Hi my lovely readers. I hope you are all holding up alright. No matter where you are, chances are that we are all in a similar situation right now, and many of us very well might be for the coming weeks. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm planning on using some of my self-isolation time to finish both this fic and The Jump. So look out for more consistent updates from me over the next month or two.
I've broken this section up into two chapters so that I can get you content more quickly. So, enjoy part one of the next stage of our story. The second half is well on its way to being ready for you. Hopefully within a week.
El closed the door to the bedroom that she was staying in and stepped into the hallway. Wood paneled walls surrounded her, dimly lit with winter light from the window placed at the end of the hall. She hoisted her full backpack onto one shoulder and made her way toward the kitchen. Sitting at the table, a coffee cup and newspaper in front of her, she found the woman whom she was seeking.
"Joyce?"
The small woman jumped at El's voice. She looked up, her eyes wide, yet kind.
"Oh! Hi Jane, Sorry. I didn't hear you coming."
"It's okay. Um, I need to go to the library. Do you mind if I borrow your car?"
Joyce nodded immediately, but a quick crease appeared between her eyebrows.
"Of course, I just - Let me find my keys..."
Joyce patted her pockets, coming up empty. She stood up and did a quick sweep of the kitchen before making her way into the living room. Minutes began to pass as Joyce let out tiny grumbles and sighs, shaking out coats and rummaging through couch cushions. She had no luck.
"Do you want some help?"
"No dear, I'll find them! Sorry if I'm holding you up! They're just - where are they?!" She shrugged with an animated fluster and got back to her search.
Over the past five days it had become clear to El that this was exactly the type of woman that Joyce was. A little high strung. Always a tiny bit on edge. Yet, kind beyond belief.
Thoughtful.
She had been absolutely lovely to El ever since El's arrival back from Europe five days back. She'd kept the house quiet during odd hours of the day when El had been sleeping off her jet lag, and she'd made sure that a full meal was always waiting in the refrigerator. It was a blessing when El would wake up hungry in the middle of the night during those first few days.
El could not believe how lucky her Dad had gotten in finding Joyce. Let alone, in finding Joyce for a second time. El smiled every time she thought about it. It was so adorably romantic to think that fate, or something like that, had reunited them. After all this time.
If only she could be so lucky…
El's eyes traced across the telephone that was mounted on the wall. It remained just as it had the entire week: Silent. Unringing. Still.
She swallowed roughly and wrenched her eyes away.
Her gaze landed instead on a wall of photographs to her right. Most of the photos featured Joyce's two sons, Jonathan and Will, when they were little. Jonathan batting at a t-ball game. Will with a science trophy, surrounded by three other excited boys. Beside them was a much newer picture. A quick candid from just two months back. Joyce, beaming in a modest white dress, and her Dad, actually smiling for once in his life.
"I'm going to check my bedroom," Joyce called, catching El's attention as she passed, "I'm sure they'll be in there."
El watched as Joyce turned into the master bedroom at the end of the hall.
It was a nice enough house. Warm. Welcoming. It made sense that her Dad would have wanted to move in when they had gotten married. In fact, it seemed like a no brainer. Joyce had an empty three bedroom house, after all. And with her kids grown and gone? It just made sense.
It was good for her Dad, too. He'd surely needed a change of scenery. Jim Hopper had holed himself up in the same shoddy 2-bedroom rental for as long as El had been in his life. He'd had no attachment to the place, and no plans for the future. This house was a lot better.
Yet, the fact that her Dad had willingly moved back to Hawkins?
That simply blew El's mind.
He hated Hawkins, and he'd never been quiet about it. All through El's teen years her Dad had talked about his hometown with the utmost disdain. He would only visit the town a few times a year. Just long enough to share a quick cup of coffee with his elderly Aunt. Then, he would get the hell out of town as quickly as he could.
It had been on one of those trips, however, when everything had changed. It had changed with nothing more than a simple run in on the street. Totally unexpected and entirely unplanned. With a long lost highschool sweetheart.
He'd been mum about the development at first, keeping it to himself while El had been away in college. Yet, during Fall Break of senior year El noticed... changes. He was calmer. He was drinking less. He was taking phone calls every night after dinner. And after those calls he would always be smiling…
It was adorable. Absolutely frickin' adorable. Her Dad was in love! Again! With his first love!
