Five

Kathryn cleared her throat. It felt absurd addressing a hologram as if it were her flesh and blood, but she wanted to acknowledge Ktaria for helping the man who was – even now in his disgrace – nothing short of her closest colleague and most valued friend.

'Ktaria,' she began sternly. 'Before I say goodbye, I wanted to thank you for looking after… your father when I was busy caring for the rest of Voyager's crew.'

'Please, Kathryn,' Chakotay's presence at her elbow was gentle but persistent. 'You don't have to...'

She swatted him away. She needed to do this for her own closure, not his.

'I know I can sometimes be so focused on my work I miss seeing the needs of those who are closest to me, but I want you to know that from now on I will do my best to…'

Ktaria laughed in her face. 'Are you even serious, Mom?' she blurted, incredulous. 'Can't you see you're literally doing it right now?! Dad is standing right next to you, ready to support you in whatever way you need him, and you're pushing him away – just like you always do.'

'I am not,' Kathryn snapped.

'Are so,' Ktaria refused to back down. A warrior just like her father - and her mother.

Captain Janeway wasn't used to having her authority challenged on her own ship. She didn't like it. 'You think I'm pushing him away? And what makes you believe that?' she leaned in closer to her daughter, daring her to reply.

Ktaria scanned her mother with mild disgust. 'You ignored Dad when he tried to talk to you just now. Your posture is stiff and closed-off, and you haven't made eye contact with him once since I've seen you together. Trust me, Dad's talked to me before about the way you treat him. I know the signs.'

Chakotay looked mortified. 'I'll just delete the program now,' he muttered. Before it could do any more damage.

'Don't you dare,' Janeway hissed, grabbing him by the wrist and yanking him towards her. 'Let me tell you something, Ktaria. I may not find it easy to share my feelings openly like Chakotay here, but I promise you, I feel things every bit as deeply as he does.'

'Prove it,' the girl's eyes narrowed.

Chakotay looked like he was afraid the women were going to rip him to pieces.

'Alright,' Kathryn accepted the challenge.

She turned to face her first officer and gripped onto his sleeve, her whole body coiled like a spring. 'Chakotay, do you remember when the macrovirus took over the ship? Remember inviting me skiing on the holodeck afterwards to celebrate our survival with our friends, but I told you I was too worn out? Well I lied! I just couldn't bring myself to go out in public acting as if everything was okay when I'd come so close to losing you. It shook me so much I wept when you left the room, and it was weeks before I could close my eyes without seeing the image of you dead in my arms.'

Kathryn's eyes were filled with such intensity of emotion that Chakotay couldn't look away.

'No, I didn't know that,' he shook his head stupidly. He'd never doubted that he was important to her, but he really meant that much? How was he to know? She'd given no clue!

'And remember the time we crash-landed the Sacagawea and I had to fight off the alien presence that made me experience my death over and over again? That embrace we shared afterwards when you took me sailing on Lake George?...'

She stepped closer, her fingers digging into his biceps.

'I never wanted it to end. I felt you kiss my hair and more than anything I wanted to lift my face to yours, but how could I let that happen when the crew were expecting their captain and first officer back on the bridge next morning, clear-headed and ready to serve?! The Kathryn you held that night could never be more than a fleeting dream, just a false secret on a holodeck. I care for you deeply, Chakotay, but you deserve more than that!'

Chakotay's heart broke for her, and his hands flew to her shoulders, kneading the tension under her skin. If he'd realized it was even possible she might return his feelings he would have made a declaration sooner. So many stupid games. So much lost time.

'Look at me, Kathryn,' the quiet authority in his voice drew her eyes to his. 'I'm a grown man. Don't you think I'm capable of deciding for myself what is or is not enough?'

Kathryn's frown only deepened. 'You'd be willing to share my attention with the needs of a whole starship?!' It seemed doubtful to her that any man could find it an acceptable proposition. 'To see me as Captain first and Kathryn second? To follow my orders without question and never use your intimate attachment to me as an opportunity to influence my command? I just can't see how that would be enough!'

Chakotay's fingers had worked their way up to the base of her skull and when he found a particularly sensitive spot she allowed her head to sag a little in the cradle of his hands. He dropped his face to her ear, acutely aware of her hair tickling against his cheek. 'For a smart person, Kat, you really are pretty thick sometimes,' he whispered.

Kathryn's eyes shot open in indignation, but Chakotay held her close – one hand sweeping down her spine as the other wrapped around her shoulders.

'Let me remind you of some facts, Captain Janeway,' he murmured, each soft, certain word sinking a little deeper through her layers of resistance. 'I am willing to share you with the whole starship, and if we ever make it back to Earth, I'll gladly share you with the whole of Starfleet Command as well. You will always be my captain first, and I will never allow my personal connection with you to compromise your role as the leader of this crew.'

'Chakotay...,' she whined a soft denial, even as her hands commenced a tentative journey across his chest – giving herself permission to touch when she would normally refrain. Remain close when she would normally flee.

'Now for the tricky bit,' the commander pressed his lips to the corner of her jaw, just below her ear, then pulled back to arm's length so he could watch for her response. 'As first officer, it's my job to tell you things you might not want to hear – things that challenge your point of view – and it's your job to consider my advice.'

'Or overrule it,' the captain interjected haughtily. She sounded a little drunk.

