Thank you for your continued kind support.

I hope each chapter finds you and yours in good health and may you all be safe in these uncertain times.

Standard disclaimer.

Sam and I saw each other regularly, the next couple of weeks.

We hung out at the corner bar for drinks, met at the campus coffee shop between classes, and ordered takeout while we studied together.

We both agreed, not to get into the habit, of sleeping in each other's beds.

Though I was willing to give this trust thing a try, I wasn't ready to enfold myself in his life completely.

One thing was for certain...it was hard to leave Sam, after a marathon make-out session on my couch, or at his door.

I wanted so much, to ask him to stay and fall asleep with me, but I keep holding myself back. And I could tell he was, as well.

When I allowed him go down on me the other night, it was the most intense orgasm I'd ever experienced. And although, I have climaxed during sex with other men, it was just a means to an end for me.

So, letting go and trusting him on a whole different level...one where emotions were involved...had been intense, heady and completely satisfying.

But, I was still scared of losing myself completely in Sam. And signs of it were already showing.

It started with the night, of the almost-break-in at my window.

Not that it was Sam's fault, but the thought of allowing someone to infiltrate my life, made me feel defenseless.

It was terrifying and sweet and exasperating, all at the same time.

Brody had texted me twice that week, and I decided to be honest with him.

I told him I'd met someone and was giving things a chance.

Sam and I have never labeled what's between us...and we've never said we were exclusive, but there was an unspoken understanding there.

Besides, seeing any hurt or jealousy in those green eyes, would be painful.

Brody: Is this because of that guy...your neighbor?

Me: It's really none of your business. Why do you ask?

Brody: Could tell something's been different about you lately.

Me: Guess it's just time to move on, Brody.

Brody: Sure, understood. One question though? If I'd wanted more, would it have made a difference?

Whoa, what?

Brody had never given me that impression.

I've always thought, we had a clear and mutual understanding.

Part of me felt awful.

He was a decent guy.

And maybe, he was searching for something...or someone...more meaningful, too. Not that I was actually ever searching.

But I didn't want to lead him on.

So, I needed to be completely up front with him.

Me: Geez Brody...I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. The honest truth is...probably not.

Brody: That's cool. Take care, Mercedes. You know where to find me.

I could almost hear the disappointment resonating from his words, and as I sat staring at our exchanged dialogue, I was filled with a hollow regret.

Adrian and his girlfriend were coming up for the weekend.

I got Saturday off work and made some casual dinner plans for us.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to introduce Sam to my family, but as the weekend drew nearer, I realized that I wanted him there.

Sam: What time is your brother coming in?

Me: Noon. Want to grab dinner with us, at that Mexican restaurant on First?

Sam: Sounds good. See you later.

Adrian and Angela made a cute couple.

The way my brother doted on her, had me a bit worried, until I saw, that she was just as sweet on him.

The day was beautiful, the leaves were in full color, and Angela admired how quaint the town was.

I drove them around the university campus, since both were considering applying there.

I showed them the bookstore and the library, the admissions office, and the buildings in which, most of my nursing classes were located.

We parked in the square, near the campus and walked to all the little shops, browsing, as the two of them, got a feel for the place.

Marley met us for lunch, at the campus coffee shop, one of our favorite places to eat.

They had a great selection of soups and sandwiches there, so, it was a good way to introduce my brother and Angela, to a little part of our world.

Marley had always loved Adrian and wanted to catch up with him, but, she also wanted to meet his new girlfriend and give her approval.

She was almost as protective of Adrian, as I was. And I understood why.

After what had happened to her brother, I didn't question her motives, her love, nor her loyalty to Adrian.

It was a primitive response, to the hell she and her family had been put through.

"Adrian," Marley squealed. "Get over here and give me a hug."

Adrian grinned, hugged her, then introduced her to Angela.

"I love your hair," Angela said, reaching out to touch Marley's waves. "I try to get mine that wavy, but it never work."

"I like her already," Marley said, nudging Adrian's shoulder.

We stood in front of the coffee shop, and I saw a line forming at the counter.

"I'll grab us some seats before they fill up," I suggested.

