Hello! Thank you for your interest in my dark and twisty story! This chapter is very short and it is extra angsty.
Enjoy!
Varian sat on his cot in the corner of the square cell, with his knees propped up to his chest. This position was how he was usually found. Often he would speak softly to Ruddiger, of course, the racoon never anything very interesting to say in response. Or he'd fiddle with his chain, sometimes he'd twist his now greasy hair between his fingers. On occasion Varian would leave the safety of his corner and pace around the cell, it reminded him that he had a body and not just a mind. The aches and pains helped with this as well. Varian slept very sporadically, in the form of short naps whenever he became too tired to stay awake any longer. Varian simply could not convince his mind to quiet down enough for him to sleep when he chose. Memories of his life before and fantasies of the life he would not get to have kept him awake. Accompanied by the racing thoughts was an almost constant headache and a damp chill. Keeping track of time proved to be a bigger chore than anybody could expect. He figured out in time that he was given a meal shortly after dawn and another one late in the afternoon, so using this, and dusk and dawn each day, one may think it would be easy to count the days. But Varian's days all looked the same, and he could never tell exactly how long he'd slept, so he lost count. Varian could only guess at this point, but he'd decided that it was day 19, evening time he figured, considering he'd just been brought his dinner not long ago.
Naturally Varian did not expect anymore company until morning, aside from Ruddiger of course. There had been no more awkward visits from the Captain since day two, and very little communication from any other guards who checked on him or brought him meals. Some were friendly to him and greeted him or asked him how he was doing (specifically Pete and Stan made sure to always do this.) Some guards were stone faced and abrupt with him. Varian appreciated any attempt at compassion, but he was never offended by anyone's coldness. He deserved nothing from any of them. Cold and rude, or friendly and polite, Varian still felt anxious when approached by a guard, so when the regular schedule was deviated one night and two men stalked down the corridor, Varian's heart thudded in his chest.
Varian hugged his knees, and Ruddiger hugged Varian's feet with his head propped high in the air in his curiosity to see who could be visiting. Ruddiger's fearlessness inspired Varian.
When the figures were close enough, Varian recognized the Captain, and another guard, a young man who was neither friendly nor cold, just quiet and expressionless. Varian did not know his name and couldn't be bothered to find out. The Captain cleared his throat and jiggled around a set of keys until the cell door swung opened with an ear splitting squeak that Varian had only heard when he first arrived here and a handful of times that he had been brought a basin of water to wash with.
Varian stayed silent in his corner, watching the guards closely, and willing himself to shrink until he'd disappear. The Captain entered the cell and swung the door closed behind him, not locking it or even closing it completely. The younger man stood outside the cell with an untelling expression and excellent posture.
"Hi kid." said the Captain, startling Varian. Varian made a very small and very unintelligible sound in response. The Captain took out a length of parchment, an ugly quill, and a tiny ink bottle. "So Varian, your trial will be tomorrow at noon time." the Captain said, crouching down to meet Varian at eye level. Varian felt sick suddenly.
"Um… no-nobody said anything about a t-trial… I-I that, I don't know, I just-" Varian began to stammer, his voice cracking.
The Captain held his hand up and Varian's senseless stammering halted. "This is a good thing, kid. The King and Queen felt too close to this case to make any decisions, so they brought in a judge to come and make sure you'd get a fair trial. Now, you're going to have a chance to speak for yourself tomorrow. You should spend some time thinking about what you would like to say, and you can write down anything you would like too." he said, pushing the parchment, quill and ink across the floor to just beside the cot.
Varian felt his hands and his knees beginning to tremble, as they had a habit of doing. He knew he should reply to the Captain but this mouth left incredibly dry all of the sudden. Amid the flow of childhood memories that flowed through Varian's thoughts in the all day silence, Varian thought of his time spent attending regular school, his father wanted him to be in school very badly, but it was never a fit. Varian got ahead on his studies and was able to complete his schooling at the age of 11. Varian was so different and so much more intelligent than other kids his age, and he was teased for it. There was one specific memory where Varian was chased home by a group of four or five boys who yelled taunts and threats at him as they chased after him. Varian burst into his house and was met by his father. One look at his son and Quirin stepped out the door to meet the bullies, well, at the sight of Quirin, the boys ran very fast in the other direction. Once they took off, Quirin came back inside and found his own little boy, only nine years old, sitting on the floor hugging his trembling knees with his trembling hands. Quirin got on the floor with Varian and put his heavy hands his sons boney shoulders, and instructed him to breath. Varian trusted his father's word and did as he was instructed. Eventually the shaking, and the racing mind and heart all went away. Calling upon this memory now, in his prison cell with the Captain of the guard, Varian followed his father's instructions and Ruddiger pawed Varian's bare foot sweetly. The Captain cleared his throat again and stood back up to his full six feet.
