A/N: Okay, I've (tentatively) decided to continue this story. Thank you for the response so far – I really wasn't sure whether this had any potential or not, but those of you who reviewed have assured me otherwise. I'm still working on IWBH, but it's rather difficult and I can't promise a date.

Originally, I was going to say that updates this fall would be few and far between, since I am going to study at university. Welllllllll - there's a possibility I won't be doing that, since I didn't get accepted at what I wanted. Life is amazing, huh? =))

So there might be some updates after all. I thank you for your support, and I hope you'll like this! Just a warning; this is daaark, my friends. It's a dark story, but I promise a happier ending. Hehe.

Chapter 2: Illusion

The first time she meets the king, she is absolutely smitten.

Fourteen years old, fresh-faced and blushing, she bows out of respect to show him her manners. The future king bows in turn, a smile gracing his handsome features. He is four years her senior; heir to the throne and the most coveted young man in the country. The kingdom rests on his wide shoulders, yet he carries it with a smile.

His eyes mesmerize her; one in the shade of the ocean – azure blue and glittering – while the other is brown like the rust on her father's keys. His colors transfix her, and as he speaks to her, she finds it hard to articulate any sensible sentences.

"Your parents didn't lie, I see," he murmurs softly, head bent as he kisses her hand. "You are indeed the fair beauty of the Cross Clan, Yuuki."

The way he says her name… she shudders.

It makes her feel like a woman, and not some meek 14 year-old girl.

"Thank you, your highness," a trained whisper escapes her supple lips, her head bowing in gratitude.

"We will wed in a few years," the crown prince speaks gently, his heterochromatic eyes shifting towards his silent father, the king, for a second to get his approval, "please, use my name for now."

"H-hai, Rido-sama," the young maid blushes. Nervously, she dares to glance at the king, whose face is hard and weathered. Deep frown lines scar the smoothness of his forehead; below his shimmering crown – encrusted with jewels and rubies and sapphires – wisps of mahogany hair frame his face.

Like his son, the king is undoubtedly handsome, and in his younger years he must've been the most beautiful man in the kingdom, Yuuki deduces as she studies him quietly. But the years have slashed at his features; age and war have taken residence in his frown lines and sad eyes. His aura speaks of apathy and silent rage; and yet, he does not speak much, if any at all.

Her future father in law seems… broken.

She wonders why.

Years pass from their meeting; she hasn't seen the crown prince since that day, but his face has haunted her every thought since the second she met him. His straight nose, narrow mouth and chiseled jawline; his wavy shoulder-length curls that beg to be touched and caressed – his superior and extraordinary eyes – blue like the ocean and copper like rust – eyes that she dreams of every night.

Following tradition, she learns the art of tea ceremonies and painting; singing lessons are a daily occurrence and her affinity for the harp is to her advantage in her music lessons. She learns to cook and to serve, though she won't be doing much of either once she is queen; she remembers and recites the poetry of ancient writers in her sleep, caressing each word and molding them until they become beautiful.

Her gait is feminine; her skin is pale white with a pink undertone; her silken hair cascades down her back to her waist, speaking of power, wisdom and beauty.

When she moves, she moves with precision and calculated moves; when she speaks, her voice is hushed and quiet, soft enough for the ears of men to ignore shall they wish to do so. As she grows and develops, her body becomes soft and pliable, ready for his hands the day he decides to make her his. Her hips widen and her breasts make their presence known as she blossoms into a young woman, whose dreams are centered on her dreamy prince who will one day make her queen.

Then the news arrive; King Haruka Kuran, son of King Mishiba and Queen Satomi Kuran, has died from illness.

The kingdom mourns unashamedly; people weep in the streets for their deceased king; memorials are raised and gifts are offered in his memory; his face is painted and forever preserved in wonderful and expensive paintings; all over the kingdom the news of his death spreads misery and unsurpassable grief.

"Our wonderful King, so brave and so fair, why did he die so soon?" Beggars wailed.

"Haven't you heard?" Came the whispers of the court ladies. "The king was heartbroken because of the death of his queen…"

The kingdom had yet to recover from the suicide of beloved Queen Shizuka a few years back. Her body was found in the royal gardens, resting beneath her favorite cherry blossom tree; her wrists slit and her eyes closed, a peaceful smile gracing her ethereal features.

