Chapter 20

Author's Note: Shorter chapter than usual but it means you didn't have to wait long for it so...bonus?

Even the agents at the DEO were cheering, that was how far the celebrations in National City had spread. The news feeds were filled with images of parties in the streets, the crackle of fireworks popped in the sky, shouts and music drifted through the air. Oliver couldn't understand it. He had seen the damage the Daxamite invasion had done, the sheer volume of work that would have to back into rebuilding the city, the number of injured, and the list of the dead – and that wasn't counting the Daxamite's who hadn't made it off world in time.

He couldn't blame them he supposed, those who made it though unscathed for wanting to celebrate. It took a stern glare from John to snap Oliver from his brooding and realise he only took issue with the jubilation in National City because of Kara.

After Mon-El had fled with the rest of the Daxamites, the DEO and Oliver's team had taken to the streets for mop up. Dealing with the immediate fallout had taken them until nightfall, and once they had returned to the DEO, Kara had been stood on the balcony, looking out over the city. Kal had asked to talk to her first, since he needed to return to Metropolis, and Oliver had gladly let him. Once he saw the Kryptonian disappear into the sky, Oliver knew he had to speak to Kara.

Hands clasped tightly behind his back, Oliver walked out onto the balcony. Not knowing where to start, Oliver moved to Kara's side, resting his arms atop the concrete wall and leaning forward onto them. Kara didn't even acknowledge his presence.

"Five hundred and three," He said after a few moments of silence. Kara turned her head to look at him. "There was an Undertaking when I first became 'The Hood', it was the reason I went back to Starling City even if I didn't know it at first. Despite everything I did, I couldn't stop it. Five hundred and three. That's how many people died because I couldn't save them."

Oliver swallowed heavily. He hadn't spoken about Malcolm's Undertaking for years, not since Felicity and John had talked him into returning to Starling. The list of the dead had only grown from there, The Siege, The Outbreak, Genesis Day, Prometheus. He had failed to stop them all in time, and innocent people had died. Five hundred and three up to how many? The Daxamite invasion hadn't claimed that many lives, for which Oliver was endlessly thankful, he didn't want to know how badly a number like his would have affected Kara.

"That was how Tommy died." He added after a moment. Months ago, he had told her about Tommy, that they had been best friends in life but that when it came to it Oliver couldn't save him, but he never told her why.

"W-why…" Kara trailed off.

Oliver drew in a breath. "Because… even for all your powers Kara, you can't save everyone. Part of doing what we do is accepting that there's always going to be casualties, but so long as we can protect the people closest to us then it means all the sacrifices we make are worth it. J'onn, Alex, Winn, they are all safe right now, because of you. You saved the world Kara."

There was more than just that weighing on Kara's conscience, Oliver could see it. He didn't need to ask to know what it was either. The device that seeded the atmosphere with lead did more than just force the Daxamite's to flee. At the least, Oliver knew that it had killed Rhea, he and Kara had watched it happen. There had been other Daxamite's still on world who wouldn't have been able to choose to evacuate, Oliver noted. Soldiers that had been incapacitated in the fighting, unconscious and unable to active their teleport link to their ships. It had been the reason he chose to kill Rhea's general himself, one less life on Kara's conscience.

"I told myself that I had to be better," Kara began slowly, like the words were difficult for her to speak. "That I'd never stoop as low as the people I fought, that I'd never kill. But Rhea…her blood is on my hands."

I've seen that men at war with that look in their eyes. He had heard Slade say it, the first time he had killed a man with his own hands. The one that says he's split into someone else. Someone he doesn't even recognise.

There were a dozen reasons Oliver knew he could give to Kara to try and convince her that Rhea's death wasn't her fault. Lex Luthor had designed the device that killed her, Lillian brought it to be modified, Lena put the trigger in Kara's hands. Rhea didn't leave her with a choice. Rhea could have fled after the device was activated. He knew none of them would be any good. They wouldn't have worked on him, and Oliver knew that his morals were nowhere close to being as pure as Kara's.

"You told me that taking a life is sometimes the only way," Kara's voice was frighteningly small, and once again her gaze had drifted off to the distance. "So why does this still feel so…"

It wasn't a surprise that Kara didn't have the words to describe what she was feeling. Oliver remembered how he had locked down, so consumed with guilt and self-loathing, so distant from anything real. To him, it seemed nothing short of a small miracle that Kara was still functional. Slowly, Oliver reached out and placed a hand on top of Kara's. The contact brought her back to reality, her head turning and eyes locking onto his once again.

"I wi—I wish there was something I could do to take this burden from you, Kara." Oliver kept his own voice low.

"How do you do it?" Kara's eyes were a little wide, and Oliver could see the tears welling up in them. "How do you cope with feeling like this?"

The honest answer was one he couldn't give her. That he had been lived in survival mode for so long, had taken so many lives that the killing had infected him, that it no longer weighed on him the way that it once did. In that moment, Oliver hoped beyond all hope that Kara would never have to have that same detachment.

"You don't," Oliver began gently. "You have to hold onto that pain and never let it go." They weren't words Oliver had ever been told. He had been trained by Slade Wilson, Talia al Ghul, Yao Fei, people who were just as numb to the killing as Oliver himself had become. "Kara, what you're feeling right now, it means you know how much a life is worth, the sanctity of it. The moment you forget that…"

The thought didn't need finishing, Oliver could see it beginning to take form in Kara as her gaze drifted for a moment. Her eyes snapped back to him, the hands he had been gently holding moving away from his own and Kara pulled Oliver into an embrace that he didn't even try to fight. More willingly than he had done for a long time, Oliver wrapped his own arms around Kara and held her close.

"Guys!"

The sudden voice snapped them apart in an instant. Winn was stood at the door to the balcony, a nervous look on his features

"We've got a problem."

At that, Winn turned and hurried back towards the mission control area. Oliver looked across at Kara as she squared her shoulders and stood tall again. The mission always came first. The two walked side by side back into the DEO, crossing the room to where both Team Arrow and a few members of the DEO were gathered.

"What's the problem?" J'onn asked, arms folded across his chest.

Winn collapsed back down into his chair and swirled it to face them.

"So, I was combing through our systems to make sure the Daxamite's didn't access anything sensitive while they were in control here and I found a breach in our security." He hurried. "And it's…it's not good."

"What did they get hold of?" Alex asked.

Winn swallowed hard and span back to face the computer. "There was a remote hack, without any of us to fight them off, they got through the firewalls."

"Winn, what was accessed?" Oliver spoke firmly, trying to get Winn's panic under control.

The file popped up on the central screen.

"The scans I took of the breach device."

Author's Note: And that's the end of our time on Earth-38 for now. Next time: return to Star City.