"Kelly...Kelly...hey Kelly are you awake?"
"Ya-aaah!" Kelly shot up in bed and opened his eyes, it took a few seconds to actually register with him that the room was dark and Casey was hovering over him on the bed.
"What's going on?" he asked dazedly.
"Can we talk?" Casey asked.
Kelly was frazzled by the sudden wakeup call and turned his head to make sure Stella wasn't in bed with him, then he remembered that she'd gone home after the party had let out.
"Sure," he slowly answered as he scooted over to the other side of the bed.
Casey climbed in beside him and pulled the covers up. He lay alongside Kelly, who stared up at the ceiling and wouldn't look at him.
"You're not still mad at me, are you?" Casey asked.
"I wasn't mad," Kelly answered defensively.
"I told you everything," Casey said, "I told you why I did it."
"Yeah, but you actually meant the things you said, didn't you?" Kelly replied.
Casey sighed, "I didn't mean to hurt you...I just wanted you to back off so you wouldn't find out what was really going on, I figured if I pissed you off you'd avoid me like the plague, as usual, and everything would be clear until the party."
"But you meant what you said," Kelly said. He still wouldn't look at Casey, but he added, "I feel like an idiot that I never realized what was going on, but you were right. Between everything that's happened the past few months, I haven't been around as much, I'm sorry."
"I know," Casey said, "but it's not your fault, it just happened, that's the truth of it...that's the only part that was really true, everything's changing, we're all changing, our lives are changing, nothing stays the same."
"Yeah, and you're really moving out," Kelly replied dejectedly.
"This was never supposed to be a permanent arrangement, Kelly," Casey pointed out.
"It wasn't a problem," Kelly told him. He continued to stare up at the ceiling and added, "I didn't think it was anyway...if you're so anxious to leave I must've been a lousy friend if I couldn't even see what was happening."
Casey softly smiled, "Kelly, I'm not moving out because I hate you, I'm moving out because I care too much about you and Kidd to interfere."
"You make it sound like an ultimatum," Kelly said, "Like I have to choose between the two of you."
"Yeah?" Casey shrugged, "That's usually how it works. Once the relationship becomes serious, everybody else takes the backseat. That's the way it always is."
"I don't want it to," Kelly told him. "I don't want everything changing, not that much."
Casey reached over and absently raked his fingers through Kelly's hair and over his scalp. "Kelly, you had to know this day was coming sometime."
"I did...I just tried not to think about it," Severide responded.
Casey almost laughed. "Exactly how long did you think I'd be staying here?"
"I don't know...I just, kind of thought...like, forever?"
Casey slammed his head against the pillow, trying not to laugh.
"When're you leaving?" Kelly asked.
Casey looked at him and answered, "I found a place for rent, I'll be moving in next week."
"Why so soon?"
"I figured it'd be easier if I move out a couple days before Kidd moves in, make the transition a little easier," Casey answered. "It's just 12 blocks away, Kelly, it's not that far."
"But it's not here," Severide responded, well aware of the whine in his voice and not caring how he sounded, "I don't want you to leave...but I don't want you staying here if you don't want to be here."
Casey smiled at him, "Kelly, I've loved it here, you took me in when I had nowhere else to go and nobody else would help me...you have no idea what that means to me."
"Yeah, I do," Kelly looked at him, "because you did the same thing for me."
Casey nodded as he remembered. "And when you decided it was time to move out, did I try to talk you out of it?"
"Yes," Kelly answered.
"You're right, I did...but you insisted," Casey said, "you knew when the time was right...I think the time's right for me now."
Kelly turned on his side facing away from Casey. Matt clapped a hand on Kelly's back and told him, "You and Stella will be so busy you won't even have time to notice I've gon-"
He felt something in Kelly's muscles under his hand, but he couldn't quite place it. He was also aware of a sound in the night air that didn't belong. He held his breath and waited to see if he could figure out what it was, after a few seconds he realized the sounds were Kelly's breathing. His breaths were slow and stretched out, trying to sound like his regular breathing, but it wasn't, something was different that Casey couldn't pinpoint right away, but he listened, and he realized what it was. A small shaky sound in every breath, and they gradually became more noticeable, longer, and louder.
"Kelly?" Casey's hand trailed up his back, "Kelly, what is it?"
Reluctantly, Kelly turned over, there was just enough light coming in the window from the streetlamp outside that Casey could see a tear streaking down the side of Severide's face.
Any restraint Kelly had been holding onto fell away and his voice broke as he opened his mouth and told Casey, "I don't want you to go."
It was so random and unexpected that Casey almost laughed, in truth he had no idea how to respond to that.
"Kelly-"
He couldn't figure out what to say, he pulled Severide against him in a tight hug and felt the vibrations from Kelly's chest as he cried.
"Why do you have to leave?" Kelly weakly asked as he clung to Matt.
"It's just time for me to do this, Kelly," Casey explained, "I'm only going to be 5 minutes away, we'll still see each other all the time."
"But it won't be the same," Kelly tearfully replied.
Casey lightly nodded in agreement but said in response, "But, maybe it'll be better this way."
Kelly's whole body spasmed against Casey's as he choked on a sob. Casey still couldn't figure out why this was affecting Kelly so hard, but it hurt him to hear his best friend crying, even more so to know he was the cause of it. He felt tears building up in his own eyes but his voice stayed strong and calm as he raised one hand to the back of Severide's head and assured him, "Kelly, it's going to be alright."