A stream of crimson blended with the pale lavender silk of her kimono; even in death, the Queen was breathtaking.

"Well it's no wonder, really… the queen suffered from madness all her life…"

"Indeed… life with her must've been hard. Surviving her and living with the guilt of her death on his shoulders must've been hard for the king…"

"She was from the Hio family after all; insanity runs in their blood like kindness runs in the Kuran bloodline. Hopefully, the prince inherited his father's attributes and not his mother's…"

With the sudden death of the king, the kingdom prepared for the coronation of the young crown prince, Rido Kuran. And with his enthronement came the future queen of the people.

"Yuuki… you know what you must do today?" Her mother addressed her with cool eyes.

"Yes… Today I will marry the king."

"That's a good girl," her mother smiled for the first time in years, the promise of power and fame twinkling in her eyes.

Oblivious to the power-hungry wolves around her, the young lamb-hearted princess spent sleepless nights dreaming of her king and the future they would share together. She would love and support him unconditionally; stay by his side as he addressed the masses, quietly in the background whenever he held audiences with the people.

She would give herself to him; mind, body and spirit – all of it would belong to him. In time, she'll give him children, heirs to the throne. In her mind, she saw herself and the king, laughing and playing with their fair children in the sun. His heterochromatic eyes would sparkle with joy and delight as he grabbed her in his arms and kissed her, thanking her for being such a wonderful queen mother.

Rido-sama… I love you.

As she ascended the royal court and walked through the royal relatives, her eyes were trained explicitly at the newly crowned king. He smiled reassuringly in response, his eyes twinkling as he eyed her attire.

Yuuki could barely register the words coming from the priest's lips as he bound their hands together with red silk, tying them together for eternity. All she could think about was his gentle smile and his wonderful eyes, shimmering with love and adoration.

The crowd cheered when his lips met hers; she basked in the moment, closing her eyes and almost singing with joy at her first kiss.

She was so lost in bliss and happiness that she didn't notice the hint of hesitation lingering in the king's eyes.

The celebration lasted all through the night; the people danced and drank in honor of their new king and queen, showering the couple with praise and good luck. To prepare herself for the wedding night, Yuuki exited the celebrations earlier than the king, retiring to the royal bed that the two would share in years to come.

The maids helped her undress while they adjusted her make-up; her skin was dusted with white powder and her lips were painted in vermillion red; locks of auburn hair cascaded down her back like ink, ready for the king's hands to run through.

With her back straight, she sat on the bed wearing the wedding-night gown; it was intricately laced in the back as a challenge for the impatient king; it was to teach him about the value of patience when facing desire, and also about the delicacy of the queen. She was going to carry the heir to the throne; and therefore, she must be handled with care and patience.

Her thoughts kept spinning as she imagined him strolling into the room, his eyes dark with desire as he gazed at her. He'd strip slowly, revealing his toned chest as his royal robes fell to the floor around him. His hair – tousled and wild – would cascade down his back, finally freed of the traditional wig he'd had to wear during the ceremony.

Then he'd stalk towards her like a hunter approaching its prey, undressing her slowly until she was bare before him. And then, unable to control himself, he'd take her mercilessly and she'd let him, crying out his name as he brought her to new heights.

Yuuki stifled a giggle at her wandering thoughts, blushing madly at the images. Such thoughts were improper for a woman to harbor, but she couldn't control herself.

She loved him, after all.

So she waited patiently in their chambers, the clock ticking by on the wall. It was past midnight yet she did not move an inch, waiting for him with the utmost patience.

The clock struck three, and he had yet to enter the chambers.

The festivities are probably holding him back; after all, the royal relatives warned me he would be late…

I will wait as long as it takes for you, my sweet king.

And so she waited.

And waited.

And waited.

When the sun rose outside, she found her eyes fluttering close as she fell back onto the bed, sleep claiming her fatigued mind.

Never once did the king enter her chambers that night as she slept peacefully into the morning.

"My fair queen, I do beg your forgiveness for my insolence last night," the king kissed her knuckles sweetly. "I'm afraid I got carried away by the festivities; all night I was surrounded by important people that wanted to wish us the best on our marriage."

