Chapter Twelve
We rode hard back to Ryence's manor, abandoning the carriage in favor of horseback, once more. Gwen and I weren't terribly excited, but we knew it was necessary. Even for all I'd said about turning myself over to Lot's men to save the others, I wasn't keen on the idea. I would do it if it meant saving my friends, but only if I had to.
Ryence greeted us with considerably less enthusiasm this time, especially since Arthur had already informed him that, regrettably, we would only be staying the night. His daughters did, however, manage to keep their enthusiasm in check around their father, portraying themselves as dutiful daughters dreading their leave. At least, while in his presence. I was impressed by their acting skills. Then again, their father was a dolt, so it wasn't terribly hard to convince him that they really would miss him.
Lyonesse was simply brimming with questions about Camelot after we retired that night, but thankfully, Lynette convinced her that we needed sleep. After five days of hard riding, I could have kissed her in my exhaustion. I did manage to promise to answer any question either might have upon arriving in the city, but only after a day of recovery. My immensely comfortable bed was calling me, and I could hardly wait to answer.
Ryence didn't even appear to send us off the next morning. He sent a message begging Arthur's indulgence, claiming he took ill in the night. "More like he spent too long drowning his disappointments in his cups," Lyonesse snorted. Sadly, neither girl seemed upset by the prospect of leaving without saying goodbye to their father, which sort of broke my heart for the both of them.
"I know that look," Gwaine murmured in my ear, before leading me to my mount.
I ignored the goose pimples that skittered down my spine at his touch. "What look?"
"The one that says you're already planning on mothering those two girls, even though you're not much older than Lyonesse," he replied, then swung me up onto my horse.
"I don't have any idea what you're talking about," I said, attempting to look innocent.
His laugh warmed me far better than the weak sunshine of the morning. "Of course not. My mistake, milady."
…
Hunith and Gaius were waiting for us when we finally made it to the city, well after dark. Leon barely stopped to order his men to rest, see that his horse would be taken care of, and kiss Hunith's cheek before racing inside. "His girls missed him as much as he missed them," Hunith laughed.
"I wasn't aware that Sir Leon was married," Lyonesse questioned.
Elyan explained that Leon was guardian of his three nieces as we made our way inside. "You've all got warm food waiting for you in your rooms, as well as baths," Hunith let us all know. "And the servants all have strict instructions not to wake you before midmorning."
"Alas, I've got a war to start preparing for in the morning," Arthur sighed. "There'll be no lollygagging in bed for me, unfortunately."
"Strict instructions, Your Majesty," Hunith repeated sternly, eyebrow raised in that motherly way she had.
He laughed. "Of course, war can wait until midmorning, my lady."
"Yes, it can."
I barely remembered the journey to my room after that. I simply stumbled to my bed, took my clothes off, and crashed, face first, into its fluffy softness. And I knew no more.
…
It turns out that war is a complicated business. Even though Arthur was king, he still needed to speak with his council for something like that. No one disagreed with the decision, though Gaius and Geoffrey did caution waiting until spring. "Winter campaigns are far harder on the aggressor than the defendant, after all," Gaius reminded.
"And Lot has to know it's coming," Elyan added. "This way, waiting will give him longer to stew in fear."
Arthur and Gwaine both wanted to attack immediately, but in the end, cooler heads prevailed. It was agreed that Camelot would go to war in the spring. And there would only be two options: Lot's complete surrender, or his utter annihilation.
Preparations began the very next day. Arthur and Leon worked with the army, running drills and staging mock fights for the men. The rest of the boys drilled the knights, working them harder than ever. And we women weren't any less busy. From nearly sunup to sundown, we prepared bandages, dried herbs, and worked with Gaius to make any potion or salve that could be made in advance.
"Surely we've got enough?" Lyonesse asked.
That day, we'd been organizing Gaius's stock while the first snows fell outside. His cozy quarters were chock full, with stacks of bandages and boxes of bottles piled nearly to the ceiling. "It's never enough, child," Gaius answered, voice quiet with remembered sadness.