I plopped my coat down on a chair, to reserve a table in the back corner and then joined the three of them in line.

Adrian and Marley were busy catching up, and Angela asked me, what sandwiches were good.

"The turkey bacon is probably my favorite, but the others are good, too," I said and then, "So, your parents were okay with you coming up this weekend?"

"Totally. They adore Adrian. He's over at our house a lot. Especially...if your mom...has company on the weekends."

My stomach tightened with that familiar tension.

"How often is that happening, lately? Be honest with me."

"Maybe once a month."

'At least the broad had slowed down since I left.' I nodded, then said to her,

"Angela, do me a favor. Make sure to stay away on those weekends?" I knew Adrian was protective of her, but I was still worried.

"Adrian doesn't let me come over on weekends, actually," she said, her cheeks growing rosy. "I get why he insists."

God, I was so proud of my brother. I pulled him into a hug from behind and stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"What was that for?" he said.

"Just because I love you." I ruffled his hair.

He shrugged and turned back to Marley. They were discussing her other brother, who was gearing up for basketball season with Adrian.

Angela gently touched my arm, gaining back my attention.

"My parents were thrilled, that we were coming to see the campus," she said. "And since they knew we were staying with you, they were cool with it."

I bit my fingernail.

"Would they be cool with it, if they knew I only had one air mattress for you guys to share?" Angela blushed a harsh shade of crimson.

"You don't have to worry about us, Mercedes. We would never..."

"Oh gosh, Angela, I didn't mean it like that," I said, gripping her shoulder. "I just meant...a good big sister would have planned that part more carefully. But I trust you guys to behave yourselves at my house."

There was that word again...trust.

If they only knew what I did back in high school.

There were no sexcapades until college, but plenty of making out...on my terms...mostly to rid my mind of Brian and Tom.

It was our turn next, to place our orders, and I treated everybody to lunch.

I took bites of my turkey bacon sandwich, while Marley talked about her psychology classes.

Angela was interested in social work, as her major and also wanted to know about dorm life.

But I had never experienced the dorms like Marley, so I left that part to her.

For a while, I had commuted to campus, from my teeny efficiency apartment close to home, so I could keep my eye on Adrian.

I only felt comfortable moving farther away, when he had turned into a six-foot-two, two-hundred-pound hulking high school junior.

"Look who's here," Marley said, between bites of her sandwich. "It's Mercedes' new boyfriend."

My head jerked around, spotting Sam, clear across the other side of the room, with Noah and two girls.

Sam's and Noah's backs were to us, giving me a clear view of their company.

The girl nearest Sam, had a pixie cut with flowery tattoos up and down both arms and a nose ring.

The other girl leaned over a book, close to Noah, black hair spilling over her shoulders, as they talked and laughed.

Sam was having an animated conversation with tattoo girl. 'Pretty tattoo girl.'

Maybe, he had more in common with her, than with someone like me.

A ball of jealousy lodged in my throat, although I'd cleared it several times.

When I turned my attention back to our table, I realized no one was speaking.

Adrian was staring at me, his mouth slightly ajar.

"You have a boyfriend?" he asked.

"No," I said, shaking my head, a little too forcefully. "Just someone I'm getting to know. I actually invited him out to dinner with us tonight."

Although now, I wanted to rescind my invitation, pronto.

"Bitch, you were so shooting daggers at tattoo girl just now," Marley said.

"I was not," I said through gritted teeth. "Besides, it's not like we're exclusive or anything. You know I wouldn't want that."

Marley twisted her bottom lip and Adrian studied me intently.

"What?" I barked at him.

"I...I just...I haven't seen you like this...in a long time."

"Like what?" I was so ready to be done with this conversation.

"Interested in a guy," he said, his voice soft and timid, like he thought I'd rip him a new one, any moment now. "I was actually starting to worry that you..."

"That I what?" I snapped and saw how Angela gripped his hand.

"That you..." His jaw ticked, and Angela shook her head. "...that you had more in common with mom, than you'd ever admit."

His words were like a slap in the face, and I immediately sprang up, angry.