"It's all right, your highness," Yuuki replied quietly, smiling ever so gently at him. "I understand. There is nothing to forgive; please do not worry about me."

"I'm glad," he breathed, releasing her hand as he sat up again. The two were seated on mattresses as they shared tea, a traditional custom for the newlywed king and queen.

"My wife is as gracious as she is patient and kind. Thank you for your understanding," Rido smiled sweetly.

She bowed her head, blushing from his proximity. "I'm sure there will be many opportunities for us to consummate the marriage. For now, I am content waiting for you until you have the time for me."

Yuuki did not see the flicker of apprehension in his deceiving eyes as she smiled to herself.

That night – the second night of their marriage – she waited, waited and waited – but he never came.

The next day he brought her flowers and sweets, kissing her knuckles as he rained apologies on her. She accepted his apology graciously, promising that she would wait yet another night for him to consummate the marriage with her.

But he did not show up that night either. The same thing happened the next day; he apologized and she accepted, mentally steeling herself for the next night.

By the fifth night, alone in their room, dressed in the finest silk, she grew tired of waiting.

Knowing it was against the rules, she exited her chambers quietly and snuck through the hallways. She knew by now the guard's routines, so she dodged them easily whenever they passed.

What on earth was the king doing every night? Where did he go? Did he not want his willing and beautiful wife? He was always so kind and sweet with her – it seemed like he wanted her – but whenever the sun dipped below the horizon and night came, he disappeared without a trace. Her mother had told her that newlywed men were insatiable, and since he was king, she was not allowed to offer a single word of protest. If he wanted her, then he should have her – whenever or wherever, it didn't matter. Until he was satisfied, she had to give herself up to him.

Instilled with these rules and norms all her life, Yuuki had no problem offering herself to him. Even if he ended up hurting her, she would accept it gladly – he was the king after all.

But he never showed up. He always disappeared, and her patience was running thin.

A noise interrupted her musings. She turned sharply, straining her ears. It sounded like…

"Ahh…"

Thump, thump, thump.

Her eyes widened.

"Yes, yes, yes…!"

The sound of her heartbeat echoed in her ears; suddenly all her senses were trained on those sounds as she took slow and calculated steps towards the doors. She paused outside, resting her ear against the door as she listened.

"Ousama…"

She flinched and backed away from the door, her eyes wide in disbelief. O-ousama? As in, her husband – the king? With… with someone else?

The voice was breathy and light, yet it didn't sound like anyone she knew. She listened again, unwilling to believe that her husband was already seeking out the royal concubines before he'd even touched her. She was the queen; she was the only one that could bring him a royal heir!

Then, she heard his voice.

"Like that, just… like that," he groaned, his voice low and husky.

Stifling her fear, Yuuki grasped the handle as gently as possible. She had to know. She had to know if it was him, and she had to know which woman had managed to seduce her husband. She had to know what she looked like and what she sounded like, and then she had to emulate those traits so she could be good enough for him.

I am doing this in the service of the crown, she told herself.

As quietly as possible, she pulled the handle and opened the door, peeking with one eye through the slit.

She had to get the woman removed from the palace, and the–

"AH-! Rido-samahh…!" The blonde groaned, arching into the king.

Yuuki's mouth hung open as she recognized the person that the king was currently mounting.

"Yes, Hanabusa, yes… Take all of it," he growled, pounding into the blonde from behind.

"Ousama, please…" The fair boy – whom she recognized as one of the royal guards – cried out, his face contorted with pleasure.

"Yes," her husband panted, slamming into the blonde from behind as he threw his head back, "beg for it, Hanabusa. Show me how good it feels…"

The blonde boy's muscles twitched as the pleasure overwhelmed him; he writhed against the king, who held steady hands on his rear, as he yelled out his pleasure while he came. The king slammed into the blonde a few more times in ecstasy until he stuttered uncontrollably, spilling himself inside of the young boy who lay sprawled in front of him, his deep groan echoing in the darkened chambers.

Yuuki withdrew immediately from the opening she'd created and ran down the hallway, disbelief chasing her steps as she entered her chambers and threw herself onto the bed. With wide eyes she stared at the ceiling above her, trying to process what she'd just witnessed…

She remembered years ago when she'd first met him; the sweetness of his young face and the gentle smile he held for her as he told her she was beautiful. She remembered how she'd fallen for him instantly and dreamt of him; pushed herself in her training to become a queen fit for him; dreamed of carrying his children and loving him for the rest of her life.