So, to everyone's surprise, Jim Hopper had followed his heart back to Hawkins. By that spring, plans for a late September wedding were underway. By fall he had gotten the job as the Chief of Police in Hawkins, sealing his fate. He took El to the Indianapolis airport for her trip three days before he moved into Joyce's house.
El had left home when it was Indianapolis. Now, she had now arrived 'home' in Hawkins. She could finally experience this place for herself. And the verdict? Her Dad had been right: This town left a little to be desired. Well, that was an understatement.
Hawkins sucked.
El hadn't been prepared for it. Not at all. She hadn't been prepared for how remote it would feel, especially in this house on the outskirts of town. She didn't know how cold the wind could be in the middle of nowhere. Barren and empty. Stranded and isolated. Far away from everything. Far away from her travels in Europe. Far away from her future plans. Far away from friends. Far away from…
...El's gaze fell upon the phone cord. It was kinked beyond repair. Before she knew it she had taken it between her fingers, pulling on its coils with an agitated tug. The cord somehow showed intense signs of wear.
Yet she could not figure out how.
It wasn't like this phone ever rang.
No one called.
No friends. No family.
Not -
"Found them!"
El dropped the cord immediately and jerked her attention toward Joyce. The woman was trotting down the hall, jangling her keys in the air. "I'm so sorry. I swear, I lose them every day and I never learn."
"It's fine," El took the keys from her new stepmom's fingers, forcing a smile. "Thanks for looking. Do you need anything while I'm out?"
"No, we're all set. But thank you, Jane."
El smiled a little more naturally and shook her head, "You know, you can call me El if you want."
"Really?" Joyce's eyes widened as though she had just received a gift, "I - I wasn't sure. I knew that's what your friends called you. But," she shrugged sheepishly, "I didn't want to assume."
"Yeah, please call me El. I don't even know why Dad introduces me as Jane, he hardly ever calls me that."
"Well, I knew I probably shouldn't start calling you 'Kid', like he does," Joyce said with a wry smile. "But okay. El," Joyce said the name slowly, as though she was trying it out on her tongue. "I have to work at 3:00, so if you can be back by 2:45 that would be great?"
"Sure. And thank you again."
"Anytime." And with that, Joyce smiled and waved before turning back into the kitchen.
El adjusted her backpack and took one step toward the front door… when the phone rang.
El didn't miss a beat. Lunging toward the phone, she snatched the receiver and slammed it to her ear. "Hello?" she yelped with a heart smashing surge.
"Hello, may I speak to Joyce Byers?"
"Oh."
El bit her lip to keep a straight face. She held out the receiver to her stepmom. "It's for you."
"Thanks, El."
The receiver left her hand, leaving it cold. Empty.
Joyce's voice filled the house as El forced her feet to walk out of the front door. The outside greeted her with an icy gust, blistering against her face. She groaned and huddled against the cold as she trudged through the hard packed snow toward the car. Her fingers were already shaking from chill when she scrambled inside and turned the ignition.
The radio blared as the engine struck.
"Then you came to me and my loneliness left me..."
El made a sour face and slammed the car into reverse.
"I used to think I was tied to a heartache
That was the heartbreak, but now that I've found you
Even the nights are better
Now that we're here together
Even the nights are better
Since I found you!"
"OH, COME ON!" El flicked off the radio with so much force that she almost broke off the knob.
"Air Supply?! I'm getting sad to AIR SUPPLY?! I am so. fucking. pathetic!" Jerking the wheel, she turned onto the road and locked her eyes to the road. She worked to control her breath, but the simmering in her chest would not allow itself to be ignored. Her hand slammed against the steering wheel as her voice rose, talking to no one but herself. "No. Not today. You don't have time for this. You have a life to plan!" A stray cat darted into the street. El yelped and slammed the brakes, just barely stopping in time. "And you have to get out of this stupid fucking town!"
She did not have time for this ache in her chest.
She did not have time for the buzzing want that was continuing to highjack her brain.
She did not. have. time. for stupid boys. who chose not to call!
...Even if they'd promised they would.
