Thank you for your continued support and your kind concern.
Standard disclaimer.
The clambake was tonight, and it had been drizzling all day.
But fall days are unpredictable, and Marley said, they'd have large tents set up, to shield the party-goers from the elements.
Jake, had apparently been working on shucking corn all day, with his frat buddies.
They'd also been hitting the keg early, and he was napping before the big party.
I figured, this was the night I needed to get my shit together…take back control of my life.
Sam had too much of a hold on my thoughts and fantasies, and I needed a reality check.
I'd gotten to a point in my life, where I was contented...worked hard, attended classes, and had good friends.
Before, when I was horny, I'd call Brody, or pick up guys at parties or bars and make out with them, let them feel me up, or let them get me off.
It made me feel desirable and a little less solitary, for that short period of time.
Plus, I played by my own rules.
I was in control.
Simple as that.
I didn't need anything more complicated.
Besides, it was now blatantly obvious, that Sam was done with me as well.
Maybe the girl he had gone to meet at the bar, the other night, was the one he'd begun dating, before he met me. In any case, he seemed done with me.
Marley and Quinn honked, for me to come out, just as I was texting Adrian.
He told me all had been quiet on the home front. Mom was going out with her girlfriends tonight, and he and Angela were staying in, to watch a movie.
I made sure to dress warm. Skinny jeans, red sneakers, and a thick black sweater.
When I slid into the back seat, Quinn squealed and shouted,
"Let's get laid tonight, bitches." We high-fived each other and were on our way.
The rain subsided, so the two-block trek from the car, was pleasant.
The temperature was warmer than expected, so when my sneakers got wet from all the puddles, I didn't mind so much.
I could have walked to the party from my apartment, but Marley had insisted on picking me up, because of the rain.
The white tents were gleaming against the night sky and the smell of clam broth was in the air.
It reminded me of Autumn...crisp leaves, and cozy nights.
Quinn grabbed us some beers, from one of the coolers lining the fence, while Jake pulled Marley into a mini make-out session.
Quinn and I chugged our first beers, while we checked out the crowd.
The usual suspects were there…frat guys and sorority girls, jocks, friends of friends, and everyone in between.
It was one of the frat's biggest parties of the year.
I knew Sam might be here, and I wondered, if he'd brought a date.
I planned on staying far away from him and finding my own guy tonight.
The beer felt good going down, and when Quinn moved in on a group of jocks, smoking in the garage, I headed off to grab another.
Jocks were Quinn's specialty.
I figured it was because, she was missing her ex-boyfriend, who was a star football player.
I knew for certain, she'd hooked up with at least, two of those guys in the garage before.
I told her, I'd join her, after my next drink, but I knew none of them would appeal to me. And I was afraid, no one would ever compare to Sam.
I popped open my beer and stopped to warm my toes, at the huge bonfire in the backyard.
The smell of weed was in the air, and I noticed some blonde chick, passing a roach, to one of the guys, sitting in the lawn chair by the fire.
Sam was standing directly behind her, next to Noah and a tall, pretty brunette.
I shut my eyes to steady my breathing.
I felt like I'd never be rid of him. Like he'd haunt me until I either graduated or moved, or both.
I wondered if this girl was the one, he'd met up with the other night, or if he'd decided the same thing as me…to move on to someone else tonight.
The song Fix You by Coldplay, was blaring through the speakers and I couldn't help but snicker, at the absurdity of this moment.
Me, across from Sam...the guy I wanted to sleep with…and who was I kidding, just be with…but I couldn't, because I needed some heavy duty fixing.
And I wasn't ready or willing to be fixed by anybody.
Noah spotted me and waved me over.
I shook my head, hoping to get away with a simple nod instead. But he wasn't going for it.
He walked over and pulled me around the fire, to stand close to Sam and the brunette, whose fingers were now sliding up his sleeve.
"Hey, Evans, look who I found," Noah announced, slinging his arm around me.
Sam did a double take, gave a curt expressionless nod, and then turned his attention back to the girl.
My stomach clenched so tightly, I felt like I might puke.
For some reason, his indifference hurt worse than his anger.
What the hell was wrong with me?
I came here to have a good time with my friends and find someone else to make out with. To be in control of my own emotions, not the other way around.
I thought of something to say to Noah, that wasn't as dumb, as asking him what his major was.
"So, are you still moving into my building at the end of this month?"
"Change of plans," he said sheepishly. "Now, it'll be the end of the semester. I couldn't get out of my other lease, as easily as I thought I could."
"Got it," I said, trying like hell to keep my eyes on him, instead of sliding them over to Sam and the girl.
In my peripheral, she was doing some major hair flipping and hip jutting.
And apparently, she cracked him up, too, because, right at that moment, he howled with laughter at something she'd said.
Noah leaned closer to me.
"He's not with her, by the way." I shrugged, trying to keep my shaking hands at my sides.
"It's okay if he is. In case you haven't heard, we're just friends."
"Well, in case you haven't heard, my boy's got it bad for you," he said, shooting a look at Sam over my shoulder.
