This wasn't exactly what I thought was going to happen when I started to write this story, but I'm not mad about it either. I hope you all enjoy it as well!

I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Tell me if you see any!

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Forcing himself not to run Deeks rushed through the door of the hospital bouncing Isabelle in his arms. His eyes darted around the entrance way for anyone that he recognized hoping that someone was going to be there to tell him what the hell was going on.

There were so many people moving around him that it was almost impossible to get a good look at any of their faces. He knew that he could try to find someone to help him, but they all looked as if they had something important to do. Which made sense since he was in a hospital.

He felt stupid as soon as he thought that. Under any other circumstance he wouldn't have so much trouble focusing on what was going on around him, but nothing about this was normal. At least it wasn't normal for him anymore.

There had been a point in time when the idea of ending up in the hospital was always hanging over his head. Usually hiding behind ending up in a body bag. When he thought things like that he really questioned why he missed his old job so much.

Letting out a breath that had his whole chest rattling Deeks did his best to push those thoughts away and focus on what was happening. The last thing he needed right then was to get lost in his own mind. His family needed him there.

Closing his eyes he tried to get a hold of himself again only to be interrupted by his little girl slapping a damp fist against his cheek. A soft chuckle fell from his lips as he opened his eyes once more to stare down at her.

Even with all the emotions swirling in his mind he couldn't help but smile at her pudgy little face. She was nearly a year old at that point and he loved her with everything that he was. She was his little girl. Nothing would ever change that.

Reaching up he gently grabbed a hold of her hand and brought it forward so he could press a kiss to it. He watched as her mouth fell open in what he hoped was a happy laugh. Without someone else around he was never quite sure, but he thought he was getting better at reading her expressions.

As everyone rushed around not looking at him he found himself focused on her. Through all the changes that he had gone through in the past two years he hadn't thought he'd find any kind of stability. Isabelle had given him that.

He knew that he had a lot to live for in his life, but looking into those azure eyes always made him feel like he could take on the world. Isabelle gave him so much strength and he would do anything to keep her safe.

Even as he thought that though he felt as if he was so much weaker than he needed to be. For her and for everyone on the team. He needed to be strong for them even though he felt like he was going to fall apart at any moment.

It should not be nearly as hard for him as it was. When he had been working he knew that they got hurt all the time. Almost every single day they ended up fighting or in car chases or chasing down suspects. They rarely ended up having to go to the hospital.

The few times they did though it was because something horrible had happened. From getting shot multiple times, stabbed, kidnapped and tortured, and a whole other slew of bull they probably would never truly heal from they all went through things that no one should have to go through. Usually more than once.

When push came to shove though they always survived. Even when the odds were against them and the people they cared for died around them. They survived. They might never be okay after all of it happened, but they survived.

It was something that he had hated. It wasn't as if he wanted to die, but with every new chance at life he got while other didn't he had been forced to wonder if he was doing the right thing. It never felt like he deserved any of the chances he got to live while they didn't.

That wasn't really a risk for him anymore. He didn't go out trying to save the world or anything like that. He was as safe as he was going to be. Everyone else in his life, on the other hand, still had to deal with that day after day. They had to deal with almost dying daily.

Now he was here. Eric had sent him a text saying he had to get to the hospital as soon as possible. There was no name or injury or… While he understood that no important information could be sent via text he still hated it. That seemed to be his default as of late though.

Forcing himself to take a calming breath he lifted Isabelle a little higher in his arm and pulled out his cell phone. His hand shook as he sent a group text hoping that someone checked it and came for him. The last thing he wanted to do was stand in the lobby looking lost.

Before he could put his phone down a message from Nell popped up saying Callen was on his way. A weight that he hadn't even known was there lifted from his shoulders when he read the mans name. He had known that it was possible that his husband had been the one hurt, but he had steadfast refused to think any further than 'someone' had been hurt.

