I'm sorry I kind of got sidetracked and out of my groove on this one, but I'm trying, and I am going to finish this one soon. Probably two chapters going up today. Enjoy, and review please

She hated Arizona.

The heat, the bugs, the fact that it was November and instead of hot chocolate she was drinking iced tea. She hated that Noah seemed so sad without his cousin to play with, she hated that the closest bar was 10 miles away, and even if she did stop in to have a drink after work, she wasn't greeted by her brother handing her a t-shirt so she could make drinks for him. She hated that the holidays were coming and there had been no plans made for ice skating, or seeing the giant tree in Rockefeller center. She looked out her window and saw a cactus instead of city lights and tall buildings. She sat on the couch in the large living room in her large house, she looked around at the space, The Marshalls had gone all out to try and make them comfortable, and she could have fit her entire New York apartment in the new kitchen. She had been here for a month, had left that night, she left the bar and picked up Noah. She put him in his bed and she packed. She packed furiously, shoving things into boxes. There was no organization, no care to any of it, she just cleared out her apartment within a matter of hours. She knew that it would be an adjustment, they wouldn't be happy in Arizona overnight. The more time she spent here, the more miserable she was. She picked up the shadow box off the coffee table.

She had set it there earlier, she had come home early, once Noah had went down for a nap she had decided to unpack some. Once she reached into the box and saw the shadow box she had frozen, she ran her hand over it, knowing exactly what the inside held. She sat up towards the coffee table and brought the box into her lap. She set her glass of wine down on the table where the box had been. She took a breath as she slowly opened the lid. She reached inside and took out the black case, flipping it open slowly she ran her finger across the medal inside. Semper Fi. The post it still stuck to the left side, his medallion on the right. She leaned back on the couch, bringing the black case with her, she held it tight to her chest, over her heart as she let the tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away, and she closed her eyes tight. She hated Arizona because he wasn't in it.

He had screwed up.

His entire life was full of mistakes he had made, he always seemed to be able to fix the stuff he had done wrong, and this was different. He slept with her, he put his hands on her, he made love to her like it had been his dying wish, and then he let her walk away. Twice. He let her go that morning, and he let her go the night at the bar. Had text that night, he had called, he had left 10 voicemails begging her to call him back, to meet him. He had sent flowers the next morning. 3 dozen long stem, blood red roses. By the time they had been delivered, she was gone. He had called Simon, he tried to get her flight information, he was going to chase her down and hand her his heart and soul in the middle of JFK International airport. Simon swore to him that he had no idea what her flight number was, or even what airline they were using. He had hung up the phone defeated, the next month he had been cursing himself for the way things had went down between them, and his kids had stopped by every few days to check on him, each one of them knew how hard this had been. Kathy had even checked in on him from time to time. He regrets not fighting harder, he regrets not saying the words to her. He had practically screamed them at Carrie in the middle of the bar that night, in front of his kids, in front of everyone. Everyone but the one that mattered, he had never said them to her, even after he went outside to talk to her, he had his chance and he blew it, he could have told her, instead he let her walk away. He once again walked through the door of Simon's crowded bar, Friday night and they were slammed, people everywhere, couples everywhere. He headed to the back of the building, the empty table in the back corner and sat down, he clasped his hands together and sat there alone.

Simon had seen him walk in and head to the back without a word, he sighed to himself and waved the waitress off, letting her know that he would handle it. He grabbed two beers out of the cooler and headed towards his table, he sat the bottle in front of Elliot and sat in the seat across from him.

''Thanks'' Elliot said without looking up at him

''She's not gonna just appear here. No matter how hard you wish for her''

Elliot looked at him, his eyes tired. ''I know…''

Simon looked at him. ''You're a good guy Stabler, and you can come here whenever you need to. Just don't torment yourself.'' Simon spoke softly

''Have you talked to her?''

''No…Not really… We've let the kids' skype a few times, but other than that.''

Elliot just nodded taking a sip of his beer.

''You know she feels it, too right?'' Simon watched him as Elliot lifted his eyes to meet his.

'' She left''

''So did you. Doesn't mean you loved her any less'' He spoke honestly

''I never will.'' Elliot said softly as Simon stood up.

''Maybe that's what she's scared of the most'' He said simply as he walked away

Read and Review, Chapter 10 going up soon