His words hit me with a pang, making me feel guilty yet again. I knew that men were going to die, good, innocent men, and I was the root cause of it. I could prevent it all if-
"Don't you dare even think it, Annaliese," Gwen growled at me. She marched her way to my side. Holding my shoulders in her hands, she continued, "This is not your fault. This is evil, horrid men choosing to make evil, horrid decisions. It is not your fault. And Arthur would do the same for any subject. It's not your fault." One hand dropped to cup her faintly rounded belly. "And I can't do this without you, Anna. I can't be a mother without my dearest friend with me to help me raise this baby. She needs her godmother."
"She?" I asked, a bit wetly. "It's a girl today?"
Gwen laughed, wrapping me in a hug. "Today, yes. We'll see about tomorrow."
And so I stayed. I wasn't sure what was worse, the guilt of knowing I was the reason for the upcoming war, or the guilt that came with contemplating leaving those I loved. The suffering of so many I didn't know, or the suffering of the few I knew so well. It was an impossible situation, causing me many hours of lost sleep. But I was never any closer to an answer, no matter how many hours I spent wrestling with the problem.
…
"Are you well, Anna?" Gwaine's voice at my side jerked me from my thoughts. It was Yule, and Arthur had thrown a huge feast for the entire city. Everyone was celebrating and enjoying a nice break from the preparations for war, but I couldn't help the maudlin thoughts nearly overwhelming me. So, I had escaped to the walls of the city, trailed as usual by my faithful guards.
"Of course," I said, flashing him a bright smile. It was entirely false, but I didn't want to bring anyone else down with me.
He didn't believe me, however. "What's wrong?" he pushed.
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Anna, I know when you're pretending to be fine to lessen others' worry. Which really only worries me more. And you've been sad all day. So please, what's wrong?"
I didn't want him to be able to read me so easily. It made me wonder what else he'd noticed about me. "I'm just missing my family a bit, that's all. I'll be fine, don't worry."
Gwaine rarely listened to anyone, so I shouldn't have been surprised when he settled against the wall next to me, after wrapping his cape around me. "Tell me about them."
"My family?" I asked dumbly, clutching the cape to my chest, as if it could protect me from his questions.
"Yeah, tell me about them. They'd have to be pretty amazing for you to have turned out like you did." Normally, words like that would have had a flirtatious lilt to them, letting everyone know he wasn't in earnest. But, as he looked me in the eye, I couldn't help but feel he meant every one.
"My father died on Yule." I surprised myself by speaking, but once I started, they simply tumbled out without any guidance from me. "Well, not really on Yule, but we got word of his death on Yule. And we were evicted from our home on Yule. It was also Mother's birthday. We never celebrated either again."
"Tell me about Will," Gwaine suggested. "I've heard you and Merlin talking about him, but what was he like?"
"An idiot," I laughed. "He and Merlin were always getting into some scrape, and usually dragging me along with. But he was the best brother a girl could ask for. He tried to give me and Mother the sort of life we'd had before, though there was no way he could. He was just a boy himself. But he always tried. He would scrimp and save to buy me a ribbon, or a silk handkerchief for Mother, something little to remind us of the ladies we were."
Once Gwaine got me talking about my family, I found it nearly impossible to stop. We walked the length of the wall and back, and I talked the whole time. I told him about the few memories I had of my father, and how Mother had done everything she could to provide for us after his death, even though she'd had no skills whatsoever, being the daughter of a baron. She'd had to learn everything, but she had done it with pure determination and stubbornness. "Traits she passed to her daughter, I see," he teased.
"I'm nothing like my mother," I laughed. "She was strong, and selfless, and-"
"I'm failing to see the differences between you," Gwaine interrupted, grinning at me. "You are one of the most remarkable women I've ever met."
His words warmed me from the inside out, driving away the bitter winter cold. But before I could say anything further, a cry from the city below stole our attention. "Help me, please!" a figure cried, then, before our eyes, collapsed.
AN: I'm terrible for leaving you all for so long, but I've been having a bit of trouble with this story. I'm not giving up on Anna. It just might take me a while to finish her story. So thanks for sticking with me, and a huge thanks to KayJane16, Kayen1024, and gaylelbf for your lovely reviews!