"And he's like, the best guy I know. So, you should give him a chance." My heart was thrashing in my chest, from his words.
"It's a bit more complicated than that, Noah."
"I hear you. No strings attached and all that," he said, obviously having heard, a few choice details from Sam.
"But if I found a girl, I had that much chemistry with, I wouldn't want to let her go so easily, either. Just saying."
We do have undeniable chemistry, me and Sam, that was for sure.
I could feel the undercurrent in the air this very instant, yanking at my core. It was thick and suffocating.
Not knowing what else to say, I took a step back and said, "I'm gonna go find my friends."
I felt Sam's gaze bearing down on me, so I looked his way.
Heat, uncertainty, and anger, seemed to roll off of him.
The brunette was trying to get his attention, but he wasn't having it.
I could barely catch my breath.
I backed away, until I was under the canopy, of the giant maple tree, at the rear of the property.
I tilted my head, to look up at the top branches and colorful leaves.
My cheek was pelted with a fat raindrop, and it cooled my heated face.
The tree sheltered me, as the drops came faster and heavier.
Everyone else sprinted to the protection of the tents. But I chose to disappear behind the trunk of the tree instead.
I caught my breath and had a good talk with myself, about burying my feelings for Sam, once and for all.
I need to be focusing on school, Adrian, and my career.
Behind the tree was quiet and dark, like I was in my own little secluded world.
Until the rain came through the leaves, in hard sheets and drenched me.
I pushed away from the tree, to make a run for the tent. And all at once, I saw a blur of red and I was forced against the tree trunk, the bark digging into my sweater.
Sam's soaked hair swung against my forehead. His hands gripped my face, and his mouth sealed over mine, fusing our wet lips and tongues together.
I scraped my fingertips up his chest to his hairline and felt him tremble against me.
My heart thudded against my rib cage, as Sam's mouth devoured me…like he was pouring all of his frustration into me.
We were sopping wet, our clothes clinging to us, and the rain wasn't letting up anytime soon.
I swept my tongue across his lips and the hottest freaking growl, erupted from his mouth.
He flattened his body against mine, crushing me with the weight of his passion.
"Is this how you like it?" he mumbled, but my mind couldn't register what he was asking.
It had turned into a foggy haze and I couldn't even remember the letters of the alphabet, at that point.
Sam was entirely lips, fingers and raw passion and I felt his arousal pulsing against my stomach.
His hands were rough, and they rushed down my body to palm my ass.
He lifted me off the ground, and my legs gripped his waist.
"Tell me you want this."
He slid down to the grass with me straddling him, and all I could do was moan into his lips.
It was as if, all the pleasure receptors in my brain, had expanded and then shot rapidly into my core, setting me on fire.
He licked the water from my neck and then moved up to my mouth.
His lips fastened around my tongue and he sucked it hungrily, while I whimpered against him.
His hands moved to my breasts and he thumbed my nipples in a frantic and angry rhythm.
"Is this how the other guys do it?" I jerked back from him and went completely still, as a memory washed over me.
'Is this how you let your boyfriend touch you? He's too young to know what he's doing. Let me make you feel good.'
Sam kissed me hard again and I wrenched myself out of his grasp.
"You let every other guy have you. You give away pieces of yourself like they're candy," he ranted. And I went rigid, trying to make sense of this different side of Sam.
He looked lost and miserable and desperate.
"Maybe, this is the only way, you'll want me...if I pretend to be like them." And then another memory made my throat seal shut, as I struggled for a decent breath.
'What is with you, Mercedes? We've been planning our first time for weeks. I'm so fucking hard, I need a release. Let's just do this.'
I smacked Sam hard across the face and then pushed myself off the ground.
He was stunned into silence.
He shot up, his hands shaking, and tried to reach for me, but I backed away.
"They don't make me feel anything. Not. One. Damn. Thing." I shoved against his chest and his face crumpled.
"But you…you already own a piece of me. Don't you get it?" I yelled, stumbling back.
"Wait, Mercedes. I'm so sorry." His voice sounded rough and tortured.
"Please don't walk away."
I stood frozen under the tree, the rain pelting my body, my eyelashes gluing together.
"I don't know what else to do. I can't stop thinking about you. I want you so damn much," he lamented. I turned to him.
"What you want from me is too goddamn scary. I can't…I can't..." My shoulders shook, as sobs wracked my body.
"What happened to you, Mercedes?" His arms gripped me from behind and his lips closed in on my ear. "Please. Please tell me."
"Just"…I pushed out of his grasp "...leave me the fuck alone!"
I took off running.
Away from Sam. Away from my memories. Away from my fucked-up feelings.
As soon as I got home, I jumped in the shower and stood under the scalding hot water, to wash it all away.
Marley left me a dozen texts messages, until I finally replied that I was fine and going to bed.
Sam banged on my door and pleaded with me to talk to him.
I ignored him, until he finally gave up and went away.
Oh Boy! Will these two ever get it together? Stay safe! Much love to you.