Closing his eyes he let his mind think about everything that had happened so far. Eric had sent him a text bringing him to the hospital so he knew the tech was fine. Nell also sent a text and mentioned Callen by name so they were fine as well. That left Sam, Kensi, and Hetty.

It was highly unlikely it would be Hetty so that meant it was either Sam or Kensi. The idea that he could possibly be close to losing one of those two terrified him even as guilt bubbled up when he realized how glad he was it wasn't his husband that was hurt.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder causing his eyes to shoot open as his grip tightened on his daughter. It took a moment for him to realize that it was Callen in front of him. Sighing softly he relaxed a bit before taking in the man.

Tears glistening in his eyes practically illuminating the anger and heart break. He wasn't wearing the same clothes he left the house in and they were slightly damp so he probably had to take a shower. His entire body was tense as if he was trying not to shake.

In that moment it was clear to him that Sam had been the one hurt. Shaking his head at the realization he stepped forward and wrapped his free arm around his husband pulling him into a hug without smashing Isabelle.

Pressing a kiss to the side of his lovers head he pulled back to give him a sad smile. Callen didn't bother trying to smile back. Instead he simply held his arms out like he always did when he wanted to take Isabelle. He didn't hesitate to place her in his waiting arms.

As soon as she was close Callen cuddled her against him his head resting on hers. Deeks found himself watching as a frown came to the little girls face. She looked so sad as she placed a hand on her Papa's face tugging it until he finally looked at her before she leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips.

A broken smile came to Callen's lips tears slowly starting to drip down his face. Taking his husbands hand he gave a slight squeeze. With a shake of his head Callen seemed to come back to himself and started to lead him to the stairwell. It wasn't all that shocking that he wanted to walk. He always liked to more when he was feeling too much.

At least that's what he had thought. They barely made it up two floors before Callen stopped and leaned against the wall. Deeks watched worriedly as the older man slowly slid down to the floor. He looked so broken right then and he had no idea what to do.

"-me," he caught Callen saying as he turned his head just enough for him to see his lips.

Cocking his head to the side Deeks found himself wondering if his husband had done that on purpose. Was he trying to talk to him about what had happened or was he just talking? Did it really matter?

Kneeling in front of the older man Deeks lifted his hands hoping he'd be able to get some kind of answers only to stop when he noticed that the eyes he loved were focused on their daughter. There was a small part of him that wanted to drag his attention to him so they could talk, but he knew better.

Over the short amount of time Isabelle had been a part of their family he had seen how Callen reacted when he came home after a case. It didn't matter how long or short or whether it ended good or bad it ended his first stop was always her. Holding onto her as if she was the most precious thing on the planet. Which he couldn't blame him for.

There were nights when Deeks woke up from nightmares of things that had happened in the past and things that he was still terrified might happen in the future and all he could do was go into his little girls room and watch her sleep. There was something so peaceful about it.

Callen needed that at the moment. If there was anyone on the planet that could help his husband it would be her. Not that she could actually be the one to helped him through what happened that day. For a lot of reasons she couldn't do that.

He might be able to though. At least he could try. It had been awhile since he had been a detective, but that didn't mean that he couldn't be there for the older man. He just needed to do… He needed to follow Callen's lead.

He understood that talking was both the last and the first thing on his mind and yet that was what he needed. It was something that everyone working in law enforcement learned at some point in time. You couldn't solve your problems yourself. You needed a partner.

That was what Callen needed from him. He might not be able to hear what was being said, but that didn't mean that it didn't need to be said. So he'd be there for the man he loved. It wasn't as if he couldn't find out what happened at a later time.

Turning around he dropped down fully so he was sitting next to the man staring at the stairs in front of them. Nothing happened for a moment. Then Callen seemed to all but deflate in front of him. The only thing that didn't change was his grip on Isabelle holding her tight against his chest.

Not knowing what else to do Deeks pressed himself against his husbands side his hand coming out to rest on his thigh and waited. If Callen needed a minute to collect himself than that would happen. They just had to breathe for a little bit and wait.