And then the images from moments prior entered her mind; her husband – the king – the muscles of his back as he pounded in the boy's rear; the sweat glistening down his shoulders and torso with exertion as his face twisted in pleasure. The furrow of his brow; the fire in his eyes… all of that for another man?

A man?

If it'd been another woman, Yuuki could've handled it. After all, having affairs was custom for the king; no one in the palace would bat an eye at such a phenomenon. If there were another woman, she'd accept it and move on, doing her best to please him whenever he sought her out.

But the king was emptying his seed into a man… a man.

They say it's a sin to desire someone of the same sex. God will punish those who are sick enough to commit such moral treason.

What he just did – it was a sin.

She'd never offered much thought to the taboo of same-sex love. In their society it was forbidden, and though she'd witnessed secretive glances between noble men before, she hadn't cared much about it. As long as these things happened behind closed doors, she saw no problem with it. This didn't apply to her strict father, who cursed the individuals who were found guilty of the crime of desiring someone of the same sex. Yuuki remembered years ago – there'd been a noble woman who'd been caught enjoying the services of a young maid in the local brothel – and how the entire city had chased her down and sent her to the gallows to be hanged for her crime.

She remembered feeling both guilt and sadness; guilt because she couldn't do anything to help her, and sadness because her life ended over something as simple as being attracted to someone of the same sex. Of course, she'd held her conflicting thoughts to herself as her father preached about sin and shame at their dinner table – no one could ever know her true feelings on the subject matter, or she would never become queen.

But now, it was her husband. It was their king – respected and revered in the kingdom – which lay with another man.

Tears spurted out from her eyes against her will; she cried into her pillow as she tried to stifle her sobs. Bony shoulders shook from her grief and sorrow as reality came crashing into her.

That person that I met years ago; the boy I adored and loved for so long – he was never real. That person and the person I'm married to is not the same.

I've been fooled.

The nights he never entered her chambers and made her his were spent in the arms of a man; whenever she waited and exhausted herself by staying up, he was busy sating his shameful desire just a few steps down the hallway.

She wasn't enough for him. He didn't want her the same way she wanted him – because she wasn't what he desired.

Yuuki howled into her pillow; grief arresting her in place as she cried out all her tears the rest of the night.

"Your highness, it has been a year since you married, and the queen is still not pregnant. Furthermore, there are rumors in the palace that the two of you have yet to consummate the marriage. How do you answer for yourselves!?"

The king shifted ever so slightly on his throne. Next to him, the pale-faced queen remained undaunted, staring at the elder man with stony eyes.

"The Queen's health has deteriorated. We are being mindful of her condition, that is all," Rido spoke calmly. "Furthermore, the consu–"

"The consummation has already taken place," the Queen interrupted, her voice calm and collected. "My royal physician will assure you of it if you seek evidence. There is no need to worry. I am doing my best in recovering from my health issues."

"Forgive my frankness," the elder spoke, green eyes narrowing upon her form, "but you have grown dangerously thin, your highness. The people eagerly await your waist to expand with the fruit of your marriage – a royal heir to ensure the safety and future of the throne. The longer you wait, the more danger the kingdom faces."

"The Queen and I are doing our best," Rido said, reaching over and covering Yuuki's hand with his. "Please, have a little patience, Ichijou-sama."

Asato blinked, eyeing the union of their hands. "I shall let it go for now, but by the end of the year, I expect an heir." With that, he bowed and exited the royal court, his robes tracing the floor behind him as he calmly exited.

The maids helped the queen descend from the throne, holding her dress and steadying her when she swayed on her feet.

"You ought to take better care of yourself," the king spoke, his voice dark and looming as heterochromatic eyes narrowed upon her frail frame. "Or else the royal relatives will grow worried."

"My apologies, your highness," Yuuki whispered as she bowed her head.

His eyes traced the intricate patterns of the ceiling above them. Angels and demons were painted all over while the images of flowers rained between them. It was such a beautiful sight; vaguely the king felt like it reflected his inner turmoil.