"No it's not," Severide argued, sounding very much like a small child and either not aware of this or not caring that he did. After a minute or so he finally managed to form the next words, "How-how am I gonna know if you're alright?"
"What're you talking about?" Casey asked.
"Wh-what if something happens again and I'm not there?" Kelly asked. "L-like when those bastards torched your apartment or...when Jack Nesbitt killed Katya and kidnapped you? You-you-you were safe h-ere...I knew you were safe...w-what's going to happen now?"
Casey's eyes widened in surprise, "Is that what this is about?"
"I didn't have to worry about you here because I knew you were safe...how am I gonna know you're okay when you're gone? I can't stand the thought of getting a phone call from the cops saying something happened and you didn't make it," Kelly admitted.
In spite of the whole situation Casey still felt a laugh somewhere in him threatening to cut loose. It never dawned on him that any of this was going through Kelly's head. He'd figured that Kelly wouldn't be 100% on board with his decision to move out and there would be a small argument about him staying, but he never would've thought it'd be anything as bad as this.
"Kelly, I'm..." he shook his head, the words weren't coming to him, "I appreciate your concern..."
"I love you."
Casey's eyes widened in the dark.
It was so rare, after he'd found out that Renee had cheated on him during their engagement, that Kelly ever used that word with anyone, with the women he slept with, with his best friend. Casey knew that Kelly had said it to him at some time in the 20 years they'd known each other, but he couldn't remember when or where. It caught him off guard now, that's when he knew just how serious this was.
"I love you too, Kelly," he told the distraught man, "I'm not moving out because of anything you did, I'm doing it because you and Stella need to be by yourselves, you deserve it."
He felt Kelly's head press in the crook between his neck and shoulder and felt the tremors that accompanied the hiccuping sob forcing its way out of him. Casey still felt very confused by what was going on, but he rubbed Kelly's back assuredly and softly told the Squad lieutenant, "It's going to be alright, Kelly, everything's going to work out."
When Casey woke up the next morning he found a literal weight on his chest that prevented him from getting up, that being Kelly's head pressed against one side of his chest as the dark haired man obliviously slept. Matt wasn't sure what time it was when Kelly finally wore himself out from crying and fell asleep, but he knew it wasn't long enough to be waking him up now, but it was the time they regularly got up and started the day.
He raised the arm that wasn't pinned under Severide and tapped the sleeping lieutenant on the shoulder, and watched as Kelly moved but didn't stir yet, Casey poked him again, this time he turned over and his eyelids started fluttering.
"Hey," Matt said as he waited for Kelly to wake up, "You okay?"
"Hmm?" Kelly grumbled as he opened his eyes and looked around. It took a few seconds but he finally seemed to click on where he was and what had happened, he let out a small groan in remembrance.
Casey ran his hand through Kelly's short graying hair and asked again, "You alright?"
Kelly groaned again and answered as he got up, "Yeah, I guess so...sorry about last night."
"You can't help what you're feeling," Matt pointed out as he also got out of bed, "but I wish you would've told me sooner."
Kelly turned and looked at him, "I know how it sounds to say this...but the whole thing just sounded so stupid, I didn't plan to tell you any of it."
"Well I'm glad you did," Casey told him, "I had no idea you were so worried about me."
"Seriously?" Kelly replied. "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't worry? You were nearly killed in your own home twice, and now you're getting your own place and I'm not going to be there to-"
Kelly stopped himself before the last words came out, but Casey could guess all the same what they were. He closed the distance between the two of them and said to Kelly, "I'm flattered that you think it's your job to protect me, Kelly, but I'm going to be okay." He could tell by the look on Kelly's face that he wasn't entirely convinced. Casey couldn't resist adding in a slightly patronizing tone, like a child humoring his parents, "I promise to call every night and let you know how I'm doing, okay?"
He'd thought Kelly would laugh it off, but the Squad lieutenant looked at him as if he was seriously considering it.
"I don't want you to leave, Casey," he said reluctantly, "But I know I can't force you to stay here either."
"It won't be that bad, Kelly," Casey stepped over to him, "It's a nice apartment, it's on the ground floor so if anything happens I can get out quick, if I have to I can break a window and hit the ground running, trust me, I've given this a lot of thought and I'm making sure the place I move in is as safe as possible. I also made sure it was somewhere close by so we can visit regularly."
A small laugh got past Kelly's lips as half of his mouth turned up in a small smile.
"I just...I hate to see you go, I've loved having you here."
"I've loved being here," Casey said, "but it was only supposed to be temporary, you and Kidd are starting a new chapter in your lives, you don't need me intruding on it."
"And you?" Kelly asked. "Are you starting a new chapter?"
Casey looked at him and paused before answering, "I guess you could say that."
"With Brett?"
Casey scowled at him, "I told you-"
"I know, I'm sorry, I was just, curious," Kelly said.
Casey shook his head, "I'm starting this chapter alone."
He didn't miss the look in Kelly's eyes when he said that.
"It'll be fine, Kelly," Casey told him, "I've loved being here but honestly I think I need to learn how to live on my own again."
"You know you're welcome here at any time," Kelly said.
Casey nodded, "I know, and I appreciate it."