...Even if they'd seemed so excited when she'd given them her number.
...Even when they'd chased her through the airport to give her such a knee melting kiss that she still hadn't recovered.
No.
Today was going to be different. It wasn't going to be like the day before, or the day before that. Today, she wasn't going to stare at the phone and make a total ass out of herself, asking Joyce every hour on the hour if anyone had called. Today she was going to focus on her own life. On her future. On getting out of this hellhole town before it sucked her in and forced her to stay.
Old ice crunched beneath her as she steered into a parking space in front of the library. She cut the engine and stepped out, slamming the door to the car a little too hard. She pulled roughly on her coat and stalked up the stone steps of Hawkins Public Library.
The relief that she felt when she stepped inside was immense.
This library was particularly quiet. She could make out the distinct hum of the radiator, and it's intermittent knocks. The sound of her decrepit hiking boots was loud against the wooden floors of the entryway. A crinkle of paper cut through the air as an old man turned the page of his newspaper in the far corner of the room.
It was so quiet that she could actually hear past her own thoughts.
Which was good. Because she had work to do.
She took a deep breath and made a beeline for a small bank of computers that were lined up against the far wall. She took a seat at an open station and unpacked her bag with diligent purpose. A box of A4 envelopes. Her favorite pen. The employment directory that her department had given her during her last semester in college. A book of stamps. A single floppy disk.
She arranged it all in front of her, and then picked up the directory. It's spine was unbroken. She regarded it's pristine quality with a hint of regret. Her friends had jumped right into their directories during their last semester of school. Each of them had sent off a slew of resumes. One by one they had found work at agencies around the country directly out of college.
They were all six months into their careers.
El couldn't shake the sensation that maybe she should have done that, too.
Maybe she shouldn't have run off to Europe, seeking adventure instead of stability. Would anyone want to hire a girl who ran away to Europe instead of doing the responsible thing of starting her career? Would there even be any jobs available?
There was only one way to find out.
El felt a pang of nerves as she broke the seam and pressed open the booklet. She rifled past the sparse table of contents and got to the meat of the text: an alphabetical listing of contacts within social service agencies around the region. She skimmed the list, circling potential fits as she went.
Akron Social Services
Camden County Child Support
DCFS - Chicago Branch
Her pen stopped. And in an instant her mind dashed right out of the door of the Hawkins Public Library...
...To snowy streets, bundled up in the bitter chill as wind blew off of the lake, her body huddled into his as they drank hot chocolate in the early sunset. His arm wrapped around her shoulder. His nose red from the cold. His eyes dancing with such warmth that she almost forgot that it was cold at all. Icy kisses mixing with the heat of his breath, warming her as he smiled against her lips...
...It was a beautiful fiction.
"Ugh." El dropped her head into her hands.
God, she hated herself for caring so much, for giving this guy so much space in her mind. It simply did not make sense, though! Why would he treat her like that? Like everything was so special? Only to disappear? Only to never call?
She couldn't forget how dark his eyes were. How easy it was to fall into his gaze, easier and easier until she had simply stopped trying to catch herself. She couldn't shake what it felt like to kiss him when her body had refused to stop leaning in. She couldn't forget the touch of his hands, ranging over her body with electric reverence, slow and careful, but needy at the same time, pulling her in with an intensity that felt like it was still imprinted on her skin.
She couldn't forget how easy it felt to be in his presence.
His smile, simple and humble. His bashful laugh. And he was smart! Funny and creative and such a damned gentleman that her heart still swooped at the thought. Honestly, at this point she'd almost wished he'd been less so. Then, at least she could have chalked the experience up up as good sex and nothing more. Just a great story to tell girlfriends over drinks. But no, on top of great sex and being so incredibly cute… he'd had to be great. He'd had to make her feel like she was worth talking to. He'd had to hold her all night in the softest way, making her want to do anything that she could think of to find her way back into his embrace.
He'd made this hard by being lovely in every way.
Or, at least seeming that way.
El swiped her arm to knock the directory out of her way. She grabbed her floppy disk and inserted it roughly into the drive. Slamming her finger on the screen button, she booted up the computer. It booted up much too slowly. She tried to keep her attention on the script filling the screen, but it was no use.