"Soon, I will employ a royal guard to follow you around and protect you. I fear for your health, and as Asato mentioned, the kingdom is at risk. It will be for your benefit. Expect him soon."

"Thank you, your highness," she replied automatically.

"As for the matter regarding the royal heir… leave it to me," he breathed.

Her eyes flickered inconspicuously over at the blonde guard standing by the wall a few feet away. Azure eyes caught hers for a second before he turned away again, his Adams apple bobbing up and down.

She hid her smirk behind her gloved hand. What, are you planning to impregnate a man now? You sure are a man of miracles, Ousama…

"Of course, your highness. If you'll allow it, I will now retire to my chambers. I'm afraid the day's events have tired me."

"You may leave," the king dismissed her with a wave of his hand, turning and exiting the room. Yuuki watched as the royal guards followed him like a shadow; to the people around him, they were nothing more than loyal guards protecting him – but she knew better.

His guards were part of his royal harem; young, beautiful boys who protected him by day, and pleasured him at night at his every call. Of course, it was all a secret and if anybody in the palace knew, they kept their mouth shut.

But having stayed by his side for a year now, she knew first-hand how ruthless and careless he could be when it came to giving in to his desires.

Six months ago…

The knock on her doors startled her. Alertly, she turned on her bed, her hairbrush halting in mid-air as she watched the door curiously.

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing her husband. Rido staggered forward, his eyes unfocused and his royal robes in disorder. Heterochromatic eyes flickered around the room until he saw her, and at once he halted.

She rose graciously from her bed and bowed in respect. "Your highness, how may I–"

"You!" He slurred, pointing a bejeweled finger at her. "You…"

"Your highness," Yuuki spoke calmly despite her thundering heartbeat, "have I done something to upset thee? I do apolo–"

"You!" He interrupted, stalking forward. Yuuki watched with wide eyes as he suddenly towered above her and pushed her down on the bed. She yelped in surprise as he fell on top of her, his weight crushing her against the silkened sheets.

He grasped her hands and pushed them into the bed on each side of her face. His breath stank of liqueur and spice; Yuuki did her best not to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

"The royal relatives demand an heir, and I… I must do my part, yes," he spoke in a rush, wide eyes scanning her face.

He crushed his lips against hers violently, as if an invisible force was pushing him onto her. Yuuki struggled against his stained lips, longing for air as his hold on her strengthened.

Not like this, not like this… she begged in her mind, tears bubbling from her eyes.

Rido released her left hand and used his free hand to seek out her skirts. He traced up the smoothness of her thighs, finding her bare beneath the skirt. Hesitantly, he plunged a finger inside of her, wiggling it around awkwardly as he fought to control his emotions.

Yuuki yelped in pain at the intrusion; she wasn't prepared or ready for his digit, and it hurt like hell when he carelessly wiggled his fingers around her most private area.

The king groaned in frustration and withdrew; relief claimed her for the briefest of moments as she thought the torture was over.

Grabbing her shoulders, the king angrily flipped her around against her will; Yuuki yelped as her face pushed into the sheets, hindering her airstream. She could feel his distraught hands all over her, pushing up her skirt and revealing her bare bottom.

She flinched at the sound of his zippers and knots being untied, unwilling to believe what was going to happen.

Was this it? Was this what she'd been waiting for so long? Her king would take her like he did with all his filthy lovers?

She sensed him hesitate. Angrily he slapped her behind, leaving a crimson mark on her rear.

"Why?"

He slapped her again.

"Aren't you?"

Yuuki cried out in anguish as he punished her yet again.

"Good enough!?" He screamed angrily, turning her around and slapping her cheek.

"Why!?" He yelled, grasping her shoulders and rattling her like a doll. Yuuki shut her eyes and prayed for it all to end; willing herself to stop crying and to just become numb to it all. If she just endured this, then it would all end… It would be as if it never happened.

"Why can't you fix me!?"

His broken cry echoed in her ears constantly. Why can't you fix me? Why aren't you good enough? Why am I so broken? Why won't you fix me?

From time to time he'd enter her chambers drunk beyond comprehension, and he would do the same old thing he always did. He'd yell at her and curse her; touch her inappropriately and then give up, beating her senseless until he'd had his fill.

