Gohan didn't know there was such thing as being a bad kisser. Videl never said anything, but he was beginning to feel self-conscious. Especially since they were just still at the beginning of their relationship, if there were any problems he'd better nip them in the bud.
So he went to Sharpener. He understood Sharpener wasn't his biggest fan when they just met, which didn't bother him as he also knew many of his Dad's friends started out as his enemies. Besides, just because he and Sharpener had different personalities didn't mean was a bad guy.
"So . . . why are you asking me this?" Sharpener crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow after Gohan pulled him to the side after school one day.
"I just figured you probably have a lot of experience with girls," Gohan said in earnest.
Sharpener chuckled, kissing his biceps. "You're not wrong. The ladies do want a piece of Sharpie."
Gohan nodded in agreement. "That's what I thought. Okay, well. So how do you do it? How do you kiss a girl in the correct way?" He pulled a notebook and a pen out of his bag, ready to take notes.
"For starters, make sure you're not reading from that stupid notebook when you're about to make out with a girl."
"I just want to have this handy for me to review every night, just like how I study for my tests. All right, so number one . . . don't . . . read . . . from . . . notebook . . ."
Sharpener clenched a fist, trying to control himself. "Ugh. Second, make sure your breath is fresh. Avoid greasy food. Go slow. Don't shove your tongue down her throat right away, take it easy."
Sharpener kept rattling on while Gohan jotted down each pointer one by one. After reaching the third page, he took a deep breath. "I didn't know there were so many things to do. Maybe I would remember everything better if I could practice."
It took Sharpener a beat to realize what Gohan meant. "You mean you want to practice with me."
"Yeah, why not? You're not a girl." This made perfect sense to Gohan. If he practiced with another girl, that would be cheating on Videl. But if he practiced with Sharpener, it would be no different from the time a male figure in his life taught him how to fly, how to fish, how to ride a motorcycle, and so on and so forth.
"Yes, exactly, I'm not a girl." Sharpener's nose was flaring. "And neither are you, and that's the problem! Now, do you want to keep going or not?"
"S-Sorry. Please keep going." Gohan was slightly disappointed but didn't want to push his luck. He was lucky Sharpener was even doing this for him to begin with.
Still slightly irritated, Sharpener went on, "Okay, this is very important. Listen carefully."
Gohan's ears perked up.
"After about ten to fifteen minutes, it can get boring to just play tonsil hockey, so you have to amp it up."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, move one of you hands from wherever it is to the closest breast . . ."
Gohan dropped his notebook jerked away, blushing. "I can't do that to Videl!"
Sharpener frowned, mouth agape. "Hold on. I hope you've been working within the framework that everything I've been telling you is okay only if it's consensual between you and Videl. Girls aren't passive objects that guys do things to. They don't enjoy being groped by strangers, but they have as much sexual desire as guys—" he looked at the wide-eyed Gohan"—or . . . I should say that some girls have as much sexual desire as some guys, and the goal of any sexual activity is mutual satisfaction. Anything other than that is unacceptable."
Sharpener picked up the notebook he originally detested from the ground and handed it to Gohan. "Got it? Let's write that down and commit that to memory."
As Gohan furiously scribbled down what Sharpener just told him, he asked, "All right, what next then, after I put my hand on her buh . . . buh . . ."
"Breast. The word is breast," Sharpener barked. "And if you can't even say that word out loud, there is no 'next then.' Just review what you have so far. Geez, what does Videl even see in you?"
"I-I see. Thank you so much for all your help." Gohan bowed to show his gratefulness as Sharpener turned around and walked away. He had interacted with enough difficult people to remain oblivious to casual rudeness.
"Idiot," Sharpener muttered to himself, not sure who he was referring to. "How did we even have that conversation?"