….God, the way he'd kissed her goodbye!... She could still taste it. She could still feel it in her knees…
The computer start-up completed, and the home screen greeted her. Fingers tight on the mouse, she clicked where her disk appeared and navigated to her cover letter document in the enclosed folder.
Words she had typed nine months earlier filled the screen. It was nothing more than a form letter, customized with a high level description of her background and a persuasive statement about her qualifications. It was fully formatted. An A+ assignment that was actually useful in the real world. Ready to print, sign and mail to prospective employers with no extra work.
She thanked herself for the hard work she'd put into it those many months ago, because she clearly didn't have any focus to work on it now.
Why hadn't he called?
She trained her eyes on the text, attempting to give it a final look over.
Why would he do that?
Focus, dammit.
If -
"Just read one line," she whispered to herself roughly.
Jane Eleanor Hopper
1321 Harrison Street
Indianapolis, IN 46077
463-555-1111
Good, something to fix. Indianapolis was no longer 'home.' Grateful for the distraction, El moved the mouse to update the address. She highlighted the text block below her name…
...and abruptly stopped one digit from the end of her old phone number.
Her hand began to shake.
Time seemed to slip back, depositing her far away, on another continent, a week in the past… She could feel the pen in her hand again. Her brain had been so addled from sleep deprivation. She'd felt foggy. Hardly aware of anything, really, but for his wrist cupped within her hand, for she hadn't wanted to let it go. His skin had been warm and pale in her grasp as she'd struck the number onto this skin with blue pen, finishing it off with four identical lines.
1 - 1 - 1 - 1
She could see it now, staring back at her with a taunting truth.
She had given him her old number.
Her stomach plummeted, heavy and leaden, as her breath stopped.
...What had she been thinking…
She hadn't been thinking! She'd been punch drunk! Sleep deprived! Her lips and her mind had been numb from hours at that point! Time had stopped. The world had stopped. The truth of her current residence hadn't existed in the scope of her reality!
She had scrawled her old number!? Then she'd run away?! Completely unaware that she had left him with a dead end?! He actually might have called that number! He might have thought she had blown him off! He might have thought she'd left him in Italy with no interest of ever seeing him again!
...If the number didn't belong to her anymore... then it had to belong to someone else, now. Right?
The loud gasp that fell from her lips caught the attention of everyone else in the room. She didn't hear it.
In an instant, her fingers flew across the keyboard. She updated her cover letter with the new Hawkins information, and then she did the same with her separate resume document. Smashing her finger on the print button, she bounded up and ejected her disk. She stuffed her materials back into her bag, grabbed her printouts, rushed from the library, and jumped into the car at full speed.
The drive back to Joyce's felt like an eternity, despite the fact that the town was ridiculously small. Heart jumping, she skidded around a corner, trying her best to make it back to the house by memory. Yet, the labyrinthine suburban streets confused her. She found herself lost in a cul-de-sac on the nice side of town. She screeched her tires and spun around in a driveway, almost hitting a mailbox that said 'Wheeler' as she did so.
She hardly cared. She didn't have time for this.
With twists and turns, she finally approached the familiar grove of trees that lined the long gravel driveway to her Dad's new home.
"You're back fast," Joyce said in surprise as El marched through the door. She gave Joyce a cursory wave and tried to play it cool, but she wasn't sure how well she did. She tried to slow her feet, but she still sprinted to the phone. Taking a deep breath, she dialed the phone number that had been hers ever since she'd been ten years old.
Ring
It could have been permanently disconnected...
Ring
There could be no one on the other side...
Ring
He could have been feeling just the same as her...
A male voice clicked on the line.
"What's up. Leave a message, maybe I'll hear it. And to the dude who won't stop calling. El doesn't live here. So hang up and leave me the hell alone, you loser."
El gasped. The answering machine beeped loud in her ear.
"H-hi!," her heart fluttered in a dizzying surge, "This is El! You have my old number. I mean, your number used to be my number. Please, if anyone calls, can you give them my new number? It's important. I'm at 353-729-1928. It's really important. Thank you!"
She tried to hang up but her shaky hands missed the base twice. She hardly noticed. Her mind was very very far away. And her heart? It was beating faster than she could have imagined. Because that... that loser? He probably meant…
Mike.