Yuuki had learned to endure it. By now, she was so used to the abuse that she barely blinked at the formation of bruises on her pale body. Even lying about the consummation of her marriage had become a trained habit – she had no qualms about it.

Yes. No matter how many times he tried; no matter how far he got – even if he flipped her around and tried to pretend that she was a man – the king could never finish what he started. Like a child, he whined and cried out because of his inability to take her; and instead, he blamed her for not being good enough.

It was her fault for not being woman enough to cure him.

"Father said that marrying you would fix me. That your beauty would sway me from my sinful lust. So why…? Why isn't it working!?"

Yuuki closed her eyes as she sipped her tea. She barely ate these days; most of the time, the maids had to force-feed her in order to at least keep up the appearance of health. Her blackened heart was dying from the reality of her life; the king's wandering eyes and the constant abuse; his accusations of her not being good enough; that she was ugly and undesirable, not half the woman she was supposed to be.

She used to cry herself to sleep every night. At one point, she slit her wrists and let them drain in the bathtub, watching as the milky water turned crimson with her life force.

Sadly, she had to be saved.

"Child, what have you done!?" The royal physician cried, pulling her out of the tub. "I won't allow this!" Due to his quick work and skills earned through years of practice, Kaien Kurosu – royal physician of the palace – had managed to save the queen by a tiny margin.

Yuuki smiled ruefully into her cup. He was her only confidante and friend in the palace; and he would make damn sure she lived to see another day if she tried anything like that again.

"We are both victims, Yuuki-sama," the blonde whispered, eyeing the royal garden. "The king destroys anything that is good; his greed and anger compels him to do as he pleases. Everyone thinks he is kind and gracious; they don't know that is just his mask, and behind it hides a vicious wolf."

She touched his cheek gently.

His eyes fluttered close at the contact.

"You are right, Hanabusa," she spoke calmly. "We are both victims. When I first discovered you, I thought you were just as bad as him… it's intriguing isn't it, how first impressions can betray the real qualities of a person?"

"I wish I could protect you," the boy replied, opening his eyes and staring at her. "But I can't… all my life, he has owned and controlled me. I can't do anything but please him when he calls." Tears spurted from his azure eyes as his gaze lowered in shame. "I can't do anything…"

The queen pulled him into her chest and hugged him, stroking the back of his head. "In this palace, there are only two people I can trust. Kaien-san – and you. Please, don't berate yourself for your situation. There is nothing you can do but accept the path that fate has bestowed upon you. Just by being there and soothing me… you've done so much for me already," Yuuki whispered solemnly, feeling her motherly instinct kick in.

After she'd discovered the king and his habits, Yuuki had grown quiet. Somehow the king had found out about her discovery, but seeing as she kept her mouth shut whenever he suddenly took a leave from one of their ceremonies, he didn't say anything or do anything to hide the fact.

It was an unspoken truth between them – the truth behind his lies and deceptions.

One day, the fair guard had sought her out. With tears in his eyes, he'd confessed about his guilt and apologized to her for letting her see such a sight. Distrust in her eyes, Yuuki listened as the boy told her the story of how the much elder king had seduced him when he was no more than 14 summers of age. Somehow, the king had taken a liking to the noble boy, and made sure to keep him close in the palace by anointing him as royal guard.

From then on, the boy had no choice but to serve the king; should he rebel or spill the truth, he would be killed instantly and his family would be dishonored. He was caught in the king's web; forced to let him sate his desire inside of him as his mind screamed at him that it was wrong.

That night, Yuuki had finally found a companion; someone who suffered at the hands of the same man that she did. From then on, a beautiful friendship blossomed between the two; he'd tell her about the king's disgrace, while she'd listen and casually spill details of her own horrid life.

There was solace in sharing pain. They both knew that well.

"Yuuki-sama," he whispered against her chest, his face wet with tears. "If I could ever be allowed to love someone, it would be you," he confessed, withdrawing and gazing at her with clear eyes.

She only nodded quietly in response, knowing how he felt and understanding it. She cared for him deeply; he was her most treasured friend, and if she could, she would love him too.

But her heart was empty; broken beyond repair by the king.

She had no more love to give.

And the rest of her life would be spent that way.

Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreaciated.