Author's Note: It's been awhile since I have reread the series but I remember Kikyo becoming softer throughout the series. She didn't appear to be stuck where she emotionally was when she passed away. As I got older I began to understand her feelings more and I wanted to write something about her struggling with those emotions. Not sure if anyone will really be into reading this, but if you do, I hope you enjoy it!
The wind howled through the trees, the leaves rattling in time with the wind. She moved eerily through the forest, like a spirit stuck in limbo. The only company she kept, were her soul collectors, who provided her souls to keep her clay animated body functioning. Pushing her hair from her face she looked up to see the full moon peeking through the clouds.
Kikyo admired the beauty of the moon, how it lit up the sky, and the ground before her. When she was alive she never took the chance to admire the beauty of nature around her, as she was too consumed with the responsibilities of being a ShintÅ priestess. Even though she has a motive to continue now, she didn't want to pass up the opportunity of the second "life" the demon witch gave her.
Kikyo pressed on in her walk, walking over tree roots, avoiding branches that swayed with the wind, she eventually stopped in her tracks when she heard high pitched laughter. Pushing her aura out, she sent her soul collectors away as she quietly walked to the edge of the forest, being mindful of the wind direction so her scent wouldn't blow to the source of the laughter.
She stopped before the edge of the tree line, still hidden by the trees before her as her eyes took in the sight before her. Inuyasha's group were sitting around a fire, cooking fish they had caught as they all chatted away. Her eyes pane over the scene but stopped as Inuyasha let out a laugh with her reincarnation.
Pain shot through her chest, Kikyo grabbed at her kimonos collar, her knees buckled under her as she crumpled to the ground. Kikyo hysterically chuckled to herself, as her hand went limp and fell to her side. She lifted her face up to the sky as she attempted to recompose herself.
"Amazing," she thought, pushing herself off of the ground. "Even after all this time, he still has this affect on me." Kikyo watched Kagome sit next to Inuyasha casually as she chatted away to him. As Kikyo watched Kagome, she couldn't help but think- that should be her. Kikyo was supposed to be with Inuyasha, he was going to become human for her, they were going to live out their days together-
She gasped as she realized where her thoughts were heading. Kikyo attempted to recompose herself, disgusted in herself over her behavior. She's a priestess, she had trained herself to control her emotions, she shouldn't be letting jealousy control her this easily. Kikyo turned to leave when their voices caught her attention again.
Her reincarnation, the demon slayer, and the kitsune announced they were going to bath. This left Inuyasha alone with the monk at the camp. Kikyo coyly smiled to herself, she couldn't pass this opportunity up, even though this is beneath the behaviour she learned as a priestess. But being human made you do selfish things.
Kikyo waited for the trio to leave, making sure they were well away from the camp. Pushing her aura out, Kikyo beckoned her soul collectors to come, allowing them to be as visible as could be, she watched them soar over the trees to come to her, circling her around the tree line.
Kikyo looked to see Inuyasha standing up, already entranced by her soul collectors. The monk grabbed Inuyasha's sleeve, begging him to not leave the camp, to not bring the wrath of her reincarnation upon him. Inuyasha shook the monk off, arguing he owed it to her to come, she smiled as warmth spread through her chest. He was going to see her.
Lifting her arms up she allowed her soul collectors to carry her further into the woods, she didn't have to look back to know the hanyou was following her soul collectors and her scent. Kikyo found a large tree in a small clearing to be set down in front of, she leaned against it, closing her eyes as her collectors circled around her and the tree, giving off an ominous light.
Kikyo kept her eyes closed, listening for the sound of footsteps, the wind howled but her chest thumped loudly when she heard the footsteps enter the clearing.
"Kikyo?"
She looked up and opened her eyes slowly, taking in the somber expression Inuyasha always had when he saw her. If her heart wasn't made of clay, she was sure it would have skipped a beat.
"Inuyasha," Kikyo spoke in a low voice. She watched as Inuyasha took a few more careful footsteps towards her, moving slowly as if she were a timid animal who could run off in a moment's notice.
"What are you doing here Kikyo?" He asked as he stopped a few paces before her. She gave a somber smile.
"I'm following a lead on Naraku, I'm heading to a village north of here that may have one of the Shikon jewel shards." Kikyo explained, she watched him process the information she gave him, he took a step closer to her as his amber eyes shimmered in the moonlight.
"We're heading there tomorrow, leave it to us, you shouldn't go there so late at night." Inuyasha protested, Kikyo slowly allowed herself to be basked in his pride of wanting to protect her, someone who is already dead. How she wishes she were alive to consistently experience this. "It's not safe for you to go in alone."
She took a step closer to him, peering up at him from under her bangs.
"I'm already dead Inuyasha, there's nothing worse that could be done to me." Kikyo remarked. Inuyasha stared at her for a brief moment, his face expressing a quick moment of fear before pulling her into an embrace. His arms wrapped tightly around her, Kikyo closed her eyes as she soaked in the warmth from his chest.
She was torn, she hated the fact she was enjoying his embrace, she shouldn't, as she was already dead and could no longer have normal relationships with men. But she is also a woman, someone who yearns to have the man she dreams of protecting her with his life, and living out her days with this man. She blinked back the tears she could feel coming on.
"Kikyo," Inuyasha spoke softly into her ear, his cheek pressed to the side of her head. "I won't let anything happen to you, not while I'm around. Let me protect you, I owe you my life."
Kikyo internally sighed, as much as she wanted to drag Inuyasha to hell with her, so she could be bound to him for eternity, she knew their time had ended long ago. He was no longer bound to be with her.
"Inuyasha, I am a priestess, I must do this on my own, I am more than capable of protecting myself. I won't allow Naraku to have the upper hand." Kikyo murmured as she pulled away from Inuyasha's embrace, yearning to have his warmth around her once more. One of her soul collectors slowly floated past her, quietly whispering to her that Kagome and the others were on their way.
"I must leave now, " Kikyo softly said as she backed up a few paces. Inuyasha lifted one of his hands as he reached out to stop her from leaving and she gave him a sad smile.
"Your companions are coming, I must take my leave. They are looking for you. We will meet again." Kikyo took a few more steps back, Inuyasha stopped following her once his ears flicked into the direction of his incoming companions, he looked back at her and she could see pain in his amber eyes.
Kikyo turned and allowed herself to be hidden in the shadows of the trees, her soul collectors circling around her once more. She walked further into the forest allowing the howling wind to keep her company. She stopped once she heard his companions asking him about group briefly talked before returning to camp.
Kikyo closed her eyes, her eyes brimming with tears, she tried to blink them back a few times, yet a single tear escaped her eye. Lifting a finger, she gently dabbed at it, and brought it to her eye. The moonlight shone on the tear, illuminating it before her.
Kikyo gingerly wiped it onto her hakama, and took in a sharp inhale of air. She closed her eyes once more as she held in this breath, and slowly let the breath out as she opened her eyes. Kikyo knew she didn't do this to breathe, she required no oxygen as she is dead. Except she did it to help seal her emotions once more, burying the desire to be a woman, to be with Inuyasha in the living realm, to be where her reincarnation stood, to bury the jealousy so deep when the group countered her yet again she would appear emotionless once more.
With her stone face set, she pressed on with her soul collectors, leaving the human emotions behind.