El fell against the wall. A smile crashed over her face as her eyes slipped shut.
"Are you okay?"
El gasped, her eyes popping over to find Joyce's curious attention upon her. "Oh, yeah! Sorry. Just um… calling for a job thing. Joyce?"
"Yes?"
"If I got my job applications ready before you left, could you mail them when you go to work?"
Joyce waved her hand in an easy yes, "Oh sure, of course. I'll drop them off at the post office so they go out tonight."
"Thank you," El said, her cheeks beginning to hurt from her smile.
She moved to the kitchen table, dropped her bag, and fished out the things she'd planned on using at the library. Focus renewed, she began to stuff envelopes with the updated materials that she'd printed. One by one she applied her signature, tri-folded them carefully like she'd been taught in school, and set them in a short stack. She pulled out her directory booklet and held it open with her elbow, searching the list for the agencies that she wanted to apply to. She did her best to keep her handwriting tidy as she filled out each address, but it was hard not to write too quickly.
When everything was finally ready, she brought the stack to Joyce. Ten envelopes left her hands and went into Joyce's purse.
An application to "DCFS - Chicago Branch" sat right on the top.
Was it stupid to think that Mike would call again, a week later, after being told by some random guy that it wasn't her number?
By the time two days had passed, El thought she had her answer.
And the truth of it was starting to sink in.
That hadn't stopped her from camping in front of the phone, though. Though, now it was an easier lie. Calls for job interviews could have started coming in at any minute, and those would also have also been very welcome. But if she was honest with herself, that wasn't why she wouldn't leave the wall near the kitchen.
Which was the exact location where El found herself the evening before Christmas Eve.
Joyce had made a surprisingly good meatloaf. The woman was now snuggled up with her Dad on the couch in the living room, watching a rerun of Cheers as a snowstorm started to roll in. It had taken some coaxing, but El had succeeded in kicking her out of the kitchen, demanding that she let El clean up after dinner.
Focusing on manual labor was one of the only things that was working to occupy her mind.
Hot suds bubbled as she scrubbed the baking pans. It was nice to clean something. To wash it off. To make it new. To watch the control she had over spots and grime. A tiny control in this big vast world, sure. But it was something.
It was during a bout of hard incessant scrubbing that the phone rang.
With a gasp, El darted across the room. She grabbed the phone with wet hands.
"Hello?"
"Is this El?"
The voice was male.
"Yes?" she breathed, her heart leaping.
A harsh scoff cut through the receiver. "You left your number on my answering machine."
"Oh!" El yelped, "Hi. Yes! You have my old number."
"Believe me," the guy said, his voice flat, "I'm aware."
Something in his tone caught El off guard, but she tried to continue along. "Have people been calling for me? Because I'd really appreciate it if you could pass along my new number."
The guy sighed, slow and uncomfortably audible, "You know, that's a big favor you're asking of me. How much is it worth to you?"
El's jaw fell agape. "E-excuse me?"
"It seems really important to you," he said, with infuriating dismissal, "How important is it to you? Fifty bucks important?"
She couldn't speak for a moment. Her heavy heartbeat took a dark, sinister turn. "I-I don't have fifty bucks. Can't you just pass it along? Please?"
The guy scoffed again, "You're asking me to do free work here, El. You've gotta make it worth my time. Especially after you've already wasted so much of it. Some sad sack guy called me nonstop for three days. Do you know how fucking annoying that is?"
El took in a sharp breath. "I'm… sorry?"
"You should be," he said starkly, "So, if you don't have money to offer me, how are you gonna make this worth my time?"
El's stomach turned into a shock of lead. Her face flushed. Words would not form in her mouth.
"Do you still live in Indy, El?"
"...I - "
"It's pretty easy. Just come over, give me 50 bucks of your time, and I'll pass your number on."
El froze for a second, hands trembling. Then, she slammed the phone down so hard that the bell inside the base chimed. She stared at the phone in disbelief. Her blood was boiling, hot and shamed. She gritted her teeth and tore her eyes away, rushing out of the kitchen and down the hall. She bolted inside of the dark bedroom and shut the door behind her, falling onto the bed.
