"Impossible…"

Halibel was right; there was no way that Sosuke Aizen could be standing before her in this world. The traitor was still locked away in the depths of Muken for thousands of years. This was certainly some sort of illusion from the Hogyoku fragment. Reality was frozen around her, except for herself and this projection of Aizen. Or perhaps the Hogyoku had brought her into itself, or pulled herself into her own mind. She had no idea. None of this made sense.

"You are correct," said 'Aizen', holding his hands in his pockets, "You are not speaking to the actual Sosuke Aizen. Him being the last host of my full form, I share an identity with his persona. If he as my avatar disturbs you, I can easily change it."

She didn't respond to that question. It didn't matter what it looked like, in the end. All that mattered was what it had to say. Her head was a mess, but she needed answers. "You are the Hogyoku?"

"I am, and also you."

"I don't understand."

"I know you don't."

The hue of the mist around Tia began to change to a murky green. The avatar melded into the fog, dissipating into nothingness. Dim yellow lights tried to show themselves through the thickening fog, pulsating above and around her, but were too weak to penetrate the growing darkness.

She felt her throat tightening up, as if someone was grasping her neck and choking her. Dropping to one knee, Tia saw herself reflected in the floor below her. It was no mirror: she wasn't seeing her current self.

Staring back was her as a Vasto Lorde, with light blue skin and her full toothy mask still wrapped around her face. Its eyes were empty, black with no pupils. She reached out to grasp at it, believing it was another illusion. She had barely time to react when it grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her violently into the floor.

"No!" she yelled, desperately reaching at the air as she fell in free-fall through pitch black nothingness. No air blew to slow her fall. She was descending down, down towards a tiny yellow light that slowly grew in diameter as she approached it.

What should she do? Would she die upon impact? Would she fall forever?

"You've been confused for some time."

Tia looked beside her. The false Aizen was standing there in place, following her as she fell without blinking. "What is this place?!"

"Where do you think you are?" the illusion asked, "Can you not feel it? What is it you are missing?"

"Missing?"

Her Resurrección? No, not that.

Her heart.

She grabbed at her chest. She stopped falling, feeling her body softly land on nothing. The perspective shifted to make her feel like she was standing upright. Was she within herself right now, the part of her long vanished?

"You acknowledge what you lack," Aizen's voice said, the avatar gone once more. It was loud, coming from all around her. "What you lack is not easily returned."

The light Halibel had seen below her had started to rise up, until it was but a small glowing orb in front of her face. It could fit in the palm of her hand, yet it burned when she reached out to touch it.

"I cannot give that back to you," the voice said, "You must show me you deserve it."

"What do you mean?" Tia replied, fixated on the orb, "I don't deserve anything."

"Then why are you here?"

She closed her eyes in shame.

The avatar appeared behind her, reaching into its cloak. Hearing the sound of clinking steel, Tia opened her eyes as she felt the blade puncture through her shoulder just above where her heart would be.

It was exactly how Aizen had cut her down before. It hurt just as much this time as it had the last.

She opened her mouth to scream, but her voice was gone. And just as abruptly, so was the blade. Looking back, the avatar was also gone, replaced by a square box of light. Tia did not want to approach it, standing firmly in place. However, she would have no choice, as it slowly inched towards her.

"Stay back!" she yelled silently, lifting her hands to defend herself. The rattling of chains came from the darkness above, metal links wrapping around her wrists and raising her arms over her head. Her legs buckled out from under her as an unseen force kicked them from behind. Two metal stakes shot up from below and pierced her ankles. She was trapped, helpless as the glowing square passed over her.

Her surroundings changed to a familiar, horrible sight. Deep gray walls on three sides, a curtain draped in front of her. The red cloth started to shift before it was violently torn aside, a monster revealed to her.

Ywhach towered over her, grinning madly. Beside him was BG9, wielding Tiburon and Gamuza.

"You are weak," the robot stated, "Undeserving. A worthless Hollow."

"A prisoner," the illusion of Ywhach said, drawing his sword to strike her, "Even within yourself."

"NO!"

She heard her voice cry out, closing her eyes tight. But there was no pain, no cut this time. The room was gone when she opened her eyes again, no longer restrained. Back in the void once more.

The Hogyoku was tormenting her with failures. No, this was not the Hogyoku's doing.

This was all herself.

"I am here," Tia said quietly, on hands and knees, "Because I wanted to die. Because I am not worthy of being alive."

"You are alive right now," the Hogyoku spoke out, "How are you not worthy if you stand here today?"

"…I had to be saved," she answered, "By others. I was too weak to save myself so they had to burden themselves with me."

