Four

New Earth.

Kathryn's stomach twisted. She and Chakotay had grown close here. Closer than she'd ever intended to get with a member of her crew. Nothing had happened, of course – just a few sweet embraces and the idea of maybe something more as they faced a future alone together – but perhaps…

Her gaze fell on the hologram of Ktaria, still frozen in front of them, and in that moment she saw what Chakotay had seen. A possible future. A future she had denied. Emotions she had buried long ago suddenly rushed to the surface, forcing the captain to keep her eyes fixed straight ahead and her lips tightly pursed to avoid giving anything away.

Seconds later, a warm feeling spread across Kathryn's back. She didn't have to look to know that Chakotay was standing beside her.

'I originally programmed her as a baby,' he confided softly, his arms hanging limply by his sides. 'I just needed to know what it would have felt like to hold a child in my arms. My child.

Our child. Kathryn had the impulse to snark at him, but she bit her tongue – determined to hear him out.

'She was beautiful,' the pride was clear in Chakotay's voice as he reached out briefly to stroke his daughter's hair. 'Fragile. Alert. Perfect. She might have just been a hologram, but we bonded more fiercely than I could have imagined. I knew I had to delete the program that same day or I was never going to find the will to leave her.'

The thought of Chakotay clutching their baby to his chest had unexpected consequences for Kathryn, and she turned her head away for a moment to hide the brightness to her eyes. Her apparent lack of interest didn't deter Chakotay from speaking, though. Now he'd begun to unburden himself he couldn't stop until it was done.

'I named her Ktaria after the prayer stones in the burial tombs of Ktaria VII – because, for me, she represented both a memory and a prayer for the future I'd lost. When I was finally ready to let her go, I gave her one last kiss to say goodbye before deleting the program... but then I thought it wouldn't hurt to take a quick peek into the future and see what the grown up Ktaria might have looked like.'

'Chakotay!' Kathryn admonished him, though it was more of a grumble than a rebuke.

He replied with a sheepish smile. 'Seeing Ktaria as a vibrant, healthy teenager gave me the sense of closure I was seeking. I was content to end the program then, but before I could give the computer the command she walked right up and spoke to me for the first time.'

'What did she say?' Kathryn was being drawn in by his story despite herself.

The commander grinned more broadly this time. 'She told me I looked like hell, and that an old man like me should know how to take better care of himself.'

Kathryn risked a tiny smile. It sounded like something a daughter of hers might say.

'I told her I was fine, and she said I was an idiot if I thought that I could fool her with a lie as obvious as that. So I gave in and told her everything on my heart,' he shrugged, his mood growing serious once more. 'She listened to me unload my anger about Seska... my grief at losing a future with you…'

Kathryn froze as she felt Chakotay's fingers slide between her own – just connecting at the tips. His touch on her skin made her feel uncomfortable - exposed - but when she looked up to chide him, the honesty and unassuming friendship she saw in his eyes reassured her and she didn't pull away.

'…I shared my guilt at surviving that first displacement wave in the Badlands that killed good people from both our crews, knocking us into the whole mess... Old frustrations I was still holding onto about losing my captaincy over the Maquis... My fears about what home might look like if we ever did make it back to the Alpha Quadrant... The more I talked the lighter I felt, and when I'd finally gotten everything off my chest Ktaria knew what I still needed. She tossed me a pair of boxing gloves and finished up our therapy session with a sparring match that rivaled any I ever had at Starfleet Academy.'

There was a new energy in his features as he recalled the fight, and Captain Janeway tugged at his hand to get his attention.

'You fought the girl with a face exactly like mine?' she narrowed her eyes. 'Who won?'

Chakotay smirked at some private memory and wrapped his fingers more firmly around hers.

'Let's just say, I gave it my all but there's a good reason I never opened the Young Warrior program again after that!'

'Never?' the captain frowned, searching his face for the truth. She was still annoyed that he'd had the nerve made a holo-character of their daughter, but if it was only as a form of therapy, and it was only the one time…

Chakotay released her hand and stood to attention, keeping his eyes fixed steadily on hers. 'I swear it, Captain. I had no intention to hurt you by creating Ktaria. I only wanted to work through some issues in private so I could return my focus to supporting you as the willing, loyal first officer you deserve. I'm only sorry I didn't have the strength to delete the program at the time. If I'd done so, I might have avoided this conflict and risking the loss of your respect. I hope you will be able to forgive me.'

The captain met his gaze for what felt like an eternity, then paced off a short distance to deliberate. When she finally returned, she looked at Ktaria's frozen image for just a moment then fixed her attention upon the dark-haired officer who was waiting stoically for her verdict.

'Commander Chakotay,' she drew herself up taller to address him formally. Kathryn had sunk into the shadows, leaving only Captain Janeway present in that piercing brown stare.

'I have to thank you for being open and honest with me today. I acknowledge that Ktaria was there for you when you had no one else to support you – not even me…'

It was the closest thing to an apology that she was prepared to give.

'…Considering the personal circumstances that motivated your actions, I have decided to settle this matter with a private reprimand and refrain from noting it on your permanent file... But listen to me now and listen very closely,' her voice dropped to a growl and she jabbed a finger into his chest for emphasis. 'The next time I catch you using your captain as inspiration for an intimate holo-program, I'll be chucking you in the brig and demoting you to the rank of ensign for the remainder of this voyage, is that understood?'

'Yes, captain,' the commander acknowledged stiffly, looking straight ahead. 'Will that be all?'

'No, commander,' she shook her head, and Chakotay struggled to read her expression. 'That isn't all. I understand you tried to delete the program before B'Elanna's diagnostic scan intervened? I think it would be best for both of us if we erased it now. Would you…,' Kathryn flickered to the surface for just a moment, '…would you like to say goodbye before I have the computer finalise the task?'

Chakotay looked at his daughter one last time then fixed his eyes on his captain. 'I made my goodbyes to Ktaria a long time ago. Do whatever you have to do, captain. I'm ready to let her go.'

Captain Janeway nodded once then turned to the hologram to give the order, but something changed her mind. 'Computer, resume program.'

Chakotay had closed his eyes briefly - not wanting to witness that last moment when his daughter and the natural beauty of New Earth evaporated into the general chaos of atoms around him - but they flashed open again at the captain's unexpected command.

'Dad?' Ktaria seemed surprised to see him when moments before she'd only been talking to her mother. Her attention quickly shifted to the woman in the red uniform. 'Mom? Why do you look so serious? What's going on?'

Author's Note:

Poor Chakotay - he'd laid his heart bare and got nothing back in return. There's got to be some way we can fix this! Let me know your ideas, or wait and find out how it wraps up in the finale tomorrow :)

Thank you Mary S for the spelling correction on Maquis vs. Marquis - I've fixed it (so annoyed with myself I didn't even notice!)