Three

Captain Janeway uffed, stumbling backwards as something nearly knocked her over.

'Mom! I can't believe you're actually here!' the holo-girl's arms squeezed tight around her ribs, the knife she'd been holding thankfully discarded on the ground. 'You were away so long. Did your starship get lost?' she pulled back, staring at her mother with a mixture of accusation and longing.

'Something like that,' Kathryn managed an answer, her brain scurrying to process the implication behind the girl's words.

Apparently, the hologram's mother had been travelling on a starship – obviously gone for a while. So maybe there wasn't a sexy, baby-making-holo-Janeway in this scenario after all? Kathryn thought of Chakotay and found her feelings were slightly less violent than before.

'How long is your shore leave this time?' the girl was asking hopefully. 'Dad said you have important responsibilities on Voyager, but surely the crew can spare you for a few days so we can be together - as a family?'

Kathryn wanted to run from those eyes, somehow hers and Chakotay's at the same time. 'Actually, I can't stay long,' she answered distractedly. 'I have to get back to Voyager soon, but I just wanted to check in and… and see that everything is okay here before–'

'I knew it!' the girl's mood soured almost instantaneously. 'It's just like Dad says about you! I don't know why I should have expected anything different!'

The teenager's angry outburst surprised Kathryn, but only for a moment. 'Oh, yes?' she parried. 'And what is it that your father says about me?'

'That you run from your emotions,' the girl stared at her unflinchingly. 'That you'd always put the needs of your crew before the needs of yourself, or even your own family.'

'How interesting,' Kathryn's lips were thin. 'And is that all he says?'

The hologirl looked away and her feathered brow gradually softened. 'No,' she conceded. 'He also says your dedication to the crew is what makes you a great captain… that it's one of the strengths I should admire in you and try to follow… that it's one of the reasons he fell i–...'

'Computer, freeze program!' the sudden exclamation sent a small puff of birds exploding upwards from the forest treeline.

But it wasn't Captain Janeway who spoke.

Kathryn spun around to face the holodeck entry – her eyes darting like a feral animal – to see a tall, uniformed figure advancing rapidly across the clearing towards her. Chakotay. There was no time to prepare herself for the coming altercation. He was upon her in seconds.

Gone was the affable first officer Kathryn thought she knew. In his place was an entirely different Chakotay. Quiet, volatile, dangerous.

'You shouldn't be here,' his voice was low and agitated. 'B'Elanna had no right to tell you about this program, and you had no right to invade my privacy. If Tom had come to me sooner…'

'Your privacy? What about my privacy?' Captain Janeway's hands flew into the air, her eyes blazing with indignation. 'You made a child for yourself using me as the mother! How could you do this to me?!'

She stepped forward into his personal space, showing that she wouldn't let him or anyone else take away her power. But Chakotay wasn't about to submit so easily. He leant over her, using the advantage of his height to prove he wasn't intimidated.

'You may be my captain and I'm just your commander, but here's a surprise, Kathryn,' he hissed. 'Not everything I think and do revolves directly around you. Did it ever occur to you that I might have personal issues I've needed to work through in my own way? That I might have needed a private space to reflect and heal?'

The muscles around Captain Janeway's mouth contorted as she built up for an acid reply, but Chakotay guessed what was coming and edged in first, trying to calm the situation down a level.

'Before you go and throw me in the brig, please just hear me out. I never intended to share this program with anyone, least of all you, and I never meant it to upset you or cause you harm. I only made Ktaria to…'

'Ktaria? Kat?' the woman's quiet fury was more frightening than her initial outburst of anger. 'You even named her after me?'

'Oh stop, Kathryn,' Chakotay suddenly grabbed her shoulders and refused to let go, even when she tried to shrug him away. 'Would you just stop assuming things for one damn minute and let me explain myself?'

Janeway scowled at him, her chest rising and falling quickly. It would be so easy to call security and have the commander arrested for insubordination and common assault, but she didn't want anyone else involved. If even one crew member witnessed their conflict, the whole ship would be buzzing with the scandal before breakfast tomorrow.

'This had better be good, or believe me, commander… a few days in the brig will be the least of your worries,' she growled – waiting, loathing.

Chakotay knew the captain's threat was serious, but at least now she was actually listening to him. He released her shoulders and stepped back. 'Just… give me a moment to clear my head first,' he brushed past the frozen hologram of his daughter and ranged off towards the edge of the clearing, breathing in the fresh, musky scent of the forest.

Chakotay had never meant for Kathryn to find out about Ktaria. He knew he would have to swallow his pride and confess the truth to her, but he'd kept this particular secret for almost a year now. Sharing it was not going to be easy. The man sent up a silent prayer to his ancestors then squared his shoulders and returned to face the captain.

'Before we go any further, there's something I need you to understand,' Chakotay began, keeping his gaze soft and steady to counteract the coldness of Kathryn's stare. 'When I made the Young Warrior program my head was in a dark place. It was nearly a year ago – around the time we were marooned by the Kazon and Seska.'

Kathryn's lip curled in distaste. What did she have to do with this?

'When I heard that Seska was carrying my child I was furious, disgusted. I didn't have any immediate plans to be a father – certainly not with her – but then…,' his eyes dipped self-consciously and returned, '…but then you and I got stranded on New Earth and I started to wonder if maybe, in time, being a father wouldn't be such a bad thing after all, so long as you were interested in starting a family too.'

Captain Janeway was going to make a snide remark about preferring the monkey, but hesitated when she saw the shadow of pain that crossed Chakotay's face.

'Well, as it turned out, Seska's baby wasn't even mine,' he laughed hollowly, 'and that seed of hope I found on New Earth - the possibility of stability and a family with you – that was taken away from me the moment we returned to our old lives on Voyager.'

'But we discussed this,' Kathryn frowned, unwilling to take on guilt for choosing her career and the welfare of her crew over a personal relationship with her first officer. 'You knew why I couldn't…'

Chakotay clenched his jaw and sighed. 'Of course I knew why. And I respected that… But I couldn't just turn off my feelings at the flick of a switch, and I definitely couldn't share my problems with anyone else on the crew. I felt lost. Angry. I needed some way to cope – to find closure, so…,' he waved carelessly at the holographic images around them. Ktaria. The clearing. The forest.

Kathryn followed the gesture with her eyes, and she breathed in sharply when she finally realized where they were.

Author's Note:

I bet you can all guess the setting of Chakotay's holoprogram.

Thanks for the views & reviews - I'm glad you're enjoying the story. In answer to the suggestion from a very kind guest reviewer, I'm absolutely happy to post the final chapters daily. (I'm bad at keeping secrets anyway!) See you tomorrow for chapter 4 :)