"Screw you, Adrian." A flash of hurt masked his features, but he had hit a nerve.

"No, sis...please listen to me," Adrian pleaded. Angela put her face in her hands, not knowing what else to do.

"Sit your crazy ass down, before you make a scene," Marley hissed. "Let your brother explain himself."

I sat down reluctantly, despite wanting to bolt right out the door.

My heart was slamming against my chest.

"Damn you, Adrian. Mom and I are nothing alike."

He sighed.

"All I meant was...you used to be different. Not so cynical. When you were with Brian, you were happy, at least most of the time. I just...liked seeing you like that."

"I know. But lots of things changed after that. I've seen too much. And I made a conscious decision to be alone. To take care of myself," I said, reaching for his hand across the table. "I haven't been with anyone, because, I chose not to be. And mom isn't with anyone, because, she chooses fucked-up men."

"She's right," Angela said, to my surprise. His girlfriend was coming to my defense. "Adrian, your sister is fiercely independent, and I admire that about her."

"Me, too," he said. "I just want her to be happy. Like we are."

"She will be," Angela said. "When she's ready."

I was speechless.

My brother and his girlfriend were having a conversation about me, as if I weren't even there.

I let out an exasperated breath.

I knew my brother wasn't trying to be cruel...he was just worried about me. Like I was worried about him.

Marley winked.

"Told you I liked that girl." Then, she stood up and motioned to Angela. "Let's go back up and get some desserts. The cheesecake here, is to die for."

I knew she was just giving Adrian and me privacy, but right now, I was ready to throttle him.

"I'm sorry, sis," Adrian said, his shoulders slumping forward.

"I know you are. Just forget about it," I said, sipping my iced tea.

But suddenly, everything, about the way I'd chosen to spend the last few years of my life, came into clear focus.

Sam had told me, I'd given away pieces of myself. And now, Adrian had accused me of being like my mom, with all of her men.

And it all came crashing down on me.

I wasn't giving pieces away...I was keeping them hidden.

I've only given my family and friends a small portion of myself, because I wasn't ready to give all of me.

Not yet.

I should have let Adrian in, told him exactly what happened with Tom.

He was the one person in my life, I protected the most.

But he didn't know the real me. The me, that was trying to become, an improved version of our mom.

The kind of person Grandma would have wanted her to be.

And all these years, I kept telling myself, I was better than my mom.

And in many ways, I was...in huge and important ways.

But not in all the ways that counted. Because, I wasn't letting the person I loved most, inside my world...inside my heart. And I needed to change that...right now.

"I've always had a different relationship with mom than you did," Adrian started, all at once. "Mom always acted like she was competing with you. Like you were more of a friend than a daughter."

He was right. I'd felt that from my mother, too. Like she was afraid I'd steal all her boyfriends or something.

I just didn't know that Adrian had observed it as well.

I winced.

"You noticed that, too, huh?"

"Yeah, I did. She's not a great role model, Mercedes, but she's all we've got. And I get why you moved. Why you wanted to get far away from her."

"Maybe, but you don't know the whole story, Adrian," I said, looking into his piercing hazel eyes, admiring how, he'd turned into this handsome, smart, and strong young man.

"I think I have a good idea," he mumbled, and then looked down, like he was afraid to meet my eyes.

I didn't want him to feel ashamed, or scared to talk to me...knowing what Tom did...tried to do.

I didn't want Tom to do that to us. Take that from us. I wanted us to hold our heads high and be proud of the people we'd become.

I nudged his chin and forced him to look at me.

"You do?" My heart crashed against my rib cage.

"I know it had to do with Tom," he said, meeting my eyes. "I know that after he left, not only was mom a mess, but so were you."

So, he had, put two and two together.

"He did something to you, didn't he?" he asked, his eyes bulging with anger. "He hurt you."

"Yeah, he did. He stole something from me. My innocence...but not all of it. I was able to fight him off...for good."

He looked at me in awe, his bottom lip hanging open.

Then he squeezed his eyes shut. Against the truth. And how harsh it probably seemed.

"Fuck," he said. "Mom didn't believe you, did she?"

