way too early when Nell wouldn't be viable. She could have died from chorio. She could have bled to death when she started hemorrhaging. Nell could have been stillborn. She also could have been affected by the chorio and died. She could have arrived before being full term and died from the possible complications. She could have suffocated and had anoxic brain death when she got stuck in the birth canal. Most of all, Lea's eclampsia could have happened while she was still pregnant, and it could have killed them both...especially if she wasn't far along enough.

Shaun was grateful that neither of those things happened, but deep down, he would never get over the fact that complications from postpartum eclampsia killed Lea.

Another thing he couldn't stop thinking about was how lucky he was to not be living in the era when John lost Lulu and Helen - the 1950s. He and Lea have both seen Call the Midwife and he was also well aware of many old-fashioned and outdated medical procedures.

In 1954, Lea wouldn't have gotten routine ultrasounds to where a breech fetus would be detected and they would need to rotate the fetus or schedule a c-section. They most likely wouldn't have found out until Lea was already in the second stage of labor, when the baby's head could have been caught.

Nell did get stuck in the birth canal by the way, but it was due to shoulder dystocia. And he was glad to be there with Lea by her side during the whole thing, especially during the time when she had the EVC.

He couldn't imagine Lea going through those things alone like Lulu had to. It would have been scary.

Shaun and Lea were there for her 36-week check-up at the St. Bonaventure clinic. Abby, their doula, was there was well. Both Shaun and Lea were concerned that him being her only source of support during the entire labor and birth would be exhausting for him, so they agreed that having a doula present would be good for them...and Abby was just the right person for them.

Not only had she been a board-certified doula for three years and had two children of her own, but she had also assisted a few laboring women with disabilities and/or laboring women with disabled birth partners. She was always willing to be aware of their needs, especially those with sensory issues. Her oldest is also on the spectrum and she was there for her autistic cousin as her doula when she gave birth.

With Lea now officially nine months pregnant, Dr. Garcia needed to make sure that the baby had moved into the head-down position, facing the cervix and the birth canal. However, it hadn't done it quite yet, and it needed to happen by now. If the fetus hadn't turned around by this mark, they were going to have to make a decision whether to manually turn it around or schedule a c-section.

Shaun was holding Lea's hand as she was reclined on the exam table while she let Dr. Garcia examine her.

"Have you experienced any signs of labor, such as cramping, mild contractions, or a change in your vaginal discharge like a bloody show?" Dr. Garcia asked.

"I don't think so," Lea answered.

"Good," said Dr. Garcia softly as she felt around Lea's lower abdomen, trying to locate the baby's head, back, and buttocks. However, her eyes then narrowed into smaller slits as her face was telling Shaun that something was not right.

"Is the baby still breech?" Shaun prodded, wondering if that was the case. A few appointments ago, it was confirmed that the baby was in a complete breech position. They didn't worry at first because they thought that the baby would eventually turn around on its own.

Lea's eyes widened with panic a little.

"Possibly," affirmed Dr. Garcia as she prepped the ultrasound and then performed it on Lea to confirm the fetal position.

As Dr. Garcia rolled the ultrasound wand across Lea's abdomen, Shaun squeezed her hand and his toy scalpel tighter as his eyes were glued to the screen, which then revealed that the baby was still positioned to come out buttocks first.

"Well, it appears that the fetus is still in a complete breech position," confirmed Dr. Garcia with disappointment.

"So, does this mean I'm going to need a c-section?" Lea asked nervously. Although Abby (and Shaun and Dr. Garcia, too) informed Lea that a vaginal breech birth was possible and might be safe, Shaun and Lea both agreed that they didn't want to take that risk. Lea still wasn't sure if she wanted to try the manual procedure of turning the baby around.

"Not quite," reassured Abby.

"If you're comfortable with it, we can still change the fetal position with the external cephalic version," suggested Dr. Garcia. "As Abby and I have told you, it involves turning the fetus around manually with pressure applied to the abdomen."

Lea looked up at Shaun, and he nodded in agreement. "It would be a good idea if you still want to avoid a c-section, but it's up to you."

Lea then gazed at Abby, who also nodded in agreement. "I agree with Shaun."

"I think I want to go ahead and turn the baby around," decided Lea. She wanted to go ahead and give it a try. Although she wouldn't be disappointed or feel like less of a woman if she ended up having a c-section, she still wanted to try to avoid having one.

"Are you sure?" Dr. Garcia checked, wanting to make sure that Lea was okay with this.

"If you want to go ahead and have a c-section, that's okay," heartened Abby. "It is major surgery, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be safe."

"I don't want to have a c-section," admitted Lea. "You said there is still a way the baby can be turned so I can deliver vaginally. It wouldn't hurt to try."

"The success rate is about 65%," warned Shaun for the second time. "It is generally safe, but there are also risks. It could cause changes in the baby's heart rate and tearing of the placenta."

"And it can be uncomfortable," apprised Abby. "Trust me, it's not a pleasant experience."

"Exactly what they said," Dr. Garcia acknowledged, agreeing with Shaun and Abby.

"I'm willing to try this," indicated Lea bravely.

"You're going to want to squeeze my arm for this," Shaun whispered to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and willing to go through any tight squeezing Lea would be giving him. He's done this procedure before, so he could already predict that she was going to be screaming as she had a very low pain tolerance.

Minutes later, the fetal heartbeat was being monitored, which was going to be happening for about half an hour before the ECV.

Once the time for the procedure was ready, Shaun allowed Lea to grip his arm with one hand while she used to other to grip onto Abby's arm. He psyched himself up for screaming and tight squeezing from her hands and nails.

"Are you ready?" Dr. Garcia asked, making sure her patient really was.

Lea nodded nervously before Dr. Garcia told her she was going to feel pressure right before starting the process. She pressed her hands onto Lea's abdomen, applying firm pressure as Lea loudly whimpered in discomfort.

Just like she had been warned, the procedure was painful as fuck. She was squeezing Abby and Shaun's arms tight the entire time as Shaun stroked her hair (and bit his bottom lip) while Dr. Garcia and a nurse participated in trying to rotate the baby.

Surprisingly, the procedure eventually worked, and the baby was now in a head-down position…ready to be born.

Once Shaun got home, he shed tears as he thought about the elderly patient and how his and his wife's life was almost too similar to his and Lea's. Shaun lost Lea but gained Nell, but John lost both Lulu and Helen and was left alone.

He wondered if John was a future version of himself if fate ended up going down the alternative path of losing both Lea and Nell.

Nell was already fast asleep when they got home, so Shaun put her to sleep in her crib as soon as he walked through the door and before he even changed out of his shoes.

"I love you, peanut," he whispered softly to the little girl as he tucked her in and nestled her kitten security blanket with her. He stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead.

He was always going to be there for her no matter what. She was his little girl, his only child, and he was going to enjoy every single moment with her that he could.

"I will always love you," he whispered to her one more time as she was sleeping peacefully.

Shaun took one more glance at her, her mother's signed baseball, and the framed pictures of her mother and uncle before finally walking out of the nursery.

AN: I hope you guys noticed how I gave the patient and his deceased family names that were extremely similar to Shaun, Lea, and Nell. Sean/Shaun is an Irish cognate of John and Nell can be short for both Eleanor and Helen. And Lea and Lulu, I'm sure you can figure that out from what was said in Chapter 6. It was meant to emphasize how similar Shaun saw himself to the patient :(