How could someone act like that? So disgusting and thoughtless! It made her stomach roil with embarrassment, shame… and loss. This person - he was standing in the way.
And there was nothing that she could do.
But then again, he was right.
This was her fault.
El buried her face into her pillow as her first tear fell. After one tear came two. Shortly after that, she lost count. She felt stupid for how much it hurt. The pain felt too big to match what had just been a single nineteen hour experience in her life.
It was simple, though, if she really thought about it.
She'd just wanted to get to know Mike better.
Something about him had just felt… right.
Her tears sprang harder as fresh guilt washed over her mind. Mike had called multiple times for three days?! He had called so many times that he had pissed off that asshole that bad?!
Mike definitely thought that she had blown him off.
It broke her heart.
Even if she never saw him again, she wished she could just let him know that she'd wanted to see him again. That she had wanted him to call.
Yet, it was a veil that she could not cross.
...Maybe it was worth it to meet up with the guy. If it meant she could contact Mike…
Ew. No.
She wasn't going to lower herself to whatever revolting thing that asshole was proposing, just on the off chance that Mike would call him again. Even if she went through with it, and if Mike did call again… she knew that she couldn't trust the guy to follow through on his part of the bargain.
He was trash. Pure utter trash.
It wasn't an option.
Which meant there were no options left.
Sadness rippled over her in a heavy band, tying her to her bed in the dark room, immobilizing her limbs. Her tears began to slow, and before she knew it she found herself staring blankly out the dark window. White had begun to streak across the glass, creating tiny clumps of snow in the sills as a new storm rolled in. The old glass rattled in the windowsill, drafty and thin. El crawled beneath her covers in reply. Her vision went fuzzy as she laid there, staring numbly at the storm for so long that she lost track of time. Off in the distance she heard the sounds of Joyce and Hopper getting ready for bed, and shutting the house down for the night until it was deadly silent.
With no distractions, she could hear reality beginning to speak in her mind.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow she would put these feelings to rest. She would kill the stubborn beating of her heart and move on. Forward into her future, placing him in place only as her best memory of Europe, and nothing more.
But tonight? Tonight she found her mind holding onto him just a little bit longer.
With a deep breath, El tugged a pillow into her chest. She laid her forehead against the cold cotton and let her eyes drop shut. It was an imaginary comfort, but with a stretch of her mind she could imagine him. How his voice rumbled in his chest as she laid upon his shoulder. The way his fingers had ghosted against the bare skin of her back. His full lips on hers, matching her intense need in a way that was almost too easy to remember.
She'd feel stupid for this in the morning. The cold light of day would lay bare the fact that he was out of her grasp.
But for tonight, she could dream, and will him into existence, just until the sun rose.
"I don't know if this was a good idea."
"Yeah…" Mike murmured, his eyes peeled upon the road, "Maybe not."
"Maybe not" was an understatement.
Will had been called into work last-minute to cover a lunch shift, and what resulted was a four hour delay to their trip. It seemed like it had been a very important four hours, too, for now it was pitch dark and blinding white at the same time.
Mike's knuckles were white on the steering wheel. He crawled down the highway, his headlights only cutting through the snow to about ten feet in front of him. Snow streaked his vision, dizzying his perception. It danced in a frenzy as it was caught in his headlights, swirling and blowing like an otherworldly plane.
But it wasn't otherworldly, not at all.
It was Indiana.
In fact, it was Indiana right at that exact moment.
The sign was faint in the storm, yet he could still make its familiar presence out on the side of the road. The large 'Welcome to Indiana' was just visible in a swipe of his headlights.
The greeting felt cold.
There was nothing for him here. He didn't really want Christmas this year. Or rather, he didn't want to face his parents. He didn't want to look them in the eye, or tell them the truth, or deal with the fallout that was sure to come.
Indiana held nothing for him this Christmas.
Well, that wasn't entirely true.
It did hold one thing.
El.
But she was a needle in a haystack. There would be no way he could cross her path, even if he'd tried.
Especially not if he was going to be stuck in Hawkins the entire time.
El Hopper needs a hug. And honestly, so does Mike. Don't worry, I think they might both get one very very soon. ;)
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Next chapter is cooking and coming real soon.