Licking at his lips he rested his head on Callen's shoulder his hand drawing random shapes against his leg. It probably wouldn't help but he hoped that the man would feel a little better knowing that he wasn't alone.

Deeks had no idea how long they stayed sitting there before he felt the older mans shoulders rise and fall in a way he had come to learn was a sigh. Blinking a few times he lifted his head and turned to look at him.

It was as if he had aged fifty years. His eyes were red and puffy with tears that silently streamed down his face. His lips were dry like he had been licking at them all day. His shoulders were slumped like he was carrying the weight of the world. He looked nothing like the man Deeks loved.

"It should have been me," Callen mouthed his words coming out slow and precise, "I messed up and Sam is paying for it. If I… Sam's dying and it's my fault. It should have been me."

"Callen," Deeks signed his eyes wide, "You couldn't have-"

"Don't. Deeks, you weren't there. It was a rookie mistake and Sam is going to die because-"

"You don't know he's going to die."

"Deeks..."

Shaking his head Deeks moved around so he was sitting in front of his husband. Reaching out he forced Callen to move until he was sitting cross legged with Isabelle comfortably in his lap. As soon as they stopped moving her hands clapped as if she was expecting to play a game.

He couldn't stop the tears from filling his eyes at the tiny hands grasping for his. She looked so happy. She had no idea that her Uncle Sam was upstairs fighting for his life or that her Papa was right there fighting for his.

Smiling he reached forward and took her hands in his. Her grip was so tight that he couldn't bring himself to pull away. Closing his eyes he forced himself to take a shaky breath. It wasn't as if this would be the first time he spoke since he lost his hearing. He did it all the time with Isabelle.

"It wasn't your fault," Deeks said hoping he sounded as firm as he was trying.

Sky blue eyes were wide as Callen's head jerked up so they were staring at each other. It was the same look he got the first time he heard Deeks talk to their daughter. It was almost as if he had never heard him talk before in his life.

It wasn't all that shocking of a reaction though. He didn't say things out loud anymore unless it was too Isabelle. That wasn't who he was. It needed to be said though. Whether Callen wanted to hear it or he wanted to say it. It had to be said.

"You're not a god, Callen," Deeks continued swallowing past the roughness he always felt when he talked, "You're human just like the rest of us. No matter how good you are mistakes will happen. That's just how this whole thing works. You didn't get Sam hurt."

"Deeks-" Callen tried to interrupt.

"No. I get it. You know I get it. All of us get it. We've all felt exactly how you feel right now. We make mistakes and sometimes people get hurt because of that. Sometimes they die. It sucks and I know there's nothing I can say to change that, but you can't beat yourself up over it either. Things happen. Mistakes happen."

"No one should have that much power."

"No, they shouldn't. Yet you do."

A broken smile came to Callen's lips as he leaned down to press a kiss to Isabelle's hair. Reaching out he placed his hands on top of Deeks and Isabelle's linking them together. For a moment they sat there trying to find some kind of peace in something that seemed like pure chaos.

He watched as the older man closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. It was almost as if he was trying to steel himself for what was about to happen next. It wasn't as if Deeks could blame him. Everything that was about to happen… There were no pretty words to help with the waiting and wondering.

Slowly Callen nodded his head before straightening back up once more. Looking into Deeks eyes he let out one last breath his whole body shaking along with Isabelle's. Pulling his hands back he gently pushed their daughter closer to him. Smiling Deeks pulled the little girl into his arms and stood up.

Callen followed him up a moment later his hands running over his face. He looked so wrong; so broken standing there. All Deeks wanted to do was hold his hand and take him out of the hospital and back home. He wanted to protect him from everything. He couldn't do that though. Callen would hate him if he tried.

"I love you," Callen signed with his free hand.

"I love you too," Deeks whispered before motioning to the stairs, "Come on. Let's go. Let's find out how Sam is."