"No, she didn't," I whispered.

"Does she now?" His mouth had curled into a grimace. "After he beat the shit out of her?"

"Yeah, she does. Guess it took her a while to, huh?" I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I was tired of feeling resentment, betrayal and anger.

"Hey, listen, little bro," I said, having the urge to cradle him in my arms, like I'd done so many times before, whenever he woke from a nightmare, or fell down on the playground. "I'm a stronger person now. He didn't break me."

Adrian grabbed my hand suddenly.

"Sis, you are the bravest person I've ever known. You've always been there for me. You practically raised me, taught me how to be a decent person."

My eyes filled with tears.

I couldn't speak.

Emotions were overflowing and spilling over the sides.

Love. Gratitude. Pride.

"You showed me how to be smart, to survive, and take care of myself," he said. "And I don't want you to worry about me anymore." I shook my head.

"I won't ever stop worrying."

He was my family. My heart. My home.

"I know I can always count on you. I do," he said. "But, sis, it's time."

"Time." I repeated the word. Felt it roll off my lips. "For what?"

"To live your life. Find your own happiness."

"I am doing that, Adrian," I said, glancing around the café, the scenery coming back into focus for me.

I looked everywhere but at Sam's table. Even though that happiness Adrian was speaking about, might involve him.

He gave me a skeptical look.

"Then prove it to me."

"How?"

"Introduce me to you new boyfriend," he said, a flicker of challenge in his eyes. "Right now. In public. Stop being a chickenshit."

Just then, Marley and Angela came back, with two plates of brownies, cookies, and cheesecake, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I was definitely a chickenshit, and now Adrian was smirking at me.

I stuck out my tongue at him, right before I took a bite of a brownie.

"Really, Mercedes, you want to mess with me right now?" He lunged forward and slung his arm around my neck, before I could back away.

He placed my head in a choke hold...the same move he'd used on me, when we'd wrestle as kids, fighting over a television show, or just messing around.

"I'll kill you," I sputtered, while my fingers tried reaching under his arms, to find his most ticklish spot.

It had always worked, when we were younger, with him dissolving into laughter.

But now, he was too strong. Too grown-up. Too mature for his own good.

"Whoa! If I tried that on her, she'd seriously kick my ass."

I froze, as the sound of Sam's voice washed over me and swept down my back in waves.

Adrian released me, but not before messing my hair with his knuckles. I gave him a good punch in the arm.

"Guess brothers earn that right, though," Sam said, and Adrian looked up at him. I was too busy trying to straighten my hair. Little shit. "You must be Adrian."

"Yes, I am," Adrian said, and reached out his hand to shake Sam's.

"I'm Mercedes' friend Sam. I've heard lots about you."

"Awesome meeting you," Adrian said. And then, "This is my girlfriend, Angela."

Angela waved, and Sam nodded in her direction.

He looked down at me, and his whole face lit up, when our eyes met.

With his warm hands squeezing my shoulders, he said,

"Hi." And I grinned.

"Hi, yourself."

"I was just headed back to work with Laila and Jenny," he said, motioning to where Noah stood with the two girls outside.

"Noah said, to say hi. I'm pretty sure he's sweet on Jenny."

From where I was sitting, it looked that way.

Noah was standing close to Jenny, motioning to something on the sidewalk, whilst secretly glancing at her.

Laila was obviously tattoo girl, and I couldn't help checking her out, at a closer distance. Big boobs, high cheekbones, and skinny waist.

Sam leaned over and whispered in my ear,

"Need to borrow one of my words again?" I elbowed him.

"Nope. Not this time." My jealousy from earlier seemed so ridiculous now.

Sam probably worked with plenty of pretty girls. But it was me that he wanted.

And damn, I wanted him. I just needed to be brave about it. Like Adrian said.

"Good," he said. He kissed my cheek, and I felt myself blush.

"See you guys for Mexican tonight?" Sam asked, backing away from our table, to head out the door.

"Cool. Catch you later, man," Adrian said.

'Phew! That wasn't awkward at all...' I thought to myself and turned back to our table, where everyone was smirking at me.