"If you were such a burden to them, why would they bother saving you in the first place?"

Glowing outlines of human shapes walked in front of her. They were faint and golden, but Tia could tell who they were meant to represent.

Nel. Apacci. Mila Rose. Sung-sun.

The figures surrounded her, their facial features becoming clearer as the Espada stared at them longer. All four of them were smiling at her. But why? She didn't deserve them.

"I… I don't know."

"Do not lie. We both know the answer."

"No!" she denied, the void flashing a bright red, "It doesn't matter what they think of me. I don't deserve to be saved!"

"Why is that?"

"I've told you! Because I'm a failure!"

"Why is that?"

"Because I'm weak!"

Around her, the world began to rumble, red streaks raining down on the endless horizon like television static. The outlines of those she knew vanished, dissipating into a gold dust cloud. An immense pressure crushed Tia, trying to flatten her into the invisible surface she was on. With her all of her strength she resisted, forcing her body up as she declared her heart to the nothingness.

"I can't save myself, I can't save others! I take them in, I let them come close to me, and I can't protect them like I want to! I bring nothing but misery to them! And I don't want that!"

"And what do you want?"

"I just want a purpose! Something to protect! Something I can love!"

Instantly, the void turned blindingly white. Feeling a strange warmth wash over her body, Tia breathed heavily as she stood up. There was a sound, distant, calling to her. A voice she did not recognize.

Slowly, Tia went forward in the direction it was coming from. She felt like she was floating with every step, feeling a sense of ease she had never felt before; a sense that just a bit of weight had been taken off of her shoulders. It felt soothing, just like the voice she headed towards.

A rift formed in the void, a swirling golden sphere with a pitch black center. Within it was the small orb, pulsating.

She reached out for it again, and this time it did not burn her. In her hand it expanded and enveloped around her in a bright light.

Tia felt a cool breeze whip through her hair as she appeared in a new, less abstract world. It was a hilly field, covered in grass and yellow flowers for as far as she could see. Her skin was warmed by the sun above, and she shielded her eyes as she looked into the sea of green.

It was beautiful.

She spotted two figures running through the field, happily walking about. A man and a woman, both completely black silhouettes with no features. They were holding hands, stopping under a tall tree to sit down. Tia watched as they kissed, the woman resting her head on the man's shoulder. Their features slowly formed as Tia looked at them longer. The man was unidentifiable, no sense of familiarity. He was dressed shoddily, clearly unable to afford any new clothes. The woman was dressed similarly to him, but she was still happy.

The woman was her.

"What is this?" Tia whispered.

She blinked, and it was gone. Now she was somewhere different: a human church. She and the man stood in front of an altar and kissed on the lips.

Another blink, another place. She could see herself riding on the waves atop a large white board. Its pattern reminded her of Tiburon.

Blink.

A small living space, similar to Ichigo's home but more dirty and worn. Tia saw herself and the man jumping up and down in glee, embracing one another again. In her hand was a small piece of pink plastic. Whatever that item was must have been the source of their joy.

Blink.

It was the same room, but cleaner than before. Tia saw herself standing there alone, her belly slightly engorged as spoke excitedly over a boxy telephone.

Blink.

A medical room. She and the man sat in two small chairs beside each other as a doctor read something to them from a chart. Tia couldn't hear what he said, but as he said something her old self collapsed onto the man and cried in agony, soon sliding to the floor as she clutched her belly.

Blink.

The house, again. She and the man were arguing, a bottle in the latter's hand. He struck her with it.

Blink.

She was alone in the house, sitting and crying on a couch. A pile of child toys sat untouched in a nearby corner.

Blink.

This time was different. Tia was no longer the bystander, having taken the place of her old self on the couch. In shock she looked around her, not sure how she had switched places. She could hear sirens coming from somewhere unknown, growing louder and louder. A pounding on the door, a man's voice begging her to let him in. She looked down at the table in front of her, covered in cigarettes and empty orange bottles. A bloody razorblade glistened red in the mess.

She looked at her arms. They matched the blade.

A single tear trickled down her face.

And with one last blink, it was gone.

Tia was back in the white void, alone. She looked down at her arms, and was relieved that the wounds were gone. It did not stop her tears from flowing faster.

She understood clearly what she was missing.

It was not just her heart that had been lost. No, it was so much more.

"My child," Halibel whimpered, feeling a pain in her Hollow hole, "My sweet child…"

She would have given her life for that child if she could, but instead she had taken her own selfishly. She never gave herself a chance to try again, and the hole in her womb was her cross to bear. The desire to protect, to keep those close to her safe, was her curse. She wanted to be a mother, but her fatal flaw as a human had continued to repeat itself over and over again with her failures.

