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A few days passed and I was on the floor, looking through my old high school yearbook with Frost.
"It's so weird to think it's been six months since we graduated high school." Frost looked up at me while we thought about how much we've grown in that short time.
"Yeah, it's crazy. I mean it's exciting that we are moving on with our lives, but it is also scary because I feel unsure about what I am doing with my life." He responded and looked a little sad and discouraged. I didn't know what Frost was talking about.
"I thought you always knew that you wanted to go into the Police Academy. That was what you always talked about. It's your dream!" I stopped looking at the yearbook and focused my attention fully on Frost.
"I mean yeah, but we also made this plan that we both were going to go to the Academy... but that changed..." He looked away from me, knowing that we've had this conversation before.
"Frost... I told you that I would go with you if I didn't get into college. I really didn't think that I would be accepted into this school, and even if I was, I didn't think there was any way I could afford it. I was so blindsided when they gave me a full ride. I'm sorry, I just-"
"I know. I know. I guess I just didn't really think that I would be going alone. Or even if I did go alone, that we would talk more on the phone or even facetime, but you're always busy." He looked at the floor.
"We talk. We talk a lot. I just have so much work and it's hard to balance academics, sports, and friendships. It's a lot for me to handle. But it doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you or hear how your day was. I still want to hear about it, I've just been busy and lately, I've been studying a lot for midterms with Ryan."
"Oh, Ryan... It's always about Ryan." He said rolling his eyes.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me! You can't be mad at me because I am making new friends and enjoying my college experience." Now I was frustrated at Frost. I closed the yearbook and got up off the floor.
"I'm not mad at you, I'm just frustrated! I am frustrated with how much of an amazing time you are having over in New York, while I am over here in Boston trying to prove that I can make it in the Police force. I'm not mad! I'm scared!" We both were silent, processing what we both had just said. The idea that Frost was scared that he wasn't going to make it in the police academy was confusing for me. I had heard all great things coming from last him when we talked on the phone. I looked over towards him and sat down next to him. I started speaking.
"I didn't know you were having doubts about joining the academy. The last time we talked, you seemed very happy and that you were thriving there. What happened?" He took a breath and began to speak.
"I do like it there. I guess it's a little different than what I thought it would be. I'm trying to figure out what unit I want to join. I am leaning towards the drug unit but I am also interested in the homicide department. Although, I am not completely sure if I am okay with looking at dead bodies." He furrowed his brow as if he was questioning his path. He opened up the yearbook and saw the image of Maura Isles. He began to smile and started to speak.
"But enough about me, I want to hear more about you. How do you feel about being away from high school and especially not seeing Ms. Isles every day?" That was the first that I heard that name in months. I was started to forget about her. I took a deep breath before I answered his question.
"I've been really good. I've been so busy that I haven't even really thought about her. I think it is getting easier to not think about her, and to start to live my life without seeing her every day." Frost watched me carefully, deciding when to open his mouth. He stayed silent for me to continue with my thoughts. "It was definitely hard to see her every day, but now that I think about it, she really helped me understand my sexuality. She allowed me to feel more confident in myself and not question my feelings. Even though nothing happened with her, she helped me in ways that I didn't understand before. I know I really liked her romantically, but I also really valued her friendship and that is what I am trying to focus on". Frost looked surprised.
"That is not what I thought you would say." We both laughed. "I thought you would still like her romantically, but I am really happy that you are starting to move on and that you don't just look back on those feelings and just see how much pain you felt. I'm glad that you can look back on that and see the good in it. I'm proud of you Jane." We both smile and I start to change the subject.
"Okay, that's enough talk about our feelings," I said while jokingly punching him in the arm. "Want to go to the gym? I could use a good run." I said while I stand up. He nods.
"Watch out, I've been running a lot at the academy, so I bet I could run longer than you!" He said.
"Oh, I still doubt that!" We both leave the room, leaving the yearbook open the page where Maura Isles signed it.