Chakotay put a finger to her lips and refused to continue speaking until she agreed to remain silent. 'I've known you for a while now, Kathryn,' the honesty and tenderness was raw in his gaze. 'You have always viewed your role as a captain as set apart – isolated from the crew and your own personal needs. But I want to let you in on a secret. You are not alone. I am your first officer, your support crew, your confidant, your biggest fan. And I also happen to love you...'

A little grunt slipped from Kathryn's lips – a protest of sorts, but filled with need.

'…but I'm not asking you to give up Captain Janeway so I can be with Kathryn,' Chakotay promised her. 'All I'm asking is for you to let yourself be… yourself. If Captain Janeway needs her first officer, she can count on me to be there on the double. And if, even sometimes, it's Kathryn who needs something…' he drew in nearer until he was only a breath away, tilting his head forward so their noses and foreheads aligned. '…Anything at all – I'm asking permission to be there for her too. That's all I want. That's enough.'

'No expectations?' she demanded hoarsely, her own hands creeping around to his back, his hips, dragging him even closer.

'Only this,' Chakotay whispered roughly, thrusting his chin forward so his lips pressed warm against hers.

'Chak–,' Kathryn's dying protest was cut off, smothered as his mouth overtook hers.

She opened her lips to him and he sunk into the kiss with a groan, feeling her body arch and shudder against his as she finally, willingly, laid her soul bare.

The sound of cheering snapped them both into the present, and it took a few moments for each of them to recover from the intoxicating power of that long-awaited kiss.

'Thank the ancestors for that!' Ktaria hollered, scaring away a few more birds with her jubilant laughter. 'Now stop embarrassing me, the pair of you, and go get yourselves a room!'

Chakotay beamed from his daughter to the top of Kathryn's head, which was currently resting on his chest. 'Computer, delete program,' he announced softly.

Kathryn's arms tightened around Chakotay's waist but neither of them looked at one another. They both had their eyes fixed on the hologram of their daughter, drinking in that last second before she and the whole world around them faded from view.

'So what happens now?' Kathryn finally lifted her head up from Chakotay's chest, unsure if the cold reality of the holodeck walls would make things feel different between them.

Chakotay caressed her with his eyes. 'Whatever you want, captain,' he smiled, that small, lopsided smile that said his heart was hers.

Captain Janeway would have come to her senses. She would have told him they were mad to let themselves be so free with one another - that it was time to face reality and get on with the business of getting their starship home. But Kathryn reached out and touched Chakotay's cheek, feeling the map of dips and ridges beneath her fingers, the firmness of his jaw, the sandpapery roughness of his skin.

'I'm not sure exactly what I want, Chakotay,' she mused lazily, a new gleam of mischief lighting her eyes. 'But if you have any ideas, I'd be happy to hear them.'

'Oh, I have a couple,' his lips twitched in reply, all the trouble and uncertainty of the past three years slipping from his shoulders like water.

'Very good, commander,' Kathryn drawled, smoothing out a non-existent crease on the front of his Starfleet jacket. 'Would you like to brief me on your proposals in the ready room or my quarters?'

Chakotay grabbed her hand and brought her knuckles to his lips. 'I believe your quarters would be more suitable, captain,' he advised her, his heart arresting momentarily then taking off again at twice the speed.

'Shall we?' she nodded to the exit, pulling him gently toward it. 'Computer, open holodoeck do-...'

Chakotay's face registered surprise, guilt and panic as the doors wooshed open of their own accord, sending Lieutenant Torres bursting into the room with Tom Paris close behind her.

'I don't think we should-,' Tom was pleading.

'Shut up, Tom!' B'Elanna glared back at him. 'It'll be our fault if the captain kills Ch-...,' she trailed off, suddenly aware of Captain Janeway only a few feet in front of her, standing hand in hand with Commander Chakotay.

'Is there a problem, Lieutenant Torres?' Janeway met her gaze - calm, collected and completely in control.

'Um... no, captain,' she answered weakly, looking to Tom for support but getting only a shrug of the shoulders in return.

'Excellent,' Captain Janeway shifted her beady stare to Lieutenant Paris then back again to B'Elanna. 'Let's keep it that way, shall we? Not a word,' she purred the threat, then dropped Chakotay's hand and headed for the door. 'Follow me, commander,' she announced, nonchalant. 'You and I have business to attend to.'

The captain swept from the room, but Chakotay lingered a moment to check on his colleagues. B'Elanna looked like she could do with a large glass of chechtlhutlh. Tom, on the other hand, shot his commander an enthusiastic thumbs up, his eyes nearly as wide as his grin.

The commander hid a smile behind his hand then took off at a jog to catch up to his captain. Kathryn Janeway had given her orders and he didn't plan on keeping her waiting.

Author's Note:

Yay for happy endings!

Thanks for reading the whole story. If you enjoyed it, please pass on the love by leaving a quick comment in the reviews or flick me a PM to say hi.

I wasn't planning on writing any other Voyager stories at this point, but there is one new idea kicking around in the back of my head. If it turns into something worth your time, I'll be sure to let you know!

[Update: 10/5/20 - I've just started posting 'A Day at the Races'. It's another short-fic - something light and funny this time, filled with J/C fluff. Click on my profile & check it out if you get the chance!]