But this time…

No.

No, not this time.

Not again.

Tia, with her face coated in tears of sorrow, stood up tall. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She thought of Nel, the Tres Bestias, her friends – no, her family, the ones she loved – and of what they meant to her. Nobody else in the universe had shown her the compassion and understanding they did, and she had selfishly rejected it in fear of growing too close, too afraid that their deaths would send her to her own demise.

She would not push them away ever again, as long as she lived. They would give their lives to protect her out of love. She would do the same, but she would never fall in battle again.

They needed each other. All of them.

They were the rulers of Hueco Mundo, and she would be damned to let BG9 tear her family apart.

With a mighty shout, Tia's yellow reiatsu flared up around her in a towering inferno, the most strength she had felt since losing her Resurrección. She could feel her Hollow hole burning, her energy burning brightest from the scar.

"Very good."

She heard the Hogyoku's voice, its avatar standing before her again. It was not Aizen this time, but her human self. No blue markings, her blonde hair tied behind her back, her stomach slightly bumped. "The moment you touched me, I knew you had the potential to fulfill your desire. All I had to do was convince you that you were strong enough."

Tia smiled at the avatar, one last tear trailing down her cheek. She reached out and took its hand, the figure dissipating into her reiatsu and flowing to her Hollow hole. As it did, she could feel all that was lost return, as if she was holding Tiburon in her hand. Now, she didn't need her sword. She was whole once more. Forever.

"Thank you for saving me."

"No. You saved yourself."

"Tia! Wake up!"

The Espada opened her eyes to a crowd of faces staring at her. She was on her back, propped up on Urahara's lounge chair like she had passed out. Yoruichi was the first to notice she had awoken, and sighed a breath of relief. Halibel pushed herself up, gripping her head. "What happened?"

"You ran to the Hogyoku fragment, grabbed it, then dropped to the ground instantly," Kisuke said, "It was slightly comical, in a dark way."

Ichigo rolled his eyes at the tasteless humor as he took a small mirror from Tessai. "That's not all that happened. Take a look."

Her eyes widened upon seeing her reflection. Her blonde hair was now the color of slate grey. Even her eyes were different, now a darker shade of emerald green than before. She could feel something down where her Hollow hole sat, and quickly unzipped her outfit to check it out, forgetting the three men standing around her. Only Urahara did not cover his eyes.

"What?" Tia asked, raising an eyebrow, "It's no more than you would see if I was in my Resurrección."

"That's not the point!" Ichigo retorted blindly, "I don't need a second woman exposing herself so casually like Yoruichi around here! I'm a happily married man, just so you know!"

"I'm not."

"Cut it, Kisuke!"

Ignoring the bickering, Halibel turned around to Yoruichi out of courtesy to check herself. To her awe, her hole was gone. Where it once sat was marked by a golden hexagonal tattoo, the new home of the Hogyoku fragment.

"Wow," Yoruichi whistled, leaning down to inspect the mark, "No Hollow hole… You really did it, Tia. It's part of you now. Feel any different?"

"Yes," Tia replied, smiling as she zipped herself back up, "Very much so."

"What did you have to do, anyways?"

"That… can stay a secret, for now." Tia stepped back as Urahara slid into the space between the women, his gaze focused on her crotch.

"Well, well!" he said, pulling out a tiny notebook and scribbling on it, "This is quite an achievement. An Arrancar, nor a Hollow in general, has never been able to reform themselves completely and lose their hole. Fascinating! Do you mind if I take partial credit?"

"Would she even be considered an Arrancar anymore?" Tessai asked, stroking his chin, "Or something entirely different?"

Not one for science-speak, Ichigo interjected over Kisuke's hypotheses. "So, how about we train those new powers of yours? I want to see what you're going to use to kick BG9's shiny metal ass into the sand with."

"Mind if I invite myself?," Yoruichi added, tossing her orange jacket aside, "I want to see how fast that has made you."

"There's not much time for that," Halibel sighed, before a sly smirk formed on her lips, "But I think I can spare an hour to hone myself with you."

Ichigo returned the grin, drawing Zangetsu's blades from his back, "Competitive now? Man, the Hogyoku really changed more than just your hair. Now, let's go!"

"Don't worry," Halibel said, her eyes glowing with yellow reiatsu, "I'll take it easy on you."

Friendship. Happiness. Banter. Memories. Mistakes. Sacrifice. Loss. Redemption. Strength. Resolve. Love.

So this is what it meant to finally be alive.