"The other thing kid, and I'm really sorry to do this, but it's been decided for security reasons that your pet is separated from you until… further notice." said the Captain, and then reached to scoop up Ruddiger before Varian had time to react. Ruddiger just looked at Varian, confused.
"No!" Varian shouted, and leaped from his corner. But the Captain was already handing off Ruddiger to the other guard outside the cell. Varian screamed, and took off running towards the exit from his cell, only to be snapped back painfully by the shackle and chain attached to his ankle. Even after falling to the ground Varian shouted, screamed and sobbed for the guard holding Ruddiger, who was now walking away with him, to stop and to come back. Varian jumped back to his feet and tried again to run toward Ruddiger, obviously not thinking about anything else.
"NO! STOP! COME BACK! COME BACK!" Varian continued screaming painfully, while hot tears poured shamelessly down his cheeks. Varian kept on pulling himself as far as the chain would allow, and attempting over and over again to pull harder. When Ruddiger and the unknown guard turned the corner at the end of the corridor Varian let out a heart wrenching scream. His shoulders rose and fell rapidly and he wheezed between his screams and sobs. Varian dropped himself to the ground and began to scratch and pull at his ankle shackle violently. Varian sobbed and wheezed and released miserable desperate screams while he pried helplessly at the strong metal.
Varian had forgotten about the Captain's presence until he spoke again. "Okay Varian. Enough." he said firmly.
Varian then turned his wide, desperate eyes to the much larger man, who stood near the opening of the cell. "PLEASE! PLEASE TELL HIM TO BRING HIM BACK! PLEASE! TELL HIM TO COME BACK! YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM! YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN'T!" Varian rapidly screamed at the Captain.
When Varian grabbed hold of the front of the man's uniform, it was obvious that he had made a big mistake. The Captain flipped a switch, he grabbed Varian by the front of his own clothing, and lifted him off the ground, walked him backwards in just a pace or two and slammed Varian's small frame against the stone wall. Varian's screaming stopped involuntarily when the wind was knocked from his lungs. Varian stared at the guard, tears staining his cheeks, bottom lip trembling, while he gasped for air.
"That is enough, Varian. Do not make this harder on yourself. Do not." The Captain spat firmly, glaring down on Varian. Varian swallowed in fear the Captain released his grasp, hereby dropping Varian to the floor. The Captain did not pause again but only exited the cell, slammed the door shut and locked it behind him.
When Varian recovered from the shock of his violent interaction with the Captain, he pulled his aching body to the now locked door again. The Captain had just turned to stalk back down the long corridor. Varian gripped the steel bars tightly, his knuckles turning white. "Wait! Nononono Captain please wait please sir please no!" Varian sobbed. "PLEASE! Please, PLEASE! I CAN'T DO THIS BY MYSELF!" Varian shouted without processing the words first. "I can't. I can't. I can't do this alone, I can't." Varian sobbed over and over.
The Captain did not hesitate in his motion, but he most certainly did in his heart. "I can't do this by myself." He heard. Of course he can't, he's only a child. The Captain shook his hesitation and sped up his pace to get out of earshot of the boy's miserable chorus of sobs.
When Varian could no longer see or hear the Captain's footsteps, his voice faded to a whisper, all breathing exercises his father had helped him learn were now out the window. Varian pried his own white knuckled hands off the bars painfully. He crumbled to his side with his back against the barred door, facing the back wall. Varian trembled all over, he felt freezing but he could not bring himself to go to his bed or even reach for the scratchy wool blanket. Varian lied right where he had fallen, creating pools of his tears in every little crease and crack on the floor. He curled in on himself instinctively to preserve warmth, and he wished so badly in that moment that he could feel the burning rage he had once been filled with, instead of this hopeless desperation and empty feeling.
Now, Varian was truly alone.
Yikes, sorry Varian... Please leave reviews! I love reading reviews!